Cold violence

"Zhou Yu, Zhou Yu! Can you hear me?"

He Chu put Zhou Yu down, saw that he could still stand upright, and patted his face lightly.

It was so strange that he looked like this, He Chu didn't believe in ghosts and gods, but he couldn't help wondering if Zhou Yu had encountered something.

Zhou Yu slowly raised his head and looked at He Chu, his eyes were blank.

He Chu turned on the faucet, dipped his hands in water, patted Zhou Yu's face twice, then grabbed Zhou Yu's arm and shook it, "Zhou Yu! What are you thinking?!"

Zhou Yu didn't reply, just stared at him for a long time without even blinking.

What was he doing just now?What is he doing to me now?He carried me here?

Just when He Chu was about to continue to slap his face with water, Zhou Yu suddenly said, "Don't touch me!"

Don't have physical contact with me, I am a person who even dislikes my own mother, don't get your hands dirty.

Then he violently pushed He Chu away, turned around and staggered into the bathroom cubicle.

Zhou Yu's sudden push made He Chu take several steps back, hitting his back against the wall.

He could only see Zhou Yu's distressed appearance, he didn't even bother to close the door of the compartment, the door panel made a loud noise when it bounced back.When the loud noise ended, He Chu heard Zhou Yu vomiting inside.

He didn't care about other things, and rushed to Zhou Yu's side to help Zhou Yu pat his back.

Zhou Yu didn't eat much for breakfast, yet he vomited it all up at this moment. He pressed his hand firmly to the ground, his face turned a little red due to a rare physiological reaction, his eyes were bloodshot, and there were tears in his eye sockets. Physiological tears, like crying.

Then he propped himself up with his other hand.

He looked at He Chu, the shocking red in the corner of his eyes looked at He Chu and his heart skipped a beat.He Chu watched him turn his head away indifferently, pressed the flush button hard, turned and walked out.

He had never seen such a big reaction from a person, and He Chu followed him, feeling a little afraid to speak.

He followed Zhou Yu, watching him walk slowly to the sink, rubbing his hands carefully, his movements were monotonous and mechanical, his fingers were pale and thin like a tube of white jade; watching him wash his hands thoroughly After cleaning his hands, he lowered his head to rinse his mouth, and the water dripped down his chin into his clothes; he watched him turn around to face He Chu after finishing his face, with an indifferent expression.

His gaffe was only for a moment, and now he has returned to his original indifference.

"You...what's the matter with you?" He Chu asked cautiously.

Zhou Yu didn't speak, but just stared at him in an unusually silent manner. His throat moved, trying to say something, but the words were locked in his teeth and he couldn't come out.

After a long time, He Chu watched Zhou Yu's eyelashes twitch, and Zhou Yu's pale lips opened and closed slightly.

His voice was hoarse and he said slowly, "You...in the classroom..."

"I...? What's wrong in the classroom...?"

Zhou Yu closed his eyes, his hands hanging on both sides of his body trembled, his throat was very uncomfortable, when he vomited just now, the stomach acid came back up and irritated his throat, he swallowed for a little relief before saying : "Li Qi grabbed my arm, and you..." He thought for a while, not sure if it was a hug, "Give me a hug."

He Chu was puzzled, tilted his head and looked at He Chu, waiting for him to continue.

"I don't like people touching me."

From the moment Li Qi grabbed his arm, he wanted to shake off his hand, but He Chu directly pulled him into his arms, and his mind went blank at that moment.In his mind, the discomfort of being forcibly touched collided fiercely with the little joy that had been secreted in his heart for nearly a month, and he was so excited that he couldn't think.

He subconsciously rejected such direct touch from others, but he couldn't refuse the warm embrace of He Chu who lived in the light.

Although he wasn't used to it, it was so warm that he lost the ability to break free, and could only feel his own body temperature cooling down bit by bit.

On the one hand, he felt like falling into an ice cellar in his own reaction, on the other hand, he felt that the place where he was close to He Chu was as hot as fire.

But He Chu only felt that his frank words were the most direct rejection of him.

Isn't it just a hug for you, why should you be so disgusted?Do you need such a big reaction?If you don't like it, then just say it straight, what do you mean by such a reaction?

