animal lover

After that day, the relationship between Jiang Yenan and Muyan dropped to a freezing point.

Jiang Yenan thought about the call over and over again, he lay on the sofa, listened to the ringtone, and slowly covered his ears.

He wanted to give birth to this child, but Jiang Yenan disagreed.

He has read every book by Jiang Yenan. He still remembers that there is a case in one book about parents using their children to sell drugs. Jiang Yenan portrays inhumane parents, and the innocence of children is wiped out. , there is only hell that cannot go to the end.Muyan could somewhat feel that Jiang Yenan's not wanting a child was related to his childhood experience, but it has been so many years, why can't he come out, why is he still living in the past.

A week later, he told Jiang Yenan that he had taken the child.Jiang Yenan was deeply relieved when he heard this.

Listening to his relieved sigh, Muyan covered her mouth with her hands, her throat was astringent, and asked, "You hate children so much?"

"I didn't think about having kids in the past, that wasn't something I planned."

"Things? Children are not things." Muyan's voice was raised, and Jiang Yenan frowned.

"Muyan, are you in France or Washington, I'm here to find you."

"No need." Muyan pursed her chapped lips, choked his throat, and said in a hoarse voice: "Jiang Yenan, I realize that I don't really understand you."

In the past two days, Muyan had a miserable life, but even so, he still tried to let himself eat as much as possible.

After taking leave with the dance troupe, he returned to France first.Going back to the familiar house can give him a sense of security.

He went to the hospital for an examination, showed his body in front of the doctor, and faced the surprised eyes of the nurses and doctors, he told them that he wanted to keep the child at all costs.

He lied to Jiang Yenan.

He never thought that the relationship between himself and Jiang Yenan would fall apart because of this child. In fact, he still had illusions in his heart, thinking that if Jiang Yenan saw the child, he would not be so cruel.

He thought so, and it dragged on until fifteen weeks, four full months, he lived in his apartment, lied to Jiang Yenan, said that everything was fine, but he was very busy, after a while return home.

Jiang Yenan listened to his voice and said to him: "Take care of yourself."

Muyan let out a "hmm", put her hands on her belly, stroked it lightly, and said, "I will take care of myself."

I silently added another sentence in my heart, and our children.

At 15 weeks, Muyan went for Down's screening.

He was wearing a loose brown long sleeve, black trousers, and sat on a chair.His hair is longer than before, and his skin is very white.

When it was Muyan's turn, the doctor walked to the door and waved to him.

Muyan felt uneasy, so he walked over quickly.The doctor opened the chair for him to sit down, Mu Yan felt that the doctor's expression was a little strange, and his heart couldn't help beating a few times.

Muyan's hand grabbed her thigh and squeezed it hard, the doctor's words blasted into Muyan's consciousness like a bullet.

He couldn't believe it, or didn't want to believe it, what the doctor said, Muyan covered her face, tears spilled from her fingers.

Jiang Yenan was right, this child is not healthy.

Down's screening revealed that the fetus had neural tube defects.

Jiang Yenan received the call from Muyan in the middle of the night, he was still awake, when he answered the phone, he heard crying, Muyan was crying.

Jiang Yenan was taken aback, and immediately stood up, "Muyan, what's wrong with you?"

Muyan was standing in the corridor of the hospital with the report in hand, the sensor light was on and off, the huge shadow almost engulfed him, he squatted on the ground, lowered his head, tears fell on the ground one by one,

He and Jiang Yenan apologized, and he told him that he did not take away the child, that the child was still there, but now it was found to be a neural tube defect.

Jiang Yenan took a sharp breath, he didn't understand Muyan, in his world, likes and dislikes, promises and betrayals, there are only black and white, no gray areas.He is not good at lying, nor can he read other people's minds.

He believed in Muyan, and because of this incident, he felt that he had hurt Muyan, and he was always thinking about how to make it up.

But at this moment, Muyan told him that she had lied.

