Confessions of a retired star

"What can I do to keep you?

I give you thin streets, desperate sunsets, and wild moons.

I offer you the sorrow of a man who looks long and long at the lonely moon.

I offer you all the insight my books can contain,

And all the manliness and humor I can have in my life.

I offer you the loyalty of a man who has never had faith.

I give you the core of myself that I tried to keep

——Don’t make sentences with words, don’t trade with dreams,

A core untouched by time, joy and adversity.

I offer you the memory of a yellow rose I saw one evening many years before you were born.

I give you an interpretation of your life,

about your own theory,

Your real and amazing presence.

I give you my loneliness, my darkness, my heart's hunger|thirst;

I try to impress you with confusion, danger, failure. "

It is a poem by Borges. Zhu Shisi read it by chance in Fang Shuyun's study and fell in love with it ever since.

hateful!The cunning Fang Ting, is too cunning!Zhu Shisi wiped away tears, picked up the unsent postcard, rushed to the workbench, scribbled all over the blank space, ran out of the apartment, ran through the quiet hall, and ran to the street where the rain was pouring. The administrator rushed into the elevator under the surprised gaze.

"Who are you looking for?" the administrator asked.

"On the seventeenth floor, just listen!"

"He hasn't been home for over a month—"

The elevator shuts, shutting out the custodian's shouts.

The first floor, the second floor, the third floor, and the fourth floor, the elevator is going up quickly, the soaring adrenaline stimulates the manic heartbeat, Zhu Shisi bowed his back, stared at the changing floors, and pressed his hands on the corners of his clothes that can wring out water , the red blood in the eyes and the undulating panting beat closely in the same rhythm, the fourteenth floor, the fifteenth floor, the sixteenth floor...

Seventeenth floor, here we come!Before the elevator was fully opened, Zhu Shisi's hand had already landed on Fang Ting's door.

"Fang listen! Fang listen!" Zhu Shisi shouted, with tears, rain and sweat in his voice, "Come out! I have something to tell you!"

After 1 minute, there was no answer, and there was no movement in the house. Dogs barked far away from other floors, and Zhu Shisi suddenly stopped knocking on the door. It was so quiet around.

"Listen, Fang!" Zhu Shisi raised his rain-soaked hand again, and continued to knock down hard, "Fang...cough cough...cough cough..."

The tears stuck in his throat choked Zhu Shisi's shouts intermittently, but still no one opened the door, the startled dog barked wildly in the distance, and the joints that hit the door were painful, Zhu Shisi remembered what the administrator said, Fang couldn't listen, so he put away his hands.

Where did he go?Is he hurt?Why put postcards there?Why did you write that love poem?Isn't it retention?But isn't it also like a farewell before letting go?

So contradictory.

The contradiction made Zhu Shisi wake up, the madness faded, the blood returned to cool, the feeling of powerlessness and the clammy shirt wrapped the skin, pulled the limbs, slowed down the heartbeat, so slow that it merged with the silent night.

Party listening can be anywhere except here.

Tears fell again and again, and Zhu Shisi's choked sobs also tended to be silent. He carefully took the postcard out of his trouser pocket, smoothed the wrinkled and wet corners, and slowly pushed it into the crack of the door.

Fang Ting will see it, Zhu Shisi hopes Fang Ting can see it.

He withdrew his hand, stood up silently, and walked towards the elevator that had been parked on the seventeenth floor as if it was waiting for him to leave.

After taking the first step, an imperceptible wind came from behind.

In the second step, a shallow shadow appeared on the floor.

Before taking the third step, Zhu Shisi was grabbed by the wrist, and suddenly fell back to the door, hitting his back on the broad and reliable chest.

Phew, the moist air blew from the ear, the heat slid into the neck, Zhu Shisi shook his shoulders, his heart was sore and itchy, and the barking of the dog in the distance continued faintly, barely covering his sensitive heartbeat that brought him back to life.

Assumptions are futile, the answer lies behind us.

One second, two seconds, three seconds later, Zhu Shisi shook off the five fingers wrapped around his arms, and turned around abruptly, a cone-shaped beam of light shot down from the ceiling of the entrance, covering the square with a wet blanket as black as thick ink. On the hair, across the dripping hair tip, jumping on the distinct eyebrow peak, penetrating into the wet eyelashes, and falling into the eyes, arousing the twinkling brilliant broken stars.

Fang Ting was bare-chested, with a bath towel around his waist, and Zhu Shisi's dark blue shirt was soaked black by the water. The two wet people stared at each other with the same wet eyes, tick-tock, falling to the ground. The drops of water, one fast and one slow, merged into a monotonous duet, adding music to the silent gaze, proving the passage of time.

Fang Ting's obsidian-like eyes focused on Zhu Shisi's face, turning slightly, dazed and firm, complicated and naive.

Is it surprise, is it disgust, is it honesty, is it faking?It can have countless interpretations.

Zhu Shisi habitually made guesses, and soon became deeply irritated by this move.

Fang Ting was right in front of him, and this bastard who scratched his mind and made him restless day and night was within half a step, and he could be caught and killed with just a stretch of his hand, and why did he think about whether he was happy or not?Really unreal?Would you like to?absurd.

Zhu Shisi smiled sharply, clasped the back of Fang Ting's neck with both hands, pressed his head, raised his chin and kissed him, stepped forward domineeringly, and snapped, his doubts and troubles disappeared in an instant.

Fang Ting's pupils suddenly tightened in Zhu Shisi's provocative smile with anger, his jaws rubbed together, and the sound of breathing amplified in the intertwined lips. Pulling into the hallway, leaning against the wall, grabbing his hand that was playing with his ear hair, holding it on both sides of his body, and kissing back heartily.

