Heartbreaker

[Excerpt from Jeremy's diary]

Some people say that my brother is from the Ember Peak.

At first I didn't know what this sentence meant. I just heard it from my mother, and my mother heard it from the nuns in the orphanage. Who did the nuns listen to?Probably the townspeople not far from the Ember Peak.The Cinder Peak is a taboo that only exists in legends. Maybe there are anecdotes about warriors and dragons that add mystery to it, but it doesn't matter to me, and I can't see it anyway.

I later learned that the nun who said this was trying to tell my mother that my brother was not an ordinary boy, but she couldn't say what was strange about him.Once when I was sick in bed, my mother brought him into the house and said to me, "He will be your brother from now on, Jeremy, and his name is Luo."

"Ro, this is Jeremy."

"Hello, Jeremy." He took my hand and said softly.His hands are warm, his blue eyes are like the rippling blue sea under the clear sky, and his smile is prettier than girls.

My dad died when I was two years old.My mother became neurotic and depressed as a result, and I, unluckily, became seriously ill and could never stand up again.

During that period, my mother always sat motionless by the window, moaning and weeping bitterly, telling God the sorrow of her husband's death and the bitterness of her child's serious illness, as if she was the most miserable woman in the world.To tell you the truth, I kind of hate my mom, her high-pitched cries get on my nerves more than a rabbit.But I cannot deny that she is my only relative, and that she loves me more than herself.

I can't imagine my childhood without my brother.He is my pillar, my backer.He was five years old when he was first adopted by my mother, but he was more capable than a teenager.The days when I was only with my mother were full of pain and tears. She only cared about her sorrow, but my brother would wipe my body for me all night when I had a high fever, ensuring that I had enough nutrition to support my body.He always looks at me and smiles, bends those beautiful gentle eyes, holds my hand and says, "Jeremy, don't be sad, you'll be fine. How lucky you are that you met your mom and dad , to have their love, to have their own home. I envy you."

Occasionally, when he was talking, his eyes would turn red, and he looked like he was about to cry.I asked him, "What about your parents?"

He shook his head, "I don't know. Now your mother is my mother."

I said, "My mother is either crying or complaining all day long. Don't you regret following her?"

He said, "Don't say that about Mommy, Jeremy. She's had a hard time. You don't know what a blessing it is to have 'Mommy'..."

He told me about his past, and I knew that he was depressed in the orphanage.My brother once had a dispute with a big boy outside.The big boy humiliated him and touched him.The elder brother resisted desperately, the boy broke his leg bone, and he bit the boy's ear angrily, bleeding out.

At that time, he was still in shock to see the boy holding his bloodied ear, screaming and running home.Later, the boy's mother made a fuss in the orphanage without asking why, and punished the nun who took care of him.

My brother told me that at that time he was so wronged that he hid in a corner and cried.The dean and other old nuns aggressively lifted his arms, forced him to face the proud mother and child, and then took turns slapping him in the face until the mother calmed down.He struggled at first, and then the abbot dragged the nun in front of him. If he struggled, the nun would be whipped.

My heart skipped a beat while my brother recalled with blank eyes that he had stopped moving when the nun was first whipped.Twenty slaps were all it took, but later he learned how to beg for mercy, and the mother mercifully forgave him.

My brother said that at that time, he couldn't figure out why the boy who provoked trouble was sheltered, but he who just resisted ended up like this, and there was no one to defend him.

Later he understood, because the boy had a mother, who was said to be the best "mother" in the world.

And he didn't.

My brother cried when he said this, and that was the first time I saw him cry.He looks so good-looking even when he cries.

****

More than ten years later, when I met my brother again in Vulture City, I was more surprised than happy.After all, when you see a sudden appearance of a person who seems to have disappeared from the world, the first reaction is definitely not the joy of reunion.Why is he here?I hid behind him, from the rioting thugs, and the question was on my mind for a long time.

"Jeremy..."

When he saw me, he was more surprised than happy.I know he doesn't like me, and has long been disheartened towards me and my mother.But my brother is still my brother, the gentle and pitiful brother I am familiar with.Brother can't help others pleading with him, that's his weakness.If you tell him your grievances in tears, he will surely cry harder than you, and then desperately want to give you all the warmth, as if you have been treated horribly.

As long as he can warm you a little, he will be very comforting.

But in fact, he was the one who lived the most difficult life, even more painful than many people.But I don't know whether it's numbness or dullness, I can hardly hear my brother's screaming and venting hysterically.He is like a withered grass caught in the cracks of stones, swaying silently and tenaciously in the cold wind.My brother's hands are always warm, and his eyes are always gentle. Although when I saw him again, he wore knitted gloves on his hands and his eyes disappeared, but my brother will always be the reassuring brother...

Hell, I'm a little sick.My brother is blind and blames me, I understand.But I was too young to even take his devotion to me and my mother for granted.Because one of us is a helpless widow, and the other is a weak and sick child. We always feel that we are the worst people in the world, and it is only natural for others to take care of us.

I know that my brother is very tired. When other boys play with slingshots and sparrows, he is the only one who does laundry, cooks, and plows the fields.We might be the worst adopters ever, but my brother never complained.The mother is mentally unstable, and occasionally yells and comforts her brother, but the brother can forgive her every time, as long as she cries and tells her misfortune.

Oh, by the way, sometimes my mother hugged my brother and said, "Luo, it was my mother's blessing to adopt you. At that time, the people in the orphanage stopped me from taking you away, saying that you had a strange life experience and misbehavior... I didn't listen to them Yes, I think you are a good boy. Now it seems that I really chose the right one..."

