Cold violence

He Chu kept his promise, and he really didn't come in the afternoon. Zhou Yu helped him pack up his textbooks, and sat quietly in his seat waiting for school to end.

What else could He Chu do, but he just moved out of their house.

Oh no, that can no longer be called "home".

He couldn't wait to leave, as if he was like a scourge, or in other words, escaped from the prison that trapped him.

Zhou Yu sat in his seat, as if nothing had happened.

But he was amazed at his calmness.

He just felt that maybe he didn't react too much, maybe he could accept it, but how could he be so calm?

Whether it was when facing He Chu, or now when He Chu was away and alone.

It was completely unexpected, because not only was he calm, but he almost didn't react at all.

He didn't seem to care about it.

But why don't you care?Is it because you are too indifferent?Or is it that I overestimated myself, and my feelings for He Chu are not as deep as I imagined, or is it that I am really used to the people around me coming and going, stopping and going?

Today's evening self-study was unusually quiet, so quiet that Zhou Yu felt peaceful in his heart.

Li Qi saw that He Chu didn't come back after they went out at noon, so he felt that something had happened, so he stopped Zhou Yu when school was over, and asked cautiously, "What's wrong with you guys".

what happened?

This was the only caring word he heard today.

Nothing, just broke up, nothing happened.

He was actually a little surprised.Because he has always felt that Li Qi walked with him because of He Chu, and now anyone with a discerning eye should know that the two of them are at odds. It can be seen that they broke up.

Why do you still care about him?

Zhou Yu was even a little dazed, but on the surface he was careless, as if nothing had happened.

"We broke up." The voice was calm, as if saying "school is over".

He put He Chu's bag in Li Qi's hand, and even smiled at him: "Bring it to him for me."

"Why... why?"

Li Qi took He Chu's bag in a daze, looking at Zhou Yu's face that was the same as before, he couldn't tell the difference between joy and sorrow.

He couldn't tell what he wanted to ask when he said "why", whether it was "why should I bring it to him" or "why did we break up" or "why did you behave like this"...

They looked fine two days ago, and He Chu didn't say anything when he came home on the weekend, why...they broke up all of a sudden?

This incident shocked Li Qi almost as much as He Chu told him now that he liked women.

Zhou Yu reacted as if nothing had happened, calmly as if He Chu had never mentioned breaking up with him, nor had he ever been with him.

His appearance seems to be normal, but if you look closely, you will find that he is actually very restrained. His teeth are clenched tightly, and even the masseter muscles are slightly protruding, clearly showing a patient expression. Appearance, but the person involved doesn't take it seriously.

But Li Qi obviously didn't have such powers of observation. He hadn't digested the meaning of Zhou Yu's words, but he just thought in a daze:

Why... doesn't He Chu like Zhou Yu that much?Isn't the relationship between the two of them always good?Two days ago, He Chu got so angry because Zhou Yu was slandered, why did he...break up?

Why?

"It's nothing, we broke up." He casually put his schoolbag back on his back, and said again to himself: "Well, we broke up."

After he finished speaking, he didn't explain much, and left directly through the back door when there were few people.

His back is straight, his schoolbag is in his hand, and his school uniform looks empty, giving people a feeling that he is "weak".His whole person is a picture of himself, and there are two words in the whole article: desolate.

Probably "the end of the song and the end of the song" is what it means.

He Chu was not there, and Zhou Yu was the only one who drew the curtain of this song and watched the heavy ending.

He Chu escaped, and even the final explanation was told by Zhou Yu.

Li Qi was carrying He Chu's schoolbag, watching Zhou Yu's figure gradually disappearing from sight, and suddenly remembered that when school just started last year, he and He Chu watched Zhou Yu's figure leaving alone with great interest. They were making fun of his aloofness.

Thinking about Zhou Yu's recent silence, he suddenly cursed: "What the hell is this idiot He Chu doing!"

At that time, what He Chu and he saw was Zhou Yu going home alone.

In just one year, he was alone again.

The wind was a bit cold, making Zhou Yu's hands and feet cold.

He suddenly remembered those hands.

As soon as autumn comes, Zhou Yu's hands and feet are always frighteningly cold, and it's even worse in winter. At that time, He Chu likes Zhou Yu's hand in his own, eating tofu in a serious manner.

He remembered the first time they held hands, when He Chu stubbornly refused to let him leave, at that time Zhou Yu thought - it's so warm.

At that time, he thought, not wanting to let go of these hands.

But after all, he still didn't follow his wish, He Chu still left, that's why his hands were so cold today.

It was so cold that when he held his fingertips in the palm of his hand, he felt a biting chill.

