Manhattanhenge

A few days after his mother passed away, Ning Yixiao received a call from Xu Zhi.

He got the news from nowhere, and comforted Ning Yixiao on the phone.But because of Su Hui, Ning Yixiao didn't have a good impression of him, and was indifferent to his concern and comfort.

"Your mother has worked hard all her life, but I never thought that in the end it would be... Well, actually, I should repay her more. I haven't gone back to see her in the past two years. Thanks to your mother, otherwise I wouldn't be where I am today."

Ning Yixiao didn't want to flirt with him, "Is there anything else?"

"It's nothing, I'm just afraid that you will feel uncomfortable, don't be too sad, if you need anything, just come to me." Xu Zhi said, "I can help you to some extent now, did your mother save you What to say, if you have an endless wish, you can tell me, and I will help her fulfill it."

Ning Yixiao vaguely felt that something was wrong, but recently there were a lot of things, and his colleagues called him behind him again, so he had to make a quick decision, "She didn't leave anything, thank you for your concern, I'm going to be busy."

Ning Yixiao didn't expect that his practice assessment result turned out to be a failure.Among the students who participated in the assessment with him, he ranked first in terms of academic qualifications, ability, and even workload during the internship, but when he asked the leader why, the other party said that many things just have no reason.

Ning Yixiao hated such unreasonable reasons, but there was nothing he could do.He left the office building with the cardboard box in his arms, thinking that this was the end, but he didn't expect that this was actually the beginning.

The application was rejected, the visa was rejected, and the unsatisfactory things happened one after another. When he finally realized that these were not normal and ran back to ask for an explanation, he got an unexpected rejection.

When he came out, he bumped into a person, whom he felt familiar, but later remembered that it was Feng Cheng who had met once before, and he also attended the academic conference in New York.

Ning Yixiao bowed his head and apologized, Feng Cheng shook his head and said it was okay, so he walked away.

Walking in the empty campus, Ning Yixiao suddenly missed Su Hui, wanted to see him, wanted to hug him.After so many years of hard work, he discovered for the first time that even hard work may not necessarily lead to the desired results.

Last night, he accidentally said the wish in his heart. In fact, during many moments with Su Hui, Ning Yixiao had the idea of ​​elopement.The gap between them is too big to be filled. If it is not filled, it seems that Su Hui, who is high above, has to be pulled down and pulled into the same quagmire as him in order to be together.

Ning Yixiao didn't want to do that, he didn't want Su Hui to suffer a little bit.

He subconsciously dialed Su Hui, but no one answered. Then he realized that Su Hui's cell phone was not brought back, so he planned to go back to accompany him first, and then think of other ways afterwards.

On the way back, Ning Yixiao felt panicked and sat in a daze in the bus. On the rickety journey, for no reason, his heart suddenly ached, as if he had been stabbed hard by something.

But the pain didn't last long, about 1 minute.

Ning Yixiao slowly let go of the hand holding his chest, and suddenly found that there seemed to be something in the pocket on the inside of his cotton coat near his chest, hard and square.He opened the zipper, reached in, and took out an amulet he had never seen before.

The dim sky light outside the glass window falls on the golden body of the amulet, dazzling.

Su Hui made a big fuss in the hospital, hysterical like a real mental patient.When the psychiatrists and nurses in the hospital rushed over, they were shocked when they saw the blood on the floor.

They persuaded a lot, and persuaded Su Hui's family members to help. After Su Hui's mood eased a little, a strong young doctor walked around behind him and took away the fruit knife in his hand. Going forward, he gave Su Hui who was pinned down on the ground a shot of tranquilizer.

When inquiring about the patient's past medical history, the doctor asked: "Did the patient also have such symptoms of hysteria, self-mutilation or hurting others before the manic episode?"

Grandma shook her head, tears streaming down her face, "No...Xiao Hui has never been like this..."

They transferred Su Hui to the psychiatric ward, and diagnosed him with malnutrition and severe lack of sleep, so they prescribed nutritional injections and infused him in a coma.

Su Hui didn't wake up until the next afternoon. His grandmother stayed in his ward, leaning on the sofa and fell asleep, looking haggard.

Su Hui felt resentful and distressed. He knew that he was not a good grandson, nor a good lover, nothing at all.

