Cold violence

Zhou Yu was not surprised that the teachers talked to him one by one.

It can be said that it is expected.

It's too abnormal, isn't it? It's a big irony that a person who can beat others by nearly [-] points in the most difficult papers in the past actually got the bottom [-] of the grade.

But when Lao Huang approached him, he was still a little nervous. After all, he was the head teacher, and he hadn't figured out how to make a lie after passing the exam.

"Zhou Yu, explain to me, how did you pass the exam like this?"

"What's like this?" Zhou Yu raised his heart and asked back.

"This grade is definitely not your real level. If you have anything on your mind, just tell the teacher, teacher..."

"No, nothing, this is my true level."

The worry in Lao Huang's eyes was not fake, Zhou Yu could see it.

So when Lao Huang asked him, he wanted to say for a moment, "This time, his performance was abnormal", but he didn't.

He no longer wants to see what other people expect from him, it's easy for everyone.

"You've never failed a test before, it's no big deal if you fail this time, just do your best next time, if you do well in the test..."

"You're thinking too much. Before... it was copied, and I won't get the so-called good grades in the exam anymore."

Zhou Yu interrupted him hastily when he heard these words.

He takes the soft but not the hard, especially if he doesn't listen to others talking to him so earnestly.

His heart is actually very dark.

Don't others look down on him?Then look down on it, wait until the college entrance examination and then fight back in one fell swoop, it's no big deal, but Lao Huang's current attitude will make him feel very guilty, as if he has done something heinous.

So he interrupted in a hurry, and what he said was completely merciless.

He spoke out the "crimes" that others put on his head in a fair manner, without leaving any sympathy for himself.

That's fine, anyway, he never thought of leaving any way out for himself.

Lao Huang only thought that Zhou Yu was losing his temper because of rumors, and wanted to say something more to him, but Zhou Yu was invulnerable, no matter what Lao Huang said, he would remain indifferent, as if he had passed the exam. Such poor grades are all due to his poor grades, and he feels at ease.

With the "honesty" with Lao Huang, Zhou Yu will not be so awkward when facing other teachers. No matter what the teacher says, he can say "I copied it before".

It's better for him to trample on his former pride under his own feet than anyone else can step on his head.

Zhou Yu sat in his seat, staring at his "remarkable achievements" report card boredly, then smiled lightly.

Countdown to grades?Very good, he is very satisfied with his new identity.

In the past, when I was in an examination room, the atmosphere of each examination was extremely tense. It seemed that as long as I relaxed a little, I would be squeezed out head-on by those chasing me.

It's better now, everyone's grades are the same, and no one will be in the way of anyone's business.

They like to say that he copied it, so he copied it, and as they wished, it was easy for them.

In fact, he has written every question on the paper, and he has done every question seriously, and then picked the closest answer and deliberately wrote it wrong. I know it's intentional.

It stands to reason that students with better grades are less able to accept their own mistakes. Their self-esteem does not allow them to be inferior to others, but when Zhou Yu did these things, his heart was almost blank.

Yes, it is blank.

Because he knew what he was doing, he even felt a little satisfied when the results came out, and he had achieved his goal.

He also threw away the last things he could hold firmly in his hands, and he was never burdened again.

He thought, if a person can live with a little shamelessness, it is always extraordinarily easy. If he stays in this class with such poor grades, can he be called "brazen"?

He told himself in words and in his heart that he didn't care, but he knew that he was actually waiting for the last day to hit them.

Don't you want to look down on me?Then wait until the end to see who is at fault.

So let's fall, let's fall, everyone has his way, and He Chu can find a reason to look down on him with them in an upright manner.

Thinking of He Chu... Zhou Yu was at a loss.

Did He Chu look down on him?

Or did he not pay attention to himself at all?

When he thought of this, he suddenly realized that he had fallen so high-profile, did he also have a little idea of ​​wanting He Chu to pay attention to him?

But what is the reason for thinking so?He clearly knew that if it wasn't for his face, He Chu wouldn't have noticed him at all...

Well, yeah, and now he is too, what's left but this face?Why did He Chu notice him?

With this in mind, he easily tore up his report card, along with the notice to invite parents.

