healer love letter

It happened that Lao Xu came out to smoke, and as soon as he went out, he saw Gao Le stuck at the door like a wooden stake, looking at the end of the corridor, his eyes fell on the back of a certain striding star and heavy steps.Old Xu squinted his eyes to distinguish, isn't that Dr. Li, why did he leave before he came in and sat down.

Old Xu Yan had just lit it, and before he had time to smoke, he stuffed the lighter into his trouser pocket, walked to Gao Le and stood next to him, followed him to the end of the corridor, and asked, "What's the matter, is that Dr. Li? Why don't you come in and have a sit down, what's the rush, I'm leaving right now." Old Xu didn't know what happened, so he thought of the best in everything.He thought that Dr. Li left in such a hurry, it must be because something was not handled well at work, and he was worried about Gao Le, so he hurried over to take a look.

Gao Le's body trembled slightly, he smelled the smoke, and looked sideways at Lao Xu, "Yes, do you have a cigarette, give me one."

Old Xu paused, and on Gao Le's face, there was clearly an expression of lingering fear.His voice was also different from usual, trembling and hoarse.It was as if there was wind in my throat, dry and parched.

"What's wrong with you?" Old Xu took out his coat, and took out the cigarette case he had put in just now.He took out one from the inside and handed it to Gao Le. In the process of passing it over and taking it, Lao Xu's finger touched Gao Le's finger, and it was frighteningly cold.He hurried to touch the lighter again, found out that he had a cigarette in his mouth, and went to light a cigarette for Gao Le.

The despair that came out of Li Ying's eyes just now took root in Gao Le's heart, until now his hands are still trembling, and when he was trembling, he took a puff of cigarette, and tremblingly spit it out again.

Old Xu was dumbfounded all of a sudden.

When was the last time you saw Gao Le like this?

Old Xu thought for a while, and the memories of the past surged rapidly in his mind, like the torrential waves on the sea caused by a hurricane.

It seemed that Song Yan was in the emergency room.

When Lao Xu was notified that night, when he arrived at the hospital, he saw Gao Le sitting in the corridor of the hospital in a daze, his eyes were dazed, and his whole body was shaking.He looked up and saw Lao Xu approaching, his deep eyes exuded a look of begging for help.He asked if you have a cigarette, give me one.In fact, Gao Le doesn't like to smoke very much, at most he smokes one when he is unhappy, but those days he seems to be crazy, one pack a day.

Old Xu said that smoking is not allowed in the hospital, so Gao Le lowered his head in frustration and sat without saying a word.Old Xu knew he was afraid, because his fingers were trembling.

Pulled back from memory.

"You're fucking dumb, talk! What's going on!" Seeing Gao Le's appearance, Lao Xu suddenly became angry, raised his foot and kicked him on the calf, controlled the strength, and didn't It hurts to kick.

Gao Le took a puff of cigarette and licked his lips. He cleared his throat before opening his mouth to speak. "Just now, Li Ying said, said." He felt a scalding hot breath rising from his throat, so he had to pause and coughed.

"He said that he met Lao Zhao upstairs."

"Old Zhao?" Of course Lao Xu knew who Lao Zhao was, and also knew that Lao Zhao was going to annoy Chen Er to death these days because he couldn't continue to cooperate.Chen Er complained in the room just now, saying that Lao Zhao was really an afterthought, and now Xiang has a fart.

"He came again today?" Old Xu asked.

Boss Zhao was sent away by Gao Le at the door, so no one else saw him.

Gale nodded.

"He told Li Ying." Gao Le suddenly felt that the stuff in his throat was getting thicker and thicker, and it was so blocked that he couldn't make a sound.My heart was empty, but it was filled with the bloody wind and snow, and I didn't know what to do.

"He told Li Ying that he looked like Song Yan." Four years later, when the word Song Yan was mentioned again, Gao Le still felt like a pinprick in his heart.

Old Xu Wenyan's eyes widened, almost popping out.

"Fuck, what the hell do you mean?" Old Xu held a cigarette between his fingers, and the smoke burned quickly in the wind, and the smoke that floated up was also quickly carried away by the wind.After thinking about it, I felt aggrieved for Gao Le, so I scolded again, "What the hell is he?"