The thing was still there, and it was as deformed as he thought.

This sense of gap made it difficult for Jiang Yenan to adapt.He clenched the phone tightly and took a deep breath. He calmed himself down, and his flat, emotionless voice fell on Mu Yan's heart. Jiang Yenan said, "Go back to your country first, and we'll talk about it when you get back to your country."

"Mr. Jiang, are you angry?"

Jiang Yenan sat down again, leaning back in the chair, he seemed to have lost all his strength, he said to Muyan: "I think, I don't know you too well."

As he said this, Jiang Yenan clenched his fists when he heard Muyan's choked-up cry, and he slowed down his tone, "Come back first, I can take care of you when you come back."

Muyan sucked her nose, the soreness and pain were all mixed together, the air sucked into her lungs became blades of blades.He hugged his head and faced the phone, still couldn't help crying out loud.

The sensor light in the corridor was on, and Muyan's crying hadn't stopped yet, Jiang Yenan became his only support.

Muyan relies on Jiang Yenan, so what can Jiang Yenan rely on.

Life left him with too much unhappiness. He was awakened by nightmares every night, and he couldn't tell anyone. He ran to the toilet to vomit, lying on the cold tiles in a daze, wondering when this life would end.

His body, his psychology, his future, and his past were all buried in the quagmire.

Every time he had a chance to climb out, the dry bones behind him would drag him in again.

Muyan's crying upset him, but he couldn't blame him.

Because Muyan is also for his benefit, although Jiang Yenan doesn't want that benefit.

Three days later, Muyan returned home.Jiang Yenan picked him up at the airport and drove directly to the hospital.

It was a cloudy day, and it looked like it was about to rain. There were groups of ants crawling on the ground, the air was stuffy, and there was no wind.

Jiang Yenan opened the air-conditioning, suddenly thought of Muyan, turned his head and asked him, "Is it cold?"

Muyan shook her head, Jiang Yenan still turned off the air conditioner and opened the window.

Her hair was blown up, Muyan narrowed her eyes slightly, and looked out the window.

Jiang Yenan said very little along the way, he asked Muyan, "Have you eaten yet?"

Mu Yan said that he had eaten, so he didn't speak any more.

There was rarely such an atmosphere between them, and the silence fell, somber and wordless.There was only the sound of the wind blowing in his ears. When waiting for the red light, Jiang Yenan glanced at the sky and said, "It's going to rain."

When the car drove to the hospital gate, Mu Yan stared out the window in a daze.

The clouds in the sky before the rain seem to be falling, accompanied by cloudy blue and gray, and the occasional wind that blows over can smell a smell of rust.

Jiang Yenan parked the car, walked around to Muyan's side after getting off, opened the door, and said in a low voice, "Here we are."

Muyan moved, and removed the hand on the lower abdomen, he looked down at his stomach.

Jiang Yenan also stared at it, his eyes were full of evil, as if he would dissect the thing that broke the relationship between him and Muyan in the next second.

Muyan raised her head, Jiang Yenan looked back, he walked in front, Muyan walked slowly, he waited for a moment, then passed his hand over and took Muyan's hand.

That was Jiang Yenan and Muyan's child, four months old, already well developed.

A complete body can be seen from the color Doppler ultrasound, where the head, limbs, and spine are all complete.

Jiang Yenan only glanced at it, then turned his head away, he was really indifferent.

Muyan watched his expression, and felt as if fine shards of ice fell from his heart, which was cold and painful.

Mu Yan read on the Internet that abortion is to crush a child with something and then pull it out.

The life in his body, which came suddenly, would also be cruelly sent away by them.

When he was lying on the operating table, he couldn't restrain his emotions and kept crying. He said he was wrong.

Jiang Yenan waited outside, sat down and stood up again, walking back and forth.

Walking to the window, he saw dark clouds gathering densely, and those clouds held thunder.Jiang Yenan stood at the window for a long time, his silent profile was shrouded in darkness, and he looked at one place with gloomy eyes.

