Deer in the forest

Li Jibai froze in place, and every word Lin Shen uttered was an accusation of what he had said and committed a crime, and it turned into a loud slap on his face.

"It's not like you haven't done these things before." Lin Shen suddenly laughed lowly, "It's funny, you can treat me like this, but what are you afraid of when others treat me like this?"

"Besides, what does this have to do with you. My value has been drained long ago, don't waste time on me."

Lin Shen closed his eyes and clenched his trembling hands, "I don't know if you can't admit defeat or if you're not used to it, but you don't need me as much as you think. Maybe it's okay to change someone."

"So can I beg you, don't show up again! I'm really sad, I want to cry every time I see you." Lin Shen's tears flowed all over his face at some point, dripping on the back of his hand, burning Made him twitch slightly.

"I... I used to..." The words were stuck in his throat, and he couldn't continue. Lin Shen lowered his head and buried his face in the scarf, but in the end he faced himself bravely and said the words that had been buried in his heart for many years , "I used to regard you as the only family member, but some things are not just wishful thinking. After a long time, there will be results. After more training, I will not be so persistent."

"To tell you the truth," Lin Shen wiped away his tears vigorously. A blue tendon appeared on the corner of his forehead, which made his face pale and transparent, like a piece of white paper that could be torn apart. "I'm still afraid of you, afraid of you." Your capriciousness and moodiness are afraid that you will suddenly go crazy and rush out like just now, that one day you will have enough fun and get bored, and you will take the people around you with a knife, and you will be abandoned on a whim."

"I'm afraid that one day you will think that I have value and take me back again, and feel that I will always owe you and never have the right to talk to you about fairness."

He has never said so many words at once, and it is difficult for a person like Lin Shen to express his sincerity. He is a young deer hidden deep in the forest, carefully hiding his nest, and will never expose himself easily weakness.

But he is so tired.

Li Jibai pressed on every step of the way, and after he was completely heartbroken, he came to perform belated unswerving affection. He wondered if he had no ability to resist for too long.The hatred this person brought to him was as strong as the love, and he couldn't turn a blind eye, hear it, or hear it like on the surface.

Lin Shen's indifference is like a glacier that is about to melt, but its surface is solid but vulnerable.If the sun were any stronger, he would completely collapse.

He can't allow himself to repeat the same mistakes.

Li Jibai just felt like a knife was twisting his heart, and even hugging felt profane at this moment, so he could only say "I'm sorry" over and over again.

The car was driving on the empty street, and the silent grief flowed in the car. Lin Shen seemed to have finished speaking for a lifetime, and leaned back in his chair listlessly, motionless.

Finally arrived at the apartment building, Li Jibai parked the car, and before Lin Shen got out of the car, he gently grabbed the other person's wrist, wanted to say something, opened his mouth a few times before he could say it.

"Ah Shen, it was my fault for making you feel scared and sad, and not considering your mood and situation."

"I didn't act on a whim, nor did I refuse to admit defeat or get used to it, I just... just realized it too late..." Li Jibai clenched his teeth, suppressing the surging tears, "I want you, I want the rest of my life I'm all with you, and I want to be buried with you after death. My family and lover's position must be yours."

I have hurt you for ten years, and I am willing to use more ten years, 20 years, or even 30 years to compensate you for this "you must", until you completely forgive me, until there is no more grievance between us .

"I have done too many wrong things. During your absence, I couldn't sleep every night. Ah Shen, I am not qualified to talk about fairness with you. I have always owed you." Li Jibai finally Give the answer to the questions that the two have entangled for a long time, hoping that there will be room for redemption, and hoping that there is still time for everything.

"So I want to beg you, can you give me another chance to make amends."

The lights in the compartment were not turned on, and the moonlight outside the window was like water, and the cold and clear moonlight fell down, and the expressions of the people in the driver's seat were clearly visible.Li Jibai lowered his head, like a humble and sinful beggar, waiting in silence for God's sentence, begging for that little barren care.

A small piece of his collar was dirty, and it was slightly raised on the side of his neck. It may have been caused by the chaos just now. Li Jibai didn't notice it. At this moment, he mobilized all his nerves to sense Lin Shen's weak Breathing and mood changes, as for the rest, he doesn't care.

There was a trembling contraction in his heart, and Lin Shen couldn't bear to see Li Jibai showing weakness in embarrassment. The person who grew up with him should be flamboyant and capable.

Lin Shen turned his head away, even at this moment, he couldn't bear to watch Li Jibai suffer.

"Let's go," Lin Shen pushed open the car door without answering his begging, "It's too cold in the car, go up."

He couldn't give Li Jibai an answer, and it was even more impossible for him to start over. Being able to be neither afraid nor dodge was the limit.He wanted to start a new life, and he wanted to say goodbye to Li Jibai.

——The complicated escape-and-catch game between two people can't clearly and definitively break up and reconcile, nor can they clearly define whether they have been together or separated.Between them, they owe a serious goodbye and a formal farewell.

Li Jibai followed Lin Shen step by step, did not stop when he reached the second floor, and then followed Lin Shen to the third floor.Lin Shen didn't stop him, but just looked back when he opened the door.

