Dumb

The kiss is just because he regards me as Zhixia, that's all.

The two of us sat together awkwardly, but he didn't say a word, he just opened one bottle after another of Snow Beer, and then poured it into his mouth. He went to the toilet to vomit seven or eight times, but Never ready to stop.What does Luhan seem to be hiding on his mind today?

After the breakup meal, we went to KTV.Luhan insisted on going, of course we had no choice but to find a few strong boys to drag him there.After so many years, my temperament has not changed.I sat in the corner of the sofa, drinking Sprite quietly and listening to the Maiba singing loudly by myself.

A huge shadow stood in front of me, blocking my view, I raised my head, it was Lu Han.As always, he sat down beside me with a bottle of wine in his hand: "Can you lend me a seat?" His tone was very soft, with a hint of begging mixed in, I was too embarrassed to refuse, so I could only nod.

After Luhan put the bottle back on the table, he rested his head on my lap.

After a long time, he said, "Yu Shen, I want to have a word with you."

"Actually, I've always been..."

"Lu Han." I abruptly interrupted what he was about to say, I knew what he wanted to say, "It's good to know some things well, and it may not necessarily lead to any good results if you say them."

I always understand that he and I are not the same people after all, there are too many differences between us.We have different values ​​and different circles of life, just like he likes to drink his snow beer, but I only like to drink this bland cold white beer.Even if we are really together, we will part ways one day.That being the case, don't bury this sentence deep in my heart as the best sacrifice in each other's youth.

A look of disappointment appeared on Lu Han's face, he closed his eyes and said no more, then leaned on my lap and fell into a deep sleep, I seemed to hear him whispering in his sleep:

"Yu Shen, I like you."

Su Qing’s description is correct, the fault of my love with Lu Han lies in:

One is afraid of having, the other is afraid of losing.

In the end, no one has the courage to say that sentence: I like you.

Just like Luhan never mentioned to me how I got home on Christmas Eve.

And about these, Su Qing told me because she couldn't bear it.

There was a lot of snow in Beijing that night.It was only after Luhan sobered up that he saw me squatting under the eaves of his house. He was afraid that sending me home like this would cause misunderstanding in my family, so he called Su Qing.

Luhan carried me on his back, just like the last time I broke my foot, and drove me to the door of the house.Su Qing said, on the way, I regained a little bit of consciousness, lying on Luhan's back, half asleep and half awake, and said:

"Lu Han, have you ever liked me, even if only a little bit, a little bit..."

He was taken aback, bit his lip and replied: "Lu Han is a very bad boy, he is not worthy of your liking."

"Nonsense, Luhan is obviously the best person in this world to me..."

"Luhan, I like you so much, I really really like you..."

Until the end, none of us saw it. At that time, Luhan's eyes were full of tears.

None of us heard, he moved his lips and murmured in a low voice: "Yu Shen, I like you too."

……

The familiar song echoed in my ears again.

It turned out that Liu Ruoying's "Later" was looping over and over again on the KTV screen:

Later, I finally learned how to love.

It's a pity that you have already gone far away and disappeared into the sea of ​​people.

Later, finally understand in tears,.

Some people don't let go once they miss it.

……

On the day of the breakup meal, a few girls and I left the box early, and I gently moved Luhan's head from my lap to the sofa.He was still sleeping deeply, his long eyelashes cast a shadow under the light, his sleeping appearance was very peaceful, like a child.I think this is probably the last time I will see him.

Luhan, my Luhan, please allow me to call you that.

Bye now.

People who say goodbye often meet again in the next second.

People who have never said goodbye may walk out of each other's lives forever.

And we just forgot to say goodbye.

In 2007, when I was 17 years old, I met Lu Han for the first time at Moonlight Bar.

He said: "I like you, be my girlfriend." Even though it was a joke.

In 2008, I, I and Lu Han parted ways.

He said: "Yu Shen, I like you." This time it was true, but unfortunately I didn't promise him.

Later, I was admitted to a university in Qingdao.

As for Lu Han, I don’t know.

