shadow lover

Who am I, and who is me, do you still need to search and make a conclusion? Even if you know, so what, even if you find it, so forget it, drown it.

I don't want to talk, I don't want to think, I don't want to step into the quagmire again. The absence of family affection makes my growth stumble, and the lack of love makes my emotions empty. I thought I could finally have a warm time, but fate told me that Not my fruit.Holding myself tightly in the dark again, I let go of my longing, my expectation, and my last longing. Maybe this is the right way for me to open up, to be a living thing that doesn't need any emotion.

On Tuesday afternoon, when I listened to the chatting of clients, my eyes were moistened. They were talking about their own stories, friends and lovers around them, their noses were sore for no reason, their heart hurt for no reason, and their eyes were wet for no reason.

Xiao Zhang said that she had nothing to do with Ms. Gao and said that she had to work hard to make those who looked down on her regret it. She squeezed her bulging cheeks and then continued to work with her head down. Xiao Zhang asked me what was wrong, and I shook my head and said no. Why, she continued to ask me if she and Sen Miao got back together, and I shook my head too.In the evening, Sen Miao came to pick me up and told Xiao Zhang about tomorrow's itinerary. After I got into Sen Miao's car, we didn't speak during the journey. I opened the door and said goodbye before I got out of the car.

For several days in a row, Senmiao would call to ask where I was and come to pick me up. Before getting off the car that day, Senmiao said that uncle and aunt wanted me to go home for dinner and asked me if I would come. Tell my parents, maybe my reflex has grown up or maybe she forgot the last sentence. After I said the good words, I heard Sen Miao say that we will have dinner at seven o'clock on Sunday night. you.

So I went there on Sunday night, and my aunt still talked to me enthusiastically, and I tried my best to cooperate. At the dinner table, Sen Miao drank some beer, and the aunt said that they planned to sell the house in their hometown and move here. Live, said to be close to the child at ease.Looking at the dishes on the table, I didn't say a word. It was their family's decision, and it didn't seem to have anything to do with me.

In the evening, I got up and went home. Sen Miao drank and didn't go back to the apartment. When she came out to see me downstairs, she said to me: "Anyang, let's live a smooth and stable life from now on, okay? We are a family. How nice it is to see you together every now and then.”

One morning, Senmiao called and asked me to go over there to take care of my uncle at night. She said that she and her aunt went back to her hometown to deal with the house and pension transfer procedures. In this way, there is nothing to talk about and nothing to gossip about.That night I bought vegetables and went to have dinner with my uncle, and I left after my uncle went to sleep.Sen Miao and the others didn't come back after half a month. That night, Sen Miao ordered a table of sumptuous dishes outside. During the meal, the auntie had a look of joy. She took Sen Miao's hand and said, "You, you have finally settled down. Now I I moved here with your dad, you and Anyang are fine, you go home for dinner when you have nothing to do, and tell your mother to make it for you in advance if you want to eat."

Under the persuasion of my aunt, I moved back to the apartment. I remember that it was cloudy that day. I remembered that I lost all my luggage that day. I remembered that I stood in front of the bus stop for four hours. I remember nine years The day before, I also stayed outside for a long time like this. When the night fell and the noise cleared up, I walked towards the familiar street.

Lili came to me and said that she signed a strategic contract with a beauty company, and they used money to invest in helping the development here, but we need to follow the system and arrangements stipulated by them. What did she say to me about contracts and investment? I couldn't understand it either. When she finally said that someone needed to go over there for training and study, I asked, do you want me to go there.

"After thinking about it, I still think you are the most reliable. I'm busy with the company's affairs here. When you come back, everything is ready and we will work together. See if you can do it."

"how long"

"Well, a year."

"Place"

"XX"

"Okay, I'll go."

I agreed to Lili without even thinking about it. When I told Sen Miao that I was going to other places for training that night, she was cold and silent, and then asked me what I meant. She said, "You just moved back a few days ago. I'm going to work in another place, Anyang, do you not want to get back together with me at all, if you don't want to talk to you, what's the matter if you don't talk, it's my wishful thinking in the wrong place."

"It's just an ordinary work exchange, and it didn't take long."

"Not long, not long after a year."

"I booked a car to go to the airport at six o'clock tomorrow, go to sleep."

"Don't go, quit your job and change your job."

"Anyang...you talk to me, talk to me, believe it or not, I'm running away from home now."

"Believe it, but I have to go."

"Heh, Anyang, are you playing with me? I want to live with you wholeheartedly. You told me you were going to leave. You are very happy playing with me, aren't you?"

"I do not have"

"Okay, okay, you go, you go."

Sen Miao, maybe if I leave this city and cut off your so-called thoughts, you won't be thinking about living with me.

Senmiao, for me, it doesn't matter whether I live or die, and where I live is good or bad, but you are different. Your parents and friends, including Sister Ke, all want you to be happy.You said that you are afraid that you have lost the ability to love again, and I am the same. I can’t face you as numbly as I used to face my mother. I’m sorry that I don’t have the energy to continue loving you now. , I'm sorry, my dear Sen Miao.

When I was leaving, I only carried a bag and a change of laundry pants. When I left, I said goodbye to Sen Miao and she turned away in anger. At the airport, I called Sister Ke and said I was sorry. When my sister grabbed my arm and pleaded for Sen Miao, the affection in her eyes made me realize that the two of them had loved once.

I received a call from Senmiao 15 minutes before the announcement that the plane took off. She said to me through the receiver: "Anyang, I, Fu Senmiao, have never hated anyone in my life. You are the first one. Good job. You are ruthless. Let's go." Never come back, if you dare to come back, I will tear you to pieces with my own hands to relieve the hatred in my heart."

Sen Miao, I no longer long for you to leave a space in my heart, I just hope that you can see me in your eyes.