After pulling out the needle in his hand, Su Hui got out of bed wearing a hospital gown. The sedative medicine had a great side effect on him. He was dizzy and had no strength to walk, so he could only lean on the wall.

When he came to the door of the ward, he found that the door was locked and he couldn't get out at all.

Su Hui wanted to try hard, but accidentally fell to the ground.

Hearing the sound, grandma woke up suddenly. Seeing Su Hui who had fallen to the ground, she was frightened and helped him up, "Xiao Hui, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? Get up quickly, grandma will help you to bed."

Su Hui shook her head, and knelt quietly in front of her grandmother.His face was pale, his lips were bloodless, and with gauze wrapped around his neck, he looked lifeless.

"Grandma..." After arguing for too long yesterday, Su Hui's voice became hoarse, and she didn't have the strength to speak, "Let me go out..."

Grandma really couldn't see him now, she was so anxious that she cried as soon as she spoke, "Xiao Hui, you... how can grandma feel relieved when you are like this!"

Su Hui lowered her eyes and looked sad, "I'm not going to make trouble anymore, I want to see Grandpa, admit my mistake...I'm going to admit my mistake, let me go..."

Grandma looked at him, feeling sad, but she had no other choice but to call for a nurse and open the door of the ward.

Su Hui also didn't have the strength to make another fuss. With the support of his grandmother, he walked from his own ward to his grandfather's ward. Every step was very difficult.

After going crazy once, Su Hui realized that going crazy is useless, nothing is useless, no matter what he does, it is impossible to shake their decision.

He was in a coma all night, and he didn't have any dreams. He just thought of Ning Yixiao's hometown when he was awake, and remembered Ning Yixiao crying in his arms in that dilapidated earthen house, eating Yuanxiao.

Su Hui suddenly didn't expect anything.

When he came to Ji Tailu's ward, he saw his mother was pouring water and taking medicine for him, and Xu Zhi was chatting with him at the side, suddenly he had a suspicion that this family seemed to be better off without himself.

Ji Yanan was the first to spot Su Hui coming. She quickly put down the water glass and ran to open the door for Su Hui.

"Are you awake? Why did you come here like this?" She looked at grandma in a panic, "Did the doctor see it?"

Su Hui didn't answer, walked into the ward, and came to Ji Tailu.

He looked completely different from yesterday, very calm, as if he was holding his last breath, his whole body was like a thin piece of paper.

Su Hui found out that Ji Tailu was so old, his face was full of wrinkles and lines, and when he was put on a hospital gown, he couldn't see how majestic he was when he was young, he was just an ordinary stubborn old man.

"What else are you doing here?" Ji Tailu's lips trembled when he thought of what happened yesterday, "Are you going to pay for my old life to give up?"

After speaking, he coughed again, Ji Yanan went over and patted him on the back, "Stop talking."

"I won't tell? Look at the good son you taught, who dared to use a knife in front of so many people in the hospital. Why didn't he stab me to death?!"

Su Hui was expressionless, with his hands hanging by his side, he said in a hoarse voice, "Grandpa, I'm sorry."

Ji Tailu looked at him and didn't speak.

"I know you are very angry. You can be angry with me. I was wrong, and this time I really know I was wrong." Su Hui said indifferently, taking a deep breath every time he said a word, otherwise he would not be able to continue.

"I... I listen to you, I listen to you, I am willing to go to Shanghai and get a good treatment. I will break up with him and stop dating. Really, I swear."

Ji Tailu stared at his face without saying a word.

Su Hui felt that he couldn't shed a single tear, and his heart was numb. He just wanted to finish talking and beg Ning Yixiao for the last thing that belonged to him.

"Grandpa, I only have one very small request, just one. Can you let him go abroad smoothly? You also believe in Buddhism, so just treat it as an accumulation of merit. Let him go. Anyway, you won't be able to see him when you go abroad. It's cleaner, isn't it?"

The silence in the ward lasted for 10 minutes, but to Su Hui, seconds seemed like years.

After many days of stalemate, Ji Tailu finally took the attitude of the winner, gave a little looseness, but still gave the attitude of command.

"You propose to break up as soon as possible. We are going to move to Shanghai tomorrow. I gave you time, but you don't cherish it yourself."

