Helpless

Because I was so happy, I tossed and turned for most of the night without falling asleep.She gave up and opened her eyes, looking at the black shadow cast on the ground, dragged by the moonlight behind her for a long time, extending to her quilt.

"I need to call the police and complain to the landlord." She got up from the quilt and said seriously to the man, "I found that except for the police, all terrorists can come and go here freely."

Gao Shan stood at the door with his hands in his arms, looking at her silently.He stood against the moonlight, and the outline of his entire face could not be seen clearly.

"...Are you smoking again? I have a good nose, and you smell like smoke." She sniffed, "I remember I said before, did you smoke on purpose to make the patient feel uncomfortable? !=皮= And it’s also very harmful to your own body, don’t always listen to others, you still have to listen to the right advice once in a while, chewing gum is also pretty good if you’re being handsome.”

"Wan Qi has something to deal with here, and I won't meet you until tomorrow afternoon." As always, he ignored what she said, and asked himself, "How are you feeling recently?"

She replied seriously: "It's not bad, but I remembered a lot of things. It's been a long time since I had afternoon tea with many friends, and it's been a long time since everyone has been in love with each other. Ah yes, I still remembered, Last time when you met and broke up with Curly and Kotaro, you forgot to give them a goodbyekiss, even if you only separated for 5 minutes to go to the bathroom, you would have an affectionate hug and kiss."

"Oh, was there ever a time like that?"

"Yes, when I was dreaming." She answered confidently.

Hearing this, he leaned sideways on the door frame, relaxed his body again, and let out a deep laugh: "Are you dreaming... It is true that such ridiculous things only happen in dreams."

"But the you I see, the you that exist in my memory are all real, that is not a dream. And if you want, even if it is fine now, it will no longer be a dream, but will become a reality. She lowered her head and rubbed her hands together for the faint warmth, "Until now, we can't let go of all the memories of the past, whether it's you, me, curly hair, or Kotaro...all of them It's the same, everyone is talking about moving forward, but no one can shake off the memories and feelings of the past. It's just that I'm more honest than you men."

"Halfway gone, there is no turning back."

She didn't know how to continue talking, she lowered her head in silence until a feathered jacket was draped over her shoulders.Only then did she raise her head again and look at him: "Does the Ghost Soldier have any plans and big moves in the future?"

"It has nothing to do with you."

"Eh? Although I know that this company doesn't have five guarantees and one gold, but they plan to throw me away immediately after the work-related injury? That sucks =. ="

"If it is something that can be discarded, it will never appear again." After a pause, he chuckled slightly self-deprecatingly, "...Of course, these things don't matter, whether you want to discard them, or Retention, in the end, without exception, will disappear anyway, and the futile struggle is nothing but lingering and self-deception."

She was silent for a long time, then laughed softly: "Jin Zhu...you are still so good at making people happy as always." After a pause, she looked at him who took off his big hat and put it aside, walked into the room and sat down , "Have I ever said something like you are handsome? But give up, I still won't say such things. In my aesthetic view, Kotaro's face is really stunning! QAQ When will I be able to Look like him!"

—— Plastic surgery, otherwise you can continue to hold expectations until the next life.

He didn't answer, and she couldn't think of what to say for a while, so the atmosphere became a little cold.It's been like this all the time, once she can't think of a topic, there will be only silence between the two of them.Sometimes she felt like she was going crazy, but even if she acted crazy like that, he would give very little reaction.Rarely would he say a few words to her, occasionally sneer, and then be silent, or more often just ignore her at all, why should he keep doing it.

But a long time ago, it wasn't like that.Before everything happened, everyone was not what they are now.Never have to worry about the cold atmosphere, even if she and him don't see eye to eye every day, she's just a sloppy girl who either squeezes him with the United Bank or joins forces with him to squeeze the silver, or everyone holds hands and pushes down the wig or something...

She knows very well that time cannot go back. No matter how much she misses it, the time that has passed and the people who have disappeared in the years will never come back.However, how to tell yourself this way intellectually, you will never be able to control yourself emotionally.She would think hard: If nothing happened, if everything was just a nightmare, if...

There are not so many ifs in this world.

At every moment, every choice a person makes will have an infinite impact on his entire life afterward.If you are not careful at that moment, it will often be irreparable afterwards.People in the world say things like "the prodigal son will return without money" are nothing but self-deception. No matter what you do to remedy it, what else can you get back?From the very beginning, it should not be allowed to go away.

She had many dreams, mostly memories rather than wild imaginations.Her imagination is limited, and her vision is also very narrow. She only knows how to stare at the things that happened and play them back and forth in her mind.

