unlimited healing

"Brother woo woo, I must be a girl."

Kobayashi Ran looked at his sobbing younger brother in confusion, and said gently, "Why?"

"Woo, because, because, my father doesn't like me, it must be because I am a girl like my sisters, my father is a patriarchal bad father, if I am a boy, why can't my father like me like my brother Woolen cloth?"

"Daddy likes you too."

"Brother is lying! I hate you too. Hmph!"

Xiao Linyao, who was crying, clasped his arms tightly and tried to snort and stomp his feet and turned away, was cute and pitiful.

But as long as Lin Ran coaxes him and hugs him, the rain will soon pass.

The cute and poor Xiao Linyao grew up to be a rebellious boy, learned to smoke, made his hair into strange shapes every day, and attracted the attention of his parents by way of angering them.

Lin Ran didn't interfere with his younger brother's preferences, and said to him: "The hairstyle is very handsome. Although smoking is not good, it doesn't matter if you try it. It's just that arguing is not a good idea for communication."

Lin Yao lowered his eyes, and deliberately exhaled a light blue smoke ring at Lin Ran. Looking at his slightly frowning brother, he smiled sarcastically: "Stop preaching, it's so annoying to listen to. You want to Just be a good son, since you are the only son in the old man's eyes anyway. Heh, quarreling and communicating, I just can't stand the old man being angry with him, can't I? I can't bear you to sue. "

Lin Ran raised his hand, wanting to touch his hair like before, but Lin Yao turned his head away, with a sharp and dull smile in his eyes: "Why, do you want to hit me like your father?"

Lin Ran's hands stopped, and she looked at him quietly with clear and gentle eyes, which made it impossible to hate: "Ayao..."

Lin Yao avoided his gaze coldly, his brows were unconsciously frowned on his indifferent and stern face, and he took a puff of cigarette indifferently: "Brother really doesn't know how annoying I am. Hypocrisy."

He stood up straight and left in the direction of Lin Ran with his back on his back.

In the autumn and winter of Long Street, the asphalt road is stretched and blurred, gradually drifting away.

When I grow up, I seem to start resisting hugs, refusing to bow my head and be warm.

Immersed in my own emotional world, I don't want to come out.

Saying insincere things, doing things that are not so correct, thinking that cutting the world with edges and corners is actually cutting yourself like self-torture, but it’s okay, at least it will look cooler this way, unlike when I was a child who only cried for candy child eating.

It took a long time before I realized that at that time, I was just fighting a trapped beast, just angry and powerless, punching the air.

"Ho, ho..."

In the empty room, 39-year-old Lin Yao was bent over, breathing hard, not knowing why he couldn't catch his breath.

His face was expressionless, his cold eyes were empty.

Many familiar and unfamiliar gadgets fell out of the messy storage box.

A hand-stitched little snowman, crooked, with a quiet smile, neat braids braided with wool.

It was a little doll that his brother had to sew for him when he cried and insisted that he must be a little girl when he was a child.

"...If I were a girl, would my brother still like me?"

"……Like it."

"...Father will definitely ask where Ayao went, but he can't find it, hum."

"...I will definitely look for you in a hurry, so I can't hide for too long. If I can't find you, my father will be very anxious."

"……Really?"

"……Um."

"...that brother hides and seeks, I can't find the time, and I can't hide for too long..."

Lin Yao stared blankly at the old little snowman, stretched out his stiff hand, and picked it up.

A small hand patted his shoulder, and he looked back.

In the room under the moonlight, I saw two children holding hands.

The little Lin Yao covered his eyes, opened his mouth and counted with a happy smile: "I will find you after counting, brother should hide it well."

Xiao Linran nodded with a quiet smile, looked at 39-year-old Lin Yao with innocent and clear eyes, turned around and ran out the door.

“10、9、8、3、2、1。”故意跳过去很多数字的小林杳，捂着眼睛的手指张开，回头从指缝里偷看哥哥跑走的方向。

He took his hand away and smiled heartlessly: "Ah, I'm going to find my brother."