When Lao Huang told him when he was leaving, he asked him to find time to invite the parents to come over for a talk, and he directly said "None of them will come" in front of Lao Huang.

How could his aloof mother come?

He would never tell her himself.

It is easy for him to do whatever he wants to learn, but it is really novel to him to be a bad student.

So he allowed himself to become a "bad boy" through and through.

In the next few monthly exams, Zhou Yu maintained her "lowest grade" result, and even seemed to be getting more and more stable in that position.

Gradually, even the teacher gave up on Zhou Yu.

Before when he was sleeping in class, the teacher would kindly remind Zhou Yu to get up and listen to the class, but in order to maintain the image of a "bad student" in school, Zhou Yu had to maintain a high-intensity study at night, and often started studying after class at night. The whole night, and it was even more impossible to get up during the day. Every time he was woken up by the teacher, he just put on a show, and fell down again after a while.

Later, the teacher didn't care about Zhou Yu anymore. After all, the courses in the rocket class are also tight. Who would pay special attention to a student who sleeps every day in class and doesn't turn in his homework?

So far, Zhou Yu has been completely separated from the entire ninth class.

He is like a lonely soul, wandering in the corner of this class, no one will give him a second look.

Only when the results of the monthly exams come down and the quality analysis is done, everyone seems to think of this person and say: Look, Zhou Yu is holding back our class again.

Originally, Lao Huang had always had confidence in Zhou Yu, and would talk to him from time to time, but in the end the persistence in his eyes turned into disappointment, and in the end, only a helpless sigh was left.

Zhou Yu could actually see it.

He could see the helplessness in the eyes of the teacher, and the disgust in the eyes of the classmates. He could see them all.

He indulged himself like this, and in the end no one really cared about him. Instead, a kind of anger arose in his heart, the embarrassment of not being noticed by others and being ignored by the collective.

Especially He Chu's changes made him feel even more uncomfortable.

When he first came to school, he could often feel He Chu's eyes.Occasionally, when he looked over, he could see He Chu's eyes were deep. Zhou Yu usually just took a look and then turned his eyes away.

At that time, his gaze was hot, but no one could notice it except Zhou Yu. Later, after seeing Zhou Yu's unsatisfactory results, He Chu looked at him with more worry.

In the end, after Zhou Yu's grades did not improve, He Chu stopped looking at him, and when he occasionally met Zhou Yu's eyes, his expression was mostly indifferent, even with a bit of mockery.

——The expectations he had for Zhou Yu seemed to die as Zhou Yu's grades declined.

Sometimes when Zhou Yu was awake in class and didn't know what to do, he would look at He Chu's back in a daze. At that time, he would think: It's normal for He Chu not to like him. What about the guy who always keeps a cold face?

When two people were together in the past, their feelings for each other were far more than the word liking. In fact, there was also some meaning of "sympathy" in it, so the two people were so good at that time.

He couldn't tell what he was thinking. When He Chu used to look at him often, he just felt bored. When He Chu finally stopped looking at him, he felt a little disappointed.

As if he was completely abandoned by He Chu, he couldn't even accept it.He always felt that even if everyone ignored him, He Chu couldn't give up on him, because subconsciously Zhou Yu felt that He Chu was such an important person to him...

For a while, Zhou Yu would always think about this question when he was sober, and then he felt a little bit unbearable, and even ran to stop He Chu when no one was around, and wanted to ask what happened.

But He Chu's gaze blocked him back.

That look was extremely indifferent, not only did not have the liking that could be seen before, but it was even more disgusting.

What Zhou Yu wanted to say was blocked by this look.

I can't say it, it's too humble.

Then he also suddenly realized how ridiculous the thoughts he was holding were.

Yes, two people broke up and are still entangled, what does it look like?

Didn't He Chu already say it?The only thing I like is my own face, so what's the point of being affectionate?

So Zhou Yu's initiative became one of Zhou Yu's only initiatives during the two years of their high school.

Not only did He Chu's eyes change when he looked at Zhou Yu, but his whole person changed too much.

When he was with Zhou Yu before, he always looked cynical every day. He always didn't want to listen to the lectures in class, and lived with the idea of ​​doing homework after class and just muddling along.

At that time, He Chu was still very happy, at least, he seemed to be happy.

