【Double Black】As You Like It

They had a good night's sleep, and Osamu Dazai really didn't make a fuss anymore, and fell asleep nestled on his back with peace of mind.Zhongyuan Zhong also was so sleepy that his eyes stared straight. He tucked up the corner of the other person and found a comfortable position. He turned around and faced the other person. After pressing down the man's curly hair, he closed his eyes and fell into a coma. go down.

It was already dark when they woke up again, Osamu Dazai woke up earlier than him, Nakahara Nakaya opened his eyes and saw the man's eyes that were terribly dark without turning on the lights.After being dazed for a while, he realized that it was Dazai Osamu who was staring at him, and made a confused sound as if he had just woken up, and then pushed the other person's face and was about to sit up.

"what happened?"

"My waist hurts a bit, change the medicine."

The bathroom in the homestay is relatively clean.The water stains in the pool were not that serious. Nakahara Nakahara, who had taken off his clothes, was lean and had strong abdominal muscles. Dazai Osamu was standing behind him at first, helping to remove the bleeding bandage, and then the other party's fingers slowed down. He slowly touched the front, following the lines of his muscles and touching his waistline, it was not obvious, but Zhong Yuanzhong still noticed it.

He slapped the opponent's hand off angrily, and let the people behind him be more old-fashioned, but Dazai didn't mind, he felt the opponent's chest pressed against his back, and his fingers pressed a muscle in his abdomen. The temperature is very low, and the ice is cold and uncomfortable.

The two of them discovered this before they had a fight, but now it seems to be even colder than before.

He stretched out his hand to hold the other's finger, and it felt really cold in the palm of his hand. When he looked back, Osamu Dazai was still pulling his blood-stained bandage, with his eyes half-opened, he still felt sleepy.

"Sleepy?"

"Well... a little bit."

"Or if you put it down, I will do it myself."

"Forget it, you can't see it from behind, let me come."

The other party casually threw the bandage in his hand on the ground, stood beside him, opened the sink and began to wash his face.He felt that the water temperature was too cold, so he turned on the faucet directly and asked Osamu Dazai to raise his head, saying that you can't do this, and boil some hot water.

"Ah, it's okay, I'm thick-skinned and don't care about these things."

The back of Nakahara Chuya's hand was pressed against the opponent's face, and the temperature was lower than that of his fingers. He frowned and felt something was wrong, but it didn't look like he had a low-grade fever.

"Are you feeling unwell recently?"

"No." Osamu Dazai's bangs were wet and stuck to his face, so he helped the other party to push away those few strands of hair, sticking his palms to the backs of his hands, and indeed found that the temperature was very low, and the hair he was holding was very cold. The opponent's hand didn't warm up even with his temperature.He didn't want to change the dressing for a moment, he wanted to find out if there was a thermometer first, but Osamu Dazai said there was nothing wrong, probably due to the discomfort caused by the upside-down day and night for several days.

"Me too, not like you."

"I can't match your physical strength. I'm very weak." The man winked at him cutely. He didn't know whether he was shocked by the scene or disgusted. He was a little disgusted.But the other party didn't mind much, and pulled the bandage on his waist again, saying that you are the only fighting force among the two of us, and we both sank to the Strait of Messina as soon as we recovered from our injuries.

Nakahara also choked, and said that he would not let you die here, Dazai Osamu squinted his eyes and smiled at him, and said okay, okay, I was thinking about whether I could succeed in suicide in a foreign country, but it seems that it will not work .

After hearing this kind of words too much, he didn't have any reaction. The other party was still the same, lying behind him as sticky and boneless, and it was dishonest to say that he was helping to apply the medicine. His cold fingertips were on his waist. I always thought it was weird, but I didn't say anything when I saw that the person was not resting well. Anyway, I just did what I needed to do.

Osamu Dazai in the mirror rested his forehead on his shoulder blades, his messy curly hair was still standing there, he stretched out his hand to touch it but didn't take it off, but it was the soft texture that he hadn't seen for a long time. It might be a bit big, but he didn't think it mattered, as long as it was bigger, it would cover up the smell of blood.

I can see from the mirror that the wound on my waist looks like disturbed muddy water. The pus and broken flesh are mixed together, which is very ugly. It is estimated that there will be very ugly scars here, but the body is actually There were many large and small wounds, and Osamu Dazai stood behind him and looked down at his hands. He looked back and saw blood stains in the palms of this man.

"what happened?"

"It's nothing."

The man opened cold water to rinse the blood in his hand, he frowned and said the water was very cold, the other party responded with a smile, you can cover me for a while.

After he was done, he boiled a pot of water, poured it into the cup and wanted to pass the cup to the other party to cover his hands, but Osamu Dazai refused, saying that he was sleepy and sleepy, and would spill the cup.There was no way Zhongyuan Zhong also climbed into the bed and covered his hands with this ancestor.

