Yesterday was like Death

Gu Ni was really frightened by my crazy behavior in the western restaurant. She asked me what was going on insincerely. Looking at her demeanor, I always felt that she had guessed something.

But this kind of thing is like a day gone by, what's the use of talking about it?She has two reactions, comfort me or continue to pour cold water on me, and no matter which one is, it is not what I need.

I just need to calm down and digest.

I didn't say much to her, telling her not to bother me, just pretending that nothing happened that night.

She looked at me for a long time, and suddenly showed a dry smile: "Gu Tang, no matter what, you still have me."

I was stunned for a moment, rubbed her head, and gave a soft "hmm".

With her words, I have not raised her in vain all these years.

No matter what kind of feelings Xi Zonghe had for me, and how he wanted to start over with me, that is the past tense.

Now Xi Zonghe hates me, loathes me, and never wants to see me again.

I have no other advantages in this person, but I quickly recognize reality. In other words, I am very aware of current affairs.

Memories and experiences shape personality. Now Xi Zonghe has no five-year memory with me, only my experience of deceiving him. It is absolutely impossible for me and him.

If he recovers his memory in a short time, maybe we can continue our relationship.But after a long time, people's hearts are unpredictable, and when he has a new lover and a new life, I gradually lose contact with him. Even if he recovers his memory one day, the relationship will probably be almost cold.

After all, I have no fate with him, so I can only think so.

In addition to signing the contract before and setting some jobs, without any support, I really struggled in the circle.

Day by day, Sang Qing was anxious day by day, but he couldn't receive the draft.

An entertainer with a dark history like me, with a backer, can do everything well, and there are always a lot of resources waiting for you.However, if there is no backing, what is waiting for me is to be hidden by the market.

In a capitalist society, anyone who is popular can be hired. Even if they don't pursue traffic, they won't use an unknown artist with a bad reputation.Everyone is a fool, and there is no need for others to sacrifice themselves to save me.

After staying at home for half a month, every time Sang Qing called me, she lamented again and again, always saying: "Fortunately, I signed "Big Brand Farmhouse Music"."

This variety show has become my life-saving straw. With it, I can always last half a year.It's just hard to say where the hope is for the second half of the year.The broadcast effect of the program is not good, or I can't please the audience, the straw may become the last straw that breaks the camel's back anytime and anywhere.

Whether I will be reduced to returning to my old job depends on this fight.

I thought that Tang Lila blackmailed Sang Qing, and I should have blackmailed me too.Xi Zonghe is her younger brother and even her boss. From the beginning, she has always obeyed him.Xi Zonghe was with me, she was grateful that I never left him, and if Xi Zonghe wanted to break up with me, she would not say a word.But I didn't expect to receive a call from her.

She was vague and hesitant on the phone, saying that she had something to say to me face to face, and invited me to have afternoon tea in a five-star hotel.

It's okay for me to be idle anyway, and I'll go in the car when the time comes.

The environment of the hotel is excellent, few people, quiet, very suitable for talking about things.

Tang Li is really tall, and she prefers to wear high heels, her long legs can't fit under the table.She wore her usual long ponytail, showing a clean and smooth forehead, and sat by the floor-to-ceiling window. When she saw me, she raised her hand to signal me.

"Sister Li, long time no see." I took off my sunglasses and sat opposite her.

"Long time no see." Tang Li smiled at me with a bit of reluctance and a bit of preoccupation.

She looks so weird, which makes me more curious.

"What's the matter, you have to talk to me face to face?"

She was silent to me for a long time, as if she was considering how to speak.

I waited quietly, without urging. During this period, I was thinking wildly, wondering if Xi Zonghe had recovered his memory, had no face to come to me, and wanted to send Tang Li to be the vanguard.

"The thing is like this..." Tang Li's voice successfully pulled me back from the absurd imagination, "I received a call two days ago, it was from the reproductive center in the United States. You know, when Xiaohe I contacted that child with you, so they have my contact information."

As she spoke, she took out an envelope from her bag and handed it to me.

"Little Crane kept it from us, and did another test-tube baby. The embryo was successfully implanted four months ago, and now it is developing stably, past the most dangerous period..."

My expression froze a little bit, my mind went blank, I couldn't think at all, after that it was like sleepwalking.

When I came back to my senses, I was already driving on the way home.

"Xiaohe told them to notify him after the first four months of the dangerous period. If he still fails this time, there is no need to contact him. Last week, the reproductive center sent an email, but he did not reply, so they thought I..."

Recalling the conversation with Tang Li in the hotel, I couldn't help biting my nails irritably.

"Why...he didn't tell me?" Not only me, but Tang Li also didn't tell, he actually kept it so well.

