paranoia

Song Wanzhou didn't react for a long time, his lips trembling: "When did it happen?"

Song Jing had expected his reaction long ago, put his hand on the table, and tapped twice.

The crisp sound of the glass tabletop hit Song Wanzhou's stagnant heart.

"Always knew."

Song Jing's love for Song Wanzhou is not a family relationship that depends on each other, but a love that has fallen into the abyss.

It was discovered not too early or too late, during the ignorant period of youth.

When he was a child, he thought Song Wanzhou was maltose, the sweetest taste he had ever tasted on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't forget that taste even though he didn't like sugar. The second mouthful, and even the third mouthful.Because he was his brother, he could take all of Song Wanzhou's 'sweetness' at will, and demand from him without limit, it was justified and confident.

However, Song Wanzhou is not a piece of candy, he is a candy seller, his candy can be given to anyone, as long as you want it.

Song Wanzhou grew up with him, and the two were inseparable to the extent that Song Jing felt that everything was as it should be.While continuing to taste the sweetness, he smelled a different smell from his brother, like a red rose with a dark fragrance, blooming silently in the middle of the night, a feeling that he didn't have for others.I can't help but touch it. Once I feel the tenderness on the petals, I can't let go anymore, wanting to ask for more.

The petals are his, even the fragrance of the flowers in the air will not let go.

Song Jing has had a vague desire to control Song Wanzhou since he was a child, and the excessive dependence he showed in front of everyone is just to make his brother only see him, and he does not allow other people's eyes to fall on Song Wanzhou. , It will make him feel flustered, even fearful.

Fear will create the illusion of loss, even though Song Wanzhou will feel unreal in front of him, Song Wanzhou needs to continue to prove his existence, and only his love can do it.

There is nothing more than one way for children to express their need for love, crying and losing their temper to win the attention of adults.

His precociousness taught him how to control his emotions to get what he really wanted. Tears were a tool he used to coax and attract Song Wanzhou's attention. With skillful use, what was shown in front of Song Wanzhou was always fragile and extremely lacking. love him.Secretly, he was tired of the crying of his peers, and he was so indifferent that he would not pass tissues to anyone except his brother.

His eyes are deceptive, not only can deceive others but also perfectly deceive himself, even he himself is immersed in role-playing games.He can be Song Jing who is crying and calling his brother, or Song Jing who is indifferent to his classmates in class. In his opinion, instead of playing childish games with his peers, it is better to think about seeing Song Wanzhou first after school. What the sentence should say.

Song Wanzhou really thinks that Song Jing is a little pup who needs to be hugged and kissed all the time, but Song Jing himself understands that he is a wolf pup who guards his prey, and he is not happy no matter who covets the baby in his arms , trying to gouge out the man's eyes.

Under the protection of his family, Song Wanzhou never got angry, nor would he refuse any request he made.In the name of age, he can enjoy all Song Wanzhou's benefits with peace of mind.Song Jing originally thought that he could maintain some reasonable balance with his brother for a lifetime.It doesn't matter if they are not brothers, they are closer than brothers, and no one envies him for having a good brother.

For the first time on his 11th birthday, he didn’t spend time with Song Wanzhou, because he couldn’t study at the same school as Song Wanzhou, he kept it in his heart, especially Song Wanzhou chose to live in school instead of day school, and he didn’t even tell anyone , he had long hair again.

Song Wanzhou ordered and promised him that he would only show him his long-haired appearance in the future.

Song Jing felt deeply betrayed, and the silent cold war began.

He felt that Song Wanzhou no longer cared about his feelings as much as he did when he was a child. He was very angry, and bad images always appeared in his mind. He wanted to build a castle and shut Song Wanzhou in it completely, so that he only had himself in his eyes. .He felt that his brother had changed, starting from his eyes, covered with a layer of haze, making him unable to see Song Wanzhou's true thoughts.The sense of loss made him feel that Song Wanzhou's kindness to him was not out of love, but only because of Song Wanzhou's love for him.

Zhou has the responsibility to be good to him, so he has to do it.

There is always a vicious voice in his mind manipulating his hand, trying to destroy the spoiled family relationship.

His anger and coldness were like fists hitting cotton, Song Wanzhou still treated him tenderly, leaving his temper nowhere to rest but in his heart.

In the second half of junior high school, he also applied for accommodation. In dormitory 214, he met Jiang Xinzhi, his first friend of the same age.

Others don't like Jiang Xinzhi, because of his rebellious appearance, a group of well-behaved children feel that he is out of group and even unsafe.The reason why Song Jing finds him interesting is very simple, unlike other classmates who speak empty nonsense.

Jiang Xinzhi seems to be hiding things in his heart just like him, and he also has secrets.

They all have secrets, they all cover up.