In summer, two people are covered with a thin quilt. Nakahara Nakaya always feels that Osamu Dazai’s hands are getting colder and colder as he covers them. The other party says it’s because your hands are smaller than mine. Look at the fingertips. He couldn't even hold it, he rolled his eyes, and said that you are 20 centimeters taller than me, and your hands are not as big as mine, can you still do it?

The breaths of the two were mixed together, Osamu Dazai arched and arched, the two of them arched together, squeezed on the same pillow, their hair entangled with each other.

He heard the other party say, you don't need to rush over there, there should be no one there.

He said, in case, one less death is human life.

So I saw Osamu Dazai blinked his eyes and didn't continue the topic, just said, I got it.

A long time ago, when he was still in his teens, Osamu Dazai joked, Chuya, do you really regard yourself as a god?

Care about the lives of people you shouldn't care about, pay attention to the life and death of people who shouldn't have names, everything about yourself doesn't seem to matter, even sacrificing yourself to help others is not impossible. The reason why I agreed to be loyal to Mr. Mori was because the other party's purpose was to protect Let's go to Yokohama.It seems that the concept of selfishness does not exist for you?

In fact, this is probably not the case. Zhong Yuanzhong also felt that he was not selfless enough.It can only be said that within the range of his vision, the people in the protection line he drew are the ones he will protect. He doesn't think what Dazai Osamu said is right, but he doesn't think what the other party said is wrong.There will still be selfishness, but I just think about it carefully, but I haven't been able to discover what I have been selfish about.

There are no emotions, no things, and nothing seems to be wanted.The only thing that can be counted is to work hard to become a cadre and get the information left by Rimbaud.

When he raised this point to refute, Osamu Dazai laughed a little too much.

The man sat on the high balcony railing and said to him who was standing below.

No, Zhong Ye, this is not selfishness, after all, knowing the information about what Huang Ba spit is is not something that belongs to you alone from the very beginning.

What are gods?

It is a higher-dimensional creature, and it will not understand the rich emotions held by humble humans. Perhaps for these gods, emotion itself is something that should not be inherited during the evolution process.

Loneliness, jealousy, hatred, cowardice.So that those that sound good are not so important.

mercy?It should be pity. From the very beginning when they met, Osamu Dazai said, you are like a sheep whose bones have been eaten by wolves.

Wanted, needed, drained.But did not abandon the former 'sheep'.

He told Osamu Dazai that it was just his responsibility, but the other party never thought so, but felt that he was abnormal.

A suicide enthusiast who clearly cannot accept the ordinary view of life and death and believes that life is dying thinks he is abnormal, but in fact, in his eyes, Osamu Dazai is abnormal.

Two people who are not very normal feel that the other is abnormal, but in fact they are attracted together because of this so-called 'abnormality'.

Osamu Dazai felt that he was too selfless. This kind of selflessness is obviously digging his own grave. No one can leave a shadow in his eyes, and no one can leave an impression in his heart, because if everyone is the same, everyone is the same. His intention should be to have the same face, without any difference.

——No, there is still a difference. If it is an enemy, I will not hold back.

——This is the problem of alignment. Putting this aside, if someone is not your enemy, will you save him if he is killed?

--meeting.

——Where Mr. Mori died?

--meeting.

——Where is Miss Hongye killed?

--meeting.

—Any subordinate?

--meeting.

--what about me?

Nakahara looked up at Osamu Dazai who was sitting on the old railing. His black coat was blown up by the wind and seemed about to fall off.

he said at the time.

--meeting.

"You see, everyone is the same in your heart. As long as the position and camp do not violate the wishes of the 'gods', even if the other party may be wrong, you may feel pity for the fact that life is precious."

"Is mercy wrong?"

"Of course not, this should be regarded as the 'divine nature' that distinguishes humans from animals, and this little bit of divinity allows people to have complex biological systems such as emotions, but if it is you, the so-called pity is not pity .”

Osamu Dazai leaned closer and licked his tongue on his eyes, the tip of his tongue swept over the eyelashes, leaving wet traces.

——Zhongye, that's called 'God's Love'.

Whether it is longing or longing, if it is a god, it is always superior to others.But Osamu Dazai said, Chuya, your failure is that you have never had this kind of self-awareness. People’s death should not be your business. If you want to save them, you can save them. No need to blame yourself.Don't you feel that your so-called unreasonable pity is a part of divinity, but it is not a burden?

Bear what you shouldn't bear, bear what you shouldn't bear.

Osamu Dazai told him slowly, one day you might die because of this, right?

Those who don't live long and live comfortably.I am burdened with this unreasonable responsibility every day. The unreasonable morality belongs to human beings and should not belong to you. At the beginning, I said that I was just the appearance of supernatural powers, just decorations pasted on the outside of that layer of power.

As for the decorations, it’s okay to be a beautiful decoration. It’s enough to be praised by others for being good-looking. A piece of paper and even water can break you.

The gods will issue oracles, and the wish of the supplicant may exist. That year Osamu Dazai asked him if he had believers, but he thought this kind of joke sounded like a joke, so he didn't care much.

