I have time

After Yan Yu left, he didn't return to the company, nor did he call a car to pick him up, but instead picked a small road and turned in at random.

Although he works on the top floor opposite every day, he has never carefully appreciated the nearby scenery. Passing by once in person, he has a lot of feelings that he has never had before.

The city that belongs to him is no longer the one full of locust trees, and he has been immersed in the dream of green trees and flowers, unwilling to wake up.

In the mid-winter of March and September, the noon sun was shining brightly but without much temperature, washing the sky blue, and even the withered branches of the trees stretched out. It will not take long for them to germinate again, and then flourish until they bloom and bear fruit, following the irreversible The natural law of life and death.

Yi Chengfeng, like many others, may be getting married, have his own wife, his own children, his own life... He will only belong to them in the future.

Yan Yu is very clear that he himself has grown up long ago, and no longer stubbornly thinks that friends should be as close as he was when he was a teenager. The so-called friends may only meet once in a few years, and occasionally turn to each other's circle of friends. Like, I won’t call if I have nothing to do, just like Liu Kaidi and Luo Xun, they only send a round of electronic invitations on the eve of the wedding.

But these obviously normal things, why does he feel so uncomfortable when he thinks about it, he doesn't want to say anything, and he doesn't want to see anyone, just like a snail retracted into its shell, waiting for time to empty all his softness, Only an empty shell remains.

You can also get used to it slowly, right, like when you were young without friends, like the six years when you lost friends, like the time you spent back to Liancheng alone.For you, there is no more profound feeling than "lonely" and "waiting" in your life, right?

But, Yi Chengfeng, I'm really uncomfortable, a hundred times worse than when you scolded me and drove me away!

The blue sky is blurred, the gray ground is blurred, and the scenery near and far is also blurred.

Yan Yu couldn't tell where he pushed himself, probably because there was a school nearby, several stationery stores opened on this road, and there was a mobile sales truck on the side of the road.

If you want to buy something from the window of the sales cart, you need to stand on knee-high steps. The saleswoman wearing a purple scarf poked her head out of the window, "Do you want to buy something, young man? I'll help you get it if you want."

The young man in a wheelchair stared at her truck in a daze for a while, and didn't speak, fearing that he was inconvenient and embarrassed to ask for help.

"I want...ahem," Yan Yu realized his voice was hoarse as soon as he opened his mouth, "I want a bottle of soda and a hamburger."

The eldest sister of the salesperson put the hamburger in the microwave to heat it up, made another glass of Coke without ice, and went around the door to help him down.

"This is the only drink, and if you want to change to cartoned milk, you can also heat it."

"This is fine, thank you." Yan Yu paid, and pushed himself to the stone table by the side of the road, where Coke and hamburgers were placed on it.

-Change with you, you drink water, give me iced Coke!

Yan Yu took a sip of the Coke. Although there was no ice in it, the normal temperature in this weather was no different from adding ice. It was so cold, like a splash of cold water on his heart.

No one will change with you in the future, you have to get used to this temperature, haven't you already adapted well?

Will he be invited to Yi Chengfeng's wedding? Will he wear the new suit I gave him?Probably not, he will definitely wear what the bride chose for him.

What will Yi Chengfeng's future child look like? Will he be as naughty as when he was young? Will he spank his ass?

If his child is not good at reading, will Yi Chengfeng ask him to help with tutoring?No, no one would bother a friend because of this kind of thing, maybe he would just describe him as an inspirational character in a real story, leaving only the attribute of being disabled and strong.

And those things they have experienced, or remembered, or forgotten, will no longer have any results.

The phone is so noisy, Yan Yu turned off the phone to silent without looking at it, don't disturb me, I just want to be alone for a while, let me be quiet for a while...

***

No one answered the phone calls, and then the phone was simply turned off, and Yi Chengfeng ran around like a headless chicken until his scalp tingled.

Xiaoyan, why didn't you answer the phone!

He was really at a loss. He dialed You Lin's number, and the other party was actually looking for Mr. Yan all over the world. It's really maddening to have the same goal.

"Boss Yan is not at home. Chen Xing just went to see it. He left the restaurant without knowing where he went."

Since he didn't call a car, it meant he didn't go too far. Yi Chengfeng opened the map app and turned on the street search mode, radiating from the restaurant to the outside, and didn't miss any small roads.

