Carpe Diem

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After leaving the old city of "Kaputti", Lele's living conditions have made a qualitative leap, but she doesn't care where she lives. For her, it's the same wherever she is not with Lin Xuan.The girl's physical problems have always been a point of dissatisfaction for men. In the past two days, she has become more and more unwilling to move. It's over." Coaxing the girl to actively cooperate, but the "soon" has been delayed, he likes to stay in the girl's warm body for a long time.

Not long after, Lele found out that she was pregnant, and it was more than a week or two. She had been pregnant for a while, but she didn't know it before.

A little life is in her body... Lele has always dreamed of becoming a mother. She wants to be like her mother and give all her love to her children.Watching another little girl grow up under the gentle and selfless love of her mother, and live a happy life, as if that made up for myself who could no longer get those things.This is how life is passed on. Those little regrets in the journey of life rely on the inheritance and continuation of the cycle of reincarnation from generation to generation.

She wanted to be a good mother, never leave her, and let her child be loved all the time. She was so looking forward to the arrival of the new life, and now she was told to kill it, and she felt the pain in her heart.

But she had to do this, Lele struggled back and forth, still unable to make up her mind, but in any case, she must not let Kuroro find out about it, she didn't want Kuroro to participate in the decision-making, although he heard most of it The mentality of indifference is let go, but if he knows that Lele's idea is to kill the child, he will definitely block it, and even be enthusiastic, just to make Lele suffer.

Sometimes Lele thinks, otherwise she was born?What if she never came back?Isn't she innocent to abort her own child for the sake of morality and etiquette? ... Kuroro... He is not someone who can be entrusted to. It is not that Lele has not imagined the worst situation - she will never be able to return to the real world, and can only spend the rest of her life here.Sometimes she even wants to gain a place in Kuroro's eyes as a woman, she thinks she is pregnant with Kuroro's child, even if Kuroro doesn't care about her, he won't care about his own child... It's a ridiculous idea, as if she won't be gradually forgotten by Kuroro over time, and now she is only marked as "special" by virtue of her freshness and competitive spirit of men Once the days are long, she who is no longer valuable will disappear from the public face and become a passerby.Even now, there are already signs of this, right? Lele feels that she is not far from being completely abandoned.

But this is not the reason for the child she wants to kill. Lele believes that even in a different world, she can support her child without relying on anyone. If the child's father is Kuroro, he will not be involved in the child's development. Education could be better.

With this kind of fluke mentality, Lele even began to imagine her future life with her baby, but more often she knew that it was wrong, even distorted. What was in her stomach was indeed a life, but from the very beginning It shouldn't exist. She didn't want to abort the child just to please morality, nor was she unable to take responsibility for her life, but she couldn't continue this mistake.

The girl who was looking forward to becoming a mother, after having a child, the first decision she made was to destroy it. Lele finally broke down and cried.Maybe she would feel better if someone made her do that.But no, all the pressure falls on her alone.

To take advantage of Kuroro's ignorance to do this well, so as not to be noticed by him, Lele wants to go to some experienced clinics for consultation first. The abortion protesters at the door hold a banner to prevent Lele from entering, "Are you Kill! Miss! Think about it! That’s your child!" Those people shouted behind Lele, "Murderer! You will go to hell", these words to persuade her to think twice pierced the girl's heart like a knife But this will not affect what she has already decided. For Lele, the most difficult step is to make such a decision.

After consulting about the procedure of the operation, the recovery time after the operation and other details, Lele did not choose to take transportation. She walked back along the railroad track alone, one foot deep and one foot shallow, without saying a word, and the afterglow of the sunset elongated The girl's shadow seemed to drag behind her like a heavy chain.

She will take about a week, which must be perfectly staggered with Kuroro's visit. After returning, Lele often thinks back to the words of those protesters. They said she was a murderer. She thought she might be worse than that, because Not only did she want to kill her own child, she also had to think about it and plan carefully.

Lele touched her still flat abdomen, a little lost in thought.It was a sunny day outside, and the light shone through the glass into the room, warming her body, which was natural, and she began to think again, what would happen if she was born?

"Lele..."

We haven't seen each other for more than two months, Lin Xuan has become haggard, the new stubble has not been shaved, Lele's nose fluttered, the whole body twitched twice, and she still cried, out of control, the tears burst It drips, wipes it off with your hands, and it flows down again immediately.

