[Douluo] Tang Yuke can't laugh

Tang San hasn't seen Tang Yuke for a long time.

He doubted in his heart that she didn't want to see him, but he comforted himself by being busy with royal affairs.

Even so, time was still running mercilessly. He had grabbed the corner of her clothes several times at the gate of the Tianshang Building, but Tang Yuke was still pale and said nothing, as if she hadn't seen it or noticed it. With the last chance, he disappeared behind the curtain of the carriage.

...Probably, I didn't notice it.

Putting the last luggage into the soul guide, away from the chattering Xiao Wu and Xiao Lang, he looked at the prepared carriage anxiously, grabbed his wrist, and clenched his fist.

tomorrow……

After a moment of silence, he sighed softly.

What is the worry?Or maybe it's just my own selfishness.

clinging to him tightly.

But he couldn't follow his heart, and he couldn't convince himself... nothing happened.

He did notice it.

... The night is getting late, so don't think about these things for now...

It was raining outside, pattering.

He walked upstairs, leaving behind the gradually dull sound of rain, and the little rabbit who stopped fighting and looked at him worriedly.

On such a rainy night, a carriage came out of the palace. Someone lifted the curtain and poked his head out to look at the starless and moonless sky. The dense raindrops fell on the ground, splashing dense water threads, hanging down densely, and densely densely. Tang Yuke turned her head to look at Zhu Zhuming who was quietly watching outside, and pulled the cloak on her body silently.

It's finally summer, but a typhoon comes, the rain keeps falling, and the dark wind hovers in this ancient capital, making the night extremely cold.

"What are you going to do?" Zhu Zhuming turned to look at her.

"..." Tang Yuke didn't answer.

The man in Prince Xingluo's mansion sighed deeply, Zhu Zhuming lifted the curtain again, pretending to be casual and said: "If they don't make a decision, they will leave."

"Well, I know." The response was rather flat.

"..." Zhu Zhuming was speechless, lowered her head and gasped for air. The low temperature made the hands that opened the curtain a little stiff, but she suddenly felt a little cold in her heart, and even breathing could not warm herself. hands.

"...I know." She heard Tang Yuke repeat it again, her voice was as low as a mayfly's moaning, she didn't know if she was affirming herself, or just responding to her-the three words that were fleeting, all at once, all of a sudden drowned in the torrent of raindrops.

She turned her head again and found that the woman had closed her eyes, was leaning against the carriage, her breathing was low, as if she had fallen asleep.

========

When Tang San walked downstairs, he found that the lights were still on in the hall on the first floor.

A very dim light.

The flickering candle was about to fall in the wind passing through the hall. Tang Yuke was sitting closest to the door, with her thick cloak on the door and it was open. She stared blankly at the door, the tiny light of the candle reflected on the door. On the side, some raindrops that were too close appeared in this way, stealing the light from the dim light, turning into shooting stars, and streaking across the night.

Hearing the sound of footsteps, Tang Yuke turned her head to look at him. Across the vast hall, she could still recognize his outline, with a distorted expression, and finally put down the corners of her lips, and said lightly, "You're here. "

Tang San stared at her blankly, then approached and sat opposite her.

"Come back so late, is it serious?" Tang San asked her.

"...It's okay." After a long silence, Tang Yuke nodded.

Tang San lowered his head, staring at the flickering candle flame, where a moth stubbornly rushed towards the flame.

"You haven't slept so late." Tang Yuke said like a sigh.

"Can't sleep," Tang San said jokingly, "The rain is too loud, tossing and turning, making it impossible to calm down."

Tang Yuke's eyes met his, and there seemed to be some crystal light shining in her pupils: "Really."

Tang San put his hand on the table, bent his eyes, but didn't respond.

After an unknown period of time, Tang Yuke stood up silently, walked into the kitchen, and came out again after a while, holding a plate of pastries in her hand.

It is cut squarely like a cake, with a milk-colored cut surface, but the top is sprinkled with ecru cocoa powder.

She put this plate of pastries in front of Tang San.

"This is..." Tang San was puzzled.

Tang Yuke lowered her head slightly to look at the dancing candle flame without making a sound again. Seeing her expression, Tang San subconsciously didn't move, but just traced the outline of the pastry with his eyes.

"This is called tiramisu." After a long stalemate, Tang Yuke spoke.

It was a strange name, it didn't seem to have any meaning, but it had a unique rhythm, Tang San guessed that it should be some kind of language he didn't understand.

