Dumb

The windbreaker on my body was draped over my body, holding me tightly in my arms.

"It's okay, you still have me."

His tone is always so gentle, it always makes me want to cry.I buried my head in his arms, feeling the warmth released from his arms, the arms of a man, arms only for me.

Even if the sky falls at that moment, even if the whole world turns against me.

I also understand that I still have him.

☆【07-08】

【VII】

I am a person who can do whatever I want when my head is hot.

On my birthday, Luhan took me to KFC for spending a lot of money to compensate me. While I was fighting against the chicken legs, I inadvertently looked up and saw Nirvana across the road.So, I clamored for Luhan to accompany me to get a tattoo like a chicken blood.

I occasionally heard the name of this store among the nympho party, and the one they talked about the most was probably the owner of this store, Jin Zhongren.I didn't understand the Jin Zhongren they were talking about, so naturally I sneered at their adjectives for him, he was just a man, as if I had never seen him before.

Nirvana is in a small room on the second floor of the civilian house. The ceiling is dimly lit with warm orange lights. Although the room is small, it is well arranged, and the whole atmosphere gives people a confusing feeling.

"What pattern do you want to engrave?" Jin Zhongren stood up and smiled at me.

I think those nymphomaniacs are right, the skin in front of them is really impeccably handsome.I returned him a friendly smile, and a vague pattern suddenly appeared in my mind.I thought, that's what I want.

Jin Zhongren frowned and struggled to listen to my incomprehensible description. The more I spoke, the more anxious I was, almost crying because of it.Lu Han, who was standing by the side, probably couldn't stand it any longer, and said abruptly: "How about this, you get her a tattoo of a deer."

I froze for a moment and turned my head to meet his eyes.

At that moment, I seemed to be the only one in his eyes that were as deep as a pool of water.

Jin Zhongren let out an oh, intentionally prolonging the sound.After taking a look at Lu Han with a smirk on his face, he took out the tattoo tools and spread them out in front of me. I suddenly felt uneasy in my heart. It felt like a criminal was going to the execution ground and was blindfolded waiting to be shot.

The CD player in the store began to play a song leisurely, it was Fan Xiaoxuan's "Oxygen":

sinking deeper and deeper

我 开始 想念 你

我 好 孤寂

跌进 越来越 冷 爱 里

我 快 不 能 呼吸

我 想要 你

人 活 著 赖 著 口 氧气

氧气 是 你

……

Accompanied by the singing, I fell into a deep sleep unconsciously.

In the end it was Lu Han who woke me up.

After I came out of Nirvana, my whole body was relieved, and my breathing seemed to be much smoother.

Luhan named the tattoo on me and him breath, I asked him why, but he gave me a very nasty answer:

He said he was my breath and I was the oxygen of his life.

【eight】

In the college entrance examination that year, I passed the bottom three in the school, and my father was so angry that he was half dead.He took out a leather whip about one meter long from the room, and lashed at me fiercely, muttering while he was whipping: "How the hell did I raise such a worthless thing like you!"

I coldly squinted at him and the woman standing beside him, my eyes were full of disgust: "There is such a father, there is such a daughter, it's not my fault."

I saw him stroking his chest vigorously and panting non-stop, probably because I was mad at me.I casually dropped the whip I had snatched from him, slammed the door and left.

"You go, if you go, you have the ability to never come back!"

After that, I really never went back to that home.I endured them for 15 years, so I can't bear them for another 15 years. Instead of begging for a living under their feet like an ant, it's better to go out and make a living by myself.

When Luhan helped me apply the medicine, he said why I was so strong, I didn’t cry when I was beaten like this.I made a joke with him, I said that I am an indestructible body of King Kong, so this little pain is nothing at all.

In fact, you and I both understand that I am not an indestructible body, but I have already cultivated a numb heart after experiencing so many things.

After the results of the college entrance examination came out, the class organized a graduation party. After drinking and eating, everyone greeted each other and went back to their respective homes to find their mothers.It seemed that everyone around us had a way out, but Luhan and I spent the whole summer vacation playing LOL in a rented house of more than ten square meters, doing nothing.

In the early morning, I was woken up by the vibration of Lin Xizhi's cell phone.

Between half-dream and half-awake, I vaguely heard a man's deep voice from the other end of the phone:

"Can you help me persuade her to come back?"

