Manhattanhenge

Su Hui didn't sleep well all night. He felt hot and had a dream in a daze. He dreamed that Ning Yixiao was missing and couldn't find him.

His love affair just started and lasted only a day, and he started to be afraid of losing. After waking up, he thought it was a bad omen.Opening his eyes, half of his head emerged from the quilt, and Su Hui subconsciously went to find him.

"Ning Yixiao?"

He realized later that his voice was hoarse, and he cleared his throat, feeling more and more uncomfortable.

"Lie down." Ning Yixiao walked over, holding a porcelain bowl, which is not common in the United States at all.

Su Hui wanted to talk, but her dizziness was severe, her throat hurt, and her bones were sore.

But he obviously didn't do anything.

"You have a fever." Ning Yixiao put the bowl on the bedside table, wrapped the ice pack with a twisted wet towel, and stuck it to Su Hui's forehead, "I didn't wake you up in the morning, so I found out. It only took a while Yu, just got sick, you really are..."

As he was talking, he suddenly stopped and stopped talking.

Su Hui blinked, wanting to know what he wanted to say, "What is it?" He only said four words, who knew that he started to cough, and coughed endlessly.

Ning Yixiao stared at his reddened cheeks, lowered his head and smiled, but didn't answer.

He didn't sleep well all night, and woke up from time to time. When he woke up, he stared sideways at Su Hui who was sleeping peacefully on the other bed. At about four o'clock, he found that he was coughing and couldn't wake up. He was shocked.The thermometer he bought before came in handy, and Ning Yixiao is also thankful that he has the habit of carrying alcohol pads with him, which can help him cool down in the early morning.

Su Hui, who fell asleep while ill, was even more obedient than if she had been drinking, curled up in his arms, subconsciously suppressing her cough.Ning Yixiao opened the suitcase, found the cold medicine she had specially prepared, fed him, then gently wiped his forehead, behind the ears, and his hot neck with a cotton pad, and took his temperature every half an hour.

Fortunately, it has dropped a lot.

"Eat something." He helped Su Hui up, put a pillow on him, and then brought the porcelain bowl just now into his hand.

Only then did Su Hui realize that this was a perfectly steamed egg custard, with only soy sauce and sesame oil in it, without the chopped green onion that he didn't like.

"It should be cold already." Ning Yixiao said to let it sit for a while, "I might not be able to eat other things if I'm sick, try to see if it's good, and if it's not good, I'll go buy something else."

"Did you buy this?" Su Hui looked up at him.

Ning Yixiao said honestly: "It's not easy to buy, I made it, so I say it may not be delicious."

Su Hui's mood sprouted and he felt satisfied. He took a spoonful and ate it, feeling that Ning Yixiao was too modest.

"It's delicious." He said vaguely.

"You can still taste it, it's not burnt." Ning Yixiao sat beside his bed with a smile on his face.

"Where did you do it?" Su Hui was like a child asking questions.

Ning Yixiao hesitated for a while, and didn't mention that he went to the hotel restaurant but the other party didn't open the door, nor did he mention that he found a nearby Chinese restaurant and got the boss's permission.

"I borrowed a kitchen. Such a simple thing can be made anywhere." After he finished speaking briefly, he changed the subject as if he was not used to expressing.

"They went to visit the school. I asked for leave for you. I took the medicine and went to sleep later."

Su Hui nodded and continued to eat egg custard.He thought of how when he was a child, he was punished by his grandfather because he hated eating fried eggs and scrambled eggs, and he was loudly accused that no one would always accommodate you. At that time, Su Hui felt that he was troublesome, and he still thinks so now.

But Ning Yixiao seemed to be an exception, he didn't bother him, and he didn't think he made a mistake.

He suddenly put down the half-eaten egg custard, hugged Ning Yixiao who was sitting by the bed, and leaned his head on his shoulder.

Ning Yixiao was stunned, not understanding Su Hui's sudden hug, so he touched his arm, "What's wrong?"

Su Hui shook his head quietly.

What if his illness is not a cold?he wants to know.