But I don't know when it started, the smile on his face disappeared.

Maybe when he was home alone.

Or maybe it was when Zhou Yu looked away from him.

He was welcomed by many people in the class, had a good time in the grade, and was well-behaved and capable in front of the teacher, but he no longer had that wanton smile on his face.

He seems to have grown up in an instant. From that sunny and handsome boy, he has suddenly become a thoughtful young man. His emotions are buried in the papers he writes every day, hidden in the few words he has every day. During the busy rest, like Zhou Yu, he isolated himself from other people.

In the past, he was unwilling to go all out because he was afraid that he would stand too high and be helpless. Now that there is no such person by his side, he has nothing to worry about.

So the heights were extremely cold, and he finally felt it.

In the end, he still stood where Zhou Yu had once stood, feeling the same loneliness as Zhou Yu.

But Zhou Yu's heart was full of contradictions.

As a former lover, he watched He Chu work hard all the time, and he dared to be happy for his achievements, but at the same time, he felt deep resentment towards this life.

If it wasn't because of He Chu, how could I have come to where I am today?

If it weren't for He Chu, I wouldn't have paid, I wouldn't have felt sad because of him then, and now I wouldn't feel embarrassed because he didn't even want to look at me.

Isn't it because of He Chu that Zhou Yu became what he is today?

Wasn't it because of He Chu that he became a stranger even to himself?

Wasn't it because of He Chu that he ended up in such a situation?

Now He Chu is sitting alone on a tall building full of vigor and ambition, but he can only make the assumption of giving up on himself because of the so-called gossip, crush his own dignity, let himself fall into the dust, and even look down on himself.

The two of them used to stand at the forefront of Class Ninth together, but now when the two are compared, no one will feel reconciled.

Why?

Why am I struggling here, but you hate even communicating with me?

If you didn't take the initiative to provoke me, I shouldn't care about anything, He Chu.

Why are you leaving me alone now that you're gone?

Why do everyone target me alone, even after I have become like this, they still don't forget to add insult to injury to me?

The unwillingness in his heart and the resentment he felt towards this class all turned into obsession with He Chu alone.

That's something he didn't realize himself. As much as he couldn't let go of He Chu, he hated this person in his heart.

Hate him for provoking him at the beginning, hate him for abandoning him later, hate him for always casting a cold eye on himself now.

In his opinion, other people's attitude towards him was nothing more than petty trouble, but only He Chu would always deal him a fatal blow.

For a while, Zhou Yu himself felt that he was living in a muddle.

It was the second semester of the third year of high school. At that time, his thoughts about He Chu seemed to be less intense.

The whole class was busy preparing for the exam, and Zhou Yu was finally able to take a breather, and his ears were a little clearer.

But he put too much pressure on himself, and instead he pushed himself out of problems.

He has always been very clear about what he wants, and he knows that even if he has fallen, he can't really indulge like this. He still has to move forward, he still has to climb up, no matter who is in front of him.

He still remembers clearly what the woman said in his ear since he was a child.

"Remember, you have to get a score that satisfies me, so that the money I invest in you is not wasted."

investment.

In fact, I... can only be regarded as a commodity invested by her, and the money she spent on him should be rewarded in the future.

He knows the meaning of his existence, but he also loves this woman who brings him life.

Since he was a child, he has never had any warmth from this woman, and he has become even more stubborn about this kind of thing when he grows up.

That's why he is so dependent on Jingzhou, and even treats him as his own relative, so he has no reservations in front of him, because of the sense of security Yu Jingzhou gave him.

He Chu had given him this sense of security before, and at that time he also believed that He Chu really liked him.

He liked He Chu, so he wanted to keep He Chu by his side firmly, but when the time came to let him go, he didn't do anything to keep him.

Now...he himself can't say whether he likes He Chu or not.

This relationship was deep and heavy, and he couldn't let go of it easily no matter what.

But he actually remembered it for so long when He Chu was no longer paying attention.

He was a little annoyed at his state, and even kept brooding about it.

So while he was forcing himself to let go of such thoughts, he was forcing himself to focus on his studies. With two-phase persecution, he gradually became a little uncomfortable.

