[HP] Can you be gentle with me

Derek Hilton... This name has been buried in the deepest part of my heart, together with another name, in a place that Tahlia dare not and will not touch.

She knows she has changed.

Not the naive girl at the beginning, nor the woman who forced herself to fulfill her promise later, she doesn't know anything now... What else can a broken person do?Say she's crazy—maybe she's really crazy?She'd been mad since Snape pushed her away.

"Why do you think it's you?"

The moment Snape heard these words, he was relieved at first, but then a strong sense of loss surged in his heart.

Not herself... Tahlia didn't want to forget him.

Then it seemed that there was only one person left for whom she wanted the potion to work.

Suppressing the bitterness in his heart, Snape lowered his head and watched Tahlia carefully.

She couldn't bear it any longer.

Snape had never had such a strong intuition, but now he was almost sure.

Tahlia's head was also raised, her eyes turned in his direction, but the eyes were strangely empty, the pupils seemed to be completely out of focus, and Snape couldn't help himself from ignoring the dull gray curtain in her eyes.

"Maybe it's because... I love you?"

Tahlia shuddered.

"No, I apologize…" Snape said. "I can almost guess what answer you will have. He loves you too, doesn't he?" Before the woman had any response, he continued to speak. "You want to forget him because you feel guilty about him—"

Tahlia's fists clenched.

"You think you killed him," Snape pointed out quietly. "The guilt kept haunting you, so you got the stuff." He paused for a moment. "But you really want to just forget about him?"

There is no answer.

"In your subconscious mind, you wouldn't do that, which is why you never started to make the potion—even though you had already collected all the materials."

"That just means I haven't talked to Nigel yet—"

"Not yet? Still haven't thought about it?" Snape interrupted her. "Besides, you can never be sure that the child will agree to make the potion for you."

Tahlia was silent again, lowering her eyes slightly.

"You should know that forgetting him doesn't change anything, and I'm sure that kid Nigel thinks the same way—"

"Of course I know I can't change anything!" Tahlia roared suddenly, raising her head angrily. "But that would make me feel better!"

"You've become so cowardly that you only choose to run away?" Snape didn't flinch from Tahlia's roar, but took another step forward, louder than her voice. "You're sick, Tahlia."

"I don't care!" Tahlia didn't notice the man approaching, and continued to speak angrily. "Did you hear that? I don't care—"

Snape slowly squatted down so that his eyes were at the same level as Tahlia's. It wasn't until this moment that the woman in front of him realized what he was doing, and subconsciously wanted to dodge.

Of course he didn't give her enough time to react, and grabbed her hand first.

"But I do," he said quietly.

Tahlia's whole body froze instantly.

"I care," Snape said again.As he spoke, he stuffed something into Tahlia's hand. "Take it."

"What are you doing—"

"Wand," Snape said slowly. "For a wizard, it is equivalent to his own life, and I am willing to give it to you, and I am willing to give my life to you."

Tahlia froze for a few seconds before trying to push the wand back.

"Hold it." Snape didn't let her do so, instead, his hand covered hers again, making her hold the wand even tighter.

"I have nothing to do with your wand—"

A finger was suddenly on Tahlia's mouth, abruptly interrupting what she was about to say.

"Listen." Snape moved his hand down slowly, and the moment his fingers left Tahlia's lips, her mouth opened as if to say something, but in the end she still didn't make any sound.

She didn't even know why she just followed Snape's wishes like this, it seemed that she couldn't think rationally or even act now, and by the time she realized it, Snape had already held her hand, holding the wand straight directly on top of something.

"I understand how you feel right now."

Tahlia paused, wondering what Snape meant by those words out of the blue, but an idea popped up immediately, in stark contrast to the chaos of emotions and memories, and she couldn't ignore it.

"I don't understand..." She whispered softly. "Are you telling me that after you already knew the possible consequences of temporarily changing the course, you still insisted on doing it?"

"No, that wasn't my intention." Snape's tone was even lighter than hers. "I asked them to make that potion for you."

"……I?"

"That's right, for you." Tahlia suddenly felt a voice buzzing in her head, accompanied by the words Snape had just said, replaying in her mind, which made her feel inexplicably dizzy.

This is too scary.

She shouldn't have such emotions anymore, she had already been able to avoid any emotional ups and downs because of what the man said before, which terrified her.

Please stop.

"I understand the turmoil you're having right now, and you don't know what to do with them." Snape's voice reached his ears again. "Let me try it once."

stop...

"Why..." Tahlia opened her mouth, but the words she said did not match the anxiety in her heart, and her tone was full of panic. "how do you want to do it?"

"You shouldn't be asking what I want to do, Tahlia," Snape said, making Tahlia's grip on his wand even tighter. "It's about how you want to do it."

"I don't understand what you mean—"

"I love you."

There was silence.

Tahlia didn't move at all, and Snape couldn't read her face, but he knew he was right.

"I love you, Tahlia," he said again. "I think you must understand in your heart..."

He used to think that he would never be able to say this sentence naturally in his whole life. In the past, he thought more than once that maybe he should speak to Lily, but he never succeeded. Back in the stomach.

And he now knows why.

He could only say these three short words to the woman in front of him so naturally, saying that he loved her.

"I love you."

Unfortunately, at this moment, Snape clearly knew that no matter how many times he told Tahlia, she would subconsciously refuse to believe it. Even in the chaos, she still kept her heart tightly shut, should I say, closed to herself Atrium──

"You're holding my wand, I'm defenseless against you—"

"What does that have to do with what you said?"