He was very grateful that Ning Yixiao was willing to give him a sense of security, and made it clear that he loved him at the beginning, so that he didn't have to think about it, but Su Hui still couldn't help thinking, because he was the one who didn't confess.

Ning Yixiao stroked him quietly and without any desire, from his arms to his neck to his hair, giving Su Hui a lot of comfort.

He suddenly said, "Why don't you do it with me?"

Probably because of illness, his voice was muffled, hoarse than usual, and he seemed a little aggrieved.

Ning Yixiao couldn't help laughing.

Su Hui couldn't help but look up, "What are you laughing at? Is it weird?"

Ning Yixiao had a sighing expression, and pinched Su Hui's cheek, "Do you think your body can take it? If I continued yesterday, you would be in the hospital today, and even doctors and nurses couldn't ask reasons for export."

Su Hui's face was very hot, "Who said, I just got caught in the rain..."

The more he spoke, the more emboldened he became.

"Yeah, luckily it's just raining."

"But you kissed me and said you love me..." Su Hui didn't understand, he felt that Ning Yixiao liked him, just like he liked Ning Yixiao, completely.Ning Yixiao said that loving him gave him a sense of security that he never had before, but it was not enough.

He just wanted to give him all of himself.

Only in this way can Su Hui feel that she is truly possessed.

In the manic stage, he always floats in the sky and never lands. The pleasure of floating is accompanied by a heart in the air. He always feels that he will fall in the next moment and everything will be messed up by him.

When receiving treatment, he could understand the doctor's warning. He said that many patients in the manic period would have many unthinking behaviors, such as crazy shopping desires, or rash and unsafe sexual impulses, which made Su Hui keep calm.But when it really came to this kind of time, he realized that he couldn't remember at all, and he couldn't control it.

He just wanted Ning Yixiao to hold him tightly, kiss him, and agree to all his demands.

Why did Ning Yixiao not want to?Why doesn't he do it?

Is it not enough to love him.

"Su Hui, listen to me," Ning Yixiao's tone became serious, and he also left him, looking into his eyes, "I'm actually not very good at expressing. If you're looking forward to some romantic confession, or love words, I might …will disappoint you. Even so, I want you to clearly understand how I feel, what I think, and why I do what I do."

"I'm not kidding, I was shaken yesterday, no one will maintain absolute sanity in front of their lover."

He showed a rare, childish smile, "But this is too hasty and not serious enough, and I don't want you to think about it afterwards, thinking that this person only cares about your appearance and the pleasure your skin provides.

As you said to me, the people around you only love you on the surface, I don't want you to fall into such emotions, so I stopped and confessed to you a little abruptly. "

His sincerity was beyond Su Hui's imagination, "Actually, it's hard for me to make up my mind, but as long as I make up my mind, I must do it, otherwise it will be very painful."

"Actually, this struggle has been going on for a long time. I may always remember the moment you appeared in the audio-visual room, because since then, I have been shaken."

"I wanted to run away until I met the hanging sun in Manhattan with you. If you don't ask me a second time, I will really run away."

He smiled, but his eyes made Su Hui sad, "I'm too afraid to fall into it. You're good, but I'm nothing. The timing is immature, and I'm not mature enough, and I'm not good enough anywhere."

Su Hui couldn't help but retort, "You're fine..."

Ning Yixiao smiled, touched Su Hui's cheek, his eyes were gentle and firm, "But now that I have made a decision, I will not avoid it anymore. I will work hard, and I will give you a lot, so that you can have a life that you will never forget." For a regretful relationship, it’s best to wait three to five years or ten years, and when you think about this period of time, you will still feel very happy.”

After Su Hui listened, she didn't realize that she was crying.

He just felt that this person was so strange, he said so much, without saying "I like you, I love you", and without a romantic vow.

But it will make him happy almost sad.

"You're too stupid." He lowered his head, wiped his tears on Ning Yixiao's shoulders, and refused to get up.

There are so many things you don't know.

I don’t know that I was about to die the first time I saw you, I don’t know that I approached you on purpose, I don’t know that I picked the whole garden to give you a bouquet of flowers, I don’t know that I searched through boxes and boxes to let you find out that the guest was me of sugar.

