love of life

Gu Ming walked into the room and closed the door with a bang. The two people on the bed were suddenly frightened and turned their heads to look at the door at the same time.Gu Ming walked into the room with a dark face, and shouted loudly: "You guys, do such nasty things in my room. Xu Zhe, you let Yu Xiaoxiao pester me in every possible way, just for this?"

Lin Zexi pushed away Xu Zhe who was pressing on him, and hurriedly buttoned the open shirt with trembling hands. "Gu Ming, it's not what you think..."

"Shut up." Gu Ming interrupted him and gave him a hard look.

Lin Zexi swallowed, lowered her head and saw the crumpled photo dropped by the bed, and bent down to pick it up.Xu Zhe got up from the bed, tidied up his messy clothes, and did not speak.

"Xu Zhe, these are all premeditated by you? Yu Xiaoxiao is also called by you, right? So that she can pester me, and you can steal from me again. As I said before, I have no objection to your sexual orientation, but You moved the people around me, I can't forgive you." Gu Ming's eyes were red, and he said every word with force.

"The people around you? Who? Lin Zexi? Why do you say he is the people around you? Just because you hired him to cook for you? Or because you think you know him before me? Do you know him? You know What does he want? You..." Xu Zhe paused, with an intriguing smile on his lips, and then said: "Can you satisfy him?"

"Xu Zhe, you are shameless." Lin Zexi stepped aside and leaned against the balcony window and said.

Xu Zhe turned his head and glanced at him and said, "Lin Zexi, you surprised me. Originally, I came in to beat you, but when I saw you just now, I just wanted to have sex with you." Xu Zhe frowned , there was an annoyance in his eyes, with a little helplessness. "Lin Zexi, do you believe in cause and effect? ​​I've often been thinking recently that maybe it's because our Xu family owes you."

Gu Ming's breathing gradually became heavy. He glanced at Lin Zexi, and finally locked his eyes on Xu Zhe: "Xu Zhe, what do you mean?" Li murmured: "Xu Zhe, what is your relationship with Xu Chengwei?"

"Who is Xu Chengwei?" Gu Ming asked.

"His and I are both surnamed Xu, have you never thought that we might know each other?" Xu Zhe said.

Lin Zexi fell into deep thought without saying a word.Xu Zhe continued: "To you, he was just an insignificant person from the beginning to the end, but to others, he was extremely important. Because of you, he was forced to stay abroad all these years, and his family could not be reunited. I It’s just that the youngest son, who was not under the pressure of inheriting the family business, should enjoy life to the fullest. But now I am the one who is given responsibility and shackles. Your appearance has broken the established balance. In the past five years, I have often secretly swore, If there is a chance for me to meet you, I will definitely let you bear the pain that my brother and I have suffered over the years. I have imagined countless times to kidnap you, beat you, and send you to the hospital, so I try to get close to you and get rid of you Gu Ming created an opportunity to meet you alone. Today I finally had this opportunity, but as soon as I stepped into the room, I just wanted to put you on the bed. I must be possessed, Lin Zexi, you devil. It’s not enough to harm my brother , and attack me." Xu Zhe became more and more agitated, and his voice became hoarse.

Lin Zexi looked at him straight, and slowly said: "Xu Zhe, you have no right to hate me. It was Xu Chengwei's wishful thinking from the beginning to the end. He injured Wang Yijie, and you Xu threatened me with Yijie's medical expenses, so that I help him take the blame. You ruined my life, ruined my family, and put me in prison for five years. Anyone can slander me, but you Xu family can't, because I don't owe you, it's you I owe it." His tone was not rushed, but every word was sonorous and powerful, with sharp edges and corners that made people feel a little respectful.

Xu Zhe stared at him expressionlessly, with some sad eyes.Gu Ming, who was standing aside, had a gloomy expression, and finally interrupted the conversation between the two. "Xu Zhe, you go out."

Only then did the two turn their attention to Gu Ming.Xu Zhe looked at Gu Ming, then at Lin Zexi, sneered and said, "Gu Ming, after all, we have been friends for more than two years, and now I am kind enough to help you solve the problem. You have always hated homosexuals so much, why did you stay?" Doesn't he have fun by your side? I cleaned it up for you, isn't it just right? "

"Don't worry about my affairs. You can go." Gu Ming opened the door and signaled him to leave.Xu Zhe left under his glare, then picked up the phone in the room and asked the front desk to arrange for the waiter to change the bed sheet and quilt cover.

Gu Ming was sitting on the sofa smoking one cigarette after another, Lin Zexi was standing by the window, and the waiter was skillfully changing the sheets and quilts in the room.The waiter was a middle-aged lady. She secretly looked at the two people in the room with strange and curious eyes while changing. There were two double beds in the room, one of which was neat without a wrinkle, and she was changing The bed looked like it had just been in a war, messy and messy.

The waiter quickly changed the sheets and left. Gu Ming took a deep breath of the cigarette, flicked the burnt ash skillfully with his index finger, and asked without raising his head, "Did you open the door for him? Or did you ask him to come over?"

Lin Zexi didn't say a word, her expression was a little dull.

Gu Ming continued to ask: "He doesn't have a room card, so you opened the door?"

After a while of silence, Lin Zexi regained his voice: "Yes, I heard someone knocking on the door, and thought it was you who came back."

"and then?"

"And don't you know everything?" Lin Zexi asked rhetorically, while reaching out to take out a cigarette from the cigarette case on the table, put it in his mouth and light it.

Gu Ming stared blankly at Lin Zexi's skillful smoking action, unable to hide the surprise in his eyes, the ashes from the burnt cigarette in his hand fell directly on the chair.

"You can smoke?"

Lin Zexi hummed and said nothing.