Kneeling on the ground, Lin Yao stood up, and Lin Yao, who was a child, ran past him and glanced at him.

"Wait a minute." Lin Yao stood up in a daze, chasing after the memory in time.

The carefree little Lin Yao ran around in the house as if he was the only one, sometimes in front of Lin Yao, sometimes running up the stairs behind him.

With a clear and happy laugh, I called my brother, brother, it's your turn to find me.

Lin Yao was left alone standing in the house looking around, suddenly paused, looked back, and saw the young man quietly watching him at the corner of the stairs.

The clear pupils are silent and far away, watching him quietly, strange and familiar.

Lin Yao's pupils trembled suddenly, it was the disappearing demon.

"Who are you? Who are you?"

Is that real?Or is it just his hallucination?

Is that the demon in his heart, or Lin Ran's soul?

The youth's figure calmly stepped up the steps and disappeared.

Lin Yao hurriedly got up and followed, shouting angrily: "Stop! Don't go! Who are you?"

The figure ignored him, and walked ahead neither far nor near. The short road, the familiar house, was like a maze, and Lin Yao had a hard time chasing it.

That face, which was exactly the same as Lin Ran's, but more mature than Lin Ran's, who was always only 19 years old, quietly looked back at him, waiting for him to follow.

All the way down to the storage room in the basement.

Xiao Lin Yao, who was playing hide-and-seek, happily ran past the dazed Lin Yao, gently pushed open the door of the storage room and ran in.

He remembered that when he was a child playing hide-and-seek, Lin Ran liked to hide here the most.

Lin Yao raised his hand, a key was inserted on the dusty door, and it was opened with a light turn.

In the secret room where the Lin family stored their treasures, there was a room full of paintings, and together with those master works that frequently sold for tens of millions or even hundreds of millions, there was also a painting of a teenager.

But it's been locked down since 20 years ago.

Lin Yao never came here, but he knew what was there.

There are many, many portraits of Lin Ran, imaginary portraits of Lin Ran who grew up year by year after the age of 19.

Some were drawn by my father when he was lonely, and some were drawn by my sisters.

Everyone in the Lin family has a hobby of painting, except Lin Yao.

The teenagers in the paintings are not always very similar, but only the eyes are unmistakable.

Clear and light, restrained and distant, transparent and gentle.

Lin Ran is not a person who loves to laugh, and she never has a big expression since she was a child.

Like a little adult, precocious, transparent, careful, keen, sees through everything.

But anyone who sees those eyes will know that those eyes are full of tenderness and love, and the fact that they are loved by him makes people feel at ease and safe, like a child whose soul becomes a carefree and unrestrained child. Play freely by the quiet and cool pond in midsummer.

His tenderness and love are like a handful of water, like air, without obvious pampering, the still water flows deep and bottomless.

This young man only lived to be 19 years old, and he lived in these memories and on these drawings for a long time afterwards.

The room is full of drawing paper, and the room is full of Lin Ran.

Sometimes I am thinking quietly, playing chess with my father, sometimes I am smiling and listening quietly, sometimes I am reading or writing, and sometimes I am eating.

The painting placed in the most obvious place in the room and carefully framed is a childish graffiti.

Like the propositional picture everyone needs to draw as a child: My Home.

Lin Yao approached slowly and stood still.

"...Brother, brother, I know, I know, this is father, this is mother, this is sister..."

In this painting, Lin Fucheng, who is like a tyrant, is a big cat with a serious expression and a black face.Unhappy and lonely, but it seems that he needs someone to hug him and smooth his hair at any time.

Zhuang Yue is a deer wearing a hat made of pearls and flowers. It looks rigid and ordinary, but there are lively little stars in her eyes.

The eldest sister, Lin Yu, is a beautiful sheep, with tenderness and elegance in every part of her body.

