【Double Black】As You Like It

Osamu Dazai didn't care much about his own life and death, this was the first thing that a stranger who had heard the name would know even if he didn't know the other party.

It doesn't matter whether it's life or death. I feel that people don't have so many thoughts and memories in the world. They are more willing to embrace death without scruples than living in pain. But if you ask him why he feels pain, the other party just smiles and walks away. This question is not answered, so no one knows what is the reason for the craving for sleep so much.Even in the Central Plains, they only know the general idea, but not the real reason.

Probably, I understand the result, but about the process, Osamu Dazai didn't intend to tell anyone.

It has been like this from the beginning, if there is something that I think I can handle, I will handle it alone, maybe after the matter has passed and rotted, no one else will know what happened.Unwilling to talk or reveal, build a high wall, others want to go in, but the wall has no doors and no windows, Nakahara also wants to climb on the wall, but finds that the wall is getting higher and higher, and Dazai Zhi just stood on the wall and watched him quietly, not knowing whether he was mocking his overreaching, or mocking him for doing futile work.

The dilapidated wall seems to be knocked down, but it is actually cast harder than anyone else.

Osamu Dazai didn't like explaining or communicating with others about the process. His mind turned so fast that even Mori Ogai avoided his edge. At least Nakahara never thought that anyone could be smarter than the other party.

Being too smart makes Osamu Dazai look at things very differently from others, understand things differently, and face the world from a different perspective.Osamu Dazai is out of tune with everyone. Even if he has left the port mafia and tried to blend in with such ordinary people, he can only pretend to be the same as everyone else, put on a skin, play and laugh and laugh, but it is difficult to hide himself. edge.

Maybe others don't understand this, but Zhongyuanzhong also knows it.

He knows it all, he understands it all.

But what's the use of this, Osamu Dazai doesn't need others' understanding at all.

He has always felt that this person's loneliness is bottomless, but no matter what, anyone who steps into it can touch the darkness.It sucked all his dedication and patience like a bottomless pit, he couldn't hear any response when he threw a pebble, and there was no echo when he shouted heart-piercingly below.

No matter how obsessed with it, there seems to be no response.

They don’t want to open their hearts to others, even if they show their true feelings inadvertently, there is nothing left. They understand each other, but because of their understanding, they understand that Osamu Dazai is really a black hole. You can’t get in and you can’t get out. Standing outside watching helplessly, watching until you finally want to give up, but a black hand stretches out from the black hole, grabbing your trouser leg and refusing to let go.

You ask, what do you want to do.If you don't answer with your hands, you won't be allowed to leave.But if you don't go and stay, you can only stay, and you will be blocked if you take a step forward.

No one knows what Dazai Osamu really wants.

After being too smart, it seems that there is no one left around, and if you are not at the same height, you will even find it difficult to get along.If the way of thinking cannot keep up, the rules of action cannot keep up, and opinions cannot keep up, gradually you will feel tired, and everyone is tired and uncomfortable.

Even Osamu Dazai never bothered to tell the people next to him why he did what he did, why he wanted to do what he did, even if there was a motive and correctness that ordinary people could not see through, he was never willing to explain.

Because it doesn't matter, because it doesn't matter.It was this alone that made them confront each other when they had just met. Even now they understood that it was just a habit of the other party in dealing with the world, and there was nothing wrong with it intellectually, but it was also unacceptable emotionally.

Therefore, loneliness is inevitable, and loneliness is accompanied by it.The giant-like loneliness may eventually swallow Dazai Osamu's whole body one day, and in the end he chews in the realm where no one survives, leaving no scum left.

What is there to say?

The extreme of wisdom will be hurt, the deep love will not last, and the extreme of strength will be humiliated.

Nakahara never thought that Osamu Dazai could really live a long time, at least according to his will to die, he might die someday.

Just a simple thing can make it very complicated, and come up with one, two or three ideas.He knew that this was an instinct the other party was used to. It could be said to be the privilege of smart people, but on the other hand, it was also an annoyance for smart people.

Zhong Yuanzhong also heard the question thrown by the other party, but he felt it was very ridiculous. He really laughed out, and the hand holding the other party's collar did not show any sign of letting go. He lowered his eyes, and his orange bangs It was just dangling in front of his eyes, and when the wind blew, he would fly in all directions, messing up his emotions and feelings, and finally he sneered and said to the other party.

"What you say is always a jerk."

Osamu Dazai always likes to compare, compare everything.Who is better than him and 'him', who is more beautiful than him and the fairy stick.In the past, it was more important than him and Mori Ogai, and who should survive more than his life or death with others.

It has been a long time since I heard such a question, and Zhong Yuanzhong also missed that moment.But in any case, anyone's life is very important to him, everyone is the same.

"Really." Osamu Dazai spit out such a sentence softly, but then felt it was quite ridiculous, "But if Mr. Mori's life is compared with those of those people, I guess you will still choose him although you will be very entangled. Another person, is it the same for Hongye-san? Maybe Akutagawa, after all, you are very close to him. Let me guess, Hirotsu is also, maybe the little girl Higuchi Ichiyo is too?"