"You... How many things are you hiding from me?"

"I didn't hide it from you, I just didn't say it because I didn't think it was necessary. I'm just your housekeeper." Lin Zexi said lightly.

"You!" Gu Ming was suddenly furious, but he couldn't find words to refute.After a pause for a few seconds, he suddenly remembered something, "Just now Xu Zhe pressed you, what about your panic attack? Why didn't your panic attack occur? Why did you look like you were going to die when I just grabbed your arm? Live."

His question made him startled, and his whole body froze.Panic disorder, yes, since I met Gu Ming, why has the frequent recurrence of panic disorder remained silent? When the man pressed him just now, he obviously felt very sick and scared. Why didn’t he panic like usual, instead his mind became clearer?

His silence caused Gu Ming's anger that had just calmed down to rise again. He couldn't help getting up from the stool, grabbed his skirt and said, "How do you explain this?"

Lin Zexi also kept asking himself why, while thinking about the answer, he pulled his collar with his hands.Gu Ming's touch made him unable to ignore it, and he wanted to keep calm as much as possible, but his cheeks began to turn red, his breathing became short of breath, and his heart began to feel oppressed.

"How do you make me understand this situation?" Gu Ming asked loudly while feeling that his body was sliding towards the ground. "What? Are you trying to tell me that you are going to get sick again? I just grabbed your collar and haven't pressed you on the bed yet. How about this, let's verify what you said just now, okay?" After finishing speaking Gu Ming lifted him up and threw him on the bed, and his whole body immediately pressed on it. "Is that what he did to you just now? Let's try and see if what you said is right."

Gu Ming fixed his hands on top of his head with both hands, pressed his legs against his legs, and pressed his body together.The distance between the two was so close that he could feel each other's body temperature. Lin Zexi turned his head to one side, deliberately avoiding his eyes, his heartbeat became more and more rapid, and he felt it was difficult to breathe. He couldn't tell whether it was a panic attack or simply being overly nervous. .Gu Ming looked at his slightly parted lips trembling, and couldn't help saying: "What? Are you telling me that you are going to have a panic attack right now? Co-authoring this disease will pick people, only for me Works, right?"

He really wanted to nod his head and say yes. In his impression, he hadn't had an illness for two or three years. In the past six months, he had two illnesses, both of which were related to him.He bit his lip and chose to remain silent.

Gu Ming's hand tightly grasped his wrist, so tight that he could feel his pulse beating at his fingertips.He let go of his hand lightly, and suddenly felt the pad of his thumb touched a piece of uneven skin.He moved his finger away and looked closer. There was a long scar across his wrist.The color of the scar has faded, but the surface is obviously protruding, and it still looks shocking.Lin Zexi struggled to retract his hand, Gu Ming let go of his other hand, grabbed his wrist with both hands, rolled up his cuff, and wanted to see clearly, but his left arm stretched from wrist to hand. The elbow was densely covered with seven or eight wounds.These wounds were of different shades and lengths, and the same obvious wounds showed the owner's determination to die at that time.

"What are these wounds?" Gu Ming was startled by the scene in front of him, and he unconsciously let go of his hand and asked.

He immediately retracted his hands, pulled the sleeves of his shirt to his wrists to cover the wound, then buttoned the cuff buttons, and said calmly, "It's nothing."

"It's nothing. What is a big deal to you? That photo?" Gu Ming asked angrily.

Lin Zexi pushed him away slightly, sat up, pulled his shirt and said, "As I said just now, the years in prison were not satisfactory, and I sometimes wanted to give up. This is also human nature. But later I thought about it, since Hades doesn't want to accept me, I will continue to live. Five years, in the five years inside, I witnessed a total of more than a dozen suicides, four people died, and one of them tried eight times before succeeding .Because there can’t be any dangerous items inside, the only thing you can use is your own toothbrush. Repeatedly polishing on the wall, bedside, and floor, it takes a long time to be barely used, and the efficiency is not high. It’s very painful to cut off the blood vessels. Sometimes I think, since they want to die so much, why don’t they give them the death penalty and let them end their lives in such a painful way. Anyway, people like us, let’s get out You can’t make any contribution to society, and it’s useless to live.”

Gu Ming watched him finish these words with a blank face and eyes. This is the longest sentence he has ever said since we met. It not only stated the facts, but also fully expressed his inner feelings. Gu Ming, who was in a dialogue mode like squeezing toothpaste, was a little at a loss.From his words, he felt a bit of coolness, the piercing coldness that penetrated silently from every pore in his body.

A story from a magazine that he flipped through a few days ago just popped into Gu Ming's mind, and he recounted it casually. "Everyone has a reason to live. Someone made this analogy: Our chances of being reborn as human beings in this life are like a blind turtle in the sea, whose head comes out of the water once in a hundred years; When the turtle came out of the water, it just stuck its head into this hole. It is said that our chances of being reborn as humans are so low, why not cherish it.”

Lin Zexi looked at him strangely for a few seconds, it was really difficult for him to enlighten others in such a clumsy way. "This is a story in the "Miscellaneous Agama Sutra". Don't worry, I don't want to die a long time ago. Otherwise, there are so many knives in your kitchen, it would be enough for me to die hundreds of times."

After hearing his half-joking words, Gu Ming felt a little embarrassed, stretched out his hand and scratched his head, but didn't speak.The room fell silent.This time it was Lin Zexi who raised his head and spoke first: "Hey, you insist on sharing a room with me because you want my body? If you want it now, I can give it to you."

"Ah?" Gu Ming was still immersed in the embarrassment just now, and he didn't react for a long time when he heard this nonsense.

"I said I could give you my body. In the past two months, the way you look at me, I know what that means."