Until the thunder suddenly appeared, a large piece of cloud was torn away, and the blue light hit Jiang Yenan's pale face. He suddenly felt cold, and he tightened his arms and walked inside.

Ten minutes later, Muyan was pushed out.

He was anesthetized and fell into a drowsy sleep. It was a minor operation, but he seemed to have lost half of his life.

Jiang Yenan followed the nurse and entered the ward together.

The hospital was booked by Jiang Yenan early on, so it was extremely private.Jiang Yenan leaned against the wall, crossed his arms and watched the nurse place Muyan. He had lost a lot of weight, and his complexion was cold and pale. When the two nurses saw him, they couldn't help but ask him if he felt uncomfortable. Comfortable.

Jiang Yenan waved his hand. After the nurse left, he walked to the hospital bed, stretched out his hand and carefully brushed off the hair covering Muyan's eyebrows.

Mu Yan didn't know how long she had slept, and when she woke up, her body was still wrapped in dull pain.He opened his eyes, and saw Jiang Yenan sitting on the edge of the bed, the wooden chair looked uncomfortable, Jiang Yenan bent his back, his long legs were slightly curled up, his elbows rested on his knees, and his brows were furrowed.

Muyan turned sideways and stretched out her hand, he wanted to touch Jiang Yenan.

When Kankan touched Jiang Yenan's arm, he was held firmly, Muyan was taken aback, Jiang Yenan stood up, squeezed his hand, and hugged him into his arms.

He called Muyan's name over and over again, and said, "It's okay, Muyan, it's okay."

"What's all right?" Mu Yan slowly pushed him away, shrinking her body back, raised her head to look at Jiang Yenan, and asked, "Even if the child has no problems, you wouldn't want it."

Jiang Yenan paused, and Asakawa appeared between his brows, he said, "Yes."

He was indeed not good at concealing, all his emotions were completely exposed in front of Muyan.

Seeing his calm expression, Mu Yan felt trembling in his heart, he felt very cold, obviously winter was over, but at this moment it was cold to the bone.Grinding his teeth together as if frozen together, he said, "I thought a child would make us whole."

"If something is broken, it is broken. If a piece is broken, it cannot be replaced with other things. It is not more complete, but just a burden." Jiang Yenan leaned forward, and he hugged Muyan's shrunken shoulders. Mu Yan said: "Look, just like now, because of that thing, we have disagreements."

"The problem between me and you is not because of the child, but because you and I may be different from the beginning." Putting aside her infatuated gaze and removing the lover's filter, it was the first time that Mu Yan looked at Jiang Yenan so squarely,

He pulled Jiang Yenan's hand away from holding him, his trembling lips slightly opened and closed, and he said, "I've thought about it for a long time, and I don't think I can love you like I said before."

Jiang Yenan's pupils constricted, he looked at Muyan dully, and he heard Muyan say: "Mr. Jiang, we are not suitable, I like children very much, I like it very much, I like it very much. When I knew that I could get pregnant, I felt This is a treasure given to me by God. I dream of starting a family with you, we can take care of the children together, and we can raise a big dog. When you write a book, I will pull the child to draw beside you. But these are probably made by me. Passionate, it turns out that you didn't think so at all."

Muyan took a breath, enduring the strong soreness, he lowered his head, tears fell one by one, and landed on the back of his hand, he clenched his fist tightly, pinching his nails in his palm.

Jiang Yenan heard him say: "Let's break up."

Thunder roared in the ear, purple light tore through the darkness in the room, the open window was suddenly knocked open by the wind, and Mu Yan shivered.

Jiang Yenan's face seemed to be torn apart by the lightning, and in an instant, gloom and hostility filled his entire face.

Mu Yan didn't see it, he lowered his head and said sorry to Jiang Yenan.

Jiang Yenan tilted his head and looked at him, as if seeing Muyan for the first time.