Gradually speaking, Osamu Dazai couldn't help laughing at the end, but the smile couldn't reach the bottom of his eyes. He stuck out his tongue and licked the wound on the corner of his mouth. The emotions in his eyes rushed like a flood of beasts. They all felt shocked.

"Why didn't you think about me? Is it because I think I have absolutely no problem in this regard, so I can just cross it off the list? Nakahara Chuya, are you too confident in me? Or is it because I have never failed in this kind of thing, so I was relieved, don't worry about me, don't worry about me, just throw it anywhere and you can solve the problem without incident." After finishing speaking, they came together, and the two of them almost The tip of the nose touches the tip of the nose, and the eyelashes can be brushed together. The dark eyeballs look moist and clear, but the color inside seems to become cloudy for some reason.

"That's not good, Chuya. Why?"

Osamu Dazai began to speak in a low voice, like whispering in his ear in the afternoon, or whispering in a dream late at night.

"Why? Why should I be like this? Because I am stronger than others, so I don't care, Chuya? You will show mercy to the weak, and you will take care of those close to you, but why can't I alone, because Am I not weak, and am I not close to you?" Just like a person asking and answering in a low voice, as if he didn't want to get his reply, Osamu Dazai finally started to answer by himself, "But No, I’m weak, Chuya, you see, I’ll get hurt if you use a little force, and we’re partners, right? This is the most intimate relationship in the world. We’ve slept in the same bed and seen each other’s bodies , I even touched your exposed internal organs after being injured, so why don't I have what I should have, are you going too far?"

How have the two of you gotten along?

Osamu Dazai is very smart, too smart, to the extreme, some things can be understood at a glance, and the warmth and warmth of human relationships and the inconsistency of the world are very clear. It is not the reasoning ability of Edogawa Ranpo, just because he understands the world too well. essence, and thus be able to fundamentally differentiate many things.The dark side of a person hides without a shadow in front of the opponent, and even feels too childish, because compared to the dark, Osamu Dazai is the strongest.

Therefore, in fact, Zhongyuanzhong basically doesn't need to worry about many things that require brains, and it's useless if you manage them.

Therefore, Osamu Dazai is responsible for formulating directions and plans, and he is responsible for military support.To put it simply, one piece of paper and one weapon, the other party will do things to deceive people, and he will do things to kill people.

As a result, Osamu Dazai became lazier and lazier in his hands, while he became lazier in his brains.

It's hard to tell who spoiled whom, or who spoiled whom, so that they really have to get entangled, no one is innocent, and everyone has problems.

Because he is too lazy to use his brain, Nakahara has already habitually handed over the matter in front of him to the other party. Under 100% trust, he actually has indescribable reassurance and indifference. He never thought that Osamu Dazai would fail, because the other party never failed.

It's not really as exaggerated as Osamu Dazai said, but it is true that Nakahara also knows that if the two parties choose, he will save those who are weaker first, because he believes that the other party is strong and can solve it by himself .

This idea presumably prioritizes saving drowning people over swimmers.The truth is this truth, but if emotions are involved on the stage, it will be unclear.

"You know I don't think so."

"No, Chuya, I don't know." Osamu Dazai directly refuted his statement, "I don't know what you think, I just know that I don't feel any care when I'm with you, I always feel that you care about other things Who else is more considerate than me. Is this not good?"

"Those are not others."

"It's someone else. For the two of us, it's someone else. Mori Ogai is, Ozaki Koyo is, Hirotsu Yanagi is, and Akutagawa is too. It should be something between the two of us, why do we have to get involved every time Anyone else? Even another 'he', don't you find it annoying?"

"That's not why you lied to me."

"What did I lie to you? I just didn't say it. Is it a lie?"

"Hiding is also deceiving."

"Well, Chuya, do you dare to say that you haven't hidden anything from me? Since we knew each other for seven years, you really know everything about me?" At this point, he stretched out his hand and clasped his neck excitedly. , his fingers squeezed into the gap between the choker and his Adam's apple, and his knuckles were pressing against his throat bone, but Zhong Yuanzhong just squinted his eyes without any other reaction. The atmosphere between them is almost on the verge of breaking out.

"You are hiding even the things you once liked about me, until you have nothing in the end, and you don't reflect on your own behavior, but accuse me of doing something wrong at this time?" Osamu Dazai laughed out loud, the laughter in his throat The sound was intermittent like a broken bellows, and then he clasped his fingers and grabbed his neck and said word by word: "I didn't do anything wrong, this is the best solution, otherwise do you think there is any way to go back? You should Thank me instead of questioning me."

"Can these two things be compared?!"

"Why not? Then do you think my life can be compared with those people whose names you may not be able to name?!"

"Isn't the problem that you always wanted to die?!"

