[Comprehensive] Martyrdom is not a good civilization

Hold back, he is Osamu Dazai now, not your Mr. Dazai, forgive him for his wild words.

I was a little uncomfortable to understand the meaning of Dazai's words, but logically it was normal.

A stranger suddenly tells you that I am your friend, and now I want to take you away. Everyone feels baffled and even suspects whether there is a conspiracy.

I just need to stop Dazai from committing suicide at critical moments.

I understand why, but I'm still frustrated.

"Mr. Dazai, I am Ayako Sakuradani, please call me by my name." I pursed my lips unconsciously, and re-introduced myself with Dazai.

"Okay, little Ayako?"

"You...!" The familiar address made me suddenly look up at Dazai.

Dazai tilted his head and looked at me, he reached out and patted my shoulder with a light smile: "Sorry, Sakuragu-san?"

"...Call me a doctor." Like a balloon that had been poked and burst, I poked the meat in the lunch box with my chopsticks, "Let's eat."

The lunch ended hastily in silence, and I silently cleaned up the trash.

As for Tsuruta Reiko's lunch, I'd better deliver it myself, I don't really want to see Dazai now.

"Won't you give me a wheelchair, Miss Doctor?" Dazai sat on the hospital bed and blinked.

"No, don't bother Dazai-san."

I have a little mood and I'm not happy, but I sneakily stuffed a piece of talisman paper under Dazai's pillow to stimulate his spiritual power before leaving.

"Squeak-"

"Tsuruda, I'm coming in."

I opened a small crack in the door, and I didn't see Reiko Tsuruta's frightening eyes or her disheveled figure.

Pushing open the door with trepidation, I found Reiko Tsuruta huddled in the gap between the bedside table and the hospital bed, her thin body seemed to shatter with a poke.

"Woooo... woo..."

Resentful sobs floated out intermittently, Tsuruta Reiko looked at me with red eyes, shrugged her shoulders and tried to hide herself.

This is different from what I thought, and it should be me who is afraid.

"It's lunch, Tsuruta."

I took a light step forward, and Reiko Tsuruta flinched even more, as if I was a man-eating ghost trying to skin her and cramp.

"Don't... let me go... I was wrong." Tsuruta Reiko's body began to convulse, "Don't even think about drugging... I know you are the devil!"

I was said to be an executioner before, but now I have become a devil?

How should such delusional patients be treated?The stress reaction is very severe... I recall the few medical common sense in my mind.When I return from the mental hospital, I will be a man of many talents.

"I'm a brave man who came to fight against the devil. I'm sneaking into this hospital to give you supplies. Eat quickly or we'll be caught by the real devil and we'll be finished!"

I simply followed Tsuruta Reiko's frightened expression and went to visit the door of the ward, as if a villain boss would appear in the next moment.

I'm such an acting book.

"Really? You're lying to me!" Tsuruta Reiko looked at me for a while and trembled all over, "You lied to me...you lied to me!"

Her voice was so penetrating that it made my eardrums hurt.

"I didn't lie to you, if I were the devil king, I would never be able to rule the world!"

"...Oh." Tsuruta Reiko was stunned for a while, "So the devil wants to rule the world, and that has nothing to do with me."

"..." The point is this, Ms. Tsuruta.

"I'm hungry, I want to eat." Reiko Tsuruta got out of the narrow gap with difficulty, and walked to me with trembling and numb legs.

"Here you are." My heart is so tired, no wonder I have passed through several doctors, I am afraid I will go bald if I stay here for a few more days.

"Thank you, Lord Demon King. Since you choose to conquer the world, I support your choice. Please do your best."

She lives completely in her own script and can't see my performance. Anyway, the result is good. I just hope she won't change the script next time, which is very good.

"Well, thank you." I looked at her indifferently.

The big project of feeding lunch was finally over, and the hour hand of the clock in my office was already close to two when I sat back again.

The management of this hospital is loose, except for a few strange management regulations, there are no nurses to make rounds and no staff on duty.Apart from the patients on this floor, there are only me and Odasaku on the other end.

I was a little tired after a lot of tossing, but I didn't feel sleepy at all.

The patient's activity time is from [-]:[-] to [-]:[-] in the afternoon. Why don't you talk to Oda when you have time.