The door opened, Lin Shen entered the room, turned on the light, and filled the room with warmth.

Lin Shen bent down and took out a pair of cotton slippers from the cabinet, put them at the feet of Li Jibai who followed closely behind him, and then went straight into his bedroom and closed the door.

Looking at the scene in front of him, Li Jibai suddenly felt timid.He knew that Lin Shen must have something to say when he asked him to come up, and he must have made a certain decision.

He thought in a daze that the fact of letting him in was like a password, a hint, and a watershed, which meant that Lin Shen wanted to make a complete end to their relationship.

For the first time, he had the idea of ​​escaping, and the desire he had been so obsessed with looking forward to entering the house had been filled with fear and uncertainty.He stared at the pair of slippers that were obviously not his size, and almost turned around and ran out the door—as if he left now, he would have a reason to continue entangled with Lin Shen, and there was a possibility of getting married eventually.

However, this thought came to an abrupt end when Lin Shen came out of the bedroom.

Lin Shen had taken off his coat and scarf, and was only wearing a sweater and long trousers. He looked the same as usual, the silent, gentle and considerate person.

He asked Li Jibai to sit down.

There was only a small sofa for two in the living room of a few square meters. Obviously, after Li Jibai sat down, Lin Shen didn't plan to sit with him.This sofa is suitable for lovers, family and friends, but their current relationship is not suitable for such an intimate distance.

Lin Shen brewed a cup of black tea, pushed it over from the other side of the coffee table, then picked up another cup, walked to the bay window a few steps away, and sat down on a soft cushion above.

——As expected, he found the farthest distance from me where he could sit down.Li Jibai thought to himself.

Time seemed to stand still, and the air was oppressive and suffocating.

It was Lin Shen who spoke first.

"When I was a child in Baidao, I raised a hamster. I liked it very much. I wish I could take it with me everywhere." Lin Shen fell into the old days, as if he was telling other people's stories, "Training is too hard, and I have no friends. Yes. It has always been with me. But one day when I came back from training, I found that it had been disembowelled and thrown in a corner. I cried for a long time, and the teacher told me that pets are not something you should think about."

"Later, I met you and fell in love with you. I dreamed of it. If only you loved me too." Lin Shen lowered his head and took a sip of hot tea. The white steam was steaming and his eyes were red.After a long time, he suppressed the trembling ending and tried to calm his voice, "But someone told me that you are just an assistant, a younger brother, or even a dog of the Li family..."

"I don't believe it, and I'm not convinced." Lin Shen sneered self-deprecatingly, "I have to try."

"All my expectations and imaginations about love end with your sentence." At that moment, Lin Shen felt that he was the hamster thrown in the corner, no one cared, and he died when he died.

The distant past whizzed by, Li Jibai clenched the teacup in his hand, his eyes no longer had a gleam of brilliance.

Of course he remembered that the night he drank too much, he recognized Lin Shen, but he still let himself sabotage and vent, and then said like no one else, "I only regard you as an assistant and a younger brother", and then strongly supported the two. The final conclusion of human affairs "ends here".

Later, in the Wei Qidong incident, Lin Shen fled back scarred, with despair and anger, and was suppressed by his light "stop here".

Li Jibai didn't even dare to recall Lin Shen's face and expression at that time.

When Li Jibai finally stopped, he turned his head to look for the person who loved him so much, but found that the person was no longer there.So he went crazy, tried every means to catch people back, trapped them in a square inch, and insulted and hurt them at will.

He couldn't help thinking about the last few months they had been together.

He forced Lin Shen to wear shackles, regardless of the time and occasion, whether he was sleeping or sick, whether he was resisting or crying, he just asked for it blindly, and felt that Lin Shen, who had betrayed and deceived him, was a heinous sin.

Lin Shen suppressed his crying face, he couldn't see the injuries all over his body, and the gesture of resistance.But at this moment, it was like a silent movie, with clear pictures and strong texture, playing back scene by scene in front of my eyes.

Li Jibai closed his eyes in pain.

He finally realized, belatedly, that it wasn't love.Everything he does is not the correct path and expression of loving someone.

That's not called loving each other, that's a one-sided injury.

—and it lasted a long time.

Li Jibai sat upright, but his shoulders completely slumped.

Regret is like a slow poison, and it has a strong stamina, making Li Jibai wish he could go back to the past, so he slapped himself hard.

Lin Shen slowed down a little, it was difficult to finish the words that had been buried in his heart for more than ten years.However, what cannot be broken cannot be established, some things must be done, and some words must also be said.

"My explicit duty is to serve the Li family, and my secret duty is to avenge my family. Everyone tells me that I don't deserve to have all the beautiful and favorite things, no matter how ordinary they are."

"After the age of 12, I never lived for myself."

"You apologized, and I forgive you." Lin Shen's words did not bring Li Jibai a little joy, but more like the final statement of the trial, getting closer to the topic that Li Jibai didn't want to hear.

Sure enough, Lin Shen said again: "So, let's stop here!"