The rebirth of the idol boy group takes the harem

I have to admit that it took a devastating blow to my gigantic self-confidence when he was nice to everyone except me as air.

I began to avoid him deliberately, just like avoiding the first disappointment in my life.From the first series to the fourth series, the situation of the group went from bad to worse, and the development was struggling, but I was not affected, the popularity only increased and the announcements were full.In the fourth year of my debut, I already had enough reasons to miss group activities and never go back to face that person.

I return to PAN only when it's unavoidable, but a gap in popularity inevitably brings estrangement in the relationship.Except for Xu Leshu, who is as popular as me, I hardly communicate with other people.However, his eyes are still unsatisfactory, and he always likes to pursue his figure.When he went to Switzerland to shoot the MV, it can be seen that he likes the scenery there so much, like a child, taking pictures with his mobile phone.

I hid behind people and watched him calmly.I have climbed the snow-capped mountains of the Alps countless times, but at this moment, because of his existence, it has become a fairyland in my eyes. It blurs the sharp outline of the mountain and merges with the blue sky.

After the filming was over, he was still reluctant to part with him, but the phone's memory had run out, so he begged Xu Leshu to take a photo with the snowy mountain with his phone.

Afterwards, I spent a lot of thought to get it from Xu Leshu.

He doesn't like to post selfies on social networks. Except for sneak shots, even with him as teammates for four years, I don't have a few decent solo photos of him.And in this photo, with his back to the snow-capped mountains, he is compared to scissorhands, his eyebrows are curved, and his smile is wanton. It is more vivid than the official photo, and it has become my mobile phone wallpaper for a long time.

It's just that, every time I giggle at that photo, my heart seems to be covered with a layer of frost, which is bitingly cold, accumulating over time, and finally forms an ice cage that cannot be broken through.

Perhaps in the eyes of outsiders, I am a winner in life who has both wealth and popularity, but only I know that I have suffered a complete defeat. From the very beginning, I entered this circle because of him, and now he But it has become the moon in the water that I can never catch, the flower in the mirror that I can't catch.

So what is the value of the resulting by-products to me? !

My fingertips slid across the screen, outlining his outline. The cold touch did not affect the heat in my heart. I gasped, as if I really touched his warm skin and felt his gentle breathing.

Just this little bit of imagination can actually make me react from the bottom of my body.

I feel sorry for myself.

In the past three years, I have changed countless bed partners. It seems that I have returned to the days when I was unrestrained. The men and women I have worked with, as long as they are pleasing to the eye, I will not refuse them.Anyway, I never thought about being an ascetic, solving things like physical needs, and I don’t need to be attached to one person!

There are more and more rumors about me on the Internet. The reporters hold the microphone and ask me simply and rudely whether my sexual orientation is normal.

I smiled and asked back, what is normal and what is abnormal, as long as you are tempted.

And the person I am referring to, probably no one can guess.

In the days away from him, I sorted out my feelings.I am not born gay, at least before him, I never had any interest in men, and after him, my contact with men is only to explore.There are people who are brighter than him in appearance and have a cheerful personality, but every time, it starts with excitement and ends in a gloomy end. Then I reflect on what is not satisfactory and make positive corrections next time.

Repeated battles and repeated defeats, repeated again and again.

Even, when I met a little boy who came out to prostitute himself for financial reasons, with the same black and white eyes, I saw a glimmer of light in a trance, I paid him without hesitation, and only asked him to accompany me for a year.

At first, he was young and nervous, very much like Jin Ruoyan when we first met. I was very satisfied with this and thought it was worth the money.

I didn't touch his body, but when I was upset, I called him to the hotel to accompany me.Over time, like a kind of spiritual consolation, it has become an oasis where Yuyu alone can stop in the vast world

We didn't talk much, and I didn't even know his real name, but every time I looked at him, especially his frightened eyes, it was enough for me to slowly fill the gap in my heart.

After a long time, the boy also gradually relaxed, and occasionally asked me some childish questions, such as, why do you have so many scandals?Are there any of those people that appeal to you?Or, if you spend so much money and do nothing, don’t you feel it’s a loss?

I chuckled: Do you want me to touch you?

The boy didn't say a word, and I didn't say a word, I just lifted his chin and looked at his face carefully.

In all fairness, this boy is very beautiful, with white skin, a small face, eyebrows and eyes as pure as glass, thin lips as light as cherry blossoms, soft and smooth lines, like a delicate oil painting, worth collecting and savoring carefully learn from.

But Jin Ruoyan is a vivid image. Even if he sings quietly, his body is shaking and his eyes are flickering. The picture is so real that even his breath can stretch into beautiful notes.