I was walking in the aisle and heard a shrill female voice coming from Ward 621 and Ward 622, seeming to be scolding something.

"I'm better looking...ugly!"

"...Ugly...you are the ugliest!"

I vaguely heard that the two girls seemed to be competing for beauty, and the sweet voice was raised very high, and the voice rushed into the brain and directly hit the heart.

Tsk, mental attack!

The sound insulation effect of the door and the wall is actually good. This kind of sound effect can only be achieved by pulling the throat. These two patients are also working hard.

The other rooms were very quiet and no one protested.

"Is Mr. Odasaku there?"

"Yes, please come in." Odasaku opened the door with a tired face, seeing me as if he saw a savior.

I took a step back, with an ominous premonition in my heart.

"Sakura Valley, I think you can..."

"No, I can't!" I retorted reflexively, and coughed lightly after reacting, "I mean... tell me what's going on first."

Odasaku sighed with a headache: "You should have heard it when you came to wards 621 and 622. They are a pair of half-sisters who suffer from mania."

"Uh, so?"

"So they haven't eaten yet, please!" Odasaku pointed at the two lunch boxes with a vicissitudes of life, "Not eating on time is bad for your health."

"...All right, let me try."

Not eating on time is indeed bad for your health, especially if they are still doing such labor-intensive work.

"Thank you!" Odasaku looked at me seriously with a hint of admiration.

This is really nothing to admire.

"This is their file."

Masako Kozao and Midori Kozao are two-month-old half-sisters who were sent to the hospital by their half-brother because of mania.

I knocked on the door of the two of them, and Odasaku followed me with a boxed lunch.

"Kozao Midori, Kozao Masako, I just heard that you are competing for who is more beautiful."

"Then judge the doctor, who of us is better!"

"Masako, please save yourself. Doctor 1026 just said that we are all ugly. What kind of vision do these doctors have?"

1026 is Odasaku's work card number, so what did he say that made Xiaozao so angry?

I questioned Odasaku with my eyes.

Odasaku told me in a dazed voice, "They both look about the same, and they thought each other ugly, so I reassured them that they were both ugly, but they got angry."

"...don't talk later."

Okay friend, I think you exude the fragrance of a single dog, and you will not be able to get out of the single in a short time.

"Oh." Oda Saku was puzzled, but still kept his mouth shut and acted as a background board.

Seeing that the two girls were about to quarrel again.

"Although you all look good now..."

"Hmph, it counts as your aesthetic pass."

"Anyone looks good with you!"

"Well, I think you can look better, such as eating on time."

"What does that have to do with eating on time?"

"Of course it does. Do you think my skin is in good condition?"

Hearing my question, the two sisters Kozao turned their faces to look at me, Midori Kozao turned her head angrily, and Masako Kozao stared at me for a moment and stretched out her hand to poke my face.

"... That's it."

"Masako, what nonsense are you talking about, I think the doctor's skin is super good!"

"Hehe, Midori, are you an idiot?"

"You are a fool! I have endured you for a long time!"

The two of them were about to fight, and Odasaku was even ready to fight.

"Don't you know, the more irritable the temper, the easier it is to deteriorate the skin condition, and it is easy to age under the influence of hormones. You want to be young and..."

I looked around and couldn't find a comparison object, so I pointed to Oda Saku's face, "Actually, this doctor is 40 years old, but he has a good temper and never gets angry. Now he looks the same as 20 years old! Are you envious?"

"Ah?" Odasaku expressed his doubts, but I stepped back all his doubts.

"Really...you look so young. Masako, would you like to try?"

"..."

Kozao Masako didn't speak, she looked at Odasaku's stubble in a daze, she nodded after a while: "I want to be like this too!"

"Doctor, please tell me how to do it!"

"It's actually very simple, as long as you have a peaceful mind and eat on time, everything will be fine!"

"But some people don't maintain a peaceful mind and eat on time as well as that doctor?"

"Oh, that's because they haven't maintained their mentality enough. If you can keep your emotions on a straight line, you can definitely do it!"

"Oh...then I'll try."

The two sisters dubiously took the box lunch and went back to their respective wards.

It actually slipped by...

