In the Same Boat

All things, when we have not experienced them, all the expectations we make can only be hypotheticals, and only after things actually happen can we know how it feels and how to deal with it.

For so many years, Yao Zhan has been able to get along in life with ease, and he can deal with everything calmly. The only thing that panicked a little was the vice president who grabbed him and introduced him to a girlfriend, and today's incident did not make any difference. Coming out unprepared.

"What are you talking about?" If Yao Zhan was only excited just now, he is hysterical now.

"I said, I have always been gay." Yao Zhan knelt down in front of his mother and said to her, "I know, you know everything, I won't persuade you too much, and you will get angry with me if you talk too much. If you want to beat me, then hit hard, if you want to scold us, then scold me, after beating and scolding, I am still your son, and I will honor you well, you also try to accept me and my lover."

"Who do you love, love!" Yao Zhan's mother cried like tears. She was too flustered and confused, and she couldn't slow down until now.

Which mother can bear this, come to clean up the house and cook for her son with good intentions, but in the end, at night, she saw him kissing a man passionately, and it was obvious that the two of them wanted to do that. , the two got together when they were in middle school.

"Mom," Yao Zhan said, "I originally wanted to let you accept it slowly, but I didn't expect such a thing to happen suddenly. Since you were young, you told me that being a person and doing things pays attention to a conscience, so I am here today. Let me tell you with conscience, no matter what, I can’t change that I’m gay, and that I like him can’t change. Mom, we haven’t seen each other for 15 years, and I almost won’t meet this person.”

Saying this, Yao Zhan felt his nose sour.

That's right, he and Qu Yiheng almost missed it, 15 years, and said it out of the mouth, but there can be a total of 15 years in life.

"Does it have to be him?" Yao Zhan's mother cried dizzily, and felt breathless when she thought of her son's words. She leaned on the sofa, covered her face with her hands, and breathed with her mouth open, "What did I do... ..."

"It has to be him." Yao Zhan said, "If it was before, I might say that even if I don't look for a man, I won't look for a woman, but now, I have someone I want to be with forever, and I have to be him No one else can."

Yao Zhan believed in Qu Yiheng, and even if Qu Yiheng didn't want to one day, he still had the confidence to chase him back.

But the premise is that he has to have the confidence to chase after him, he can't make a mess on his own side, so what qualifications does he have to say that he loves others?

"I can't," Yao Zhan's mother said, "I don't accept it, no, I'll find someone to introduce you to a girlfriend tomorrow."

"Mom, don't do this." Yao Zhan frowned, and his tone became more dignified, "Should we not do that? I think our family has always understood each other."

"But I can't understand this!" Yao Zhan's mother yelled at him loudly, "No way, no way!"

Yao Zhan closed his eyes and sighed.

"If you still recognize me as your mother, you should stop immediately." Yao Zhan's mother said, "I will live with you from today onwards, and I will watch over you. You are not allowed to go anywhere after work. If you do No, I'm just like when you were a child, I sent you to school and picked you up after school, I want to see who is more embarrassing between the two of us!"

"Mom, calm down." Yao Zhan seemed to have a balloon in his heart, and an invisible person kept blowing it up. He felt that he was about to be blasted from the inside out soon. "We agreed to Have a nice chat."

"There's nothing to talk about." Yao Zhan's mother took out a tissue and wiped her face, then pretended to be calm and said, "That's it, there's no need to discuss it."

"Mom." Yao Zhan held her back, "Are you really going to force us to live a good life? I'm gay and I'm not your son? I'm gay and I can't have someone I love? I If I’m gay, I’m ashamed. If I’m a pervert, I’m not accepted by society? It’s okay for outsiders to think so, but you’re my mother, do you see me that way?”

Yao Zhan's mother suddenly slapped him on the face and cried, "It's because I'm your mother! Who cares about you but me? You're gay. Go outside and know what other people are doing. See what you think of me? They will poke our spines and gossip about our family, say you are a pervert, and say that I am not well educated! You can be young now, and find a man on impulse. What about in the future? Can you get married? ? Do you have security? Can you have children? What will you do when you get old? Who will provide for you? Have you thought about these issues?"

She made Yao Zhan's ears ringing, but he had no strength to calm her irritable mood.

"Mom, you were not like this before," Yao Zhan said, "I always think you are a very reasonable person."

"Of course I'm reasonable, but it depends on what's going on. I just spoil you too much, otherwise you can't go on the wrong path."

"Evil way?" Yao Zhan's face was in hot pain from that slap, but what hurt more was his heart. He didn't care what outsiders did, didn't understand, didn't accept, or even abused him. But, he He really felt very helpless when his own mother was like this.