Su Hui nodded, "Yes, just promise me."

After he finished speaking, he turned around and planned to leave the ward, but just before going out, he heard grandpa's voice again.

"I don't intend to ruin anyone's future, but Su Hui, look at you yesterday, you are a complete lunatic, what future is there for him to be with you?"

Su Hui's footsteps stopped for a moment, and his tone suddenly said, "Yes, you are right."

Ji Yanan followed, grabbed Su Hui's arm, and helped him walk in the corridor.

Su Hui walked and stopped, "Mom, can you do me another favor?"

"what?"

"I want to borrow 20. I want it now, and I'll pay it back to you." Su Hui's eyes were bloodshot, full of pleading, "Please."

Ji Yanan had seen Xu Zhi's investigation of Ning Yixiao, and he knew in his heart what he wanted the money for, so he didn't stop him, didn't ask any further questions, and agreed directly, "Okay, mom promises you, I'll let someone transfer it in a while." You get stuck, and you handle it yourself."

"Thank you mom." Su Hui was helped back to her ward, but she didn't intend to lie down, but slowly put on her down jacket and changed her shoes, as if she was about to leave.

It was snowing heavily outside, and Ji Yanan didn't want him to go out, "Xiao Hui, don't go out, it's cold outside, the doctor said you are very weak now, you need to take good care of it, what if you catch a cold outside, what should you do if you have a fever? "

Su Hui lowered her head and tied her shoelaces, "Well, I'll go see him and explain the matter clearly."

Seeing him like this, Ji Yanan felt uncomfortable, "You can talk on the phone, use my mobile phone to call him."

Su Hui shook her head, very stubborn, "No, I want to say it face to face, even calling or texting."

His eyes were unfocused, he stood up, breathed steadily, borrowed his mother's mobile phone and sent a text message to Ning Yixiao, asking him to meet at the back door of the park near the rental house at nine o'clock.

It seemed that he was worried, afraid that Su Hui would go crazy again, Ji Tailu sent a few people to follow him out, a few big men filled the car to the brim, Ji Yanan was in the passenger seat, looking back from time to time.Su Hui looked at the snow outside the window and remained motionless. She suddenly thought of the day Su Hui's father left. The 13-year-old Su Hui was also like this, sitting in the car with a blank expression, holding his father's urn in his hand.

It's just that now Su Hui is empty-handed and has nothing, as if he lost something that didn't belong to him in the first place, without leaving any traces.

They parked the car in the parking lot at the back gate of the park, and they were hidden in the darkness. Su Hui walked alone to the bench ten meters away, sat down, and waited quietly for 10 minutes.

Soon, a tall boy ran over not far away, Ji Yanan knew that it was Ning Yixiao, she suddenly didn't want to look any further, and turned her face away.

When Ning Yixiao came running, it was snowing heavily. He was afraid that it would be unsafe to ride a bicycle, so he waited for the bus. Unexpectedly, the bus came too slowly at night, and it was delayed until it was close to 09:30.

Fortunately, when he came, he saw Su Hui under the street lamp at a glance, and his hanging heart gradually let go.Su Hui sat quietly on the snow-fallen bench, wearing a white down jacket, as if trying to blend in with the swirling snow.

"Su Hui?"

Ning Yixiao walked towards him, with a white mist floating around his lips when he spoke, and a smile on his face.This was the most festive scene for Su Hui in so many days.

He looked up at Ning Yixiao, and stood up slowly. Under the street lamp, Ning Yixiao's shadow dragged for a long time, falling on the snow, looking very heavy.

Tonight is so beautiful, why is it tonight.

Su Hui suddenly had a crazy and cruel idea. He really wanted to set this city on fire and burn all of them to death before dawn. Ning Yixiao was buried together.

"Come back with me?" Ning Yixiao stretched out his hand, stroked Su Hui's face, and found that it was very cold, probably because he had waited too long in the snow, "It's freezing, I'll warm you up."

He stretched out two hands and gently held Su Hui's face.

Forget it anyway.Su Hui gave up those terrible thoughts and advised herself to have more kind thoughts.