"It's settled, Mr. Odasaku, let's talk about business."

"Sure enough, as Dazai said, Sakuradani is very powerful."

It's okay not to mention Dazai, but when I mention it, I feel wronged and angry.

"Mr. Dazai not only has no memory now, he is even more stupid. Suicide is his only goal in life now."

"Then it will be difficult..."

"Let's not mention him for now, does Mr. Odasaku of 'Punishment Game' understand?"

Odasaku shook his head: "Dazai mentioned that he played a very interesting game with his friends, but he didn't go into details."

Hmph, friend.

I roughly explained the game, and expressed my guess that "the intern who will come tomorrow may be a game player".

"The key point of our departure should be on them."

"I see, I will pay more attention."

"Okay, then I'll go back first, and you must stop irritating the sisters."

Odasaku's expression was blank: "Huh? Oh."

I waved away helplessly, this kind of straight man with a high IQ but lacking in certain aspects really couldn't be moved.

Walking slowly, I curled my hair and thought about what to do next.

After I learned that there was a tiny camera on the hair rope, I stopped wearing it on my head for fear of accidentally breaking it.

"Miss Doctor?"

"Mr. Dazai? Why did you come out?" Dazai patted my shoulder and brushed my neckline inadvertently.

"It's activity time now."

"Oh."

It is not mandatory for the patient to choose to stay in the ward or go to the garden downstairs or other movable areas during the activity time.

"I'm going to the garden downstairs, Miss Doctor?"

"No, I want to see the other two patients first."

"Is that so, can I go together?" Dazai blinked, his smile was clean and soft under the soft westward sun, and his iris eyes were also dyed a warm orange.

"Ah... okay." I looked at Dazai strangely, feeling that he had a strange attitude, maybe he was trying to be a monster?

It's safer to let him stay by your side.

I knocked on the ward door one by one——

"It doesn't matter to me that the devil wants to rule the world! I don't know anything, I don't know..." Reiko Tsuruta refused me emotionally with her back turned to me.

"My internal organs! It's on my arm, the doctor save me!" Jiro Ube's expression was even more exaggerated, the veins on his arm protruded and he covered his face tightly, his eyes through his fingers were almost on the verge of collapse.

Naturally rejected by two patients.

"Snapped."

I sigh and close the door.Compared with Dazai behind me, who is wearing a hospital gown and covered with bandages and is only obsessed with suicide, it is really easy to communicate.

"It's hard work, Miss Doctor."

"No way, just complete the task."

I don't have to be so serious, but I can't ignore them completely in the corner. After asking and being rejected, at least I can tell myself what I should do, and I did it.

I have a clear understanding of my own psychology, and I don't feel guilty at all.

It's really human badness.

Dazai followed me to the activity garden downstairs, where there were many patients standing or sitting in a daze, or muttering to themselves while immersed in their own world.

The patients did not communicate with each other, and even looked away from each other, making them look like a group of walking dead from a distance.A few doctors in white coats looked on indifferently as if they were doing routine work.

Dazai swayed slowly, his leisurely expression was incompatible with this place.I always knew he was thin, but his back now seems to be even thinner.

Two collar buttons were undone, and the bandage wrapped around the neck to the wrist was looming under the hospital gown.

I was suddenly curious, did Dazai sleep with his bandages wrapped around him, or did he untie the bandages when he got up early every day?

Rewinding is a waste of time, and it's hard to sleep without undoing it.

"Snapped!"

A slumped patient bumped into Dazai.

"Yes, I'm sorry!" The patient's voice floated up, and he lowered his head to avoid it.

"It's okay."

"Mr. Dazai is very respected by other patients."

"Where, I just don't fit in well?"

Seeing me, the patients didn't have any mood swings at all, but when they saw Dazai, they all looked like they had seen a ghost, and they all lowered their heads to avoid it.

This place is not suitable for activities, let's find another place.

After walking for a long time, Dazai didn't stop and I didn't stop. The walking speed was not fast but I was a little tired.

"Mr. Dazai, where are we going?"

Dazai had an innocent expression: "Eh? I'm following Miss Doctor."

"Then let's rest there for a while." I pointed to the bench in the cherry blossom forest in front of me, the petals fell and the picture was very quiet.