Lin Xuan's heart seemed to be twisted severely by someone. He stepped over and hugged his wife who had been missing for many months into his arms. Lele lost a lot of weight, as if he was about to disappear. His Lele was already weak. It was slender, and it was a small one in my arms. Thinking of Lele's suffering, Lin Xuan's eyes were also red.

How worried he is, he will not be able to sleep well one day, the family is worried that the heir is young and inexperienced, even the elders of the clan invite the younger generation to find the missing bride, ask God's will, divination, good or bad, still nothing, just saying that the person is still alive... …What's the use of that? If Lele can't be found again, Lin Xuanzhen doesn't know if he can maintain the most basic sense. No one can withstand such a cruel blow as a newlywed and bereaved of a loved one.

How much thought he spent, and how long he waited, before he married the girl he wanted.Lin Xuan hugged her too tightly, "Oh, Lin Xuan..." The man woke up and relaxed, "What are you wearing?" He suddenly caught a glimpse of the metal ring on Lele's wrist, and subconsciously sensed that there was something wrong with it. Then he found that the ring on Lele's hand was missing. Lele found the ring from a small hidden pocket of her clothes and put it on her ring finger. She kept it carefully and never lost it.

But Lin Xuan's doubts were still not dispelled, "Are you alone? Are you alone for so many days?" Lele grabbed Lin Xuan who was about to search the house. She was afraid that he would find out the unbearable truth, so she held on tightly Husband's arm, begging him: "Let's go, let's go, I'll tell you when I get back..." Tears kept falling down, Lin Xuan would definitely soften his heart when he saw her cry, no matter how big the matter was, he would Putting it aside, she knew him.But Lele is disgusted by her own selfishness and ugliness. Should she keep this kind of thing from the other party?

She let go of Lin Xuan and stood a little further away to show the seriousness of what she was going to say next, wiping her tears with the back of her hand, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I feel very low... really low... I I don't want you to see me like this...I'm sorry..." She was a little incoherent.

"I'm pregnant with Kuroro's baby...and now it's in my belly...I don't know why this is happening...I don't want this at all..."

Hearing her words, the man who was going to comfort his wife froze on the spot as if struck by lightning.

Tears are so shameful, she scolded herself in her heart.Isn't this kidnapping the innocent Lin Xuan morally?He should have the right to choose, tears are forcing men to submit!Lele wiped away two tears, wiped the backs of her hands with wet palms, and raised a smiling face, "You...do you still want me?" Opened her mouth, tears fell down again and again, it was strange that she was so embarrassed At that moment, she was actually very peaceful in her heart, and felt that the worst was being abandoned.

She realized that the pressure that kept her from tossing and turning was actually from Lin Xuan. Now that she confessed everything to her husband, her uneasy heart fell to the ground. It is not difficult to foresee... Maybe... She should stay more, maybe Kuroro needs her more... Since when... She began to feel that she was worthless... When did she start to... feel that her own Does the value need to be reflected by others?Tiredness struck, Lele's mind was dulled, she felt confused, puzzled, a little tired of the status quo, she suddenly thought of the knight, and remembered that when he decided to let her go by the sea, he laughed and shed tears, Was it that he was so uncomfortable?Does the whole person seem to be torn apart?Beneath that smiling mask... is your heart about to break?

I felt like I was being hugged by someone.

"I want."

Lin Xuan's tolerance and embrace woke up the self-defeating Lele. At this time, her husband never left her. Lele put away the random thoughts in her mind just now, picked herself up, and cried even harder in an instant. Grateful to Lin Xuan: "I'm sorry...thank you...sorry...it's me...that screwed up...I didn't know...it would be like this...sorry...I'll go with you...let's go..."

But Lin Xuan broke his promise, Lele went to finish the operation by himself, and called Lin Xuan, Lin Xuan said he was busy when Lele was halfway through talking, and hung up the phone.No one really doesn't mind, she will avoid sensitive topics, and Lin Xuan will too, but that kind of "deliberate" makes both of them feel very tired.

When she first came back, Lin Xuan carefully asked her how she planned to deal with the child in her stomach. When she said "kill it", Lele obviously felt that Lin Xuan was relieved. He didn't want to force Lele, but he never wanted to To recognize this bastard, Lele knows that she will not make things difficult for him. She has hurt her husband. In the future, she will use all she can give to compensate him, which is far from enough.

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The author has something to say: Go to update the text to suppress the shock orz

Lele: ………………………

Director: Don't talk!

Lele: ………………………

Director: Don't look at me like a fool!