During these muddle-headed days, the only thing he knows is the date of each day, because he really wants to celebrate Ning Yixiao's birthday, buy him a cake, make a wish with him, blow out the candles, kiss him after he makes a wish, and put Give him a gift made by yourself.

These are obviously small wishes.

Su Hui knew that he would not be able to achieve it, and he might not be able to do it in his entire life. The moment he realized this, he was suddenly overwhelmed by a huge regret and couldn't breathe.

"What's wrong?" Ning Yixiao looked down at him and held him in his arms, "Is it uncomfortable, Yu Qi is here? Let's go home first, shall we?"

"Ning Yixiao."

Su Hui finally opened his mouth, each word carrying a heavy burden.

He looked at Ning Yixiao, and let Ning Yixiao look at him, the gazes of the two linked together for a long time.

Su Hui realized that the statement was false. Even if people in love stare at each other for 20 seconds, they may not necessarily cry.

"I'm sorry." He knew what Ning Yixiao hated to hear the most, but he had to say it.

Ning Yixiao smiled, "What happened?"

Su Hui didn't respond, and spoke in a hoarse voice to himself, as if he was ill, and said to himself, "Actually, one of the things I do most often is to regret, because most of the time I have this disease, I am not the real me. , Sometimes my brain seems to be caught dangling, and people are wandering around, shopping, chatting with people, talking, doing some neurotic things, and when the brain suddenly stops, I start to regret it, I regret buying so many things. Need something, regret talking to too many people, regret expressing yourself."

A large snowflake fell on top of Su Hui's head and began to melt gradually.

"When I get sick, I like to make promises to others, so I always break my promise. When I was in high school, during the manic period, a female classmate asked me to study in a coffee shop on Saturday. I agreed casually, and let her pigeons go the next day. By the way, another time, I picked up a kitten on the way home and took him home. The kitten was so cute, I told him that I would buy him a small house, and the next day When I went home again, the kitten was gone, and when I asked Mother Chen, she told me that my grandfather saw it and thought it was dirty, so he threw him out, and I couldn’t find him again afterwards.”

Ning Yixiao has always felt that he understands Su Hui very well, and sometimes he even feels that their tacit understanding is not like a new acquaintance. He can quickly recognize Su Hui's emotions and clearly feel his pain.

But this time, he repeatedly denied his recognition results in his heart.

Su Hui seemed to realize that he had said too much nonsense, smiled, looked at him, and said illogically, "Ning Yixiao, let's stop here."

Ning Yixiao was not in a daze, but looked directly into Su Hui's eyes. He first smiled, then raised his hand to touch Su Hui's forehead, "You don't have a fever, do you?"

Su Hui took a step back without answering.

Only then did Ning Yixiao realize that he was indeed serious.

"Why?" He didn't notice that his hands were shaking a little, "At least give me a reason, otherwise I won't accept it."

"There's no reason." Su Hui lowered her head, not looking into his eyes, "It's just inappropriate."

Ning Yixiao stepped forward, hugged Su Hui, and hugged her tightly, "Don't lie to me, did they force you? I know there is a big gap between me and you, but I will work hard. We Can you try it? If you don’t try it, how will you know it won’t work?”

I have tried, Ning Yixiao, I have tried everything.

"Su Hui, I don't want to break up with you."

Su Hui broke free from his arms, and his neck hurt. He touched it and felt blood oozing, so he pulled the zipper to the top.

"But I do."

Su Hui clenched her blood-stained hands, looked at Ning Yixiao, and still said the word he didn't want to mention, "I want to break up."

Ning Yixiao did not speak.

"When you go to the United States...you will meet better people." Su Hui felt that her voice was too hoarse to say anything more, but she insisted on finishing, "...I'm not good, you put me Forget it."

After saying this, Su Hui turned around and left, taking one step at a time in the white snow without looking back.He exhausted all his strength and walked very fast, afraid that if he couldn't help but stop, he would regret it, and would run back to him and hug him.

So Su Hui didn't dare to stop for a moment. As he walked, hallucinations appeared in front of his eyes, as if this was not the snowy capital, but Iceland. He was on those blue glaciers, but there was no one around him.

After walking like this for some time, the glacier in the hallucination gradually collapsed, and Su Hui also fainted on the ground, shaking the snow all over her body.