What are you doing, rejecting me?

But even if you reject me like this, so what...

"I didn't give you a hug," He Chu leaned against the wall, standing with his long legs crossed, he lowered his head and smiled, "I just gave you a hug." He raised his head, his eyes so intense that Zhou Yu couldn't help it suitable.

"Why, can't you accept it?"

——I just like you, even if you refuse me in this way, I will not give in.

Zhou Yu's hands trembled slightly.He thought of He Chu in his eyes for so long, He Chu who was listless in class, He Chu who was full of energy in physical education class, He Chu who teased him when he was bored, He Chu who didn't have nice words to Li Qi but couldn't hold back his smile Chu, the quiet He Chu when he fell asleep... Those expressions appeared in his mind over and over again, and finally turned into the face of the person in front of him.

He Chu has always been kind to him, with a gentle tone.

It was completely different from those expressions, his eyes were burning without dodging, his tone was frivolous but his expression was extremely serious.

His hair is no longer as short as it was when he first started school, and gradually took shape. He Chu's hair grew very fast, and his bangs covered his forehead, adding a "gentle" flavor to this person.

But this seemingly gentle person in front of him has such warm eyes.

Zhou Yu has always been the person who is separated from various groups, but this person took him to make him familiar among the classmates in the short 20 days, and talked to various people to find him and their common topics. ...Zhou Yu could even feel that the classmates in the class no longer rejected him so much, and some even took the initiative to talk to him. He knew that these were actually brought to him by He Chu.

It was He Chu who was always helping him.

Zhou Yu was grateful in his heart, and sometimes he felt that gratitude could be transformed into another kind of emotion beyond a certain limit.He has an inexplicable affection for He Chu...from the beginning of school, but this kind of affection has never been able to constitute "like".

He Chu is always warm, making people want to get closer.Zhou Yu always used this kind of reason to deal with himself, and he faintly felt that maybe he could go beyond that, but the habit he kept in his subconscious made him have to nail that kind of emotion within that limit.

——Moths rushing to the fire, after all, can only get the fire to burn more and more intensely, but the moths just turn into a wisp of dust.

If it were someone else, he would probably have been tempted very early on.Zhou Yu knew that just by looking at He Chu's face, many people would be tempted, but Zhou Yu was born with a fickle heart.He was not moved, not because he didn't want to be moved, but because he ordered himself not to be moved.

He actually wanted to like this person.

But his family told him: Only without so-called feelings can he be free and easy.

It was like a shackle that couldn't lock her mother's first half of her life, but she walked into that prison willingly for the second half of her life, so she abandoned Zhou Yu.

"Yes, I can't accept it." After a long time, Zhou Yu said in a low voice, lowering his head to avoid He Chu's gaze.

"Can't accept it?" He Chu put his wristband on his chest, and approached Zhou Yu step by step, "I just hugged you, can you feel like that?" He couldn't help but sarcastically, that feeling was really is too bad.He admitted that his actions at that time were a little out of bounds, but Zhou Yu's reaction made him feel extremely uncomfortable.

How disgusting is it, to be absent for such a long time, to vomit until the stomach acid returns like just now?

"You misunderstood. I just don't like people touching me." Zhou Yu heard the undisguised sarcasm in He Chu's words, and knew that He Chu must be thinking too much, he frowned and explained: "Nothing with you I've always been like this."

Always been like this?

He Chu raised the corners of his lips and smiled, stood still in front of Zhou Yu, put one hand on Zhou Yu's shoulder, and put it close to his ear, he clearly felt the stiffness of Zhou Yu's body, he said softly: "But Why didn't you respond to me like this before...? What are you tabooing now?"

Zhou Yu took a step back to avoid He Chu's breath, he knew that He Chu did it on purpose.He took a deep breath, and said again: "I have no taboo, I really have never liked this. You have crossed the line in this way."

"Crossing the border..." He Chu took a step forward and drew closer to Zhou Yu, with undisguised anger in his eyes, but his tone of voice was still the same as before, he lowered his voice, and said slowly: "But I don't just want to cross the line like this, just put your shoulders on your shoulders, just hug you, I also want to bully you, hold you, and even kiss you... I spend so much time on you these days, you don't understand me What do you mean? Huh?"