There was a dream in which she was slapped hard by Mikiko, and she finally escaped from the cellar. She didn't know what to do for a while, so she had to squat on the street in a mess for the time being, gnawing at it from other homeless people. The steamed buns came cold.As if suddenly realizing something, he hesitantly squeezed the steamed bun, slowly raised his head, and across the street from Takasugi, they looked at each other in silence for a long time—ah, does his family live here?She thought so inappropriately.

It suddenly felt like going back to a long time ago. At that time, the adoptive mother left with the Tanaka family, and she stayed alone in the house that would soon belong to others, tiptoeing to collect the clothes with the only remaining cold steamed buns in her mouth.He helped her take off her clothes with both hands, and said to her with a smile: "Come to the private school, Xiao Xi."

This is a person who has had an indescribable impact on her life.She respects him, admires him, and even yearns for him as sunshine.I want to be with this person forever, I want to be treated tenderly by this person all the time, I want...to be like this person myself.

And the one who appeared in front of her with Teacher Matsuyo was the expressionless Takasugi Shinsuke.She can't say that she thinks he's scary, but she always wants to be dazed when she sees him for no reason.He is different from other students in the private school, because he has a very natural...she can hardly think of the most suitable adjective.Maybe it could be called "arrogant", but I can't be sure... In short, it seems that there is a beam of light on him.

Different from Mr. Shoyo's gentle light like the spring sun, on Takasugi Shinsuke's body, there is a warm flame that bewitches Sugiyama's moth to the fire.Too enthusiastic, too dazzling, and a completely different existence from her who is cowardly and inferior.

Due to inexplicable fate, he is always the one who witnesses her most embarrassing appearance every time.Whether it's the ridiculous self who cried while collecting clothes while holding a cold steamed bun, or the self who hid in the jungle and cried after being stripped of his filthy identity, or... this unkempt man squatting on the side of the road eating cold hard steamed buns To himself, I don't know how long he watched there, or he saw such a ridiculous Sugiyama Nozomi fighting with homeless people for such a steamed bun that was thrown into the trash can, like a dog fighting for a bone.

...She swore silently that she would never eat steamed buns again.

After staring at each other for a long time, she straightened her arms towards him, showing a numb smile like a rogue: "Oh, young master, have you taken a fancy to me? It's very cheap, just let me take a bath, and three steamed buns will suffice." took me back."

She couldn't see what was in his eyes.Although he had already walked in front of her, she felt that she was probably studying too hard, so she was near-sighted... probably almost blind, so she couldn't see clearly, and couldn't see clearly the contempt and disdain in his eyes when he looked down at her. mercy.

It was a look he had never shown her before.Whether it was the two of them tearing each other down or fighting against each other in the past, or when he saw her embarrassment and knew her life experience that should be despised, he never spurned her, nor did he pity her.

He reached out his hand silently, took the half of the dirty steamed bun in her hand, and threw it into the distance.The homeless people who had been lurking in every corner for a long time suddenly rushed up, and the steamed buns were instantly gone.

She stood up abruptly, the smile on the corner of her mouth disappeared instantly, and she looked at him with a look of hatred, the corners of her mouth were tightly pursed, like a vicious dog whose bones had been robbed.

"Already turned into a dog?" he asked.

"I have been a dog from the very beginning, the only difference is whether it is a wild dog or a domestic dog." She took a deep breath, "And I must tell you a common sense, don't grab the dog's food, you will be caught. Bitten to death."

"Nozomi Sugiyama, I overestimated you."

"Who can blame this? I overestimate myself."

After a long silence, Takasugi turned and walked back across the street, bought something with the early morning peddler, then walked back and handed her the things in his hand.She glanced down at the three steamed buns in the paper bag in his hand, suddenly let out a sneer, and shook her head to take them: "The price has increased, it's the one that starts at the floor, and now I need ten meat buns."

Before he could speak, he was interrupted.

"Eh?! Look, why did she come out?!" A cry of surprise was deliberately suppressed, but it was followed by uncontrollable discussions.It was already morning, and the children came out in groups.

"That's right, that, that monster! Mikiko, look!"

Sugiyama Nozomi's face turned pale, and looking over Takasugi's shoulder, she saw Mikiko who was also looking at her with a pale face.Just at this time the day before, the two of them agreed to go for an outing together the next day.But less than six hours after that, she was pointed at and scolded by Mikiko: Disgusting, monster, go to hell.So many people in this world are dead, why are you monsters not dead yet.

Many people have asked her this question.But the devil knows the answer!If you want to know the answer, everyone commits suicide in groups, and then goes to hell to ask ghosts!