Zhou Yu stood in the dark corridor, looking at the closed door, without moving for a long time.

I can't tell what I'm hesitating about, it's been too long, he went home alone, it's been too long, when he came back there was no light.

I saw it when I was downstairs, the lights on the fourth floor were off.

In fact, the lights were dimmed when they went home before, but He Chu would always stand in front of him, turn on the headlights in the living room for him one step ahead of time, and light up his eyes.

Because He Chu knew that Zhou Yu didn't like darkness.

I'm not used to it.

He took a deep breath, turned the key, and turned the doorknob.

I don't know if it was because the too cold handle awakened his mind, the moment he opened the door, all the emotions he had endured all day erupted at this moment.

The scene in front of him was actually no different from before, but there was no darkness in front of him as he imagined.

Next to the shoe cabinet in their living room, there was a small lamp, which was not on, and was even a little dim. Every time Zhou Yu turned on the light, he couldn't help but think that it might light up one day and then go out.

Now the lamp was on, illuminating the small area under his feet.Looking in, the small bedside lamp in Zhou Yu's bedroom was also lit, and the whole room was enveloped by something called "light". It was a little dim, and Zhou Yu couldn't see it very clearly. But there is light.

All the furnishings in the house have not changed, and they are exactly the same as when that person was there, but they are clean and new, as if they had just arranged them at that time.

After Zhou Yu changed his shoes, he looked around the house where he and He Chu lived for so long.

His heart was suddenly empty.

This feeling of emptiness was quite uncomfortable, as if a place in his heart had been forcibly dug out. The cold wind was oozing, blood was dripping, and he curled up in discomfort.

Like a tidal wave, more unbearable pain than usual flooded into his heart, making him have to shrink himself together to relieve such uncomfortable emotions.

It really hurts.

It hurts more than when I was looked down upon by my classmates when I was a child, it hurts more than when a woman smashed his piano with her own hands, it hurts more than when he went home with all the white eyes but couldn't get comfort and could only lick his wounds alone. He... It still hurts when he sees what he can't ask for but someone can get it at his fingertips.

This is his home, where two people once lived.

Now that person is gone, and he has returned to his home.

So Zhou Yu was the only one left in this so-called home, it was empty, nothing was left.

This family didn't exist for a long time, less than a year, but Zhou Yu cherished it very much in his heart.

——Now this is the only place where I can shelter myself from the wind and rain. Because of that person's departure, I lost my soul, and it has become the cold look before.

It is not called a home, but a shelter.

He Chu deliberately avoided him and didn't say anything, but both of them tacitly agreed that He Chu had already left, and the bedroom with the closed door was empty at this time.

But he didn't seem to take anything away, everything remained the same, he just took away his heart.

Just like that, he acted like nothing was left behind.

Even if he only brought his heart when he moved in, Zhou Yu felt that it was full, so when he left, he just withdrew his heart, and Zhou Yu also felt that the house was empty.

Although he left quietly, he left a lamp for Zhou Yu.

"You are fucking sick..."

Zhou Yu squatted on the ground a little slumped, buried his head deeply in his knees, and the voice came out from the crook of his arms with a strong sense of sadness:

"The fuck is breaking up, what kind of lights are left..."

He always thinks that he is not sad at all.

When he was in school today, he could even write homework sensibly. He didn't feel that it was hard to break up. A person with strong self-control.

But it's not that he's not sad, and it's not that he's too calm, it's just because there is no "□□", so even if he is extremely sad, there is no place for him to vent his emotions.

Not upset?How can you not be sad? !

He just didn't say anything, avoided thinking about it, and just devoted himself to his busy study, so he didn't have any extra thoughts to make himself sad.

Now it seems that everything is done, the burden on the body is suddenly lightened, and all the emotions and desires that I have deliberately ignored have returned in an instant.

With heavy sadness, she told him word by word: "He Chu is gone, you are sad."

Even when he walked, he was so gentle, and he didn't let himself see it directly, so it could be regarded as taking his thoughts into account.

He was gentle towards Zhou Yu before, and he couldn't be cruel to touch him. Now that he knows that he can't be nice to him in the future, he should put all his last tenderness on this dim lamp...

You are right, from now on, the world will be different, and it will be irrelevant.

He doesn't like himself anymore, so he doesn't have to treat you anymore.

——It doesn’t matter right or wrong, he just doesn’t like you anymore.

With this realization, Zhou Yu cursed in a low voice: "Fuck you."

Then he burst into tears.

This was the first time for Zhou Yu to cry so heartily without any scruples.

He could even feel the traces of tears on his cheeks, and felt that after being soaked by tears, his eye sockets could not bear the weight of the tears, so they rolled down like this, completely out of his control.