A voice with no ups and downs flowed slowly, together with the heavy rain, beating on Muyan's heart, Jiang Yenan asked Muyan, "Don't you love me?"

Muyan pursed her lips. Enduring the pain in her body, she sat up and pressed her throat, "I don't want to love you anymore."

"Is there some misunderstanding between us?"

"No."

"We're all honest with each other, aren't we?"

"Ah."

Jiang Yenan stood up straight, his back tensed, his eyebrows lowered, the hair on his forehead covered his expression, his lips parted slightly, and he said: "Although I don't understand what you are thinking, but if you It was you who proposed to break up, then I respect you."

Muyan looked at him, only to realize that he seemed to have lost a lot of weight, with almost no flesh on his cheeks, and the bones on his shoulders could be seen under his clothes. He stood upright, casting a shadow over Muyan.

Muyan put her hand on his shadow, Jiang Yenan didn't look at him anymore, turned and walked out.

Mu Yan stared blankly at Jiang Yenan, and said in a low voice, "I'm sorry."

Jiang Yenan opened the door expressionlessly, the heavy rain fell outside the window behind him, surrounded by thunder and wind, he turned his head sideways, and said to Muyan: "I should say sorry to you."

The door closed, and Jiang Yenan completely disappeared from Muyan's sight.

He suddenly lost the support for his body and fell into the bed.

The needle stuck on the back of the hand was crooked, Muyan pulled it out painfully, and the IV bottle shook, making a "bang-dang" sound.Muyan clutched her stomach, her body curled up slowly.

He looked at the rain outside the window, heard the wind in the rain, and wanted to turn himself into a cloud and go with the wind and rain.

When people are vulnerable, they think of home.

Muyan dialed Mu Zhengyuan's phone number, and Mu Zhengyuan was in a meeting, when he saw his son's call at first glance, he was overjoyed, immediately suspended the meeting, and walked outside.

He answered the phone, called Yan Yan, waited for a few seconds, but heard Mu Yan's cry.

Mu Zhengyuan was taken aback, and he asked anxiously: "Yan Yan, what's wrong with you? Why are you crying, tell Dad."

Mu Yan huddled under the quilt, crying so hard that she couldn't make a sound.Mu Zhengyuan on the other end of the phone was about to go crazy, and after a long time, Mu Yan said: "Dad, you come and pick me up, come and pick me up quickly."

Mu Zhengyuan's car was parked downstairs in the hospital, he didn't let his assistant go up, he came to Muyan's ward by himself, opened the door, and saw his son curled up on the hospital bed, thin and small.

Mu Zhengyuan's eye sockets were moist immediately, he walked over, Mu Yan turned his head to look at him, and said to him: "I want to go home."

Muzheng Yuan asked the hospital to borrow a wheelchair, he carried Muyan onto the wheelchair, and pushed Muyan down the elevator.

Mu Zhengyuan looked down at him. When he came just now, he asked the nurse about Muyan's situation, because he was Muyan's father, so he didn't hide it.As a father, seeing his child suffer such pain, his heart seemed to be split open.

But he didn't ask Mu Yan, not a word.They were very quiet all the way, and when they got home, Mu Zhengyuan helped Mu Yan into the house.Muyan leaned on the bed, looked at Muzheng Yuan busy, and suddenly said: "Dad, I fell in love a while ago, he is a very powerful person, I love him very much, and then I got pregnant."

Muzhengyuan stopped, with his back turned to Muyan, not daring to look at him.

Muyan looked at her father's back, and said softly: "The four-month-old child was screened out to have a neural tube defect, so it was removed. Because of this child, I quarreled with him, we talked a lot, and finally found out That's right, let's break up."

Muzheng Yuan was silent, he heard Muyan say: "Father, I'm sorry, I let you down."

Mu Zhengyuan turned around, he shook his head, and asked softly: "Rest well, you are my son, I still tell everyone that you are dancing in France, and you are the only Chinese in that dance troupe.