I irritatedly covered my head with the pillow, rolled over and continued to fall asleep.As for why I live in Lin Xizhi's house, I have to start with my big fight with Lu Han three days ago.

There are very few quarrels between me and him. At most, it will be fine after I lose my temper.This time, the cold war lasted for about three days. He and I are both desperate for face and suffering. If he ignores me, I will naturally ignore him.

"Honestly, who is that man?" Lu Han blocked the door and refused to let me in, it was already midnight.

My limbs felt weak, my eyelids drooped heavily, and I felt drowsy.I begged: "Lu Han, I'm very tired today, if you have anything to ask tomorrow, let me in first."

His stubborn temper like a cow is what I hate the most.

"Say it, go in after you finish talking"

I was a little impatient: "Wu Shixun, my high school classmate, you met."

He hugged his shoulders and looked at me meaningfully: "I think that guy looks at you quite ambiguously?"

I drank some wine that night, my head was a little confused, and I was so sleepy that I didn't notice the connotation of his words.I approached unsteadily and tried to push Lu Han who was blocking the door, but he pushed back, I staggered and almost fell.

"Gu Senmo, I won't allow you to associate with him in the future!" He pointed at the direction where Wu Shixun and I parted from just now. In the dark, I couldn't see his expression clearly, but I knew he was really angry.

"Why? You say you won't let me hang out with him! Luhan, you are my boyfriend and not my parents. My parents don't even control my right to make friends! What the hell do you have to control me!"

I was pushed by him like that, and my anger rose up slowly.

Luhan pressed me against the wall forcefully, and said in a frivolous tone: "So, you want to betray me?"

He was very strong, and my shoulders were a little sore from his pressure. I struggled desperately to get away, and I just slapped him with a wave of my hand.

Then, I regretted it.

★【09-10】

【Nine】

That night I ran to an artificial lake in Houhai alone to enjoy the wind.

These days, I often feel restless inside.Somehow the conflict between me and Lu Han started to intensify, and sometimes we could even quarrel endlessly over trivial matters.

I need to be quiet.To be honest, I even began to have some doubts about how Luhan and I survived these two years, even the most basic trust was nothing.

"It's so late, what did you call me for?" There were steady footsteps next to my ears, and I didn't need to guess that it was that guy Wu Shixun.

He walked to the fence, straightened his collar that had been blown away by the wind, and said, "If I remember correctly, we just met an hour ago. Why, you missed me so soon?"

"Upset." I replied, took out the beer in a plastic bag and handed it to him: "Drink with me."

He has always been a thoughtful person. He probably saw some clues from my expression. After taking the beer, he asked, "Why, are you in a bad mood?" out.

I suddenly wanted to talk, to anyone, and at the same time I was tired of talking, and I would rather have moss growing on my mouth.

Seeing that I ignored it, he joked: "Amo, you really have a leisurely mood. You asked me to accompany you out to blow the cold wind in the middle of the night." After finishing speaking, he did not forget to echo with a few hearty laughter.

I laughed a few times, picked up the beer and gulped it down, staring blankly at the calm lake ahead.

Wu Shixun took out a lighter from his coat pocket and lit the cigarette, and gray-black smoke filled his eyes.

I couldn't help asking him, "Can you give me one."

This was obviously beyond his expectation. He was shocked, and slowly took out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and handed it to me.

The only thing Wu Shixun and Luhan have in common is that they both like Marlboro cigarettes.I took one out of the box, borrowed a fire from Wu Shixun, and took a deep breath. The thick smoke and the light mint smell stung my heart.

As I recall, it was his favorite flavor.

【pickup】

Unreachable is always in turmoil.

Those who are favored are fearless.

Eason Chan's "Red Rose" well interprets Lu Han's current situation.

In fact, I should have realized that the relationship between me and Lu Han has come to an end, but there is still a spark, a perfect excuse.However, Luhan, he gave it to me very well.

I knew that Lu Han had an affair with N other women during my relationship with him, and I once thought that as long as I treated him sincerely, he would be moved.However, I seem to be too whimsical, how can a man like him who wanders in the colorful world all day long be willing to stay for me alone.

I can't afford to lose the life he wants, and I can't afford to gamble.

In Beijing that night, it rained heavily, probably the heaviest rain in Beijing over the years.