special stargazing

Early in the morning, as soon as Sheng Yexing got out of bed, he ran to the full-length mirror in the dormitory to look in the mirror.

He opened the hem of the vest, exposing his well-proportioned and powerful chest and abdominal muscles, and took a breath of relief.

The problem of gaining weight due to long-term medication has troubled him for many years. Every day he dreams that he is afraid that he will become a ball and will not be able to walk.

But these worries are superfluous now.

Because the medicine only acts as a sedative, it mainly needs to be stabilized and adjusted by oneself, and problems such as endocrine disorders also need to be overcome and accepted by oneself.He grew up in chaos and anxiety, and the process of "self-control" was long and painful, but he survived and was always on the way.

Sheng Yexing sometimes feels that he is not quite like a manic patient.

Yesterday, in order to hide from the road and see the stars, he ran to the balcony of the teaching area of ​​the first year of high school and smoked half a cigarette. Before he finished smoking, he was caught by Ji Chuan.

Ji Chuan said: "I catch you smoking now, and you won't talk to me for three days and two nights."

Sheng Yexing smiled apologetically, "I used to be like that?"

"Well, it's a good thing you like to play basketball, at worst you can come up to me and give me a few tricks, such as dribbling, stealing, lobbing and so on. If you like singing, then we don't even want to go to class in our third year of high school."

With that said, Ji Chuan took out an electronic cigarette.

Taking the e-cigarette, Sheng Yexing rubbed the matte touch with his fingertips, raised his eyelids, and said amusedly, "What else did I say?"

The corners of Ji Chuan's lips loosened, and he also smiled: "You said you have high hormones and are easily excited. I'll imitate you: Teacher, leave me alone! I'll be fine when I'm done!"

"I didn't expect me to be so self-aware."

"Well, later on you stopped talking and started to do things. But it's okay, you do it to yourself." Ji Chuan bit another e-cigarette, "In the first year of high school, you broke your own head in the first year of high school. Incident, don't I need to talk about it?"

"no need."

Have there been fewer derogatory heroic incidents?

Sheng Yexing also bit the e-cigarette, took a puff and exhaled the mist directly, and licked the corners of his lips, feeling sweet.

He asked, "What's the smell?"

"Hami melon," Ji Chuan glanced at the green package, "Life is bitter, so it should be sweeter."

Sheng Yexing lowered his eyes, staring at the cartoon cantaloupe pattern on the packaging, and let out a "hmm".

"It's not bad, actually," he said.

Compared with too many people, my suffering is nothing.

"On the day Dingxi was diagnosed, I ate noodles with him at the noodle shop and drank two bottles of Coke. He also said that Coke was very sweet."

In the middle of speaking, Ji Chuan touched his nose, his face was hidden in the white mist, "I told him, it will be fine! Everyone gets sick, and you are just emotionally sick. Then guess what he said?"

"What?" Sheng Yexing asked.

Ji Chuan said: "He said, I probably won't be well."

"I can understand his feelings too well..." Sheng Yexing sighed.

He could tell that Li Dingxi's condition was a little lighter, just like himself.However, this situation in the waking state is often the most uncomfortable, because I know what I am doing and what is hurting, but I am helpless.

But luckily, things got better later on.

There is a pond full of lotus flowers behind the No. [-] campus of the city.

It's a pity that those flowers were not unstained from the mud, but were ruined by the not-so-clean water. Once the autumn tiger passed, the peculiar smell rushed in with the wind, and the students complained and suffered unspeakably.

Lu Jianxing had to wear a mask at the beginning, but later on he became more sensitive to the smell, frowning and stomping his feet as he passed by, and even made a "gurgling" sound from his throat, his eyes were so fierce that he wanted to chop someone with a knife at any time .

Most autistic patients are visually oriented, so Sheng Yexing thought of a way: bought a colorful windmill for him to hold.

As soon as the wind passed and the seven colors changed, Lu Jianxing calmed down, and counted the blades of the windmill with his fingers, "Red...orange...yellow...green..."

Then, Lu Jianxing took the windmill into the classroom again.

He inserted the windmill into the screw slot on the diagonal top of the desk.

When I was a student, the desks were updated, and it was inevitable that the previous "desk owner" would leave holes on the desks.

The condition of the second city is like that, continue to use what can be used, Lu Jianxing wipes the pencil marks with an eraser every day in class, and then pokes all the eraser crumbs into the holes on the table.

As soon as the windmill was plugged in, Lu Jianxing's desktop became a beautiful landscape in the third and seventh classes of senior high school.

The classroom windows were wide open, and the autumn wind blew past, making his small windmill spin wildly.

Occasionally, Sheng Yexing would wake up in the middle of the trip, and when he opened his eyes, he would see the small windmill turning quietly and fast.