It is obviously not the season for the cherry blossoms to bloom, but the cherry blossoms here bloom very gorgeously, and the more common and slightly brighter pink is very girly and charming.

The scenery is so beautiful.

I swept the petals off the bench and sat down happily.

"Mr. Dazai?"

"Here I am. This branch is very strong, and it is very suitable for hanging!"

Dazai climbed to the cherry tree behind me, stepped on the thick branches with a bright smile, and the petals fell with a clatter, the visual effect was very beautiful.

"Dying by hanging is very painful." I looked up at Dazai with a serious expression.

Dazai and I have complained—the rope oppresses the throat and the fresh gas is annihilated little by little, the neck is tightly held and can only struggle like a dead fish, and there are always some accidents at critical moments, such as the rope breaking, the branch breaking and so on.

"Eh? Miss Doctor is surprisingly understanding." Dazai sat on a branch and swayed his legs, with a relaxed expression.

"It's my friend who understands it very well. His goal in life is to commit suicide in a clear and energetic way."

"That's it." Dazai put one leg on the branch and the other hanging down, leaning his upper body on the trunk, with his hands folded behind his head and looking up at the cherry blossoms on the tree.

I also sat quietly on the bench and stopped talking, the cherry pink all over made me feel relaxed.

The speed with which the cherry blossoms fall is poetic, but the simultaneous fall of clumps of petals is disaster.

"Hmm..." I shook my head to get the petals off my hair.

Are the cherry blossoms here going to be bald, falling so much?

The petals kept falling, I covered the top of my head and raised my head, a petal landed on the tip of my nose.

Dazai had one leg dangling, and even the cherry tree seemed to be swaying in the breeze. The culprit for the bald cherry blossoms was him.

"puff……"

I saw Dazai turning his face sideways to avoid my sight, shrugging his shoulders slightly and laughing.

"Mr. Dazai!"

"What are you talking about, I can't hear you."

Dazai shook the cherry tree again, and the cherry blossoms rained down on me.

In fact, it would be very romantic for a young couple to hold an umbrella and stand under the cherry tree to watch the cherry blossoms rain, but I have no umbrella, no partner, and no romance. There are only hula-la petals and buzzing bees, so stupid Okay!

Whoa!I'm furious!

Standing on the bench against the rain of flower petals, I stood on tiptoe trying to grab the hem of Dazai's clothes.

"Come down quickly! Mr. Dazai!"

"No, the scenery up there is very nice."

"Then I won't be polite!" I gritted my teeth and jumped up, grabbing the corner of Dazai's clothes, and began to pull it down.

Another button on Dazai's collar was undone, and he hugged the tree trunk: "Miss Doctor, calm down!"

"Crack-crack."

It seemed to be the sound of a branch breaking, and Dazai and I stopped the movements of our hands at the same time, our four eyes facing each other with frozen expressions.

"I... let go?" Dazai's clothes corner was still in my hand, I swallowed a little scared.

I am so afraid that Dazai’s life history will become——Dazai Osamu, at the age of 17, died when he was accidentally dragged by a psychiatrist and fell from a tree while climbing a tree.

"Crack-!"

The branch broke very crisply, and Dazai and the broken branch fell together with a crisp sound.

"boom--"

"Hey...it hurts."

"Wow, why does it hurt, you are so heavy, Mr. Dazai!" At the critical moment, I took out the charm given by Ichimoren and used "Wind Talisman-Guardian", Dazai will never hurt.

I was the one who hurt, the back of my head hit the ground, although the grass was soft but my head was dizzy.

"Ah, sorry."

Dazai pulled me up from the ground, the smile on his face showed no apology at all.

"Who's there?" came the voice of an elderly woman full of air.

I rubbed my forehead and saw in the distance an old woman wearing a straw hat and holding garden shears, walking towards Dazai and me angrily.

Maybe it's because her legs and feet are not flexible, she walks very slowly, and I can't see her expression clearly when I am far away. I subconsciously want to run like a child who has caused trouble.

"Run, Miss Doctor!"

"Hey, slow down... Huhu."

Dazai's reaction was much faster than mine. When the old woman didn't see us, he took me away with a whimper.

"It almost turned into flower fertilizer."