He said: "Mom, I don't think we can get any results out of our chat today. I'll send you back first, and we'll talk another day."

"I'm not going back." Yao Zhan's mother went to the bedroom, "I'll just live here, don't even think about leaving, you can't go anywhere, I'll watch you."

"I'm 33," Yao Zhan said, "I have the right to decide where to go, what to do, and who to be with."

Yao Zhan's mother stopped and looked back at him. Suddenly, she couldn't understand her son. She said, "What kind of ecstasy drug have you been given? Why do you have to do that kind of thing with a man? You can't Let me live a few more years?"

"Mom, I really want to say sorry to you, and I really should, because I made you angry, but I won't feel sorry for my sexual orientation. There is nothing to say sorry about." Yao Zhan was very firm. , He picked up the key on the coffee table and said to his mother, "You can live here if you want, call my dad and don't worry him, I'll go out to get some fresh air, buy some food, and the refrigerator at home is empty."

"I'll go with you." Said, Yao Zhan's mother quickly followed.

Yao Zhan smiled: "Don't be so nervous, I'm not looking for him, our family's matter has not been resolved, I have no face to look for him."

"No face? You also know no face?"

"I mean, I didn't deal with my own affairs, and I didn't have the face to meet him," Yao Zhan said. "Gays are a marginalized group, but why are we marginalized? Because of discrimination, because many, many people discriminate against us, some people I think this is a disease, some people are even more ridiculous, think that homosexuality is contagious, and the discrimination against us in this society is everywhere, so we dare not hold hands and kiss on the road openly, but we are right, why do we have to force us How about bowing your head and admitting your mistakes? I don’t think homosexuality is a shameful thing. The people who are ashamed should be those who are obviously gay but dare not admit it or even cheat to get married. They are stupid and bad. I don’t want to be that kind of person.”

Yao Zhan put on his shoes and was about to go out: "I'm going to the supermarket, you should rest for a while, I'm not at home and you may calm down faster if you don't see me."

He closed the door gently and let out a long breath.

Yao Zhan really wanted to coax Qu Yiheng, he wanted to hold Qu Yiheng and let the other party coax him, or he could coax him himself.

He wanted to tell Qu Yiheng that we are not afraid of anything, we are not afraid of not being able to get married, we are not afraid of not being protected by the law, and we are not afraid of no one to provide for us when we are old. As long as we are always together, there is nothing to be afraid of.

Doesn't this society discriminate against us?Then we'll be better off and let them see what we're capable of.

Isn't this society not accepting us?Then we shall be together, and till death do us part.

When Yao Zhan went downstairs, he saw an elderly man walking his dog. The puppy was jumping happily in front of him, and the old man was talking to it.

Yao Zhan suddenly began to fantasize that decades later, he and Qu Yiheng would both be old. At that time, they would still be the only ones at home. Qu Yiheng was probably still painting at that time, but he had already retired, so he would go too. Learning to paint, when Qu Yiheng was painting, he painted Qu Yiheng, specializing in luo figures, and then hung them all over the house.

Thinking of this, Yao Zhan smiled. He turned his head and glanced in the direction of Qu Yiheng's house, but he went the other way. He went to the supermarket to buy ingredients. No matter what, he had to pass this damn test.

Qu Yiheng fell asleep again after taking a shower. When he woke up, it was after ten o'clock in the morning. He still felt uneasy, so he sent another message to Yao Zhan.

Yao Zhan quickly replied to him: I'll go there at night, don't worry, I'm fine.

Qu Yiheng stared at the phone screen and smiled. With Yao Zhan's words, he can continue to draw with peace of mind.

Since moving here, the progress of his works has been much faster. When I talked about this matter with Dou Yucong on the phone that day, the other party laughed at him and said it was the power of love, and asked him to reward Yao Zhan well.

At that time, Qu Yiheng was extremely shy and refused to admit it, but in fact, he felt that what the other party said was probably true.

Because Yao Zhan made him feel at ease, which was unprecedented, as if all the complicated and trivial things in his life had been erased with an eraser. He only needs to focus on himself in front of him. Only when he has no worries at all, can he truly Be still and create.

This time, he struggled with the theme for a long time before settling on it. This was a challenge to his past self.

Body and soul, past self and present self.

Before, even when he was at his peak, he had never painted such an abstract theme. He wanted to express a deeper collision, and this inspiration suddenly burst out when he fell in love with Yao Zhanzuo. So, he Yao Zhan also has a lot of credit for being able to stand here holding a paintbrush.

Qu Yiheng was very satisfied with the current situation. He suddenly felt that no matter whether he was selected or not this time, he would probably not feel lost or regretted. He had tried and worked hard, and left the rest to fate.

like love.