This time Snape didn't answer Tahlia's question right away, but pulled a small box from his bosom and stuffed it into her free hand.

"What's this?" Tahlia asked as he expected.

"He gave it to me before he died," Snape said calmly, and squeezed Tahlia's arm slightly after Tahlia's body froze when she heard Derek being mentioned. "He wants me...to take care of you."

Tahlia was silent for a few seconds before speaking. "I don't need someone to take care of me."

"I'm not going to refuse his request." Snape ignored Tahlia's reaction and continued right after she uttered the words. "I love you, maybe it doesn't bear any resemblance to Potter's flamboyant performance, but I do love you—"

"Should I trust you?"

"Of course not, at least I know now." Snape said in a low voice. "I'm not asking for your forgiveness. The truth is, I've hurt you too much. I can totally understand how you feel."

Tahlia lowered her head slightly. "Then what are you still doing here?"

As if waiting for these words, Snape gently opened the box just now, and then directed Tahlia's fingers to touch the two ring-shaped metal pieces, one large and one small inside the box.

Snape didn't say anything, and Tahlia withdrew her hand the moment she touched the ring in the box, as if she'd been electrocuted.

"What the hell do you mean!" she growled.

How dare Snape—

"How do you want me to believe that he gave it to you?" Tahlia suddenly felt an uncontrollable emotion rushing to her forehead. "Is it fun to tease me?"

"Do not."

"Then what are you—"

"I did, Tahlia." Compared to his own, Snape's voice was unusually calm. "It's not what I want to do, but what you want to-"

"I said it too, I don't understand what you mean." Tahlia replied coldly.

The corners of Snape's mouth curled up slightly, even though Tahlia couldn't see even though she was blind.

"Insomnia on me."

Tahlia froze, the anger seemed to disappear in that instant, and her expression became indescribably complicated.

After a while, she came back to her senses and spoke stiffly. "What did you say?"

"I said, take insanity on me.

Now Tahlia was sure that what Snape had just said was not a joke.

"Why?" Her face sank, and she asked lightly.

"I said it before." Snape's voice was still soft. "I'm defenseless against you now, and you're also good at Occlumency, you know what that means—"

"Even if I know Occlumency, it doesn't mean I'll be able to instigate others!" Tahlia growled. "What's more, should I remind you that I have a problem with my eyesight now?"

"Come on, Tahlia." Snape finally laughed uncontrollably. "Inspiriting is a thought connection based on two different individuals, and has nothing to do with tangible vision." He paused. "All the information you get from me will be directly reflected in your mind, and you can directly... see it."

Tahlia fell silent.

She couldn't figure out exactly what Snape meant now.

Insensitivity to Snape?

"I... I haven't thought about it." She sputtered intermittently and softly.

She hadn't really thought about it, never, not just Snape, she had never thought about insanity on anyone, never, hadn't even tried.

What's more, Snape was a master of Occlumency from a very early age, and was even able to perfectly deceive Voldemort, it's even less likely that she would consider using this spell - even if it might allow her to discover his intentions earlier, she might not would be trampled to the ground by him.

And what he meant now was to allow himself to take his mind off of him?He really wasn't going to use Occlumency?

"...Why?" After a long time, she asked again in a low voice.

Snape still maintained the kneeling position just now, holding Tahlia's hand tightly with one hand to keep her from letting go of the wand he had handed over to her, and holding the half-open box with the other.

"To reassure you." His voice was even softer than Tahlia's. "I'm not going to hide anything from you anymore, whatever you want to know... Now you have a chance, I think you've been struggling—"

"──Troubled with your attitude." Tahlia answered in a murmur.

Can she really find out?With the method proposed by Snape, can she really come to a conclusion smoothly?About whether Snape really loves himself?

Or, can she really make the final decision because of this?

Or did she say too much to Pomfrey not long ago—

"Lupine's not wrong, I've seen your conversation in his memory." Snape said again, seeing a momentary flicker of surprise on Tahlia's face at his words. "He's not wrong, I have to admit—he's not wrong about me. I do love you."

"Then you should also know what I said next, shouldn't you?" Tahlia glanced forward casually, still with chaotic and unfocused eyes, and said lightly. "Even if I finally decide to forgive you, I won't allow myself another chance to be hurt, no matter from whom—"

"So you can check for yourself, can't you?" Snape squeezed the slightly warm hand in his palm. "For me, Legilimency—you'll find the answer." He paused. "About whether it is possible for me to give up on you..."

Tahlia pursed her lips tightly, but Snape didn't miss her momentary relaxation.

"I love you." He said it again, and it seemed that it had become the most words he said to Tahlia that day. "And I want you to go and see for yourself." As he spoke, he moved forward a little bit, clearly feeling the tingling pain of the wand against his chest.

"I…" Tahlia opened her mouth slightly. "You're really... you're serious—"

"Couldn't be more serious," Snape said firmly. "Say that spell, Tahlia."

"...I—"

"Read it."

Tahlia took a deep breath.

Remembrance is it?

To be honest she was a little bit convinced by everything Snape had said.

It's just looking for an answer, it doesn't mean that she will have a drastic change the moment she finds the answer, nor does it mean that she will instantly accept Snape──

"Okay..." she said flatly. "If that's what you want—"

As she spoke, she raised her head slowly, instinctively aiming at the angle of Snape's eyes in front of her. With a slight effort, Tahlia held Snape's wand free from his fingers, but kept pointing directly at his chest.

"Legilimens."