It's ridiculous that a person who used to live under such great pressure without complacency, now just studies hard, and after one more He Chu, he becomes abnormal.

At that time he was adjusting his biological clock.

Everyone is working hard at school, and there is no need for me to spend all my study time at night.

But that's where the problem lies, because of the long period of day and night reversal, he has insomnia.

And it is insomnia that cannot be adjusted by drugs.

After finally falling asleep forcibly, I will wake up very regularly every hour, and I will always have nightmares when I am asleep, and I will not be able to live peacefully in my dreams.

When he was awake, He Chu always appeared in his mind, and he couldn't stop it.

He frantically wanted to drive He Chu out of his head, but he finally felt tired, and it was almost dawn. He couldn't concentrate when he was in school, and it was useless for him to study hard.

He was almost cranky then, trying to get out of it.

He had this thought in his mind, but he didn't know how to do it.

That was the anger and confusion he hadn't experienced in many years.

But fortunately, this state only lasted for two months. In those two months, he actually lived a little ignorant. He started to write questions when he woke up, and slept directly on the table when he was sleepy. Until the beginning of April, he Only then did the work and rest time be adjusted back.

It's just that during those two months, he would spend part of his free time in a daze.

——He always watched the excitement in the class, and he was fascinated by watching.

In fact, their excitement had nothing to do with Zhou Yu, but Zhou Yu seemed to have noticed something in the middle, just watched them frolicking in front of his eyes, and after watching them for a long time, he took out his diary with only a few pages left , slowly wrote a few words:

"Actually, everyone in this class, in this school, who didn't get their grades by stepping on another person's head? Since it's so cruel, it doesn't seem so important whether the other person is a human or a dog."

After writing, he seemed to think it made sense, so he smiled slightly.

In the last two months, Zhou Yu intentionally or unintentionally improved his comprehensive score in science and technology in each weekly test, only a little bit each time, as if he was making progress, and finally stabilized at around 210 points.

However, he still only got [-] or [-] points in his mathematics test. I don't know if he did it on purpose.

His total score is not ideal, but Zhou Yu is very satisfied with his state.

His papers were still written one after another, they only paid attention to his superficial grades, and no one really cared whether he could or not.

Just keep your eyes off him.

He Chu has been working harder lately, and I don't see him going out for a few steps after class. He only goes to the end of the corridor to get water when he wants to drink water. He also doesn't go to PE class, becoming the second one in the class who doesn't have PE class. people.

That's why Zhou Yu developed the habit of "watching He Chu in physical education class in an upright manner". Anyway, He Chu never looked back.

He just looked at that figure across half the classroom, and felt that time was passing by.

It would be a good thing for Zhou Yu if life continued like this until the eve of the college entrance examination, but on the last day before the holiday, one thing Lao Huang did made Zhou Yu do a stupid thing that day.

There was no class on the last day, so Lao Huang asked the whole class to discuss and review freely.

Zhou Yu sat in a corner in a daze, naturally no one paid attention to him, so Lao Huang came over, first sighed at Zhou Yu and said, "Zhou Yu, how are you feeling recently?"

Zhou Yu slowly looked away from the window, propped his chin, and responded casually: "It's good."

"It's fine if you think...it's pretty good. The college entrance examination is coming soon, so don't be too nervous."

"Okay, don't be nervous."

"Don't worry about math, it must be easier than the usual test in our school. When you go home, just look at your wrong question book, ah, there will be no problems in the college entrance examination, you know?"

"Well, okay." Zhou Yu lazily replied again, reaching out to touch the wrong book in the schoolbag.

His homework has not been carefully written for a long time, especially the math correction book. Every time he corrects according to the subject with the least process, it is actually worthless to look at it now.

But I don't know why, maybe it's because I'm about to graduate, I suddenly feel something in my heart.

Obviously, those who failed to hand in their homework countless times before didn't feel anything wrong, but now just looking at this wrong question book that I didn't put any effort into it, I suddenly felt a little regretful.

Is it really right to miss the three years that I willfully miss?

Even if the test papers at home have filled the bedroom, the time I missed at school, the years I should have struggled, I still missed it after all.

Looking back on my last two years, what have I done?

Except for Li Qi and Fang Xian, he had almost no communication with others, he turned a blind eye to others, and towards He Chu...he couldn't tell what it was like.