Zhong Yuanzhong also almost yelled such a sentence, but after the yelling, both of them were stunned. The atmosphere that was so terrible and full of gunpowder suddenly turned sharply, and both of them were speechless, and both of them were silent.

Then they let go of their hands for some reason, Dazai Osamu sat on the co-pilot and looked at the scenery outside, while Nakahara Nakaya leaned his head on the steering wheel, the silence permeated between them, and it was not dispelled for a long time.

He knew that he had said the wrong thing, that's why he was so irritable now, with his fingers resting on his forehead, he looked impatient, but this impatience was not aimed at Osamu Dazai, but at himself.

From the very beginning, Zhongyuan Zhong didn't have a character of indifference to human life. He killed people, but he didn't know who he was. To put it bluntly, there was a clear distinction.The name of his subordinates is a responsibility to him, and it is impossible for Nakahara to not care about the responsibility. Osamu Dazai did not take it to heart because he trusted too much.

But it can't be said that he doesn't care, but the more he understands, the less he feels that there will be any problems, just like the disaster of the Dragon Head War, even if everyone thinks that Dazai is dead, he resolutely started because of his understanding and trust. Get out of the filth and go in to save people.

I never thought that the other party would die, nor did I think that he would die if the other party died without the help of [Disqualification in the World].It's just a natural feeling that nothing will happen, he will live, and Dazai will live.

But if you really want to say, his thinking is indeed true, and it is not fair.

Annoyed to death, Zhong Yuanzhong also rubbed his temples, clenched his fist and slammed the steering wheel of the car, then wiped his face casually, and said while looking ahead.

"I just said the wrong thing."

Osamu Dazai didn't move for a long time, he just left the back of his head for him, and after a long time, he whispered 'um'.

"It's okay, you're telling the truth."

Osamu Dazai didn't seem to care much, adjusted his sitting posture, stretched out his hand and pointed to the road ahead, and said, let's go, the time wasted is enough for the people behind to catch up.So there was nothing to talk about, and Nakahara started to continue driving. On the way, Osamu Dazai took the initiative to light a cigarette for the first time, but after taking a puff, he held the cigarette between his fingers, put his arm on the bed and went outside.Lazily squinting his eyes as if basking in the sun in the afternoon, he stopped talking to him, and there was no movement.

This should have been the environment that Zhongye was looking forward to the most, but after the real quarrel became like this, he felt very uncomfortable.What's more, their quarrel is not the kind of joking daily behavior before.But in essence, it is just that the way and perspective of two people looking at things are really different.

He was thinking about the life and death of those sent, so he drove very fast after learning that Osamu Dazai was stalling for time.But in any case, it will take some time to reach Palermo.

On the way, Osamu Dazai seemed to have taken a nap in the car. They wanted to find a place to rest in the last town, but they had to continue on their way because they were discovered. In the afternoon, they found a residential house. They had no money on them, so Zhong Yuanzhong also took off his watch and threw it on the counter, regardless of whether the price of his watch could buy a house,

After getting out of the car, he patted the other party to wake him up, Osamu Dazai woke up in a daze, and then they walked into the room together without speaking to him.The homestay gave them a big bed room, and the other party took out the medicine and bandages they were carrying and threw them to him, and then he took off his clothes and went to bed by himself, lying under the quilt like a moldy mushroom.

After he tidied himself up, took a shower and came out, Dazai Osamu just turned over and leaned over, wrapped his arms around his body and buried his face in his back, groaning. Know what is being said, can't hear or understand.

They probably are, no overnight feud.

He turned over and asked, what's the matter with you, but the other party didn't say anything, just clinging to him and hugging him, saying that I'm so sleepy, I want to sleep, I want to rest, and I don't want to hurry.We will go back to the Central Plains, no, we have to get up after sleeping, and we are in a hurry.

The man stopped talking again, but he didn't realize that Osamu Dazai was biting him until he felt the pain in the back of his neck. He was biting very hard, very hard.Chuya Nakahara, who was biting, was so used to pain that he couldn't stand it and wanted to push people away. He always felt that Osamu Dazai wanted to tear a piece of meat off directly, wishing to crush it with his teeth and refuse to clean it, and finally swallowed it down his throat.

"what are you doing!"

"I didn't do anything."

But in the end he let go, a lot of blood was left behind, the injury was not a serious injury but it was a bit annoying anyway, Osamu Dazai immediately admitted his mistake, said I didn't mean it, I'll lick it clean for you, then hugged him and refused to let him go When he got up, his flexible tongue was licking the back of his neck, and it seemed that even the cloth of the choker was wet.

"Dazai."

"Ok?"

"I didn't want you to die."

The tongue licking at the back stopped for a moment.

"I know."

------

In fact, when I said Osamu Dazai was joking, the two of them really didn't just hit a straight ball and get the job done.

Both of them have big problems, and both feel wronged.No matter how you look at it, it's because of the different angles, what Dazai Osamu doesn't care about, what Nakahara Chuka also cares about, Dazai Osamu doesn't care.

Each other cares about each other, but it is difficult.