The 200-meter endurance allowed him to last [-] meters. When he ran to the gate of an elementary school, Yi Chengfeng was out of breath and wished he could spit out his lungs.

Die Xiaoyan!Play Missing!Watch me catch you!

Sweeping his gaze around, he hurriedly searched for the target figure to no avail.

On a stone table not far away, a hamburger that had already frozen into a stone and a glass of Coke that was almost full attracted his attention inexplicably.

-I want to eat that, you said you often came here to buy food when you were young, right?

Yi Chengfeng turned his head suddenly, and there was indeed a mobile sales truck behind him!

Like a thirsty traveler who sees an oasis, and a pilgrim who sees a mirage, he ran to stand on the steps, leaned on the window and asked, "Sister, have you seen a young man in a wheelchair just now? Slim, very White is beautiful..."

The salesperson glanced in the direction of the stone table, "Here, he bought the hamburger and Coke, and didn't eat it, and sat there for a long time without talking... I was worried that he would feel uncomfortable after eating cold, so I asked him once. Don't help to heat it up, as if you didn't hear it... See how weak he is, he's just freezing alone with him, and I don't know what kind of trouble has happened to him..."

It really was Xiaoyan!

"When did he leave? Do you know which direction he went?"

"For a while, I called a taxi and left. The driver was fine and came down to help."

Yi Chengfeng clenched his fists tightly, it's hard to find now, the car can go too far, he can't just find a needle in a haystack.

I didn't ignore you Xiaoyan, at least give me a chance to explain before getting angry, right?The court found guilty and gave people a chance to defend themselves!

You Lin called again, "President Yan sent me a message back, saying that we should go out to do something so we don't need to worry, but he didn't say where to go."

What else can I do, I can't call the police to find someone, are the police very busy?

But he couldn't feel at ease when he couldn't find Yan Yu, so he had to go back to the restaurant to pick up the car and wander around.

Yi Chengfeng was not familiar with Liancheng, so he couldn't guess where Yan Yu might go, so he had to go to Liancheng No. [-] Middle School first, and even went back to Guantun without entering the house, and returned empty-handed. .

From daytime to nightfall, he finally decided to go back to Yan Yu's house and wait. Wasn't he the best at using this trick to deal with himself in the past?

First he grabbed the doorbell and pressed it, and then banged on the door seamlessly. Yi Chengfeng didn't care whether he disturbed the people or not, and leaned against the door panel in a slump.

What time is this, and you haven't come home yet? !What's wrong with you, just play and run away from home!I'm so angry...

But if I can find you safely, I might be willing to forgive you this time.

There was the familiar sound of music pouring into the eardrums, maybe he was too irritable just now and didn't pay attention to it, only to hear it when he calmed down now.

Yi Chengfeng put his ears on the door panel, I don't want, I don't want, I don't want to grow up... That's right, that's the song, his cell phone used to ring, it was a piano song.

咣 咣 咣!

"Xiao Yan! Are you at home? Open the door!" Yi Chengfeng shook the doorknob, but the stainless steel anti-theft lock did not move at all. "Open the door, Brother Feng has something to tell you! Be obedient——"

Clap!

There was a crisp sound of glass shattering after being hit from the door panel, and then it fell to the ground, as if the sound of glass shards splashing on the tiles was clearly audible.

"Xiaoyan, open the door, I am the wind—"

"roll!"

Accompanied by a bang, Yan Yu's roar pierced through the door panel. This time the accompaniment should not be as simple as a glass, but at least a wine bottle.

Finally responded!Yi Chengfeng was so excited, he just went home and he was fine, and he was still full of anger with this roar.

The elevator in the corridor ding-dong, Chen Xing hurried out from inside, and Yi Chengfeng mouthed "inside" to him.

Before Chen Xing could completely let go of his heart, he was startled by a cracking sound on the door panel and jumped on the spot, his eyeballs almost popped out of their sockets.

After Yi Chengfeng tried to call the door a few times, he didn't dare to make a sound anymore, and every time he called, he threw a glass vessel inside to answer him.

It's not that Mr. Yan, who is prodigal, feels sorry for these belongings. He is mainly afraid that the broken glass will fly everywhere and cut himself.