I have wondered more than once, if the person in front of me is him, will I be satisfied with the hypocrisy of wishing for plums to quench my thirst? Perhaps, restraining the boy is my last obsession with him.

I admit that my feeling for Jin Ruoyan is that I have the desire to conquer as a man, the more difficult it is to win, the more I want it in my heart, but what is more important is his deep attraction.

I think, I fell in love with him from the first time I saw him, otherwise I wouldn't try my best to get his attention, wouldn't be jealous because he was close to others, and wouldn't be disheartened because of his indifference.

We seem to be passengers on the same train by chance, starting from a certain station, ending at a certain station, changing to the next train non-stop, and heading to a place that has nothing to do with each other.

You are very different from what the outside world says!

The boy suddenly made a sound, interrupting my complicated thoughts.

I sneered: different?Is it different just because I don't touch you?

While speaking, I had already pinned him down: If this is the case, is it the same? !

The boy's eyes flashed with a different expression than before: You know that I like men, but from you, I can't smell the breath of the same kind of people at all.Every time you look at me, you're looking at someone else.I know that you are not interested in men, but you can't let go of that man.

I tried my best to maintain the peace on the surface, leaned over to his ear, and pretended to be ambiguous and teasing: people can change!Pulling away from a place may not be as difficult as imagined!

The boy seemed unmoved by my frivolity, and his tone was as calm as a pool of stagnant water, without any waves: It may be easy for others, but you, who are too proud to get it, become deeply embedded A nail in my heart!Not only can you not pull it out, but every time you think about it, it hurts!

I stared at him, and found that those eyes were indeed different from Jin Ruoyan's, like two strong lights in the interrogation room, illuminating me with nowhere to hide.

I stood up in embarrassment, pointing to the door: Get out, you will never use it again! !

The boy didn't argue, got up, walked to the door, paused for a while, but didn't turn his head, and then came the faint words: Actually, your truth is much more charming than the pretending dandy, if you need it, I'm still willing to come back!

I lay down on the bed loosely, and responded with a mocking smile: Need you?How many people want to climb into my bed, who are you!

The boy wasn't angry, but his tone became more ethereal/indistinct: The reason why you left me is probably because I took the appearance of that person!Moreover, I am sensible and worry-free!You got tired of playing that day and wanted to get rid of it, but I won't pester you!This is probably what you need right now!

The door is gently closed, and the pictures of the past slide before my eyes like a revolving lantern. I used to be invincible, I used to be the only one. It turns out that I am still me.

I smiled and laughed, feeling the world collapsed. I stood in the middle of the ruins, looking at the light spots in the distance.

I don't know why, but when I returned to the dormitory that night, I saw him collecting water in the living room as soon as I opened the door.

I bit my lip, wanting to say hello, but didn't know what to say.In the end, he was the one who spoke first: You are back!

His expression was tepid, and his tone was neither salty nor dull, as if he was treating a stranger.

I replied: ah.

But there was a wry smile on the corner of his mouth, I am also very good at making this person who is kind and kind to everyone treat him differently.

He didn't say any more, and turned to go back to the house.

Hey, Jin Ruoyan!You, you are so good at cooking, help me make a bowl of noodles!

God knows how fast my heart beat when I said this!I don't have so many extravagances, just a bowl of noodles, he won't--

You can't make instant noodles!Do you still need me?

I froze in place.He turned around coolly, but took away the only hope left in my heart.

I can't take it anymore.

I really have to accept that even if you give it all, someone, like a star in the sky, will always be outside your fingertips, or, it's time to let go...

The company asked me to fly solo many times, and I finally agreed, but the fourth anniversary concert was about to come, and I said, I wanted to complete the last fit.

It can be regarded as a full stop for his only defeat so far.

Then I will walk up to him and tell him arrogantly, I never expected, I have liked you for four years, but now I don't play anymore!

*****

Seeing him lying on the ground, I panicked and rushed forward.

I hugged him in my arms, and felt his breath getting weaker and weaker. There seemed to be a nail in my heart, which was stabbing down hard. The huge pain made me completely at a loss, and my hands and feet seemed to be unaffected. Control, keep shaking.

I haven't told you yet, I like you!You still don't know that someone has loved you for four full years, how can you die! !Who allowed you to die! !

Jin Ruoyan, get up for me!

I beg you, I beg you, get up!

If you want you to open your eyes, I will confess my love to you right away!

I never want to be an idol, I just want to be close to you!

I carried him on my back and ran out desperately. When everyone saw me, it was like seeing a ghost. Someone wanted to stop me...

Get out of my way! !

Get the fuck out of my way! ! !

I don't have time! !

I really…

I really don't have time--