And his own tear-soaked coat stuck to his skin, and more liquid slipped down his arm and into the empty sleeve after wetting the coat.

The temperature of the tears lost quickly, and with a hint of coolness, they ran down his arms to his heart.

He had cried before, but this time no one named "He Chu" came to comfort him.

He finally discovered that no matter how you restrain your emotions, it is actually useless.

When your emotions are at a certain point and you can't vent them, tears will help you drain these restrained things until you can no longer find any reason to feel uncomfortable.

After squatting for a long time, he let himself sit on the cold floor, feeling the deep chill of the tiles.

In the end, he was a little sleepy from crying, and he realized that he had been crying here for so long.

Then he stood up slowly, walked to the edge of the sofa and sat down, looking up at the ceiling.

Sad, sad, so sad that I almost wanted to vomit, and spit out all the surging emotions in my heart.

At this time, the light in the living room suddenly went out.

In Zhou Yu's eyes, the lamp with a short lifespan finally flickered and ended his life.

As a result, the living room returned to darkness, and the bedside lamp in the bedroom could not illuminate, this time there was no light at all.

Zhou Yuyou did it blankly for a while, listening to the wind blowing outside the window.Very rare, it was the first time that he didn't feel afraid in the dark, and it was the first time that he couldn't see those monsters.

He put his ears out of the window, listening to the emotionless wind, wondering what the next blow would be like.

But the wind suddenly stopped, and it stopped for a long time.

So Zhou Yu became a little impatient again, as if the expected thing didn't happen, and he felt a little lonely, but because he didn't come for no reason, it seemed that the things he was used to were out of his control. irritable.

He reached out and groped on the sofa next to him, and suddenly froze.

Because he didn't have that person at hand.

In the past, as long as they sat on this sofa, they would always be sitting together.Now the sofa only bears the weight of Zhou Yu alone, and there is only air around him.

He suddenly wanted to listen to people talk, and he didn't want to stay in this house alone.

So he took out his mobile phone and dialed He Chu's number almost subconsciously.

In fact, he didn't know who he was calling, and he reacted instinctively, so when He Chu's voice sounded on the other end of the phone, he just listened in a daze.

"Hello? What's the matter?"

"..."

"What's up?"

"..."

"Excuse me, is something wrong?"

He Chu asked three times in a row, but Zhou Yu just listened quietly on the other side. He Chu was probably a little impatient, and his voice came from the phone: "Hang up if you have nothing to do."

"Wait." Zhou Yu stopped her with a voice, and pressed his ear to the receiver as if he wanted to grab something, and the eye sockets that had just dried up not long ago became inexplicably moist.

He suddenly realized that it turned out that he hadn't seen this person for a long time, and he already thought of him that way.

On weekends before, He Chu would go home to stay for a day from time to time, but Zhou Yu never thought of him like he does now.

Probably... I knew that person would come back before, so don't worry about him leaving.

"Is there something wrong?" He Chu's voice seemed to be steady again, but Zhou Yu could hear his suppressed impatience.

Zhou Yu was silent for a while, and wanted to blurt out something, but couldn't say it due to shame.

He Chu was really impatient this time, and blurted out: "What's the matter with you?!"

Zhou Yu was startled by his sudden sound on this side.

After a long while, he found a suitable tone, which was similar to usual, and it shouldn't sound like a show of weakness: "Are you serious about breaking up...?"

This time, He Chu was silent for a long time.

Zhou Yu stuck to the topic tightly, for fear of missing a word.

"Otherwise?" He Chu was on the opposite side, as if he had heard a joke, he asked with a chuckle, as if mocking Zhou Yu's unnecessary actions.

That's right... I've confirmed it so many times, and I've said it three times to break up. If it's not true, can it be fake?

But why do you have to call again to confirm it?Are you unwilling?

Zhou Yu looked at the darkness in the room, gritted his teeth, and asked again: "I'm asking you one last time, are you serious?"

Hypocritical, really fucking hypocritical.

While looking forward to what surprising words He Chu would say on the other side, Zhou Yu scolded himself in his heart.

You are sick, are you still Zhou Yu?We broke up, and still go up to pester others, is it interesting?

He Chu's voice was very cold, colder than the wind outside the window hitting the person, as if it was about to freeze scum on the person.

"Okay, let's say it one last time, we broke up, okay?"

Then before Zhou Yu could speak, he hastily said: "Don't contact me again in the future."

After speaking, he hung up the phone.

Heh, Zhou Yu...you are simply bringing shame on yourself.

When he thought of this, he suddenly felt that he had used the word extremely correctly—wasn't he just asking for humiliation?Knowing the result, but still calling to confirm it again, ignoring the impatience in other people's tone, ignoring their already unceremonious and dismissive words.