Tang Li sighed: "Maybe it's because I don't want you to be disappointed again, or maybe... there is an old saying, I don't know if you have heard of it, if you want your child to be born safely, you can't tell anyone in the first three months, otherwise the child will be killed." scare off."

I stared blankly at her, and wanted to laugh a little, that Xi Zonghe was so superstitious, but I really couldn't laugh.

At this moment, the child was too embarrassed.It's no different from... the couple divorced and made up their minds to stop dating, but the wife suddenly found out that she was pregnant. This kind of unspeakable embarrassment.

"Did you tell Xi Zonghe?" I asked Tang Li.

"No, I dare not." Tang Li took a sip of the lemonade on the table, "He has lost his memory now, and he doesn't even want you, so why would he still want this child? Back then, to be safe, he was afraid that leaking the news would harm the child in the future. Well, the registered biological father is him, and you are just an unnamed sperm donor. Do you know what this means? It means that you have nothing to do with this child now, and Xiaohe has full custody of him, and has the right to The right to stop the pregnancy of the fetus."

I suddenly put my sweaty palm on her hand, trembling with nervousness: "He can't do that!"

This is our child, Xi Zonghe is looking forward to that, how can...

Tang Li withdrew her hand and woke me cruelly: "He can. And if I tell him now, he will probably do it. Xiaotang, I don't want him to regret it in the future, and I don't want you to hate him. Tell me what do I do."

She threw the problem to me.

A child, a child that no one expected...

The trumpet sounded suddenly, pulling me back to reality from my unsolvable worries.The red light in front of me had already turned green, so I hurriedly started and drove forward amidst the impatient honking of the car behind me.

The day my first child passed away, I remember I was working outside, and when I passed by a baby product store, I asked Sang Qing to stop and go in for a stroll.

In fact, there are already a lot of these things at home. Xi Zonghe has already prepared all the things that need to be used. I just wanted to see if there is anything I have never seen that needs to be added. It is better to buy more than to use nothing.

This time shopping, I don’t want to have a lot of big bags and small bags.Sang Qing also laughed at me, saying that I look like a strict father on the surface, but I am a slave like Xi Zonghe in my heart.

As soon as he got home, he saw Xi Zonghe sitting in the dark, silently looking at the sonogram in his hand.

I felt bad almost immediately, dropped my things and walked quickly towards him.

"Mr. Xi..."

I stopped in front of him, flustered by his distraught look.

Since his body has recovered day by day and he got rid of Jiang Mu's shadow, his life is developing in a positive and clear direction. I haven't seen him like this for a long time.

"Gu Tang," he raised his face, his facial features were half-lit and half-dark in the dim light, and his pupils were even more bottomless, "I received a call from Tang Li just now, she said that I...my child is gone .”

At that moment, I felt a sharp tingling in my heart.Not only because of the child's premature death, but also because of Xi Zonghe's appearance at this time.

His voice was hoarse: "Why do I just want a child, such a small wish, God can't make it come true? I have never done anything harmful to the sky, why should I bear all the suffering?"

I'm afraid, I'm really afraid that he will fall into the inextricable depression again.

His condition is too bad, as much as he once expected this child, he will suffer as much.

People in the world always think that people who have experienced setbacks will become more courageous and more resilient, but they are wrong. No one likes to suffer repeatedly. As long as the limit is reached, no matter who it is, it will collapse.

People are like a measuring cup, and the limit is a red scale line. Despair can slowly overflow the red line in a drizzle and silently, or it can fill the entire measuring cup in an instant with a downpour.Without exception, as long as the scale line is passed, the cup will be broken into powder.

If this child is the last drop of rain over the cordon, then I wish he never came.

"You...you are only under 30 years old, and the future is still far away, how many children do you want?" I smiled at him pretending to be relaxed, and stroked his cold cheek, "Besides, the survival of the fittest in nature, The stop of development is also because the quality of the embryo itself is not good, so it cannot be born..."

Xi Zonghe slapped my hand away all of a sudden, and said fiercely: "You don't know my feelings at all, you have never loved him!" His eyes sparkled a little, and his voice was almost choked up, "You don't even know how I feel? If you don't love him, you are a heartless person..."

He accuses me and lashes out at me.

My heart felt as if someone had punched it hard, contracting violently and aching.

I froze for a while, then stretched out my hand again, but this time I hugged him into my arms.

"Don't be sad, maybe my genes are not good..." I hugged his head and patted his back, "Next time you can find someone else to try."

He buried his face in my waist and abdomen, and his whole body trembled slightly. I was startled, and just about to lean on his shoulders to look at his face, this abnormal trembling suddenly stopped.

"Whoever I want to try has nothing to do with you." He seemed to have regained his composure, and also returned to his usual attitude towards me.

I smiled wryly and followed him and said, "Okay, it has nothing to do with me."