I went to Jiang Xinzhi's house for my birthday that year, and there were only the two of them in the big house.No cake, no wishes, just skipping class and playing games all day at his house.Song Jing felt bored and wanted to go home to see if his brother had prepared a gift for him.Jiang Xinzhi told him mysteriously that there was something good, and dragged him to the screening room.He thought that the good stuff Jiang Xinzhi was talking about was just the a/v that most boys in the class had watched, and he had watched it too, but he was not interested, but when he turned on the computer, it played half of the screen.Song Jing saw two naked men stacked on top of each other, and there were moans/groans/sounds from the Bluetooth speaker.

It was the same piston/piston movement, but he reacted.

Song Jing only felt embarrassed, concealed his physical embarrassment, and impatiently scolded Jiang Xinzhi as 'disgusting', and left.

Jiang Xinzhi took the initiative to apologize the next day, saying that he didn't know what was going on, and never mentioned it again, and Song Jing never went to his house again.

The two are still friends, and they still have secret friends with each other.

Song Jing had a dream that night. In the dream, the scene of men having sex/love was played repeatedly. The blurred face gradually became outline, and the eyebrows and facial features became familiar.

He woke up.

It was Song Jing's first dream in his life, and the person lying under him was Song Wanzhou, whose cold war had not yet ended.

At the same time, he also knew that the relationship between two men can be family, friendship, or even love, and they can do what they want.

For the first time, Song Jing was afraid.

He can occupy Song Wanzhou's whole person without any cowardice, because he is his younger brother, and the two of them have a strong family connection, so he is not worried at all that Song Wanzhou will say no.

But if the relationship between the two changes, and he takes the initiative to destroy the original strong support, it is hard to imagine what kind of expression will appear on Song Wanzhou's face, will it be like the way he showed Jiang Xinzhi, with disgust in his eyes, Slightly disgusted.

Song Jing began to resent his own thoughts, actions, and even himself, questioning his feelings for Song Wanzhou.

He would feel that his assumptions about Song Wanzhou were sick and abnormal, so he immediately chose to escape.As long as Song Wanzhou doesn't know about it, his relationship with Song Wanzhou won't change. Song Wanzhou is still his only brother.

The unknown love for Song Wanzhou became his secret.

Because he was afraid of being discovered, he became more restrained, took back all the love and dependence that had been exposed to the air before, and put on a new face.Song Jing chooses the most extreme way to avoid the desire in his heart. He regards Song Wanzhou as poison, as long as he can keep Song Wanzhou away from him, his thoughts will not be discovered.

However, the more depressed the emotions, the easier it is to collapse.

While he was suffering emotionally, he was also enjoying Song Wanzhou's more ardent care. He could see different expressions on Song Wanzhou's face, nervous, puzzled, and even sad.

All because of him.

Song Jing can bear not to get close to Song Wanzhou, but he can't bear others to take advantage of his prey, even if he can't get it, he won't give it to others.

So Song Jing changed again, he wanted to hold Song Wanzhou firmly in his palm, no matter what belonged to him, it was impossible to give up to others, this time he wanted Song Wanzhou to accept him, no matter what the price was.

Song Jing for

Song Wanzhou dared to do anything.

"Always..."

Song Wanzhou muttered words, but his heart was beating wildly.If Song Jing has always liked boys, when did it start?Why didn't he notice it at all as an older brother?

Except that some of Song Jing's actions are a bit out of the ordinary recently, Song Wanzhou has never linked Song Jing's sensitivity and sexual orientation.

He could objectively comfort the sad Bai Yiyu, and he could justly criticize Liu Qianming's words, but for a while he couldn't accept the reality that happened to Song Jing.

He even hated the boy he told Song Jing that he liked. If it wasn't for him, would Song Jing not have found out yet?

"Xiao Jing, can you let me think for a while?"

Song Wanzhou stood up, put away the bowls and chopsticks dully, and when he touched Song Jing's extended finger, he reflexively took half a step back.Realizing that he lost his composure, he numbly nodded and didn't have time to wash the dishes. Song Wanzhou locked himself in the room and tried hard to digest the fact that his brother liked boys.

Song Jing could have waited until Song Wanzhou was influenced by subtle influences, until the bond between Song Wanzhou and him deepened.But Song Wanzhou's sudden emotional change made him lose his sense of proportion and mess up the rhythm, forcing him to plan ahead and ignore the consequences.

Song Wanzhou leaned against the door, slid on the ground, his heart was in a mess, he couldn't figure out any lines, the more he thought about it, the more complicated it became, he was almost out of breath, and he clasped the thin calluses of his index fingers indiscriminately.

Song Jing was sitting on the sofa, staring straight at the closed door, imagining the expressions of the people behind the door.

The first one who couldn't sit still was Song Wanzhou, he was worried that if Song Jing was left outside alone, he would be overwhelmed.

Opening the door, I heard the person on the sofa say with a smile: "Brother, are you afraid of me?"