Yan Yan, you have always been my pride, before and in the future. "

Muyan stayed at home for two weeks, and he will return to France when he recovers.

He seemed to have experienced a nuclear bomb, affected by the radiation, and the wound healed and festered.

It hurts day and night, and when it hurts, I think of Jiang Yenan.

This time when he returns to France, it is very likely that he will not return to Xiding for several years.

Two days before his departure, he sent a message to Jiang Yenan, and he wanted to see Jiang Yenan for the last time.

The messages he sent fell silent, until the day he was about to leave, Jiang Yenan replied to him, asking him to go to Sanxiang Four Seasons Garden, and they met.

That place should be rented by Jiang Yenan, but the date hasn't arrived yet, so he can still come if he wants to.

The place was the same as before, with old buildings adjacent to each other. Mu Yan looked at the boarding time and walked upstairs quickly.

On the top floor, there are two doors, one door is hung with wicker, the prototype location of the willow house murder case in Jiang Yenan's book.

Muyan walked to the door, and before knocking, the door opened.

Jiang Yenan stood behind the door, all in black, with messy hair tied up with a small rope, he looked down at Muyan, turned sideways, "Come in."

Mu Yan walked in, Jiang Yenan gently closed the door.

The layout of the house hardly changed, Jiang Yenan sat down on the sofa, his body became thinner and thinner.He put his hand against his stomach habitually, and frowned, with a painful expression, he asked Muyan, "Is there something wrong?"

Mu Yan looked at him, and then at the instant noodle bucket on the table, his expression flickered, he opened his mouth, and asked, "Do you just eat these?"

Jiang Yenan let out a "hmm", and Muyan showed an unbearable expression, he said, "It's too unhealthy."

Jiang Yenan glanced at Muyan, ridicule crept up in his eyes, and that strange gaze hurt Muyan.

Jiang Yenan withdrew his gaze, and said in a calm tone, "Why on earth did you come to see me?"

"I'm going to France, I just want to see you one last time."

"The last side?" Jiang Yenan repeated these four words and smiled, "Isn't it suitable, we have already broken up."

"Mr. Jiang..."

Muyan's lips parted slightly, Jiang Yenan withdrew all the tenderness, and what appeared in front of him was another Jiang Yenan, sharp and mean.

"Don't call me Mr. Jiang." Jiang Yenan stood up, he walked slowly to Muyan, and put his hand on Muyan's shoulder.

A smile that was uglier than crying appeared on his pale face, and Muyan heard him say, "Do you know that I am abnormal. Since I was 20 years old, I have been taking medicine for bipolar disorder. But it doesn't work, it doesn't work at all. I endure it every day, and I endure it very hard, but only in this way will it work, bring myself into this society, try to blend in, accept praise and endure flattery, and treat myself as a vulgar people."

His fingers brushed the corners of Muyan's eyes, Muyan's eyelashes trembled, and his voice was hoarse, "I will endure even the anger after breaking up. I can't make you feel bad, I can't make you look down on me, I can bear it well." Hard work...why did you come to me?"

Muyan felt that something was wrong, and struggled to stand up, but Jiang Yenan pressed his shoulders hard, he heard Jiang Yenan say: "I gave you so many chances, I let you go, I tell you I am very sorry Dangerous, I am not kind. But you, so simple and fearless, you looked at me and said, what does it matter, I like you, I love you.

Do you know that this kind of talk can’t be said nonsense, do you know that you pull out a creature hidden in the swamp, let him see the sunshine, let him smell the flowers and grass, make him feel alive, and then want to throw him away , How cruel and dangerous.

I reminded you that it was you who stayed. "

It was the first time for Muyan to see Jiang Yenan so excited, he sneered, his smile piercing into Muyan's heart like a knife.

Muyan showed fear, but was grabbed by Jiang Yenan, he said, "I'm sorry, I won't let you go."