Late ripening

The weather forecast didn't say it would rain today, but it was cloudy.It should be the moment when the sun has just risen in the day, but there is no light in the room at all.There was a bit of coldness in the air that urged people to shrink back into their shells, Jing Yan pressed his hands against the door behind him, and wanted to retreat into the room.

"Lin Jingyan." Lu Qian stood up from the sofa and called him that, Jing Yan was suddenly very uneasy, it was the feeling of emptiness and apocalypse that only occurs in the dusk and afternoon. "Lin Jingyan, let's break up."

There was a distance between the two of them and they didn't move. Lu Qian's eyes were undeniably determined and indifferent, without any hesitation.Jing Yan pinched the wound on his hand and turned his head to avoid his gaze. "I cooked noodles for you last night, have you eaten?"

The tone was the same as any other day, as if Lu Qian hadn't said anything just now.Jing Yan went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, "Do you want lunch, I can make it for you."

Lu Qian walked over a few steps and closed the refrigerator door with a "snap", pulling him vigorously, trying his best to break his calm.He pushed Jing Yan onto the sofa and looked down at him condescendingly, "Don't run away, I said break up."

Jing Yan fell down on the sofa, his face paler than ever before.He wanted to say that I didn't run away. I have been trying to solve the problem in various ways, but I failed, and I don't want to face the consequences of failure.

"Why...break up," Jing Yan struggled to utter the two words, "Aren't we on good terms? Didn't you say a few days ago that nothing happened when we were on good terms?" His expression was gray and his eyes But it was flushed, looking directly at the person who was really escaping in front of him.

Lu Qian took a step back, the muscles behind his knees knocked against the corner of the table, causing convulsions and labor pains.He sat down on the sofa a little far away, clasped his shoulders and straightened his hands, without looking at Jing Yan. "I don't want to continue anymore, I feel boring."

"I'm too busy, I really don't have time to accompany you to enjoy the love experience of young people, and I don't have the energy and patience to deal with your emotions. Sorry, I feel a little bored, so let's end it like this." Lu Qian said what he had thought before After reciting the lines, there was actually something behind, but he forgot.

The motionless person at the other end of the sofa stood up and walked to Lu Qian's feet.Jing Yan opened his eyes wide, but there were no tears in them. He really wanted to let Lu Qian take a look, and let him know that now he would not cry often, and would no longer have those annoying emotions.

Even today, I didn't cry.

He was sitting on his knees, unable to use his body to lean on his lap, "Let's talk again, okay, I really can do anything..." Lu Qian stood up abruptly, Jing Yan was shaken to one side . "Anything can be changed? Lin Jingyan, do you know that I am most annoyed by people saying this kind of thing. Don't pester me any longer. If you keep procrastinating, there will be no results."

Lu Qian felt his voice was hoarse, and the hard and barbed words scraped his throat with the smell of blood.When the day came when he couldn't walk anymore, he would throw away all the things he was carrying, and cut off the remaining thread to set him free.

"Sorry, I haven't played the role of a guardian in these years, and I haven't really taken care of you. You are not yet 20 years old. Breaking up is not a big deal. You won't feel bad after a few days. We only live together After a few years, you probably won't think of me very much when you live by yourself in the future."

The person paralyzed on the ground with limbs was like a discarded puppet, Jing Yan raised his head stiffly, "What do you mean, I can't even go home..." "This is not your home in the first place." Lu Qian's voice Yin surrounded himself like ice, forming a thick wall of ice between the two of them.

"Go and pack your luggage. I've redecorated your small villa, and Mrs. Yu will live there with you. I'll see you off in the afternoon." It was as if a layer of white mist had landed on the place where Lu Qian was standing. It spread, climbing from his feet all the way to himself, sucking all the heat from his body.

Jing Yan's lips were white and trembling, and he was still wearing the pajamas of the person in front of him, but he said that he would strip himself naked from the house and throw him out.He tightly tucked his legs in the crook of his arms, not daring to stretch out any more, "You can't do this to me..."

Can't rescue me from the snow five years ago and let me grow up in even a false love and a greenhouse, and now throw me back in the white open space.His teeth chattered, and there was a rattling sound in his ears, and he couldn't hear anything with his arms folded.

The door of the small bedroom was pushed open by Lu Qian with a slam, and he slammed it against the wall, "Do you want me to clean it up for you?" Jing Yan was startled by the sound, he barely got up, only Lu Qian was urging him to leave this idea quickly.

He lowered his head and closed the door, and there was still the smell of Lu Qian staying here last night in the room.The familiar smell in the quilt made Jing Yan's eyes warm, and there was a 24-inch box standing in the corner, which they bought when they went to Japan.

Even the tips of his toes felt pain, Jing Yan was trembling all over, the needle stuck all the way into his ear made him even lose his balance ability.He wrapped himself in the quilt and buried it in the pillow, trying to endure this for a while before getting up to tidy up.