Dazai led me back to the small garden downstairs without blushing or panting.Contrary to him, I ran out of sweat and kept panting.

"It's just breaking a branch, it's not as scary as you said... Huhu."

"Miss Doctor, don't you know," Dazai said with a malicious smile on the corner of his mouth, "the gardener caught destroying the vegetation, and it turned into flower manure in the end. Don't you think the cherry blossoms there are extraordinarily red?"

"..."

Come on, it really makes sense when you think about it this way.

Odasaku was followed by two patients with numb expressions. He looked at Dazai and me and said, "Dazai Sakuraya, where have you been? You are covered in mud."

"Accompany Miss Doctor to see the cherry blossoms."

"Obviously you are playing with Mr. Sakura Dazai!"

"But Miss Doctor is very happy."

Oda Saku looked left and looked again, hammered his palms and came to the conclusion: "You two have a really good relationship, I'll go first."

"Goodbye~"

The activity time is over, and after I send Dazai back to the ward, the cart nurse comes again.

Isn't there a new nurse coming tomorrow? Come on quickly, gamer or not, I really can't bear it by myself.

Feeding at night is much smoother than at noon, and I can finally lie in bed and rest after the day's work report is completed.

I checked the roster, I am not on duty tonight.

The sky here seems to get dark very early, and the sky is already dark at seven o'clock in the evening. There seem to be crows flying on the branches outside the window, and the sound is piercing and scary.

Crows are usually accompanied by corpses in horror movies, and I thought of Dazai's Hanahi theory and silently tucked myself into the quilt.

The quilt was the same blue stripe as the patient's, and there was a faint smell of disinfectant on it.

At least this proved that the quilt was clean.

I shrugged my nose and drilled in again.

The ticking of the wall clock was regular, and I left a small desk lamp on my desk, which hardly affected me when I slept behind the blackout curtain.

Drowsiness strikes, but I seem to be disturbed by nightmares and sleep very restlessly.

"Hmph... la la..."

I heard the sound of the cabinet being pulled open and the woman's dissonant humming, and the hoarse and dry voice reached my ears together with the ticking of the wall clock on the wall.

Startled by drowsiness, I clearly remembered that I was locked and the safety catch was off.

I froze under the quilt. The warm quilt seemed to lose all the heat in an instant, and it kept absorbing the heat from my body, making my hands and feet cold.

"Da..." The sound of the glass bottle falling down.

The woman's singing stopped, and I felt even more uneasy.

Finally, I carefully opened a corner of the blackout curtain, trying to see what happened with the faint light.

A woman in a white coat sat where I sat during the day, dirt stained her rumpled clothes and messy hair.

She turned her back to me and seemed to have something painted on her hands.

After painting it with difficulty, she looked at the light repeatedly, seemed to be dissatisfied, and slapped the desk lamp angrily.

I saw rotten plaques on the back of her hands, varying in size and dripping mucus. There was no smell of rotting corpses, only a fresh scent of grass and trees.

It's over, it can't be the flower fertilizer that crawled out of the ground.

I was terrified and couldn't move my eyes at all. I stared at the woman and prayed in my heart that she would never come over.

There is a piece of talisman paper under the pillow for peace of mind, probably to protect himself.

Good or bad, I saw the woman stand up crookedly and walk towards me with dull eyes.

Under the not-so-bright light, I saw a woman with a work card hanging on her chest in a white coat. It was 0628, the same as mine, except that the number on my work card was black and hers was bright red.

The woman's speed was sluggish, her eyeballs didn't even move.

I climbed out of bed barefoot and hid under the bed, the quilt spread out to the floor to cover myself.

The woman went straight to the bathroom, stood in front of the mirror, gestured with her hands and let out an ugly laugh like a damaged vocal cord.

"hey-hey……"

I don't know how long the woman has been admiring herself, but she didn't come out of the bathroom until the soles of my feet were cold and my calves were numb.

The woman didn't pay attention to my movement at all, walked out unsteadily and locked the door.

I took a deep breath, and my throat felt parched.

Crawling back on the bed again, I was wrapped in a quilt and my eyes were a little pantothenic.

The author has something to say: There will be another chapter later, poof my liver hurts (vomiting blood