"Old Zhao is too fucking a person. If he can't do business, he won't even be a human being?"

Old Xu seemed very angry. Although he seemed to be unable to get along with Gao Le on the surface and quarreled whenever the two met and disagreed, he still recognized Gao Le as a friend in his heart.From a certain point of view, he felt that Gao Le was very similar to him, with a scar in his heart that would never heal, and a name that he would never forget.

But Gao Le is not as deep as he is, so I still hope in my heart that I can help Gao Le, pull or kick, as long as he can climb out of this hole, pat the dirt on his pants, and be free and unrestrained Go forward.

When he saw Li Ying for the first time, he thought he looked like Song Yan, and he couldn't tell exactly what he looked like, as if in a trance, he felt that if Song Yan was still alive, he should look like this.So at the beginning, Lao Xu was not optimistic about them, thinking that Gao Le had found a reflection in reality for his lonely heart.But it was the first time when they came back to sit and eat together, Lao Xu could see that it was different, it was really different.

Song Yan and Li Ying are completely different people, apart from their juvenile looks, Song Yan is like a warm jade with purple smoke, while Li Ying is like ice in a glacier.Song Yan loves to laugh, and when he smiles, he feels comfortable like a spring breeze, while Li Ying's smile is something that is hard to come by.

Later, when the two got angry, Gao Le chased after him for a month, and he didn't feel ashamed to look at his old face.From then on, Lao Xu knew that the two of them were having fun.Not to mention that Dr. Li loves others, and every time he gets together, he presses Gao Le's wine glass to tell him not to drink.Old Xu was ashamed of him, but he was happy for him in his heart. It is too difficult to meet someone who knows how warm you are, and you have to know how to cherish it.

Everyone wished Gao Le well, so as if they had made an agreement, they all silently pressed Gao Le's predecessor, Song Yan.I didn't mention it, as if there was no such person at all.

Gao Le's scar is not easy to scab, but it was torn open today, a piece of bloody skin with new flesh, it hurts even looking at it.

"Fuck, you wait." Old Xu stopped smoking, took out his cell phone, and started flipping through the phone book. "I have to fucking tell all my friends who do catering to let their mother know what kind of scumbag Lao Zhao is. Anyone who has a voice with him should keep their eyes open as soon as possible, otherwise they may stab you in the back one day .”

Old Xu was cursing, he was already irritable, and he couldn't hold back his temper when encountering this kind of thing.I don't know what Gao Le scolded him later, maybe he didn't hear it, or maybe he heard it and didn't take it to heart.There is only one image in his mind, which is the distraught Li Ying just now, his eyes are so sad, as if they are hollow.

It's not that Gao Le never thought of telling him about Song Yan before, but Dr. Li didn't feel safe, and it was not easy for the two of them to be together. Gao Le always felt that it was not the right time.

Dr. Li hasn't admitted his relationship with me yet, it's not the time yet.

Dr. Li hasn't moved here yet, it's not the time yet.

Dr. Lee hasn't...

Now that Gao Le looked back and thought about it, he seemed to have subconsciously suppressed his experience on purpose under the pretext of protecting Li Ying.He was really afraid that Li Ying would run away from him because of this, he really didn't want to, and didn't have the strength to bear the pain of parting again.

But now this fact was presented in front of him in a way that he had never thought of through the mouth of others. Not only did he fail to protect Li Ying, but he gave Li Ying the most direct and thorough blow.

His hesitation and hesitation not only hurt Li Ying, but also deeply hurt himself.

"Old Xu." Gao Le suddenly looked at Lao Xu in panic, his teeth chattering. "You tell Chen Er, I'm going back first, you all don't leave, help him take care of the place together."

Lao Xu nodded, and was really worried about Gao Le in this state, so he asked him, "Can you do this?"

Gao Le squeezed out a tired smile from the corner of his mouth, like a patient recovering from a serious illness, looking exhausted. "It's okay if you can't." Gao Le's smile gradually turned bitter.

Li Ying didn't go back to Gao Le's house. Anyway, the house she rented hadn't expired yet, so she just drove to the rented house.Li Ying drove very fast along the way, but he always felt being pulled and pulled by something, which made him want to turn around constantly.