Chen Xing has the authority to unlock Mr. Yan's house by swiping his fingerprints, but he never abuses it. Every time he gets to the door, he will ask Mr. Yan for instructions before entering.

But now he can't care so much. President Yan has never locked himself up and smashed things so violently before when he was angry. If there is something wrong with him today, besides the cups and bottles of President Yan's family, he will be smashed. Chen Xing's rice bowl.

Chen Xing raised his hand, and with a powerful vajra finger, he swiped open the door. He was about to grab the door, but was grabbed by Yi Chengfeng's shoulders.

"Have you heard throwing things and yelling at people? I think your boss is either drinking too much or going crazy. Are you sure you want to go in and see him like this now? Believe it or not, the first thing he does after he wakes up is to fire you. ?!"

Combined with Yi Chengfeng's sharp eyes that understand the world and his special status in front of Mr. Yan, this threat is very effective. Chen Xing's face turns green, and he is dead anyway, so desperate.

"What should I do?"

Yi Chengfeng turned around manually for him, "Just pretend you don't know anything, go home and leave it to me! Tomorrow morning, he will still be your boss Yan who melts the world, eh! Trust me!"

In the current situation, it is almost impossible to destroy the world...

After Chen Xing turned around and left hesitantly, the elevator door closed behind him, and Yi Chengfeng opened the door and walked in.

The chandelier in the living room is not turned on, and the columnar speaker emits faint blue fluorescence. With the passionate or melodious music, waves of changing light and shadow hit the cold white vitrified bricks.

He turned on the lighting in the entrance, and saw a piece of sparkling gemstones, oh no, it was broken glass, gleaming against the background of dark red wine.

Yi Chengfeng didn't dare to take off his shoes, and directly stepped on the glass.

There was a faint burnt smell in the air, this smell was not obvious at first under the cover of the smell of the big splash of red wine, it didn't look like the smell of burnt food, Yi Chengfeng probed the kitchen and looked, sure enough There is no smoke and fire in the cold pot and cold stove.

He stopped and sniffed, then turned around decisively and rushed into the bathroom. The originally bright and white toilet was blackened by smoke, and the upturned Wei Lishi was also yellowed and deformed by the high temperature.

Yi Chengfeng decisively tore off the power supply of the smart toilet seat that had not been cut off. He didn't want this thing to suddenly become an electric chair.

Thick, blackened confetti almost filled the entire toilet, and fragments the size of fingernails or coins survived, but they were already blurred by water.

Yi Chengfeng picked up a corner and dropped it on the floor tiles. The edge of the letter was burnt yellow, with Yan Yu's beautiful handwriting clearly written on it:

...waiting for you in the water

Fire comes, I wait for you in the ashes

Eagerly looking forward to reply!

2008. 12, 21

Yan Yu on a Snowy Night in Meichuan

That day was the day when Yan Yu came of age, the words he wanted to say to Yi Chengfeng at that time have been burnt up and can never be seen again, and his expectations are also hidden in those hundreds of ashes and have not been answered year after year.

Yi Chengfeng closed his eyes forcefully, and held the corner of the paper in his palm. He felt that he should immediately connect back the power supply just now, and then sit on it to accept the judgment of conscience!

The sliding door leading to the terrace was open, and Yan Yu was nestled in a wheelchair against the wall of the terrace, holding a glass of red wine in his arms, his silent silhouette was outlined by the moonlight outside the window.

Probably the wine glass was killed at the door, so he had no choice but to directly pour the bottle into his mouth. He didn't know how much he drank. Anyway, there was nothing wrong with his whole state. His cheeks were flushed, his eyebrows were moist, and his eyes were more silent and gloomy than the night.

He huddled in the corner like a severely wounded and painful animal, refusing anyone to approach him, and quietly hid in his shell.

"Little Yan, what are you doing?"

Yi Chengfeng thought that he would be so angry that he wanted to explode, but when he saw this scene, he didn't even dare to speak loudly, a little afraid of scaring him.

Yan Yu turned his head slowly, and showed him a bright smile, with bright tears overflowing the old and new tear stains on his cheeks.

His gaze was led by Yi Chengfeng until it stopped at the upturned face he squatted in front of him.

"Listen to music, drink some wine—" Yan Yu shook the half-full wine bottle at him, and wiped the tears off his face with the back of his hand, "Mozart Symphony No. 40, is it good?"