I don't know that in order to make you fall in love with me, I only dare to show you the good side, and hide the bad side.I don't know that in order to keep you from hiding, I pretend to be stupid, drunk, and pitiful, and I will do everything I can.

This time Ning Yixiao didn't imitate him, and honestly said, "Well, I'm too stupid."

He patted Su Hui on the back, "You are a smart kitten, please forgive me."

The high fever made Su Hui dizzy, so she plucked up her courage again, pretended that she didn't understand what he said, and pestered Ning Yixiao to kiss, a kiss without any desire, not flattering, not grateful, just giving his own love.

"I'm going to infect you."

"Okay." Ning Yixiao smiled and covered him with a quilt, "Let's get sick together."

For the next few days of the itinerary, Su Hui still took part in sickness. He didn't want Ning Yixiao to stay in the room to take care of him and miss too much.Even though there were many places and exhibitions he wanted to see, but he failed to go there in the end, Su Hui was never as satisfied as he is now.

But on the last night, they returned to the lost streets again, walked to new neighborhoods along the way, stopped in front of a Broadway theater, bought tickets, and went in to see a performance they had never seen before.

When the hero and heroine were kissing heartily, Su Hui, who was sitting in the last row, slid down unconsciously, turned her head to the side, and found that Ning Yixiao was following his example, the two seemed to be trying to shrink, shrink again, and become a pair of nobody. Pay attention to the little ants.

Although this wish was not fulfilled, Su Hui was granted another one.

Ning Yixiao leaned over, covered their faces with the play posters, and kissed him briefly and sweetly amidst cheers and applause.

He didn't know how much Su Hui hoped that this moment would be frozen forever.They are just a pair of little ants, lost in the bustling city that no one knows.

But no matter how beautiful the journey is, it will end. He never thought it would be so soon, like a love movie with the fast-forward button pressed, but it is long enough to heal a cold.

Sitting in the waiting hall before the return trip, Ning Yixiao told him that they will go together next time where they didn't go this time.

"Just the two of us?" Su Hui asked.

Ning Yixiao nodded, "Yes."

His happiness spread from New York back to the capital, and continued to meet every day.

Su Hui will find a way to avoid the surveillance of his family, and run downstairs to meet him at the company where he is intern, and have dinner with him.Ning Yixiao found out that he doesn't eat fish, but he can eat fish without spines, so he spends most of the time picking the spines for him.

Sometimes they would take a walk and talk a lot of irrelevant things. Su Hui felt that Ning Yixiao was wasting his time, but Ning Yixiao, who always valued efficiency and planning, said, I like you, so I don't think it's a waste.

He was eating the ice cream Ning Yixiao bought, and suddenly thought of the flowers he had withered, and said for no reason: "I really want to go to Iceland."

Ning Yixiao looked at him, "Why?"

Su Hui said casually, "Because Iceland is the only place in the world without mosquitoes."

"Really?" Ning Yixiao smiled.

"I heard it too."

Ning Yixiao said, "No, I mean, is it really for this reason that you want to go to Iceland?"

Su Hui put down the ice cream, smiled, with sly eyes, "Guess what?"

Ning Yixiao teased him, "I don't guess."

"Guess." Su Hui moved closer, as if deliberately seducing, and his tone changed, "There will be rewards for guessing right."

"What reward?" Ning Yixiao raised his eyebrows, "I'm so sure that I'm tempted?"

"Of course." Su Hui pulled him to the corner, in the dark alley, he stood on tiptoe and kissed him, a cool vanilla-scented kiss.

Soon he let go and whispered, "This is part of the advance payment."

Later, neither of them cared about the real reason why he wanted to go to Iceland, and they fell into a deeper kiss, until a phone call urging Su Hui to go home, like a pumpkin carriage that would disappear at twelve o'clock, Su Hui woke up from a dream Come and part with him.

Panting for breath, Su Hui took Ning Yixiao's hand obediently, put it in front of her face, and pressed her cheek against his palm just like when he was kissed by holding his face.