The other party took out a silver coin from his pocket that day and told him that this is my sesame oil money for you.

Zhong Yuanzhong never really felt that he was a god.

——Take my sesame oil money, and you will fulfill my wish, Chuya.

And at the age of 22, Osamu Dazai is also the only one who took out money as a sacrifice after knowing his so-called 'God'.

So, it's too ridiculous.

They woke up together at dusk, the purple sunset glow lit up the sky as if it was on fire, the scenery was infinitely beautiful, but when the sun went down, Osamu Dazai threw away those messy bandages, neither of them told the owner of the homestay , Turned the car key and got into the car, driving along the coastal road.

Osamu Dazai always felt that he hadn't woken up. He closed his eyes and rested on the co-pilot in a daze.He thought to himself, forget it, let the other party get in from under his arm, and fell asleep on his lap.

It took a long time to drive this road, but I always felt that Osamu Dazai was not asleep.I tossed and turned, and had to sit up straight for a while after lying down for a long time, because my legs were numb from the pressure.

"You can't do this. I'll take you to the doctor when the next place arrives."

The other party pressed his eye sockets with his palm: "No, I know my own body."

"If you know that you don't have so many wounds and bruises that make you wrap yourself like a mummy every day."

"I really know."

"Don't be stubborn, I don't care what happens to you then, I'm not a doctor."

He didn't want to care about whether Osamu Dazai was willing or not now, and he could just carry the man in front of the doctor, after all, the other party couldn't beat him.So the man whimpered and said neither yes nor no, and finally got so bored that he stood up from his seat, put his hands on the front windshield, and said he wanted to wake himself up.

"Zhongye, do you have a stereo? Let's play some music, otherwise it will be boring."

"Go to bed if you're bored."

"I can not sleep."

"Yes, there are no songs in it, and there are no car discs here."

"Then I want you to sing to me."

"You are dreaming!"

It is impossible to sing, and it is still sung for Osamu Dazai.But this person is not forgiving, yelling that you can't do it, you have to sing it to me.

The sky gradually darkened, and the originally gorgeous Huoshaoyun also changed from purple red to deep purple,

Osamu Dazai sang a song on his stomach when he heard him not singing, inthesky, Iamtrulyfree.Justyouandme sang nondescript, but Zhongyuan Zhong also could tell what kind of song it was, and I have to say that it really fit Dazai Osamu’s character .

At the end of the song, he also hummed a few lines, but the two of them didn't sing together. Either you were a few beats too early or you forgot the words. Only when you chanted "OnlythenwillIbefree" at the end, the last "Ibefree" It is considered to be together.

Osamu Dazai complained that his tune was getting higher, but he laughed and said that if you can't sing, then stop singing, who is torturing with a broken voice.

"Why did I break my throat? My voice is so good!"

"You're off tune."

"I did it on purpose."

"What a lousy excuse."

"I'm not making excuses."

They drove along the coastline all the way. When it was dark, they turned on the headlights. In the dark, they used the light to distinguish each other's faces. They stopped for a while and wanted to smoke a cigarette, but the side The man in the driver's seat suddenly approached in the dark, groping his face with his hands in the dark night, and then breathed around, almost wanting to bite.

Zhongyuan Zhong also dodged reflexively, so the kiss landed on his face.

He wanted to achieve his goal indiscriminately, but this behavior was too sudden, so he naturally refused.

The two of them were pushing each other under the dark sky, on the deserted road, in front of the narrow car seat, Osamu Dazai's kisses fell on his face in a mess, from eyes to arms, but he still seemed not satisfied , I always want to really kiss.

Nakahara also said, what exactly do you want to do, but Osamu Dazai didn't answer, just repeated such things.They were already close to Palermo and could be on the outskirts of the city in just over an hour.

When the muffled sound was heard, neither of them thought that Osamu Dazai stopped in a daze, then coughed twice, lying in his arms, it seemed that there was no other movement.

The other party was panting heavily and seemed to be in a very bad state, and he didn't know why it happened suddenly.Zhong Yuanzhong also hugged the other person's body in surprise, when he wrapped his arms around the person's waist and wanted to hug him up, he found that he touched a wet piece, staring blankly at the liquid in the palm of his hand. The smell came from his nose, it was the bloody smell he was familiar with.

When the second shot rang out, the other party pushed him down on the seat, and there seemed to be another muffled sound. The other party pressed on him and snorted, and finally held his breath before spitting it out.

Osamu Dazai coughed and pulled his collar with his hands, raised his head with difficulty, and then leaned closer to his face, no one reacted when his icy cold lips were attached, it was the first time he experienced the soft touch.

He even held his breath, and Osamu Dazai sucked his lower lip gently, without going any further, just maintaining a motion of sticking to each other.

He felt that the other party smiled, and the breath that came out of the laugh slipped in from between the lips, and the face of this person was even touching his, and the cold body temperature made him palpitate.

"Ah, while you were not paying attention, I finally succeeded."