Yi Chengfeng frowned, and pointed at the speaker with his backhand, "This? Mozart? I always thought it was the one who misses goose snake (she) and doesn't want to grow up..."

Yan Yu bent his lips to laugh at him, raised his fair and slender neck, and brought the mouth of the bottle to his mouth. The purple juice slipped down the corner of his mouth, winding all the way across Adam's apple and collarbone, and finally disappeared in his collar, like a throat-sealing knife punctured blood.

At the same time, a crystal tear also fell down like a chasing one, staining his thick eyelashes like crow feathers.

Yan Yu, who was as dazzling and desperate as falling fireworks, bloomed in front of him in a poignant posture, and suddenly caused him to have a madness that he would desperately catch even if it burned through his palm, as if he would lose him forever if he didn't do that. , never to be found again.

Yi Chengfeng coaxed the wine bottle in his hand into the corner, sat cross-legged on the ground in front of Yan Yu, held his right hand with his left hand, and his left hand with his right hand, and quickly checked the time when he set fire to the letter. Did you burn yourself, well, no.

Then, he stared seriously at Yan Yu's beautiful eyes.

"Xiaoyan, look at me and tell Brother Feng what happened to you? Why is he hiding here drinking alone? Why didn't you answer the phone all afternoon? Where have you been? Can not find you."

"I went to Xilan Bay to see my dad. I haven't seen him for many years. I miss him very much, but he won't know."

Yi Chengfeng licked his lips, not knowing how to comfort him, he knew that Yan Yu had shouldered heavy self-blame for his father's death, just like he was in prison for him back then, although he was obviously not wrong but it might be difficult to let go of it for the rest of his life, all the relief They were all extremely pale.

"Brother Feng, I feel like I'm a failure..." Yan Yu grasped his with both hands in turn, with strong tears in his voice, "I have always worked very hard to get what I want, since I was four years old Practicing the piano for a few hours a day has been persisting for ten years...but it's useless, these persistence is worthless, it can be taken away in a second and can never be retrieved..."

"There are so many more, no matter what I want, I am doomed to fail, empty-handed... I don't want a lot... But what I can't get, everything is not mine..."

He was extremely wronged, big drops of tears fell down, like the last child in the kindergarten facing the empty toy cabinet, watching the things he likes being picked up and taken away one by one.

Yan Yu leaned forward, about to fall off the wheelchair, Yi Chengfeng had to stand up to block him.

"I know, Brother Feng knows, everyone knows your hard work... So you see that your career is very successful now, right? How many young directors in the whole Liancheng can be working as directors in big companies? You are the most powerful little boy Yan, everyone is looking up at you..."

"Is it too much work pressure? Let's take a rest when we are tired..."

The soft head on his belly shook, Yan Yu grasped his arm as if trying to stand up, but the alcohol made him dizzy, and he tried several times without success.

"Xiaoyan, let's go wash our face and get a good sleep. When we wake up tomorrow, nothing will happen... Don't move, there may be broken glass on the ground..."

Yi Chengfeng was afraid that he would hurt him, so he had no choice but to hug him horizontally, and when he passed the living room, he raised his foot and turned off the music that was playing in loop.

What's the point of talking to a drunk, just put him on the bed and let him sleep and sober up is the right thing to do.

In the past when Yi Chengfeng hugged him, he would obediently remain motionless, but this time he wrapped his arms around Yi Chengfeng's neck forcefully, and refused to let go even when he was put on the bed.

"I don't want to, I don't want to grow up, there will be no fairy tales in the world when I grow up, I don't want to, I don't want to...I will lose him when I grow up...hehe..."

With great difficulty, Yi Chengfeng pulled his wrapped hands away, pulled the quilt and pressed it on the bed, just as he turned around and wrung a wet towel, Yan Yu struggled to sit up again, and raised his hand to hang it on him.

"Be obedient, wipe your face and go to bed..." It's fine to take a shower, I don't want to be smashed to death in your bathroom, so the clean freaks have to endure it.

"There is a beautiful flower in the world, it is the flower of youth... um..."

Yan Yu pushed away the towel that was on his mouth in distaste, and continued to sing his solo in the bedroom, and also asked the only fan to actively interact, and if he reacted a little slower, he would pinch his neck and beg for praise.