Then he fell asleep, sleeping through this noon of utter exhaustion and despair.He had several very real dreams. He dreamed of reciting ancient poems in primary school class, dreamed of the small souvenir his father brought him back from a meeting in other places, and dreamed of seeing Lu Qian for the first time by the window of the villa.

After that, it was gone, and he couldn't remember the nearly six years of his life spent here, and disappeared without a trace in his dreams.Warmth and love dissolve into the water, and there is no trace of existence.

Obviously, he has almost never thought of the days before the age of 15. Jing Yan was also struggling in his dream. Something flew past him like a bubble. go find it.

The last scene in the dream was falling asleep in the former room of the villa, Lu Qian walked in and touched his face. "Are you taking me away, little uncle?" Jing Yan couldn't remember if his 15-year-old self had asked this question, and Lu Qian covered him with a quilt and rubbed his hair.

"I won't take you away. You will be alone in the future." Jing Yan stretched out his hand and grabbed it, then woke up.

It was a real and frightening dusk, and he slept until four o'clock in the afternoon.The sun was about to set, and the light in the room was dyed a decadent dark yellow.Lu Qian sat in the shadow in front of the desk, not knowing how long he looked at him like this.

Jing Yan moved his fingers, and a small trace of sweat was left on the pillow.He was drenched all over, but he didn't want to move, just lay sticky and cold.

The atmosphere was so oppressive that Lu Qian's limbs went numb. He sat here for several hours, staring at Jing Yan in his sleep.He knew that Jing Yan was having a nightmare, but he was tied to the chair by himself and couldn't move, and he couldn't even touch him.

"I've put away the things for you..." Lu Qian said.Jing Yan seemed to be unable to hear, and it took a long time before he recovered his voice. "I really love you, you know that."

There was no trembling or pleading in his tone, he couldn't even hear sadness or hatred, he just expressed a word calmly.Lu Qian clasped the seat tightly with his fingers, and gritted his teeth to keep himself from saying anything.

Jing Yan didn't wait for his response, he just spat out the last piece of metal in his body.The words that came out were light and floating, without any substance, just scattered in the air.With a little bit of rationality, he asked what he wanted to know. "Do you have someone else you like?"

"No." Lu Qian answered quickly, he felt that Jing Yan probably asked this question because he guessed that he had cheated. "Then you used to regard me as your boyfriend?"

Lu Qian frowned, feeling that these two questions were somewhat illogical, "Of course they were before." He thought that Jing Yan would use tortured pleas to soften his heart.

However, Jing Yan looked at him and smiled strangely. "You go out, I can go after I change my clothes."

There was that suitcase in the trunk, Jing Yan didn't go to see what he packed for himself.The car drove along a familiar yet unfamiliar road, neither of them said a word.

Jing Yan looked sideways out of the window, holding his usual schoolbag in his arms.Lu Qian suddenly caught a glimpse of his index finger bleeding, and when he looked carefully, there were large and small cracks and swelling all over the ten fingers. "What's wrong with your hand?" He couldn't ignore Jing Yan's physical discomfort, but the person next to him didn't answer, and didn't try to hide it at all, just sat there motionless.

It would be scary to go back from a road that you thought would lead to a new life, but Jing Yan felt numb.

How many partings and abandonments does a person have to bear in his life before it is over.Once again, I was abandoned forever by the one I love. If you count the number of times of pain, have I lived long enough and matured enough?

The car drove into the villa area, and the house that I haven't been back to for a long time is not far away. "Stop here." Jing Yan said suddenly, and took off the seat belt before Lu Qian stopped the car.

Let me go here, so that when you think about it in the future, maybe you don’t count me as abandoning me, but I walked away halfway by myself.

His face turned from pale to an unnatural blush, but his lips were bloodless, and he looked so thin beside the box, as if he couldn't move it.He got off the car with his suitcase and schoolbag, and said goodbye to Lu Qian standing across from the co-pilot. "Go back, goodbye."

The last sentence Lu Qian didn't want to say to him was this. Many words flashed through his mind, and the corners of his mouth moved. "Goodbye." It was a vague and scribbled farewell, and then quickly turned the steering wheel and left in a hurry.

Jing Yan looked down at the back of his feet, but didn't look at the shadow of the car driving away.It is rare to see people walking on the road in the villa area. He felt tired after pushing the box for two steps and couldn't breathe, so he just wanted to sit and rest for a while.

He squatted on the side of the road, and suddenly fantasized that Lu Qian would come back to pick him up, coax him into the car, tell him that he was just joking with him, and then take him to dinner happily.

But he himself knew that this was a pitiful and ridiculous fantasy, Jing Yan grabbed the collar of the sweater and couldn't stop crying.He only had the strength to cry for this scene, and even the strength to breathe was taken away. He missed him so much and wanted to go home.

Jing Yan tugged at his clothes desperately, his neck was bloody red when he grabbed it, and tears smeared his face. "Lu Qian...Lu Qian..." His voice was very low, even weak, hoarsely calling the name that he could no longer say.