"The first person to make this pastry was a woman, an ordinary woman." Tang Yuke's heel knocked against the rail under the chair, making a dull and hollow sound, "She made this for her husband at first Pastry."

"And then?" Tang San knew that once she started telling a story, she wanted to tell him something, so he quietly put down the spoon and listened to her speech intently.

"I don't know." Tang Yuke's bangs blocked her eyes.

"...Really." This time it was Tang San's turn to answer like this.

"...I've seen too many things..." Tang Yuke lay down on the table, "Actually, I should be a very weak person. I always don't want to talk about things directly, so I beat around the bush for fear of hurting someone. I don’t want to put the truth on the table, so I always tell stories, but in the end, I don’t know what I want to tell.”

"...You are not." Tang San stood up, bent down to approach her, stretched out his hand unconsciously, and pinned the loose hair on her forehead behind her ear, "You are just too gentle, that's all, so Some things, you are expecting them to understand, to comprehend and learn by themselves, instead of forcefully remembering, you are always expecting, so you are always hurt."

She didn't raise her head, but just laughed in her arms: "No, no, no...I'm not as good as you said."

"I am weak, afraid of getting hurt, subconsciously stay away from danger, I am cold, unwilling to care about other people's opinions, always ruthlessly cut off ties, I am stubborn, unwilling to listen to friendly advice, always stubborn to the end, I still hold grudges , always holding on to those memories that hurt me the most...Of course I know what a bad person I am, even after so long, so long, I haven't improved at all."

"...Well, I know." Tang San replied, forcing a smile.

He actually realized something this time.

"...Let's go back to that story." The woman said, "That woman actually made the last ingredients into cakes and sent her husband to go to war."

"She is very reluctant to part with her, but because she understands the obligations of the country and the obligations they need to fulfill, it is strange that she does not make any moves to persuade her."

"A long, long time has passed. At that time, I used this story I heard from afar as a guidepost, looking for the origin of the story, and finally arrived at a frontier town with beautiful scenery, but the woman was gone."

"Those villagers said that when the bad news came from afar, the woman disappeared."

Tang San sat down again, turned his head, and didn't look at Tang Yuke's expression - he knew that his current expression must be very ugly.

"They said that the former husband did not take the woman with him to go to a distant place, but in the end, she finally received the inviting hand extended by her husband from hell, fulfilled her wish at the time, and was taken away. "

After finishing speaking, Tang Yuke didn't speak any more.

Tang San looked at the cake silently.

"Actually...something really happened, so you can't leave this place at all, so you can't let go and leave."

Tang Yuke didn't answer him.

"...There is no need to tell me specifically." Tang San raised his head, looked at the ceiling buried in the darkness because it was too high to be touched by the tiny candlelight, suddenly lost his mind, and for some reason, he began to regret that the carved beams and painted pillars I can't see it all the time, so I want to laugh a little.

I don't even know why I'm laughing.

"You've always... been like this... different from me." Thinking of the person who didn't know how old, who didn't even know whether he should be called a girl, pointed out that you are not suitable for this kind of appearance, Tang San decided to admit defeat, "I can't really say I understand you..."

He felt sorry for the burden she shouldered, but he never thought about why she shouldered it without hesitation.

He actually doesn't understand her.

Because of her country, her responsibilities, and her obligations, she can only live in her own shackles forever, and cannot break free—because in her eyes, responsibilities cannot be fulfilled, obligations cannot be betrayed, and the country cannot be betrayed.

...even at the expense of himself.

The night is actually not long.

It walked quietly without looking back, and the rewinding of time could not hold back its steps.

In the distance, a strip of fish-belly white was opened, and a high-pitched rooster crowed was heard.

They just sat there all night.

Zhu Zhuming walked out of the room, saw the scene in the hall, stopped hesitantly, supported the door frame of his room, looked at the two people sitting at the gate far away, and did not dare to step forward.

Tang Yuke heard the clang.

Looking up, Tang San turned the plate containing the tiramisu upside down on the table, and the untouched cake fell into the trash can, turning into a black and white paste.

There was a smile on his face, very gentle, very gentle, but his eyes were sad like a sea of ​​ups and downs.

Tang Yuke stood up and took off the cloak on the table.

It rained all night, but it hasn't stopped yet.

She walked past Tang San as if she didn't care.

But he stopped behind Tang San.

Turning around and lowering his head, Tang San could feel her breath rubbing against his forehead.