That was the second time my brother cried, and he was a hundred times prettier than Rebecca, the most beautiful girl in the village.A boy said that when he saw Rebecca cry, his heart would break into pieces.But when my brother cries, I think it looks good, probably because he is not a girl.

****

It was when I realized my brother's nerves were stretched to the limit that he was six years old.That year my brother found a small church in the village, and there was an old old priest in it, who often did some boring things like holding weddings and mass services for people.

We are relatively indifferent to places like the church, but my brother yearns for it very much. Whenever he is free every day, he runs to the old priest like a demon.At night, he didn't fall asleep, but flipped through an old scripture book under the lamp, and then knelt by the window with bright eyes, praying against the velvety dark blue night.

He also often prayed for me, hoping that my illness would recover soon.His prayer voice is as beautiful as a singer's. I think if it is my brother's prayer voice, maybe God will listen carefully.

But the good times didn't last long, the old priest returned to God soon, and the church was demolished soon.During that period of time, my brother was like a dejected puppet, always staring at the gloomy sky in a daze.Later, believers in the village simply held the funeral of the old priest.On the day of the funeral, it was raining lightly. My brother was wearing a black shirt and black trousers, weeping bitterly, and trotted all the way to chase the funeral procession up the hillside.Long after the old priest died, my elder brother would go to his humble grave to worship, pick up the weeds, and then go home to continue to take care of me and my mother, and take care of this dilapidated home.

"Jeremy, the sun is very nice today, let me carry you out to bask in the sun."

My brother put an old armchair in the small courtyard, and I wrapped myself in a quilt excitedly, pointing at the stray cats walking lightly on the eaves and howling.My brother was joking with me at the beginning, holding a ladle in one hand and a bucket in the other, watering the crops hard in the sun.I was lying on the armchair playing with my fingers when my brother suddenly stopped watering and stared at the dry soil without blinking.

After a long time, he said, "Jeremy, you will be cured and we will have money."

After speaking, my brother burst into tears.His back was bent, his shoulders twitched, and his hands were wet with tears.My brother ran out that night, and he came back the next day with a large sum of money and a dark hole in his face.I remember my mother holding the money bag and my brother, crying and laughing, as if she was the one favored by the goddess of fate again.

As for the elder brother, a white bandage was wrapped around one eye.He smiled, and his smile was like a deformed plank, twisted and stiff.I thought about it for a long time, and realized that the way my brother smiled at first was actually very pretty.But since I came to my house, I don’t know how many times I look better when I cry than when I laugh.

God only knows what happened.

****

When his brother had only one eye left, he met Feline.

I have seen many people since I was a child. People and their hearts flow like water in the crevices of the world's long river, unpredictable and elusive.From an honest and honest businessman to a wolf-hearted merchant, from an old man who became weird and sullen because of his unfilial sons and daughters, from a virgin to a slut woman, from an officer to a gangster man, including my mother who became a widow.As time goes by, people will always change something due to the laws of the world. This is nothing more than a normal thing.

Only my brother is an exception.No matter what he suffered, no matter how others treat him, my brother is still my brother, the gentle brother I know.

After I recovered from my illness, my family was much richer, and the burden on my brother's shoulders should have been relieved, but my mother found another jerk man to be our stepfather.If there are more than one person serving, the elder brother must do more.I often leaned over to him and said, "Brother, do you regret being adopted by my mother?"

My brother would always touch my head gently, smile slightly and continue working.Sometimes looking at the back of my brother working in the field, looking at the light and warmth of the sky on his back, I would have a stupid thought, thinking that my brother might not be a "person" in this world.The bastard stepfather is stupider than a turtle in a water tank. He is stupid, lazy, greedy, and likes to beat people at every turn.I often want to ask my brother, now that our family of four is barely a complete family, and he also has "father" and "mother", does he feel happy?Do you feel regret and regret?

But the brother I know won't give me the answer.He just did what he should do day after day, silently fell in love with the dawn of dawn.One day I made a point of waking up earlier and running up the hillside at dawn with my brother behind.Facing the dawn light that seemed to overflow from a golden urn, I saw a smile on my brother's lips, and with each breath, crystal blue eyes shed tears of joy and joy.

His arms were raised high, his hair was disheveled, and his baggy undershirt was billowed by the wind.He opened his broken eyes and looked at the darkened land, and said loudly, "The world—! Hello, the world—!"

His voice was carried by the morning wind to the distance where the first dawn dawned, and his thin body was shrouded in bright sunlight.Brother laughed.The moment the sky broke, I felt overwhelming light and happiness, which is also a scene engraved in my heart forever.

After the old priest died and his eyes became disabled, the older brother would run up the hill every day at dawn.Sometimes he shouted alone, sometimes with Feilin, although Feilin preferred to sit quietly and meditate at dusk.

Then, something happened, and my brother completely gave up his beloved Liming.

****

"Hey, sir, why are you slapping yourself while you're writing?"

Jeremy rubbed his eye sockets and swollen cheeks, put the notebook under the candlelight, and forced a smile, "It's nothing, I'm a little sleepy, sober up."

Another tax official smiled flatteringly and handed over a bottle of wine, "This is mint leaf wine, which is said to be refreshing."

Jeremy grinned, "Thank you very much."

He took the mint leaf wine, unceremoniously pulled out the iron stopper, and gulped down the clear wine.Anyway, I'm not a kind and selfless person, and I don't care about the blissful paradise after death, he thought wearily.

"Hicc!" Jeremy hiccupped drowsily, and continued to write in the notebook while his mind was still sober after being hit by the heat, "For selfishness, I asked my brother to gouge out his other one eye……"