The second sister is a flamingo, every hair is burning with vitality, as if she wants to run out to take risks at any time.

Lin Yao, is a small white owl, clung to his mother's antler hat, looking around curiously and mightily, as if he was naturally not afraid of anything.

"...This must be Ayao, hey, where is brother? Where is brother?"

In this painting, only Lin Ran herself is absent.

"My brother is here too. Look, it's the clouds and the sun in the painting. You have to be by everyone's side. You have to turn into a hunter and go outside the house to patrol and protect every animal here."

Lin Yao's fingers caressed carefully through the glass, and it seemed that it had been cleaned frequently without a trace of dust.

On the shelf under the picture frame, there is also a book of Lin Ran's works lying quietly, which are the family members he has painted since he was a child.

When Lin Ran grows up, she no longer draws such childlike things, but more realistic sketches, oil paintings, watercolors, and gouaches.

Everyone thinks that he doesn't look like a figure painter.

Everyone feels the least like himself.

It is impossible for Lin Fucheng, who is as strong as a tyrant, to have such childish eyes and obvious tenderness, nor can he smile so simply.

Zhuang Yue, who has always been well-behaved and indifferent, like Zhuang Yue who grows according to the standard of everyone's ladylike template, is not so playful and angry as a girl who is lazy.

The dull and boring elder sister, who has no bright spots in her personality, is used to obeying and being ignored. In his writing, she looks like Mary who was pilgrimage to the monastery, exuding gentle and firm strength, making people want to snuggle up to her skirt corner in a daze .

Lin Miao, who was rebellious and free, smiled softly and shyly, her eyes were bright and bright, and her pretty dress was blown up by the wind, not like an elf in the world.

Lin Yao, who always looks unhappy and sarcastic, appears the most in his works, all kinds.

Being reprimanded by his father, a tear flowed from the corner of his eye, and the black eyeballs contained immature curiosity and disbelief, like an angry little animal who asked for sweets and was rejected.

When he was a teenager, his sharp eyebrows were raised resolutely, and the tails of his eyes were flamboyant, stern and resolute. This expression was very similar to that of Lin Fucheng.

Speaking of which, everyone in the family has said that Lin Yao is indeed the child who most resembles Lin Fucheng.

Lin Yao flipped through one by one, some paintings he had seen before, but most of them he hadn't.

Turn to the last page, it is an illustration full of fantasy.

The child covered in black smoke was frowning and lying on the bottom of the fish tank, with tears hanging from the corners of his eyes, as if he was crying and fell asleep.The top of the bathtub hovers like a staircase with no exit, straight into the gray sky.The little boy who was separated by a layer of glass stretched out his hand anxiously, trying to pull the child out of the fish tank, but he couldn't touch or wake him up.

This painting is called: "Things Lin Ran Can't Do".

"Is this what you see us in?"

No one is omnipotent, even if you see the problem, not everything can be done, not all problems can be solved.

After all, he was powerless to deal with Lin Yao's knots, and he was powerless to deal with the complexity of people's hearts.

Lin Yao knelt down on the ground slowly, closed his eyes and lowered his head, resting his forehead on the picture book, sniffing the pen and ink written 20 years ago.

The smell of ink and pigment has faded, as if the breath of the painter has been blurred, but it still makes people's eyes moist.

Choked sobs sounded softly, like a child crying.

Lin Yao opened his mouth, sobbing as he did when he was a child.

He hasn't cried like this for a long time. When he grows up, he will only grit his teeth, hold back the tears, and open his eyes wide to let them be forced back, or smashed down meaninglessly.

Wiped it off, grinned sarcastically, acted like a villain, and acted like nothing had happened.

The occasional hysterical collapse is also like a counterattack of extreme anger.

This kind of grievance and crying at will when I was a child has never happened again.

Because at that time, he had Lin Ran and his gentle brother, who would hug him quietly, stroke his hair gently, and accommodate all his tears and embarrassment.