"Your hands are so big that they can cover my whole face."

Ning Yixiao smiled, "Your face is too small, you are a kitten."

Su Hui felt that he was not normal sometimes, "I am not."

Ning Yixiao was about to imitate him, but Su Hui covered her mouth, "Don't imitate me."

Before leaving, he got into the car, lowered the window and reminded again, "Don't forget to watch a movie together tomorrow."

Ning Yixiao nodded, reminding him not to stick his hands out of the car window, "I remember."

He bought tickets for the weekend very early, and it was Su Hui's favorite literary film.

Su Hui went home contentedly, and even Ji Yanan found that he was in a good mood recently, even after listening to the reprimand, he would not show the slightest bit of frustration, and hugged her as soon as he got home.

"What's so happy?" She couldn't help asking, "You haven't taken your medicine recently, have you?"

Su Hui shook her head, "I take the medicine seriously every day, and every meal is not bad. Don't believe me, let auntie check?"

Ji Yanan was dubious, but still touched his back with concern, "Mom is going on a business trip tomorrow, and grandpa and grandma are not here, so be conscious, take your medicine well, and wait for me when I come back."

"Mom, I want to study abroad." He looked at Ji Yanan and asked a question suddenly, "Is it possible?"

Ji Yanan was used to his whim, and didn't think it was abnormal, but just dealt with it as usual and said, "Why, I don't like the current school."

"No, I really like it." Su Hui didn't know how to tell her, "I still want to continue my studies, such as going abroad for postgraduate study or something."

Ji Yanan didn't say good or bad, just said: "This is a big matter, and the whole family needs to discuss it. Mom will remember what you said and will consider it."

Although he expected such an answer, he still hugged his mother gratefully.

"it is good."

Su Hui's good mood lasted until before falling asleep, and ended in the first second after waking up.

The self who had been suspended in the clouds finally fell heavily and fell into the abyss.

Ning Yixiao, who knew nothing, stayed up late and worked overtime as planned, finished her work, and freed up time for dating.

It was raining outside, the air was fine, and it wasn't so hot anymore. He got on the bus an hour earlier and spent the extra time picking out a bouquet of flowers at the florist downstairs in the cinema.

He didn't understand flowers, so he asked the clerk for suggestions. After the other party recommended various flowers and stated a lot of beautiful flower words, he chose a small bunch of blue cornflowers.

Compared with "eternal love" and "enthusiasm and loyalty", he seems to prefer the flower language of "meeting happiness". Hui is lucky enough.

Ning Yixiao just held a small bouquet of flowers and stood at the entrance of the theater, waiting for half an hour.

Holding flowers in his hands made him uncomfortable, it was not something he would do, and it was too conspicuous, and he had already turned down four approaches during the wait, even one from a boy.

The other party glanced at the two tickets in his hand, and said sharply, "Are you still waiting for someone? It's all over. Handsome guy, you won't be let go."

Ning Yixiao didn't say a word.

Seeing that his complexion was very bad, the other party couldn't say anything more, so he walked away resentfully.

There were people coming and going at the door, Ning Yixiao decided to go in and wait, he smelled the smell of popcorn, it was very sweet, and he thought Su Hui would like to eat it.But if he was late to watch the movie, he might rush into the theater, too late to buy, and could only watch the people around him eat.

Ning Yixiao got up, bought a caramel popcorn alone, and returned to the waiting seat without even opening the package.

Time passed by every minute and every second. The strange thing was that he didn't want to look at his watch, but just waited quietly, thinking that Su Hui would not forget.

The two-hour, three-and-ten-minute movie has played two-fifths of it.Ning Yixiao finally called Su Hui, but no one answered.

A lot of bad thoughts popped up all at once, fearing that something might happen, he sent many messages, and made a second call, a third call, a fourth call...but he didn't answer a single call.

Ning Yixiao wanted to find him, but after getting up, she suddenly realized that she seemed to have no way to find him.He became anxious and had some physiological adverse reactions, so he went to the bathroom alone to wash his hands.