Hot water dripped on his cheeks.

He looked into her eyes from an upside-down angle. There was too much emotion in those eyes, but they seemed deep and unreadable.

She is crying.

He wanted to reach out to caress her face, but it was in vain.

Tang Yuke turned around again, this time stepping into the misty rain, her figure was gradually wiped away by the mist just like five years ago.

Tang San covered his face, and lay powerlessly on the chair.

She just... spoke.

Without the slightest sound, he understood the shape of her trembling lips.

She said, thank you.

Tang Yuke fell in the white mist and didn't look back this time.

I'm not going back... and I can't go back.

That is my last weakness.

From then on, I am just the brightest morning star of the Star Luo Empire for 200 years, and I will lead this empire.

I can't... turn back.

She finally turned around.

The line of sight was blocked by fog, and everything was hazy.

She grabbed the cloak under her hand, and for some reason, she smiled miserably.

It turned out that the world did not allow her to turn back.

The author has something to say:

Tiramisu means "take me away".

This actually expands the story of tiramisu.

Because she understands the obligations and the righteousness of the family and the country, the woman did not stop her husband.

But she also hoped that her husband would take her with him.

This is a metaphor for Lao Ke'er's psychology.

Old Ke'er was actually very vacillating, if Tang San accepted it, maybe he would follow suit.

Maybe not, though.

What was she thinking, who knew.

There will be no turning back, and there will be no turning back.

She can't turn back.

It is even more impossible to look back and be so firm.

I can only say thank you to Tang San who let her go like this.

=========

A lot has happened recently...no mood update...

An old man in the family passed away in Qingming... When I came back, I found that my good friend in the class had dropped out of school again... As a result, a few days ago, another senior from the school jumped into the lake and drowned... This incident was quite big... No I know why couples fight so impulsively...it's a pity...

... This chapter was actually written in no less than five versions, intermittently for a long time.

As for what she wants to do, this time it is her own decision.

I thought about her walking with Tang San, and also thought about her avoiding him and passing by ruthlessly.

I thought about her kissing Tang San goodbye, and also thought about her slapping Tang San hard.

Among them, Tang San's attitude, her attitude, is changing every edition.

But it's not me who dominates the plot, it's her.

Nothingness has actually been foreshadowed from the very beginning.

The first time it was mentioned was actually in the Youth Chapter, but it was just a passing mention.

She would not respond otherwise, her tenderness and selfishness determined that she could not say goodbye to Tang San easily, and her responsibility made her not evade.

In the face of the righteousness of her family and country, she could not respond.

Tang San understood her and understood her this time, so he was able to say goodbye with a smile.

But both of them were hurt in their hearts.

...sorry...that's all I can say...

……

Although my grandfather passed away on the eve of his birthday in the third year of junior high, I understood the impermanence of life... But this kind of thing... I can't get used to it no matter how many times...

...now I still feel very uncomfortable.

This period of time is also nearing the end of the article...Because the recent conversations between the various parties involved in the redevelopment of the China National Base have to be studied, and at the same time, there is still an autopsy with the laboratory. There is probably no guarantee for the update...I can only say...this will end around June book.

The depression in this chapter is probably also a catharsis for my heart...

There are many things I want to say, but I can only say that the pen is not strong enough to express, and some things use very obscure metaphors, so I can't express them at all.

This book should be a failure, but in many places, I don’t want to change it, and I don’t want to change it. I can’t find a more suitable method for many descriptions. This is all I can do...

Originally, writing a book was also a hobby, and I didn't intend to use it as a job... In many places, it was purely my own hi...

There are many things I just want to write... What I want to express is not something that can be sweet and pleasing... Many places are even written like serious literature... In fact, I also know that it is good to write funny, but I just As I write, I want to say something...

In the future, I will probably only be able to do so half-way...I always want to show something...express something...by writing...

Then I can't write it again...

I don't plan to change it anyway...

……So be it.

In the future, I probably won’t try to deliberately write in a funny style, and I can write whatever I want... Maybe I will think of a stalk and write it for entertainment, and then suddenly become lyrical... I don’t care about the others...

This book will be finished around June, and Dragon Clan will be reopened. This time it will be a complete rewrite. I want to express a lot of things that I didn’t think about before, and it would be inappropriate to write on the chaotic structure at that time.

... I can only say that I cherish the people around me.

...otherwise it would suddenly disappear at some point.

Life is impermanent...

. . .

stop drinking