But it's gone, it's gone long ago.

He has known for a long time that everything is reality, and he has already lost it.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I killed you, it's all my fault, I killed you."

"I'm so scared, I wake up every day scared that it's all true. Why do I say such cruel things, why am I so stupid?"

"You hate me, you hate me, you kill me. I haven't felt relaxed for a moment in these years. My hands are stained with my brother's blood. I tortured others and myself. If I don't, I don't know how else I can live."

"If everything can be done again, I would rather be the one who dies. Lin Yao, who is not needed by anyone, please, give me my brother back."

No matter how much he suppressed and forbeared, finally he couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and couldn't help calling for help.

"It hurts so much, brother, I hurt so much, Ah Yao hurts so much..."

Dumb, distorted, weeping bitterly, tangled in the throat, hoarse like a ghost, like a beast that can't make a sound, self-destruction and self-exile.

He pinched his throat, as if he was about to be suffocated to death by his own pain, and wanted to suffocate himself to death in the pain.

Who is it, who is holding him in his arms?

"It's not your fault, it's just an accident. Your brother never blamed you. He knows you didn't mean it."

"Don't forgive me, I can't accept it, I can't bear it, my brother is dead, he was killed by me..."

Lin Yao never repents, because he does not need pardon and forgiveness.

For so many years, everyone has been asking, asking themselves, asking Lin Yao, living such a heavy, painful and distorted life, torturing others and torturing themselves, why?Picture what?

Lin Yao himself sometimes wanted to ask, but he didn't dare to ask. He was afraid that if he thought about it, this walking corpse would bleed out festering and festering blood, and it would no longer be able to hold on.

Because that man named Lin Yao killed his elder brother Lin Ran.

He must punish him, punish him twice, never be happy, never be reborn.

Use Lin Yao's endless pain in this world to pay homage to him, to redeem him, to trap him, to keep him.

He is more unwilling than anyone else to forget this name, forget that this person has been here, and the memory of this person's existence.

This is the huge, twisted and dark fruit that Lin Ran has formed in his heart.

It is immortal, entrenched in the Lin family like a monster, trying to grasp everything it has lost.

Crying thoroughly, crying until exhausted physically and mentally, as if the whole person was light and light, all the heaviness and emotion flowed out with the tears, leaving behind newborn fresh flesh and blood, exposed to the air of the desolate ruins after the disaster.

Lin Ran stretched out her hand when she was a child, and touched Lin Yao, who was full of pain and exhausted after growing up.

The clear and quiet eyes looked at the empty and tearful eyes: "Let yourself go, my brother is not dead, he was called back by you. My brother is just a little tired. I want to float outside the forest to see the scenery and play lazily. Take a nap. When you get tired from playing, you will go home. During this time, Ayao, you have to take care of the family members instead of your brother, and guard and patrol outside the house instead of your brother to protect everyone."

Lin Yao, who was unconscious on the hospital bed, trembled violently under his eyelids: "I can't, I can't do it."

Lin Fucheng stretched out his hand, and gently wiped away the tears from the corner of his eyes.

"If your brother's ghost is really there, he is not only trapped here by your obsession, but also by the greed of all of us. We greedy ghosts, even if we are tired, we are reluctant to let go, even if we know He will suffer all the time because we cannot be reincarnated, and he is reluctant to let go."

In the dim sleep.

The boy's immature voice was firm and gentle: "Ayao is better than anyone else. If you don't believe our bet, I will sneak back to take a look from time to time."

Lin Yao closed his eyes and shed tears, and acted like a baby with a cry of grievance, and said weakly and softly, "Don't lie to me."

"No. Isn't my brother always by Ayao's side? Will be in the future."

The young and immature Kobayashi Ran, serious and serious, said calmly and seriously like a little adult: "...like clouds, like sunshine, like blue sky."

Everyone's cheerful laughter echoed in the air, and the distant echo echoed in the empty and full Lin's house.