Not long after he walked out, the phone rang. Seeing that the caller ID was Gao Le, he didn't answer the connection, so he threw the phone on the passenger seat.

When encountering such a thing, shouldn't he be the one who is most sad?

These two people can use the word to get along day and night to describe this period of time. They wake up together in the morning and sleep together in their arms at night. He clearly tells himself that he once had such a lover who will never change until death, but he has nothing. explain.

He closed up his own experience, pretending that nothing had happened, laughing and laughing when he was with him, talking about love and sex as soon as he opened his mouth.

But it turns out that there is a name that cannot be mentioned in the bottom of my heart.

Li Ying couldn't stop trembling when she thought of Gao Le's reaction just now, he withdrew his hand almost instantly, wanting to run away in panic.

How can you not be sad.

Li Ying almost cut open her heart, tearing out the bloody contents for Gao Le to see.He told him about his childhood experiences, his horrible memories, and even his college ex who never told anyone else.

In exchange for what?

Is it a stand-in?

Li Ying felt that the whole thing was absurd and ridiculous, like an extremely absurd black comedy. She was an actor being fooled on stage, and she swung her limbs and made ridiculous movements, causing a burst of laughter.

It seems that since he was with Gao Le, he has almost no insomnia and nightmares. The sleeping pills and Valium tablets are described as useless, and they are gradually expired in the medicine cabinet.

Gao Le's voice was still in my ears during the new year's New Year's Eve. He said that he didn't care about the past and the past, and the future will be long, and I will always be there.I thought it was a heart-warming oath, but now that I think about it, it is a rationalization of my behavior by a person who harbors a secret but dare not blurt it out.

Psychology believes that when people's cognition is not coordinated, cognitive conflict will cause emotional discomfort and unpleasant emotions. In order to eliminate this emotion and coordinate their cognition, people will bring themselves a false picture. mask, insincerely rationalizing his actions.

He didn't dare to mention the past, so he told Li Ying that he didn't ask about the past.

It seems that if you don't ask, it doesn't exist.

What an interesting sophistry proposition.

When I got home, I moved to Gaole’s house half a month ago and never came back. It’s only been half a month. When I opened the door, I felt a sense of regret.

Although this neighborhood is old, the heating measures are not bad. At least Li Ying doesn't have to face the cold and stiff room alone.

It hadn't been cleaned for half a month, and a thin layer of dust fell on the table and sofa. Li Ying didn't bother to clean it, so she simply turned on the water heater and was going to take a shower first.

The shower was extremely sloppy, and his mind was so chaotic that he couldn't do anything well. When washing his hair, he kneaded it for a long time without foaming, only to realize that he used conditioner.After discovering this, I didn't have the energy to change it again, so I just washed off the foam of the conditioner, didn't even use the shower gel, simply wiped my body, and walked out of the bathroom.

After drying her hair and warming up all over, Li Ying sat on the sofa in the only set of pajamas she had left, and turned on the TV.

The room was very quiet, so quiet that he could hear his disturbed heartbeat, he wanted to hear some noise, so he could hide himself in the noise.

The screen of the mobile phone kept flickering on and off, and it was the calls and messages from Gao Le, which seemed to be unbroken, endless.

Li Ying wanted to cry.

Slowly, Li Ying's phone screen went dark and completely turned off.What went dark together was his own heart that had been tortured.

Li Ying nestled on the sofa, curled up in a ball, and a mindless variety show was playing on the TV. The guests and the host were laughing at a joke that was not funny at all, and she curled up in a corner of the sofa coldly, as if this excitement had never happened It's all other people's.

If I fell asleep like this tonight, I would probably have a nightmare.In the dream, there will be a woman with flying long hair and red lips, and she will smile fiercely at herself.

She would say, didn't I tell you already?

No one will love you.

Only mom.

Mom loves you.

Li Ying curled up even tighter, covering her eyes with her palms.He was shaking all over, and his breathing became difficult.

nothing.

He comforted himself.

It's ok.

Maybe I can't sleep at all tonight, just keep my eyes open until dawn.

What will happen after dawn?

There was a tear in the corner of Li Ying's eye.

If dawn...

He sniffled, his nostrils moving slightly.

Let's talk about things after dawn.

The author has something to say:

Save the child.