Noticing that something was wrong with her, Takasugi frowned slightly, and wanted to turn around to see——

"Don't turn your head!" She hurriedly grabbed his hand, "Go, don't let them see that it's you, go!"

Takasugi didn't move.

"I'm a monster, do I have to say it?! You don't know! It's fun to hear me say it over and over again, isn't it?!" Her voice was full of suspected crying and trembling due to panic, Trying to lower the volume, "Jin Zhu, the private school is gone, and the world that doesn't discriminate against me is gone. In this world, you are the only ones who are different. Normal people will never accept me! They want to see now— "

"That has nothing to do with me." His tone was very flat, which proved that it was true and he didn't take it seriously.This is where she has always been jealous of him. He is always able to ignore any other people's eyes, and has a self-confidence and persistence in his goals that are different from all existing ones.

...and she couldn't, never could.It would be better to die than to let her live alone.She can't stand being alone and isolated, even though she has to deal with the fuck|fuck all the time.The so-called life is to constantly endure what you cannot bear. The more you are afraid of something, the more you will always have something.

She was still in a daze, but he had already turned around and grabbed her, facing the contemptuous or terrified gazes of the group of children, dragging her over without looking aside and expressionless, the discussion behind him became louder and louder until boiling day.

"...Gaoshan! Did you help the monster last time?!" A boy recognized him and yelled, "She is a celestial being! Gaoshan, have you figured it out yet?!"

The children made so much noise that everyone on the street looked over.

As if her whole body was burned by a ball of fire, she was trembling all over, sweating profusely, dragged by him, looking up at his side face.She has lost her baby fat and grown into a handsome boy.

"...Where do you want to take me?"

"my home."

"I can't go." Seeing the opportunity, she hugged a big tree next to her, refusing to let go, "I won't go, I want to go back to my private school."

He looked back at her.

"In less than a day, what is Sugi Shanxi, this matter will spread throughout the town, how do you plan to deal with it then?" Instead, she calmed down, her mind was surprisingly clear, "I don't care if you care what others say , I care, I care to the point of death. As an old classmate, you have done your best. Let’s stop messing around, do you have any clues about the teacher’s matter?” She was sure that he would definitely decide Don't give up and mobilize all available forces to investigate the teacher's affairs.

Takasugi's voice was very deep and slow: "It's the Kanzheng raid."

"The lenient government raid? What is that?" She didn't quite understand it. "Is it related to politics...? What does this have to do with the teacher?!"

She can only ask questions, but no one can give her answers.

He didn't answer, but said, "You—"

"I just said, I'm going back to the private school." She thought for a while, "I guess Yinshi is still there, and Ah Tong should not be able to persuade him, should he continue squatting there? Those guys already know his status Existence, there is no guarantee that one day he will not remember to arrest him together, he is simply squatting and waiting for the other party to come..."

"...If he can't persuade you, you can persuade him?" Gao Shan glanced at her, all kinds of meanings were unclear.

"Anyway, I just happen to have nowhere to go. Squatting with him, I have some help. Tong is different. He can't have an accident. He still has his parents waiting." She glanced wildly at him, "And what are you doing?" Meaning! I just..." She calmed down and paused, "Both he and I were picked up by the teacher. We have no parents and are homeless. Don't worry, if there is no food, I will follow you. He ran to Gaoshan Mansion together to grab a meal."

Although this sentence sounds like a lie.

The scene was cold again, she opened her hands, as if she wanted to hug him, but she looked at her dirty hands, looked at his neat clothes, then scratched her cheek, put her hands down, and nodded to him :"I am leaving."

After turning around and walking for a while, she heard his voice behind her: "Live."

She laughed and waved her hand: "Don't worry, I won't die. I will try my best to save my life and wait for the teacher to come back. The teacher said that I will prepare potatoes and roasted pork the next day."

Not long after that, he joined the battlefield.I haven't contacted any former classmates, but I have also encountered these evil fates one after another.First, Gui said with a straight face, "I knew you named the Ghost Squad as soon as I heard it. It looks like the main character." Then An Yuan ran towards them with snot and tears. Acknowledging relatives (kicked to Gui decisively by Takasugi), and then one day when eating, someone took a steamed bun from the bowl as a matter of course, and when I turned my head, I saw a curly hair showing a wretched smile at me... Then Sugiyama Xi also followed to the battlefield.

This is simply nonsense.

Takasugi thought so, and said so.But she is a leech, once she makes up her mind to stalk her, she will be completely unable to get rid of it.

...And such a person, once he decides to flee, will be impossible to catch.

The author has something to say: Chapter 3 is the countdown before the finale! >o