With the last 5 minutes left in the movie, he finally called Su Hui.

"Where are you? I'm worried about you, do you know?" Ning Yixiao couldn't control his emotions, his voice was a little louder than usual, but he quickly reacted and apologized to Su Hui.

But Su Hui didn't say anything as if she couldn't hear her.

"What's wrong?" Ning Yixiao asked softly, "What happened, can you tell me?"

After a long wait, Su Hui finally spoke. He seemed to be crying, and his voice was completely different from the past, without any vitality.

It was very difficult for him to say "I'm sorry", and it took a lot of effort to say it word by word, and it was almost impossible to say the next sentence.

Ning Yixiao didn't want to hear him say sorry, everyone would use this as an opening sentence when they were about to leave him, these words made him uneasy.

"What's the matter? It's okay, tell me." He smiled, pretending to be relaxed, "Did you oversleep? It's okay, we can still watch later, I'm late today too..."

Su Hui on the other end of the phone suddenly choked up.

After a few seconds, he spoke again, his voice sounded listless, without any positive emotion, and he spit out the words one by one, which was extremely difficult.

"Can you come and see me... I, I can't see you."

Ning Yixiao received an address, which seemed to be a copy, and there was a line below it that was not completely deleted, and it said something like [Mother's contact information:].

The address on the information was far away. He left the building where the theater was located, and the rain continued. Only then did Ning Yixiao realize that he had left his umbrella in the waiting hall of the theater, including the popcorn and cornflowers he bought.

But he didn't care about that. The heavy rain blocked the traffic, so he had to run to the nearest subway station to take a train. The air conditioner in the subway car was turned on very low, almost freezing his wet shirt.Ning Yixiao kept sending messages to Su Hui, but got no response from him.

The subway is very long, and there is a shift in the middle.Coming out of the subway station, the road conditions here are relatively better, so he stopped a car and reported the specific address to the driver.There are fewer and fewer high-rise buildings along the way, and the closer to the destination, the more trees there are.

The driver kept glancing at him from the rearview mirror, and laughed and said, "This rich area is better than the poor area, even the greenery is better, the roads are better, and the cars are much easier to drive."

Ning Yixiao was not in the mood to deal with it, and kept his eyes half down, silent.After spending an hour and a half, he finally got rid of the heavy traffic and arrived at the place Su Hui said.

"I can't drive in, handsome guy, go in by yourself."

"Okay, thank you."

After paying the fare, Ning Yixiao got out of the car. He suddenly realized that this is a beautiful single-family villa area, and it is also Su Hui's home.

Su Hui never asked him to send him home. It was the first time Ning Yixiao saw these magnificent buildings, some plants that he had never seen before and would not appear in other green belts, and carefully selected cobbled road.

The closer he was to the house that Su Hui owned, the more anxious Ning Yixiao became, and the shame, sensitivity and self-conceit that had been born out of poverty all emerged.

He stood in front of the exquisite house number wrapped with wrought iron, drenched in the rain.Inside the fence is a beautiful garden, where blue and purple rose flowers bloom in large areas.

Ning Yixiao lowered his head, glanced at his old sneakers with muddy water on his feet, and stopped.

He dialed the number, but it took Su Hui two times to get through.

"You...you came from the backyard, the back door was not locked, it was just hanging on it..."

Ning Yixiao did as he did, opened the door, turned around and closed the door, returning to the way it was before.

"... After entering, through the garden, there is a piece of floor-to-ceiling glass, which is a sliding door, and that is my room..."

He spoke very hard, Ning Yixiao could tell that Su Hui was very tired.

According to what Su Hui said, Ning Yixiao walked into this damp and green garden, and a young lemon tree planted in a flowerpot fell to the ground.He bent down and lifted it up.

He was conscious of the barrenness of his imagination, which could not describe a tenth of the beauty of the garden.He began to be glad he hadn't brought the cornflowers, that insignificant little bouquet.

Walking along the gray and white cobblestone path, passing the drenched rose and hydrangea, he saw a large piece of floor-to-ceiling glass in Su Hui's mouth, with a thin and soft white gauze curtain hanging inside, and he couldn't see anything clearly.