Forgot to say, every day from now on, I will no longer have you.

◇【10-10】

【10】

In Beijing in 2012, winter has not yet arrived.The wind of late autumn swept across the ground and the fallen leaves made a rustling sound, and the whole city was plunged into this gray mist. Only a faint light was faintly visible in a corner of the city, and everything seemed to be a sign of the end of the world.

I opened the memo again and it read:

At ten o'clock in the morning on October 2012, 10, there was a high school reunion.

I have forgotten that this is the first time they organized this kind of class reunion, anyway, I have been shunned by various reasons for the first few times.Since I left Beijing in [-], I have changed my mobile phone number and even uninstalled all communication tools that can communicate with the past.

Yu Shen, you are really a cruel guy.

I remember that just the day before I left Beijing, a girl named "WolfKing-Lucifer" on Weibo sent me a private message, the content was very simple, only a short sentence:

What were you doing when you were 17?

This seems to be the latest popular question on the Internet, and my heart skipped a beat. What was I doing when I was 17?That seems like a long time ago.After quickly typing a few words on the keyboard, I pressed the reply key:

When I was 17 years old, I had a crush on a boy, and I liked him very much.

I forgot which famous person said: "There must be at least two impulses in a person's life: a desperate love, and a trip that just leaves." I didn't realize the former, nor did I realize the latter.

I remember when I was 17, Lu Han asked me if I had any dreams, and I said I wanted to go to Bolivia, because it was the closest place to the sky.But Luhan said: "I want to be a singer, I want to sing." Five years later, he fulfilled his wish.And me, but still nothing.

The calendar turned over page by page, the clock went countless times, and the seasons changed again.

But I still can't accept that the day he once kissed me can never be repeated.

I will never meet you again, Luhan.

You will never miss you like that in the silent time.

The car slowly drives across the asphalt road, which is a rare moment of peace in Beijing.At this time, the city is like a baby just waking up from sleep, and everything seems so strange and unknown to me.My footsteps involuntarily stopped in front of the LED display in the central square. The infinitely magnified face was a long-lost face.

Lu Han is much thinner than before, and his facial features naturally appear more three-dimensional, but his eyes that hide the stars are irreplaceable.He was wearing a black suit and leather shoes, standing in front of the camera, looking very energetic.

The host asked him: "What were you doing when you were 17?"

Luhan took the microphone politely, and replied without hesitation: "When I was 17, I liked a girl. It was her who made me firm in my beliefs and persistent in my dreams. I want to be as good as her. I think that's the only way I can be." Only then can I be worthy of her. Unfortunately, in the end, I still lost her."

"Oh." The host deliberately elongated the sound, "It seems that Lu Han still misses that girl?"

"I'm not afraid to say some things. If I have a chance to see her again, this time I will never let go of her hand no matter what."

As soon as Luhan finished speaking, I heard the lonely sighs of those girls who were surrounded by the big LED screen like me.I really envy them, they have good youth, dare to love and hate.Never like me, timid and cowardly, unable to even say a word of like.

The show is coming to an end, and finally there is a sentence from Luhan to everyone:

"Each of us must have our own dreams to survive in this world, and everyone should fight and fight for our dreams. We are still young, we still have a good youth, and we still have a long, long way to go I want to go. I hope that you can also become an excellent person for your own beliefs like me, so that you will not waste your youth."

When we were young, we regarded each other as our own beliefs.

But while chasing, he lost his way.

When the car rushed out of the protective belt and drove straight down the cliff, for the first time, death was only one step away from me.

I heard the screams of the two girls I carpooled with as they slammed on the windows to get out, a lifelong desire that was superfluous.

The car hit a rock and began to roll endlessly. The people in the car bumped up and down and were thrown out of the car.There was a strong smell of blood in the air, and I felt scarlet liquid flow out of my numb body, my limbs seemed to be dismantled, I couldn’t move, I seemed to see God, he was grinning at me .

All of a sudden, glimpses of the past appeared one by one.

I seemed to see Luhan, and us at the age of 17.

I saw him walking in the dark alley with my back on his back,