Looking down again, Lu Jianxing was concentrating on playing with the eraser, killing everything he saw with a side face.

In the haze, while awake, Sheng Yexing remembered the combination of angels and rainbows.

Just like that, the heart was kissed by the world again.

In order to send Li Dingxi off, the coach of the school team took a group of children to the hot pot restaurant in front of the school to have a dinner.

Beer, meat and vegetable dishes, soy milk, etc. were all on the table. The coach gave a passionate speech to the students with a beer bottle. Li Dingxi took the lead in applauding.

Halfway through the meal, water was added to the soup pot twice. Sheng Yexing noticed that Li Dingxi started to eat without talking, showing no expression.

"Hey, talk."

Sheng Yexing pushed him with his elbow, "If you keep silent now, we will get nervous."

Li Dingxi took a sip of milk, "I feel like I'm in a good mood in the morning, but at night I feel a little down... I'm going to collapse."

"Fuck off."

Gu Qunshan muttered, and ordered Li Dingxi his favorite shrimp slippery, "I've already seen a doctor, and I'll be fine after I've seen it."

Li Dingxi suddenly pointed at himself and said, "Will taking medicine make me look dull?"

"No, it will make you expressionless," Sheng Yexing sneered, "It will only make you look cool."

Gu Qunshan made a gesture of holding up his sunglasses on the side.

As cool as the boss.

"I really hate myself like this, I hate it," Li Dingxi said vaguely, "I used to think that I talked too much, I was too cheerful, and I didn't think about it at all..."

"Don't think so much," the coach gave him food, "Go and relax, you can continue to play ball when you come back."

Li Dingxi covered his face and said, "I can't play anymore, I'm hopeless."

Coach: "Don't say that."

"Then what should I say!" Li Dingxi stood up abruptly as if a switch had been pressed, trembling all over, "I don't want to go into a dead end, but..."

"Paper, take the paper," Sheng Yexing greeted Gu Qunshan, "bring him a piece of paper."

Because Sheng Yexing used to bleed when there was nothing to do, Gu Qunshan and his group of brothers got used to preparing paper, and never thought that they would be able to use Li Dingxi's tears one day.

When the toilet paper was all over his face, Li Dingxi realized that he was so stressed that he burst into tears again.

He wiped away his tears, and sat aside angrily, "I just want to be by myself."

"We are with you." Sheng Yexing said.

Li Dingxi nodded, then shook his head again.

The "bipolar affective disorder" on the diagnosis certificate made him have to accept himself now.

He suddenly felt a cold palm, and when he lowered his head, it was Lu Jianxing pinching his palm.

Looking up at Lu Jianxing again, Li Dingxi found that Lu Jianxing was not looking at him.

Lu Jianxing lowered his head and was struggling to chew a piece of hairy belly that Sheng Yexing gave him, his eyes were focused, as if he didn't care what happened around him at all.

Comforting people, he has his own way.

After eating the hot pot, a group of people cycled back to the dormitory.

Lu Jianxing said that he wanted to ride by himself, but when he stepped on the bicycle, he seemed to know nothing, blushed, and finally resigned to his fate and sat on the back seat of Sheng Yexing.

He put the sweater hat on his head, only half of his pointed chin was exposed, and the tip of his tongue rolled up and down, occasionally blowing bubble gum into bubbles and spitting them out, sucking them in and chewing them again.

The night wind blowing from Shier is getting colder, and it's not known when autumn will pass.

Passing by the canteen, Lu Jianxing reined in Sheng Yexing's waist like riding a horse, and said that he wanted to get off the car.

He went into the canteen and bought dyes, iron boxes, and candles, packed them in plastic bags, and hurried into the car, saying that I was all right.

Back in the dormitory, the three of them were thinking about going to bed early tonight after washing.

Lu Jianxing took out the things he bought and dumped them on the floor, then squatted down, and said to Li Dingxi, "Make a lamp."

"What?" Li Dingxi was stunned.

"Lamp, moon lamp."

"I accompany you?"

"Ah."

"Then, what about the boss?" Li Dingxi looked up at Sheng Yexing, who had already climbed into bed and was about to sleep.

Sheng Yexing basically doesn't stay up late recently, for fear of gaining weight!

Lu Jianxing didn't care about him and didn't say a word, he took the safety scissors and started to tinker.

"Remembrance." He said again suddenly.

"As a souvenir for me?" Li Dingxi said pleasantly, "Can I take it to the hospital?"

Lu Jianxing raised his head and dragged out a very long sound: "Mmm——"

Seeing two people cutting, crimping, folding, and assembling on the table, Sheng Yexing took a mobile phone and took a ten-second short video of them and sent it to Moments.

The matching text is: Maybe the moon can also shine by itself.

Putting away the phone, Sheng Yexing sat up from the bed and watched the interaction between the two seriously.