"Do you think I sing well? By the way, I still want to play the piano for you... I passed the tenth grade when I was eight years old. That's when I met you, do you remember?"

Yi Chengfeng felt that his national second-level physical fitness and physical ability to move bricks would soon be unable to keep up with the tossing energy of this tenth-level drunkard on the piano. In less than an hour, he had already been forced to do so for a short time. He paused to breathe more than a dozen times, and had to pull Yan Xiaoyu who had rolled to the edge of the bed and almost fell to the ground dozens of times to get up again and throw him back on the bed.

"Lullaby, how about a lullaby?"

I beg you, young master, hurry up and sing a song to lull yourself to sleep, don't make trouble anymore, he has already run around all afternoon looking for someone to worry about, okay?

Spirit and flesh/body want to cry at the same time!

Yi Chengfeng pressed Yan Yu back on the pillow for the umpteenth time to lie down, and gently patted his shoulder with one hand, once and for all, as if coaxing a baby to sleep.

My mother, the plan to have a football team in the future is cancelled!The bear boy will grow up to be Master Xiong, and he wants to live a few more years.

"No!" Yan Yu shook his head vigorously, "This method won't work, I have a good way..."

He struggled to get up for the umpteenth time, opened the drawer and took out a lighter, lit it with a click, and the sudden flame almost ignited Yi Chengfeng directly as a candle.

This is to light his scented candle to help sleep?Still have to set fire!

Yi Chengfeng quickly grabbed the lighter and hid it, sweating from strenuous exercise and severe fright.

"Or eat this..."

Looking back, Yan Yu took out another small medicine bottle from the drawer, which had no label on it.

He unscrewed the bottle cap and poured the pills into the palm of his hand, Yi Chengfeng's heart went into cardiac arrest in fright, he hurried to grab them again, the small milky white pills were scattered everywhere, Yan Yu threw away the empty bottle in disappointment.

"You fucking don't drink anymore! I've never seen someone with worse wine than you. Are you drunk or crazy! You can kill and set fire, right!"

Yi Chengfeng really couldn't suppress his anger, if he came one step later, he would order the house again... Even if he took the wrong medicine, it wouldn't work!There was a new layer of cold sweat on the back.

Yan Yu was stunned by his yelling, his expression was aggrieved, and finally he obediently hunched over the pillow without moving.

He didn't move and didn't sleep, and his big eye hair was still fluttering, as if he was thinking about something.

Yi Chengfeng pulled up the quilt to cover him again, and before he could pull his hand away, Yan Yu grabbed his wrist.

His eyes are big and dark. When he stares straight at people like this, it gives people the illusion of being deeply affectionate and somewhat unable to extricate themselves, as if his whole heart is trapped in the endless eyes and treasured forever.

"Brother Feng, you are getting married."

Yan Yu's voice was slightly hoarse, and he uttered very lightly, and he used declarative sentences, which made people feel sad for no reason.

Yi Chengfeng frowned, "Married? Who the hell am I going to marry?"

Yan Yu didn't seem to hear, and continued talking on his own.

"I haven't decided what gift to give yet," he shrank his head sideways into the quilt, his drooping eyelashes were re-stained with moisture, "If time is too tight to choose, I'll play a wedding march for you. So? Do you like Mendelssohn or Wagner... It’s fine to use both. In foreign countries, Wagner is usually used when welcoming brides..."

"No, wait a minute!" Yi Chengfeng pinched Yan Yu's curvaceous chin with his hand, and turned his face out from the soft pillow, revealing the wet tear stains printed on the pillowcase.

"Who told you that I'm getting married? I was forced to have a blind date. I didn't even see the height, fat, thin, black, white, beautiful and ugly, so I ran out to find you all afternoon... Xiaoyan, you're out of your mind What the hell are you thinking!"

This time it was Yan Yu who was desperately trying to hide himself, pulling the quilt over his head with both hands, while Yi Chengfeng grabbed the corner of the quilt and pulled it down, not seeing him as if he was going to suffocate himself to death.

"Come out! Tell me clearly! If you don't make it clear, you are not allowed to sleep!"

The fierce quilt tug-of-war lasted for quite a while, and Yi Chengfeng wished he could hold him on the bed and not move, so he could speak clearly!

But he had promised himself that he would never grab his hands no matter what in the future, so that he would not be afraid of losing this last bit of ability to resist.