Walking up the wrought iron steps and going up step by step, Ning Yixiao held the invisible handle of the glass door and paused for a second. Su Hui on the other end of the phone seemed to sense something and asked, "Have you come in..."

Ning Yixiao licked her dry lips, lowered her head, "Yes."

The moment the glass door moved away, Su Hui felt cold, but the wind quickly disappeared.

Ning Yixiao's footsteps were silent, the door was closed by him, and the world full of wind and rain was locked outside.

Along with those muddy, out-of-place old sneakers.

He finally saw Su Hui.Su Hui lay quietly on the floor, motionless.From a distance, it looks like a lake covered in mist. Once you get close to it, you can see that it is a whirlpool.

He was completely different from yesterday, without a trace of vitality, unable to laugh, unable to act like a baby, unresponsive, almost indifferent.

"What's wrong?" Ning Yixiao's heart ached like this, as if being wrapped in a thin lead wire.He stepped forward to pick up Su Hui, and pressed against his forehead to test the temperature, "Where is it uncomfortable? Did you fall down?"

Su Hui couldn't say a word.

Very inappropriately, he thought of a sentence recorded in the medical record by the attending doctor during the consultation before meeting Ning Yixiao.

[The patient is hopeless, suicidal, and very silent. ]

His dizzy brain could hardly receive any information. He felt that Ning Yixiao was holding him, that he was talking a lot, and that he was in a hurry, but it was as if they were separated by a thick layer of gauze, and he couldn't hear or see clearly. .

And one day ago, he was so excited about this date that he could hardly fall asleep.Now he is in so much pain that he can't get out of bed, can't look in the mirror, tears for no reason, is overwhelmed with despair, and can't go anywhere.

Looking back at the thoughts he had when he was excited, he felt it was absurd, he felt ashamed of flattering him again and again during the manic period, and also felt painful for himself selfishly seeing Ning Yixiao at this time.

He still couldn't let go.

Ning Yixiao didn't understand what was going on, but he found that the communication at this time was ineffective, and Su Hui didn't seem to be able to listen to what he said, so he changed his method and asked patiently one sentence at a time.

"Can I hug you? Like this."

Ning Yixiao will only continue after getting a little approval, "Will this make you feel better? May I shake your hand?"

Su Hui nodded cautiously in his arms, like a child full of guilt.

Ning Yixiao smiled, allowing him to lie in her arms, resting his head on his leg, then combed his hair slowly with his fingers, the movements were very light, "Can I touch your face?"

Usually at such times, Su Hui can only bear to be alone, killing the most painful time, like a rodent eating a wall.

But he couldn't refuse Ning Yixiao's tenderness, and even became dependent.

Ning Yixiao gently touched his face and his red eyelids from crying with her fingertips, her movements were light and full of patience, as if she was not in a hurry to get an answer.

He said in a very soft voice: "A few days ago, I searched the Internet for the hanging sun in Manhattan, and found a photo shared by a photographer in real time. I thought it looked familiar, so I enlarged the photo. I didn't expect to see me. And your back, just in a small corner, in white clothes, I lead you and walk in the crowd..."

He smiled, with a gentle voice, "I'll show you when you get better, but it's too vague, maybe only the two of us in the world can discover it."

"Next year, let's go see it again, shall we?"

Ning Yixiao talked to himself, as if he didn't need to respond.

He just lowered his head and kissed his cheekbones and cheeks from time to time.

"Su Hui, you are so cute."

Su Hui didn't think he was cute, he shed tears again, and his whole body began to tremble helplessly.

When Ning Yixiao became at a loss, he cried and said everything.The confession was rehearsed many times in my head, the timing was considered many times, but it was finally revealed at the ugliest time.

"Ning Yixiao, I have bipolar disorder...it's a very serious mental illness, you..."

He was about to say the words "Don't be with me", but Ning Yixiao seemed to sense something, without hesitation, he hugged him very tightly.

This silent hug lasted a full minute.

Ning Yixiao dared to say: "Don't drive me away."