After My Ex-Boyfriend's White Moonlight Proposed to Me

Xie Ning thought: He probably waited too long for this sentence.

For so many years, no one has told him that homosexuality is not a disease, and our country has already passed the same-sex marriage law.

However, from the mouth of a psychiatrist, it has a different meaning after all.

It was as if some authoritative person solemnly removed the shackles from his body and declared him innocent.

Xie Ning thought that his heart would fluctuate no matter what, but the clinker heard the scene in his ears, but it didn't cause any big waves.

Other people's heart lakes are shimmering, throwing a stone down, ripples ripples circle after circle.

The lake in his heart was frozen, and the stone smashed on the ice with a loud noise, but disappeared without a trace since then.

So Xie Ning just blinked, and even smiled inconspicuously.

His emotions are too light and too weak, even joy is separated by a thick layer of ice.

Only one is different.

In front of Zhuang Yan, those ice cubes will gradually melt, as if from cold winter to spring, from black and white painting to color painting, showing his rich and colorful inner world.

If his emotions were turned into countless threads, then Mr. Xie and Yan Xi would tie one end each, and the rest would all be entwined around Zhuang Yan.

"Thank you." Xie Ning said to Ji Wenbin, "Thank you for letting me hear this."

If he could pick up the water glass and take a sip at this time, he would be able to find the dangling water in the glass, and then his trembling hands.

It's not that he has no perception and emotion, but he has forgotten himself.

A few thoughts flashed through Ji Wenbin's mind, and finally he smiled considerately at him: "If you have any unpleasant experiences and feelings, you can confide to me."

Xie Ning lowered his eyes, thought for a while, and then slowly opened his mouth.

……

Xie Ning seldom thinks about things before adulthood, most of them are unpleasant experiences.

Occasionally, what impressed me most was the idea that "homosexuality is mental illness" was repeatedly transmitted to his ears by the psychological counselor, as well as Xia Wan's occasional hysteria.

Those counselors would always ask him a lot of questions, digging out his past to the bottom, and looking for abnormalities in him from a little bit of clues.

They would look at him with pity, but that kind of compassion made Xie Ning's hair stand on end.

It seems to be saying: Although you are mentally ill, it doesn't matter, it can be cured, and you want you to be obedient.

As long as you obey.

Sometimes Xia Wan would cry and hug him, with a mournful voice: "It's okay, Ningning, you'll be fine, listen to your mother, don't like men, mother will make you a normal person."

Her expression is really like a mother facing a terminally ill child, sad and determined.

Xie Ning would occasionally be in a trance. Does the normal person she refers to correspond to homosexuality or psychopathy?

Or in Xia Wan's eyes, there is no difference.

At first he would express his views with Xia Wan: "Homosexuality is just a sexual orientation..."

What he got in return was Xia Wan's hysterical anger: "Why is my son gay! Why are you like this!"

Why am I like this?

Xie Ning fell silent afterwards.

Homosexuality is a mental illness.

Can be treated.

can be corrected.

Xie Ning asked himself, was he really wrong?

Why did those counselors come to the same conclusion as Xia Wan?

Is he really mentally ill?

When he woke up from his dream in the middle of the night, looking at the moonlight, he asked himself over and over again?

Am I sick?

Am I sick?

Am I sick?

He was puzzled and confused.

Why does everyone say he is sick.

He was serious, well-behaved and obedient since he was a child. Xia Wan has always been proud of having such a son.

When did Xia Wan look at her, from being proud and caring to hating iron and steel.

What the hell did he do wrong.

Xia Wan took him to see several psychological counselors, took various medicines, used various corrective methods and treatment plans.

But the results are minimal.

Once when Xia Wan and Xia Wan came out of the psychological counselor, Xia Wan suddenly broke down and cried: "Ning Ning, mother is so uncomfortable, why can't you get better? Why can't you change?"

Xie Nin stood at the door expressionlessly.

He looked at the grief-stricken Xia Wan, but his heart was as calm as stagnant water.

He couldn't feel the slightest kinship, nor the slightest bit of sadness from people who were connected by blood.

His world seemed to be covered by a vast expanse of snow, and all he could see was a barren white.

There is no vitality at all, and there is no interest in life.

Later, it was probably because he became more and more silent and communicated less and less with the outside world. The psychiatrist judged that he also suffered from emotional apathy.

Xia Wan cried again, and said while crying: "Ningning, listen to your mother, and mother will cure you."

Xie Jing looked at her face quietly, a sense of fatigue rose from the deepest part and swept all over her body.

He didn't speak, but curled his lips mockingly.

Xindao: I really became crazy.

……

The weather outside is not very good.

When I went out in the morning, there was still a little sun, but now, the wind was mixed with heavy rain, and the corners of my clothes were wet.

Xie Ning was caught off guard when he pushed open the glass door, and was bent over by the sudden wind.

Someone next to him supported him and said "be careful".

Xie Ning nodded to him, and whispered back a thank you.

He didn't bring an umbrella, so he hesitated now.

He came to see a psychiatrist without telling Zhuang Yan, so he didn't let the driver drive.

I haven't taken the driver's license test myself, so I didn't think it was a problem before, but now I find it really inconvenient.