As a result, the cat's paw scratched his arm several times, and the nervous cat showed no signs of being honest.

"Xiao Yan!" Yi Chengfeng simply dug him out of the quilt that he had finally stuffed in, and supported his shoulders to let him sit up, "I'm going to tell you formally, you listen clearly! I didn't To get married, understand?"

"But...you are going to get married sooner or later, you are 30 years old..." Yan Yu murmured.

The shaft boy didn't turn at all, and poked his sore feet.What happened to thirty?Do you eat your rice?

"I'm only [-] after my birthday in July, okay?!" Who said men don't care about age, "Are you free? Like my mother, I care about whether I get married or not!"

"Brother Feng, I'm still friends with you, right?"

Those big dark eyes swept back and forth in his gaze, as if looking for an answer that had been lost for a long time, "You said, I can continue to be friends with you if I stand up on my own, I did it! ..."

As Yan Yu said, he grabbed Yi Chengfeng's arm and struggled to stand up again. Yi Chengfeng had no choice but to pull him up and stabilize him, letting him bear most of his weight on himself.

"After you have a wife and children, you won't talk to me anymore, right? You don't have time to talk to me, I know...that's your family and your relatives, I don't blame you."

"Brother Feng, I have never had many friends. You were my first friend and best friend when I was young... I am very lucky to meet you. I know I shouldn't be too greedy..."

"But I always hurt you... Have you been putting up with me for a long time? I caused you to lose six years of the most precious time... Brother Feng, I was the one who harmed you. Your mother was right... That time in the second year of high school The college entrance examination was intentional on my part, I thought...I wanted to stay with you and come to Liancheng to take the exam together...I thought that one more year would make you do better in the exam..."

"I'm sorry, Brother Feng, I'm sorry... I have never dared to apologize to you for so many years, because I am afraid, I am afraid that you will ignore me again if you find out... I know that I can't do anything to make it up, I'm sorry, Brother Feng... ...You don't see me and don't reply to me, I deserve it..."

"I don't want to lose you, no one is really good to me except you... I can wait for you, as long as I can continue to be friends, I can wait for anything... seven years, six years, five years... more and more Is it missing? Even if I wait another four years, three years, two years, one year... I am willing to wait..."

"Brother Feng, don't drive me away, don't drive me away again, don't let me go..."

"I know, I know there will always be a day when I can't wait for you... You are married and have a family, and you will never treat me like that again... Do you remember when you were in school and you helped me buy meals Buying water, taking me to play ball, talking with me in the hospital...I lost you like that with my own hands...I regret it so much, I really regret it..."

"No matter what conditions you say, I will try my best to get you back... I won't do it in the future, I know I won't in the future... It's not that I can't accept it... I just can't help it, I'm very sad..."

"Brother Feng, even so, you have to remember me, I have always regarded you as my best friend, the best..."

Yi Chengfeng held Yan Yu who was crying in his arms, and he stabbed a big blood hole in his heart. It seemed that something he had been ignorant of before had been pierced, and the feeling of pain flowed all over his body.

For so many years, he has indeed not had an easy life, and he also knows how much Yan Yu has worried about his affairs, and how many times he has been ruthlessly rejected by him.

But the only thing I don't know is what kind of mood Yan Yu has gone through all these years pretending to be strong alone, and how many long years I have made him look forward to so humbly.

Wasn't it enough for him to give up on those unacceptable thoughts that were sent back intact?Why have you kept them so foolishly for so many years? How would you feel when you touched them again? How would you feel if you burned them with your own hands?

Tearing off the window paper of calm camouflage, the truth inside is so cruel that it is almost dripping with blood.

The lonely and weak Xiaoyan, the Xiaoyan whom Yi Chengfeng always wanted to protect and love, had been dodged by him for so many years with a dodge knife, and was finally forced to nowhere by the last straw of shattered hopes. .

That little Yan who never bowed his head, that indifferent and proud President Yan, would cry uncontrollably after being drunk, begging his forgiveness over and over again, and waiting for him to look back over and over again.

All kinds of astonishment turned into a long and warm sigh, which was slowly spat out by Yi Chengfeng. He tightened his arms and pressed Yan Yu on his aching chest, and the heartbeats of the two collided.

"Xiaoyan, do you fucking want me to be your friend, or do you want me to be your boyfriend?"