Zhou Yu felt that his expression at this moment should be stunned.

He felt that it was hard for him to express what he might have about He Chu, but he never thought that He Chu would have such thoughts.

His EQ has always been very low, so low that he can't feel He Chu's feelings for him.

As soon as the words came out, they were out of control, even He Chu was stunned, seeing Zhou Yu's expression, he suddenly regretted it.

As promised, take your time! ?

His words were like a heavy hammer, smashing hard into Zhou Yu's heart.The momentum is like a broken bamboo, and there is no way to avoid it.

The scene where he said those words because he misjudged his feelings for Jingzhou at that time is still vivid in his memory, which made him feel uncomfortable and wanted to curl up.

This kind of feeling is unbearable...

"You... like me?" Zhou Yu gritted his teeth, every word seemed to be exhausted before he could say it.

He Chu knew that what he said just now was too early and too inappropriate, and his tone didn't want to be confession but as if he was going to swallow Zhou Yu alive, so he simply broke the jar and threw it:

"Yeah, I like you, what's the matter?"

"Why...why?" He Chu's words "I like you" felt like another stab in Zhou Yu's heart, as if he had stabbed another sword in the depression made by a heavy hammer just now. It's more guilt.

Such a good He Chu...how could he like him, how could he harm He Chu to like him?

"I...I'm not, I'm not the one you like..." He lowered his head, his voice was so low that he could hardly hear it, but He Chu heard it all.

"I like someone, do I need your permission?"

"...I'm sorry." Zhou Yu wanted to say "I don't think I like you", "I shouldn't be liked by you", and "I can't respond", but in the end he didn't say anything, just Say that monotonous but meaningless "I'm sorry."

Every sentence could become the sharp blade that cut off the relationship between two people. He knew that it shouldn't continue to develop, but he just couldn't help but want to get closer.

Even if it's a moth to the flame... But as long as it's not so close, I just step forward a little... Just let me keep warm, there should be no problem, right?

For so many days, he had actually lived with such humble thoughts.

It was true that he couldn't respond, and it was true that he felt that he shouldn't be liked by He Chu, but "I don't like you" was hesitating in his heart and he couldn't tell whether it was true or not.

His family made him have obstacles in "generating feelings", his experience made him lose confidence in "being liked", and his upbringing could not say "I don't like you" to others anyway Such hurtful words.

——How can a person like him who is not sure what it feels like to "really like" respond to other people's feelings?

Yu Jingzhou is the only person he has ever been moved by, but at that time, he fell too deeply and fell too badly, which made him feel that the existence of such a taboo as "homosexuality" was abnormal. He once felt that he was a monster, not To be liked by people, be they of the same sex or the opposite sex.At that time, he didn't even doubt whether he really liked Jingzhou.

At that moment, he almost had the heart to stay away from He Chu from now on. Since his light is too bright, he might as well stay away.It's fine to say he's weak, but he really doesn't want to get hurt anymore.

But since you really like it, what does it have to do with gender?

"I'll take it as you for rejecting me?" He Chu stood up straight, raised his eyebrows, and suddenly said seriously to Zhou Yu: "One month. After one month, you won't say this sentence again. Believe it or not ?”

Zhou Yu's body trembled invisibly, he knew that his state just now had started to be abnormal again, since he thought of his mother, he started to abandon himself again, started to belittle himself again, and started to become extremely weak again...

How can he be so humble?How can you let yourself be weak?

Even if you are chasing the light in front of you, you should be upright and walk forward with your head held high...

How can one hold back because of the past?Even if you can't hold your head high, you should grab that light while crawling, because it is so hard-won, maybe... if you miss it, it will never be there again...

He blinked vigorously, and felt that his mind suddenly cleared up, and those distracting thoughts subsided like the ebbing tide, as if the menacing tide was coming just now, but it was not as capricious.

He raised his head again, looked at He Chu level, and returned to his original indifferent and inviolable look, and made the same reply as He Chu's promise to "catch up with you" last time:

"Then I'll wait and see."

If... If you really liked it at that time, then it wouldn't be a monster, would it?

Zhou Yu followed He Chu all the way back to work when he suddenly thought of such a sentence.