The door is still open, the people inside are tightly embracing, embracing, entangled, the light in the corridor outside goes out, is lit up by the indistinct sound of water, then goes out again, and then is moaned vaguely by annoyance and laughter light up.

The night wind in the hallway blows away tide after tide of sweat, the cold rain and hot sweat slid and squeezed between the skin, and the steaming moisture made Zhu Shisi dizzy and stuffy. Kicked, kicked over the suitcase by the wall.

The box fell to the ground with a bang, and the dog in the distance barked again. In the dimness, Zhu Shisi heard the dog owner's scolding. He was a little distracted, thinking that the dog had finally been scolded, and there was a light sound deep in his throat. laugh.

Fang Ting half-opened his eyes, caught Zhu Shisi's smile in his eyes, frowned, locked his waist with both hands, almost grabbed him off the ground, and thrust him into his mouth hard, forcing Zhu Shisi to put all his Focusing on herself, the kiss made him blush and short of breath, sobbing and scratching Fang Ting's back to stop.

"Stupid... idiot... let go," Zhu Shisi was chased and kissed several times by Fang Ting before barely escaping his control, "Your hand will be hurt..."

Fang Ting's plaster cast has been removed, exposing his strong right arm with well-proportioned veins, and his hand is resting on Zhu Shisi's waist.

"It's fine, it's recovered."

Fang Ting's hoarse voice was burning hot, and his fingers were naturally inserted into the hem of Zhu Shisi's clothes, and his firm and clear chest was pressed up again. Zhu Shisi quickly put his palm on Fang Ting's heart, It's hot, looking up at Fang Ting's greedy and fierce eyes that are trying to restrain himself, it's also hot, and the gaze is hidden, falling on his neat abdominal muscles and the curves of his sides that converge downwards, making it even hotter .

Zhu Shisi turned his head and spoke in a silent voice, as if his throat was on fire: "The door...that...close the door..."

The door was slammed shut by Fang Ting, and the bath towel fell loose an inch, but it did not fall off.

Zhu Shisi was inexplicably disappointed, and was ashamed of this disappointment.

While he was distracted, Fang Ting picked up Zhu Shisi's messy shirt with both hands, hugged him into his arms, rubbed his mouth against his neck, took a deep breath, and bit while pecking: "You've lost a lot of weight..."

Zhu Shisi stuck to Fang Ting's body and almost fell down. He clearly felt Fang Ting's vigor after being awakened. Lu rushed to the cervical spine, Zhu Shisi began to tremble.

"Is it cold?" Fang Ting's lips left Zhu Shisi's neck.

"Ah."

Zhu Shisi responded in a daze, the wet hair in front of his eyes was moved along his forehead by Fang Ting's fingers, his other hand pushed aside the only two buttons left on Zhu Shisi's shirt, and pulled the wet clothes from the Zhu Shisi tore it off from his arms and threw it into the living room.

Where did the other buttons go?Zhu Shisi saw two of them on the ground, with threads still in the holes, as if they had been forcibly pulled off.

Savage Fang listen up!

"Go take a shower, don't catch a cold."

Fang Ting withdrew his cannibalistic posture, and carried Zhu Shisi upright like a bag of rice into the misty bathroom, placed him on the sink, patiently took off his shoes and outer pants, After adjusting the water temperature, I untied my bath towel.

The water column splashed down from the ceiling nozzle, Fang Ting stood by the water frankly, if he hadn't been prepared, Zhu Shisi decided that he would yell, it was too impressive.

"Together we will……?"

"Of course."

Fang Ting nodded, his tall body honestly revealed his longing, and his look of anticipation showed the innocence of a child. The smoky heat was evaporating between the two of them. Zhu Shisi was confused. ...?

No, it doesn't matter anymore.

"Come on, let's go together."

Fang Ting took Zhu Shisi's hand, and pulled him towards him coquettishly. Zhu Shisi stood up, grabbed Fang Ting's hand, and put it on his last line of defense: "Help me."

After the sincerity, it's a game of kisses and whispers, sweat and shower water, steam and breath.

Fang heard that I came to see you as soon as I got off the plane. If you are not at home, I will put the postcard at the door first. You like to be clean, so I came back to take a shower. I heard a knock on the door halfway through the shower. I didn't mean to whet your appetite.Zhu Shisi said, I understand.Return a deep kiss.

Zhu Shisi said, I'm sorry, I said you pretended to be Fang Shuyun and lied to me, saying that you approached me to give me alms. My character is very strange, I don't know what to do and I am conceited. I know it is difficult to change, but I will change it for you.Fang heard that you don't need to apologize or change.And returned a deeper kiss.

Fang heard that this month I was very confused and painful, like a turtle hiding abroad, you are very important to me, but I am disappointed because you do not fit my fantasy, my friend Eric told me that people like you It is very valuable for a big star to be honest with me. I realized that no matter what you are, I should understand you. In terms of feelings, I am a blank slate, and I can do whatever I want with others. I am too idealistic to understand. Forgive me, I was wrong.

Fang Ting was crying, and Zhu Shisi was also crying. After kissing each other, Zhu Shisi stopped talking, and Fang Ting stopped talking.

The heart-to-heart exchange ended temporarily in the rising heat wave, and the heart was shaken, and the soft words fell into the maze of shadows and shadows, trembling down, shattered by the water, and shattered into sighs.

Until the end, Zhu Shisi is still the original Zhu Shisi, and Fang Ting is still the original Fang Ting, because...