It turns out that He Chu is serious, not joking...

I even said "no contact anymore", it's true, I really don't like myself anymore.

He Chu is still the same He Chu, he will do what he says, and if he says he doesn't like it, he doesn't like it.But Zhou Yu, look at yourself, are you still the same you from before?

How much have you changed for this person?Look now, do you still know yourself?

Zhou Yu took a deep breath, but choked himself hard.

He coughed violently, his chest shaking.

Yes, for He Chu, he has become really too much.

Those gazes that I never cared about before, now I have to care because of He Chu; I told myself before that I should learn to be selfish and be the best for myself, but now because of He Chu's existence, it has become centered on He Chu; I used to be able to digest everything by myself, but now I even learned to cry.

In fact, what are these worth?

It's not that these things are too unacceptable, it's that he has changed.

Just like himself, if he thinks it’s good to divide, it’s good for everyone. This is his former self. If he tells himself like this, he won’t be sad or hurt, but he just wants to think of He Chu and stab himself again. Come up with a knife.

In fact, it would have been fine if he had rejected He Chu at the beginning, and there would have been no so many troubles, and now he was still that Zhou Yu, that—a taciturn Zhou Yu who only wanted to move forward.

But now he really wants to let himself feel uncomfortable for a while, and he also really wants to hear people's voices.

The person next to him is gone, and he wants to hear someone else talk, to make him feel like he's not alone yet.

He opened the address book, and there were a few contacts lying in it.

He tossed and turned, and finally dialed Yu Jingzhou's phone number.

Compared to He Chu, Yu Jingzhou picked it up very quickly.

"Ayu, what's the matter?"

His voice was steady and gentle, with the ability to heal the pain, but Zhou Yu suddenly felt hypocritically that he couldn't speak.

He was originally that kind of person, when no one was around him, he wrapped himself tightly with a hard shell, like a hedgehog, rejecting everyone's kindness.

But as long as he feels that someone around him is sincere to him, he can't help throwing away his skin and revealing his soft side - he is actually a little proud, a little lazy and arrogant, like It's a cat, licking its paws gracefully in front of other people's pampering, waiting for others to get used to it.

Yu Jingzhou had always been very kind to him, now that Zhou Yu let go of all his defenses when he heard his voice, he suddenly felt aggrieved.

"What's wrong, Ah Yu?" Yu Jingzhou asked again.

Zhou Yu kept silent at this end, he didn't feel annoyed, but just thought that something must have happened to Zhou Yu.

"I..." Zhou Yu opened his mouth and found that his voice was extremely hoarse.

"we broke up."

His voice was steady, he was just stating the facts, but Zhou Yu felt that it took all his strength to say those words.

He can accept such a reality, but it is too difficult for him to admit it.

Yu Jingzhou was silent for a while, and asked him, "Is it He Chu?"

"Ah."

Zhou Yu's voice was as soft as a hum.

This time Yu Jingzhou was silent for a longer time, as if he was choosing his words carefully.He knew that Zhou Yu must be uncomfortable, otherwise he would never have called him.

He couldn't see Zhou Yu being sad.

Because he has seen this child since he was a child, and he has known this person since he was a child.

But in the end he just said, "Don't cry."

did i cry?

Zhou Yu asked himself on this side, and then he responded softly.

Then he felt the wetness on his face, because the hot tears cooled down and gradually became cold in the air.

——It turns out that I really cried.

Even Zhou Yu couldn't feel it, the tears overflowed by themselves, wet the eye sockets, and rolled down.

He couldn't feel it, because he couldn't feel the pain in his heart either.

So the tears fell by themselves, helping him to state what he couldn't say.

"Don't cry, Ah Yu."

Neither of them was talking.

Zhou Yu silently felt the liquid dripping down his face from this end, his heart had already lost all feeling.

Yu Jingzhou listened silently at the other end, even breathing so lightly, as if he was afraid of disturbing someone.

"I'm tired." He didn't speak again until Zhou Yu could no longer shed a tear.

"Go to sleep, Ah Yu." Yu Jingzhou's voice came through the microphone, and Zhou Yu felt sleepy almost instantly.

"it is good."

After speaking, Yu Jingzhou consciously hung up the phone.

Zhou Yu put down his phone, stood up slowly, and walked towards the room with the little lights on.

He was really sleepy, he didn't even feel the softness of the pillow, he felt that he had fallen into the boundless darkness.

It's like trying to escape reality.

The author has something to say: He Chu: On the first day of moving away, please leave a light.

Zhou Yu: It's better not to stay.