Like it?

--like.

hate it?

——In fact, I also hate it.

But no matter how hot the feelings are, they gradually become indifferent with the passing of time. He just exists, but he can no longer control his inner thoughts, especially in the last two months, when he saw He Chu, he couldn't feel it anymore. There are no previous waves.

But he himself knew that he still had expectations for He Chu.

He would always appear in the dead of night, every time he finished writing the paper, and He Chu would appear.

Whenever he passed by He Chu's room, or saw the violin that He Chu gave him, he couldn't help feeling a little bit of anticipation, thinking that He Chu would come back one day.

Because they used to be so close, they knew each other so well, and their feelings for each other may have surpassed love.

But He Chu never came back, and he would never know that Zhou Yu had been waiting.

Now he is almost on the verge of giving up.

He knew that he was actually more obsessed with He Chu.

He couldn't accept the fact that another person left him, because he was so dependent on He Chu.

Liking is liking, but what about love?

If you really love someone...you probably won't just choose to give up like him.

"Zhou Yu, the teacher actually... still believes in you," when he was in a trance, Lao Huang suddenly said earnestly, patted him on the shoulder, and sighed: "College entrance exam... let's work hard."

Believe me?

Trust me what?

Believe that I have only made a mistake so far, or believe that I will go all out for the college entrance examination?

It turns out...you haven't given up on me yet?

He thought of He Chu again.

He originally thought that this obsession would just end here. In the future, he and He Chutian will be separated from each other, and there will be no more contact with each other. This relationship... just let it go.

But when Lao Huang said that sentence today... Zhou Yu suddenly didn't want to give up so much, he still wanted to... want to talk to He Chu again, whatever he said is fine, as long as He Chu is willing to talk to him, he will Will not want to give up.

He wanted to hear He Chu's voice, to see He Chu's eyes again, to see He Chu smile at him again.

It's really been too long, he hasn't spoken to He Chu.

So much so that he almost forgot what He Chu looked like when he was happy.

He was too far away from himself, even though Zhou Yu had been watching him all the time, he still couldn't see anything clearly.

Tell me one more word, He Chu, I regret it.

The phrase "never again" that he said firmly to himself in the hospital that year, now he regrets it.

But when he really stood in front of He Chu, he couldn't even say "goodbye".

When school was over, everyone was in a mess, all excited about graduation, only Zhou Yu walked up to He Chu and silently watched He Chu pack his schoolbag.

He didn't participate in their excitement, he just wanted to leave quickly.

Zhou Yu stood in front of He Chuzuo, looking at him with his head down, not at himself.

His slender white fingers shuttled among the papers in the schoolbag, and finally took out all the papers that were no longer needed, and then he stuffed all the books that might be needed into the schoolbag, and slowly closed the zipper.

He finally raised his eyes to look at Zhou Yu, with a little surprise in his eyes.

Zhou Yu wanted to raise the corner of his mouth to smile at him, but saw He Chu opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something.

But he heard someone calling He Chu behind him: "Squad leader, aren't you with us?!"

Then He Chu's eyes gradually turned cold, he stood up, and said impatiently, "Let me go if you have nothing to do."

Zhou Yu felt that the corner of his mouth that he wanted to raise suddenly couldn't.

The corner of the mouth seemed to be pressed down by a heavy weight, and the smile suddenly became a little bitter.

He took a step back subconsciously, and He Chu brushed past him with his schoolbag.

Zhou Yu looked at He Chu's back, looked over his shoulders, and saw his white fingers carrying the schoolbag, and moved his eyes a little higher, and saw his slightly transparent hair tips under the setting sun.

It suddenly occurred to him that when they first met, in that physical education class, the energetic young man lifted up the hem of his clothes to wipe the sweat off his face, and the tips of his sweaty hair also had the same transparent feeling at that time.

As a result, more than 1000 days and nights passed like this.

This time, there is really no going back.

"He Chu." Zhou Yu said suddenly.

He Chu paused, but did not speak.

"Come on." He knew He Chu couldn't see it, but he still smiled lightly.

He Chu left without looking back.

Come on, don't let down your hard work for so long.

Well, and... probably a real goodbye.