In fact, judging from the interaction, Lu Jianxing still lacked a lot of communication with Li Dingxi, and just sat on his own without talking too much.

It is said that it is cooperation, it is more like to complete it independently.

But this is already very good for Lu Jianxing.

After this night, Sheng Yexing finally figured it out.

For a long time, everyone thought that Lu Jianxing was a star, but in fact he was not.

He is the sun, who makes the moon shine, and makes the dark place have light.

During this period, Tang Han imitated the occupational therapist Veda Nomura and gave students an information feedback form. After making it on the computer, he printed out many copies for auxiliary guidance after each assignment and class.

The paper is divided into two sides. On the first one, write the name of the assignment. The first question below is: I think I have completed ________.

The options are: Very good, Good, Not good, I am not able to finish.

The second question is: Regarding this assignment, I think it ______.

The options are: Interesting, Boring, Too Difficult, Feeling Cool.

Lu Jianxing checked "very good" and "interesting", and also ticked "feels cool", and drew a smiling face.

Suggestions written on the second piece of paper, the options are: tell the teacher privately, print it out on the computer, complete it with the class, draw it, or show it with the aid of teaching aids.

Lu Jianxing's crooked handwriting did not tick off any blank space, but chose to write down stroke by stroke after "other things I want to say"—

I want to tell Sheng Yexing.

When Tang Han received this paper, he immediately showed the feedback form to Sheng Yexing, and then remained silent for a long time.She didn't think about other aspects, she was just thinking.

Sheng Yexing accepted the feedback form and asked if he could give him the paper.

When he returned to the dormitory at night, he put the paper in the folder.

The file folder was a kraft paper bag that he bought for one yuan at the Angkor store at the school gate, and on the cover was childishly written "Do not move".

Inside are a lot of small notes, small essays, and a few photos developed with Polaroid in winter and summer.The small notes were all passed to him by Lu Jianxing in class, and the small essays were mostly homework assigned by Tang Han. He didn't want to hand them in, so he kept them all.

There are photos of them in the swimming pool, those who went out to ride bicycles at night, and those who drank downstairs in the dormitory. Lu Jianxing has a few photogenic photos. His facial features are handsome and good-looking, the only thing missing is his eyes.

Hollow and quiet.

So quiet that almost everyone can feel his difference.

Two days later, during class, Li Dingxi was quietly picked up by his parents.

Li Dingxi finally sent a message in the brother's WeChat group, saying that he will meet again, and he left without saying goodbye because he didn't want to see everyone reluctant to bear him.He said a few farts, and then said, maybe it would make people miss it even more if it stopped abruptly?

Sheng Yexing replied: Well, seeing each other is worse than thinking about it.

Li Dingxi panicked immediately, and quickly said, no, no, you still have to come and see me!

Then they all said yes.

On the third day of Li Dingxi's departure, each grade group selected some outstanding students' homework for a special exhibition.

Sheng Yexing heard that Lu Jianxing's essay that he worked hard that day was on the list, and before get out of class was over, he ran out of the classroom on the pretext of going to the bathroom, and rushed all the way to the exhibition area next to the playground.

He started to read from the first piece of paper, looking for the way to see what Xing wrote one by one.

After wandering around until the third large exhibition board, Sheng Yexing stopped beside an unremarkable composition paper.

Perhaps because of the unreadable font, this piece of paper was hung on the edge. Fortunately, an excellent grade flower given by the grade group was pasted on the upper right corner.

Sheng Yexing was a little nervous as if reading a love letter.

"To myself three years from now," Sheng Yexing read out in a low voice, "Hello, see the stars in Lu Jianxing three years from now."

To be myself, I just want to ask myself one sentence——

brother are you still alive?

If there is a next sentence, it should be——

Are you still with him?

【"Write to Myself Three Years Later"

Student: Lu Jianxing

Class: Class No. [-], No. [-], Municipal No. [-] School

:

Hello Dalu.

If you could meet me three years ago, I would say: come on!

I don't know if you can support yourself now, whether you are happy or not, and I don't know if you still worry about growing up.

Just like three years ago, you were troubled by these problems too!

I hope that after three years, you will no longer be "Xiaolu".You have grown into a "big road", and you can guide more people to where they should go!

"Dalu" will make people understand that health and love are the only criteria for judging happiness.The book says that you must first accept yourself in your heart, and then you can find a place that suits you①.

Fortunately, you have accepted that you are not perfect.

You may not heal.

You may talk less and less.

You may lose your bearings.

But you have to be brave, like Sheng Yexing. 】

This is a letter written to a 21-year-old. There are not many words, and it is crooked. The sentences are not smooth, there are no typos, and it is full of positive energy.

The signature is: Xiaolu.

Sheng Yexing stared at the inscription for a long time, and quietly crumpled the corners of the paper.