fall in love with a mentor

The homing birds chirped on the green trees above, adding to the loneliness of being alone.Although the relationship has deteriorated, it seems that in order to convince myself that everything in the past is not fake, scenes of past events come to my mind.How many nights and mornings have they spent together on this road? Jiaxi doesn't want to think about it, but Junyi's laughter and the palpable tenderness in his eyes are not fake, they are The real deep feelings are just that kind of laughter, that kind of eyes have passed him, pointing to the man named Chen Han, this is the real sadness.

In order to let herself quit with peace of mind, Jiaxi knocked on Junyi's door, no matter what, he owed himself a complete story.

No one answered, Jiaxi's door was still ajar as before, he pushed the door open and entered.The twilight has gradually fallen, the lights in the living room are not turned on, and the light is very dim, but Jiaxi can vaguely see the figure leaning on the sofa, one arm is hung around the neck by a white bandage, and half of the forehead is covered with medical tape , Both knees were wrapped in gauze.Jiaxi took another two steps closer, and the figure on the sofa became clearer. Junyi seemed to have been haggard overnight, with high cheekbones, sunken eye sockets, unshaven face, and chapped lips. Lost the handsome demeanor of the past.The intact hand was hanging on the sofa, and there was an empty wine bottle beside it.

Jiaxi couldn't believe what she saw. The car accident and alcoholism made that radiant man age ten years overnight!Heartache and guilt gradually engulfed Jiaxi, making him stand blankly in front of the sleeping Junyi. How could such unforgettable feelings make him so unrestrained?And it seems that I should also bear a responsibility. It was my departure that made him lose the object of emotional sustenance. Should I be grateful or sad?

"Honey?" The moment the closed eyelids opened, a hoarse voice uttered familiar words.Perhaps thinking it was just a dream, Jun Yi tilted his head to the side and continued to sleep. Honey, is it also Chen Han's nickname?Jiaxi cannot be determined.

"Well," after a few seconds, Junyi opened his hazy eyes again, "Jia..." He rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming, an expression of half surprise and half pain rippling on that haggard face open. "Why are you here?" Junyi sat up straight with some difficulty, but the empty wine bottle in his hand fell to the ground and broke, and the crisp sound woke Junyi up completely.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Jia... I let you see such a chaotic scene again." Junyi managed to squeeze out a smile, but it was obviously powerless, so he gave up such a plan, rubbed his face vigorously, and stared blankly. With Jiaxi.

"What are you doing?" Jiaxi's deep voice was slightly trembling, sounding a little strange.

"Well, after drinking some wine, I... fell asleep." Junyi said, trying to stand up, but his injured knee didn't work well, so he sat down heavily on the sofa again, and then he laughed I got up, "If you have a car accident in Singapore, you will be laughed at. The car let people go, and it can still be hit. It's a legend, right?" I originally planned to use the previous cynical attitude to cover up the uncomfortable feeling, but The bitter smile has already betrayed him, maybe Junyi himself noticed it, so he gave up the disguise, sighed deeply, and said a little disheartened, "It's really nothing, when I was walking, I was distracted and didn't look at it." At the traffic light, I broke out suddenly, and the turning vehicle didn't have time to dodge, I was hit, my arm was slightly fractured, and the plaster cast was put on for safety, but it's not a big problem."

"That's not what I'm talking about." Jia Xi suppressed her anger, and cast her eyes on the broken wine bottle on the ground.This bastard was injured, but he still dared to use alcohol to relieve his worries, didn't he know that drinking is bad for the injury?

Junyi raised his head and stared at him silently for a few seconds, keenly, he had already read tenderness from such anger, Jiaxi was not really angry, but felt heartbroken for his self-defeating behavior! "I'm sorry, Jia, I didn't mean it. Can you forgive me? I didn't want to hurt you in the past... I thought I could start a relationship again, but I couldn't help looking for his shadow in you, because I was afraid If I forget about him, all the traces of his existence in the world will be wiped out, and our love in the past will also disappear... I know it's unfair to you, but I can't extricate myself." Intermittently speaking, Those talking eyes are full of guilt at the moment, and the pain of being tortured by conflicting emotions, no matter who looks at it, it will hurt, let alone Jiaxi who has already developed feelings for him.I can't find any reason to blame him. Junyi is just a person who has been tortured to nowhere by the unforgettable love. He has also felt that way before. If there is a harbor in his life that he can escape from, he will rush to the place desperately. go up.After all the grievances in my heart were wiped out, all that was left was a faint sense of loss. Is it because I am not good enough to let him walk out of Chen Han's shadow, that this situation will come into being, right?

"Junyi, don't be like this." Jiaxi took a step forward, held his slender fingers, and passed the warmth of her palms over.After being in love for so long, this is actually the first time they really held hands. Jiaxi laughed at herself. It feels so good to hold hands. It seems that you can convey your feelings to each other through the touch of your fingertips. Even if you don't say anything, just holding hands with your fingers crossed like this is a kind of comfort, a kind of encouragement, and a kind of support.

"Jia...meeting you really feels like a gift from God to me. You know that we spent a lot of time in Bintan Island in the days after Chen Han was ill, and when I was going to relive the memory You happened to be there when I saw you. My first feeling when I saw you was that Chen Han had a spirit in the sky to let me meet you. You have the same quiet temperament and poetic sadness. But when I associate with you The more time passes, the more I understand that you are you, you are not Chen Han, but you have become the bridge connecting me and Chen Han, the days are better during the day, but at night I always miss you and think about Chen Han like crazy, I know it's not okay, but I really can't."

"Junyi, don't explain anything." Jiaxi sat down beside him, stroked his dry long hair, and comforted him softly, "I understand, don't need to say anything, I don't blame you."

"Jia..." Junyi suddenly buried his head on his shoulder and cried bitterly.The crying that has been suppressed in my heart for four years can finally be released today.The love that was not understood and blessed by anyone, with Chen Han's departure, was buried in his heart forever.No one listened to the painful complaints, and no one expressed heartfelt comfort, so he also lost the opportunity to cry bitterly. Even he himself didn't realize that he needed such a release to relieve the depression in his heart.On the outside, he accepted Chen Han's death calmly, but in his heart he stubbornly refused to accept the fact that Chen Han left, so he began to look for his replacement in deception.

"I know he's gone...he's gone forever...uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"

"So you gave me all your tenderness. You thought it was compensation to Chen Han. Even if I lost my temper with you, you still greeted me with a smile, because you always felt that you owed him."

"That's not the case, Jia... I love you too... Really..." Junyi, who was crying so hard, just shook his head, trying his best to find words to make Jiaxi believe in his love, but he really understood his own love. Feelings?Jiaxi was a little skeptical.The tears that soaked the T-shirt left hot marks on his shoulders, and Jiaxi couldn't help shedding tears. If he was Chen Han, and he was still so remembered by his lover during the years of his death, he should also Are you relieved?

"Are you tired? Why don't you sleep for a while when you're tired?"

The hoarse crying obviously subsided, only the body was still twitching, silently expressing the ups and downs of emotion.Jia Xi stroked his back and advised softly, "Go to the room and lie down for a while, okay, I'll cook some porridge for you."

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☆, Dilemma