By the time I got to the gate of the hospital, my clothes were soaked, and I probably had to take a hot bath when I went back.

But it is also very likely to catch a cold.

He pursed his lips.

There are too many people taking taxis at the gate.

Xie Ning slowly found a bus stop sign, but today's wind was too strong, the stop sign could not provide any shelter, the slanting wind was mixed with raindrops, he wiped his face only to find that it was covered with water stains.

There are seats for people to rest at the bus station. Although there are many people at the moment, the seats are empty, and the seats are already soaked.

Xie Ning waited for a long time, and finally came a few taxis, but they couldn't grab them.

Finally, when the people were almost gone, another pregnant woman with a big belly came next to her.

When the last taxi stopped, Xie Ning slowed down a little, he didn't feel ashamed to fight the pregnant woman.

The pregnant woman got into the car, pulled down the window again, and asked him, "Young man, where are you going? If we come along the way, can we go together?"

Xie Ning was stunned.

The pregnant woman said again: "It's hard to wait for a taxi at the moment. It takes a long time for one to arrive. You can see that you are soaked through. Let's share a taxi."

Unfortunately, the lakeside villa and the pregnant woman's home happened to be in two directions. Even if the pregnant woman was willing, the driver would not want to travel across most of the city in a storm.

Xie Ning smiled at the pregnant woman: "It's okay, I'll be fine after a while."

There are fewer and fewer people around.

The sound of wind and rain was still very loud, which contrasted with Xie Ning's messed up mind. He waited for a while, but before the next taxi came, he simply sat down on the cold seat.

The trousers were soaked anyway.

The rain curtain slanted down.

Xie Ning stared blankly at the water droplets connected in series, his mind gradually went from being messy to blank.

If the person trapped here wasn't Xie Ning, he might be able to draw the scene in the rain and enjoy the romance of traveling alone in the world.

He smiled bitterly, watching a group of people crossing the road with umbrellas in the distance, and the busy street, watching the car tires skid across the small puddles on the ground, splashing a splash of water.

He looked at it for a long time, and then his body began to shiver from the cold. When he touched the mobile phone in his trouser pocket, he froze for a while.

The phone is vibrating.

Xie Ning suddenly remembered that he could call the driver to pick him up.

He pursed his lips.

Today I really... don't know what I'm thinking at all.

The phone was vibrating all the time, he took it out and saw that it was Zhuang Yan calling.

When I was about to pick it up, my hand slipped because it was covered with water. The phone fell to the ground, rolled again, and finally fell into a small puddle.

Xie Ning took two steps to pick up the phone.

Bad luck today.

The phone screen fell to pieces.

But at least I can still talk.

Xie Ning had just connected to Zhuang Yan's call, but before he heard anything, the screen of the phone went black.

I don't know if it's because of the water.

Xie Ning: ...

He looked at the pitch-black screen of his phone, and a sense of grievance suddenly rose in his heart.

He bit his lip and thought: Even the mobile phone will bully him.

Xie Ning didn't know what to do at this moment.

There was rain running down his forehead, caught by the upturned eyelashes for a moment, and fell from his eyes in the blink of an eye, as if he was crying.

After a while, the eyes are also hazy, and I can't see anything clearly.

He sat blankly at the station for a long time,

After an unknown amount of time, a black car stopped in front of his eyes.

He felt that this model of car looked familiar, so he couldn't help but take a second look.

The result looks more and more familiar...

Someone got out of the car with an umbrella.

This person also looked familiar.

Xie Ning wiped his eyes, trying to wipe off the rain on them, so that he could see the man clearly.

In just a short while, the man had already walked up to him holding an umbrella.

Xie Ning blinked, and his eye sockets were instantly wet again.

The man's figure was very familiar, and his voice was also very familiar: "What? Can't you recognize me?"

Hearing this voice, Xie Ning's nose suddenly felt sour.

"Are you crying?" he asked, his voice a little panicked, "Don't cry, I'm not here to take you home."

Xie Ning raised his head, and when he saw the sharp-edged face, he suddenly couldn't help it, and threw himself into his arms: "Zhuang Yan."

Zhuang Yan hugged him, and a voice sounded above him: "Well, I'm here."

Most of Zhuang Yan's clothes were dry, except for some water on the shoulders and the corners of his trousers.

Xie Ning is not a person who loves to cry, and now he was hugged into his dry and warm chest, but he suddenly started to cry.

It was as if he had finally found a hug that he could rely on and feel at ease, and he could vent all his grievances and pains unscrupulously and without scruples.

He wanted to say: I am so uncomfortable.

Uneasy, sad, wronged, uncomfortable.

The pain that no one can talk about, that no one can understand.

As small as the cell phone that just broke, as large as the silent resistance over the years.

His memory is very good, and the dusty memories are turned out bit by bit, like old and yellowed photos with a little dust on them.

So the grievances he had forgotten swept over.

When explaining the past in front of Ji Wenbin, he was still calm and indifferent, as if those things had already passed and could not affect his current emotions.

But when he bumped his head into Zhuang Yan's arms, all his emotions came alive again.

He couldn't help crying wantonly.

The author has something to say: sweet text, not abusive.Yes or no?