deep desire

Continuing the meeting in the afternoon, Lu Jingshen was still in a state of uneasiness. Instead of being aggressive and provocative as in the morning, he was taciturn and even a little absent-minded.

At six o'clock, Liu Jie knocked on the office door and asked him what he would like to have for dinner, and was going to order food.

Lu Jing took a deep look at the time displayed on the computer screen, and said wearily, "Let's get off work."

Liu Jie was a little surprised, and said immediately, "Okay, then I'll ask Lao Wang to drive the car out."

Lu Jing nodded deeply, signaling Liu Jie to go out first.

He leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes to let go of his thoughts. After a while, he opened his eyes again. He simply cleaned up the desk, got up and took the coat hanging on the hanger, and went out.

In the evening, there was a heavy snowfall, Lu Jing sat in the car and looked out the window, the snow was still falling, pedestrians passed by in a hurry, no one stayed for the other.

Being cold and depressed makes life impossible to be happy.

Before entering the house, he hesitated for a moment. When he put his finger on the fingerprint lock, countless thoughts flashed through his mind.

Pushing open the door, the room was brightly lit, Feng Si was frying steak in the kitchen, talking to someone with his mobile phone on his shoulder.

"Let's talk about it later. I don't necessarily have time. Send me the address. If I'm free, I'll go over and have a drink or two."

Lu Jing's nerves that had been tensed all the way suddenly relaxed.

Feng Si hung up the phone, looked up to see him, raised his chin: "I came back very early today, and dinner is ready, go wash your hands, and come eat."

Lu Jingshen stepped forward: "...What are you doing?"

Feng Si: "Didn't you see? Fried steak."

He pointed to the side again, and there were other freshly prepared dishes, all of which were simple western food.

"Eat whatever you want, I'm too lazy to do it."

Lu Jing saw that his expression was as usual, but her heart was flustered, and she didn't know what to say.

Before entering the door, he had envisioned countless possibilities, and even made mental preparations that Feng Si would not come back, but he did not expect Feng Si's attitude to be like this, neither salty nor bland, avoiding mentioning it, what happened in the morning seemed to him never happened.

Seeing Lu Jingshen standing still, Feng Si urged him funny: "Aren't you hungry? Come back at this time, you must have already had dinner in the company, right? Don't you wash your hands?"

"You've been at home since you came back at noon?" Lu Jing asked hesitantly.

Feng Si: "Ah, it's cold outside, there's nowhere to go."

Lu Jingshen: "What happened in the morning..."

"Don't mention this," Feng Si interrupted him, "It's boring."

Lu Jing pursed the corners of her lips deeply, not wanting to say anything, and turned to wash her hands.

During the meal, Lu Jingshen still said "Sorry" to Feng Si.

Feng Si asked him, "How many times are you going to apologize to me today? I said you, Mr. Lu, didn't you have any other tricks?"

Lu Jing looked embarrassed: "I don't know what to say."

"Then stop talking."

Feng Si threw out this sentence, and leisurely cut the steak, making it clear that he didn't want to continue this topic.

Lu Jingshen could only give up.

He didn't eat anything at noon, and he still didn't have any appetite at the moment. After barely eating two bites of steak, Feng Si had already put down his knife and fork: "I'm going to take a shower first."

When they passed by, Lu Jing reached out and grabbed him: "Are you going out tonight? I just heard that you have an appointment..."

"So what if we make an appointment?" Feng Si asked back.

"Don't go," Lu Jing raised her eyes deeply, "Can you not go?"

Feng Si: "Alex, do you think your request is reasonable? Who am I? You don't want to admit my existence, but also want to restrict my freedom to make friends. Is there anyone as overbearing as you?"

Lu Jingshen was dumbfounded for a moment.

Feng Si's eyes wandered slowly on his face, paused for a moment, and suddenly laughed: "Okay, don't put on such a uncomfortable expression, as if you can't leave me so much, Mr. Lu looked serious , actually the best at playing tricks on people's hearts, there's no need to do that."

Although he was smiling, his eyes were cold, and every sentence he said was thorny.

Lu Jingshen was indeed very sad, but he also knew that his appearance was no different from being hypocritical in Feng Si's eyes.

"Do you want to do it?" Lu Jing asked in a deep voice.

He really only had this way, if Feng Si still refused, he really didn't know what to do.

Feng Si didn't answer, just looked at him, for a moment, reached out and stroked his Adam's apple that kept slipping.

Lu Jingshen was a little nervous, but he didn't move, and treated him whatever he wanted.

"Are you nervous? Afraid I'll reject you?"

Feng Si saw through him at a glance, and smiled sarcastically: "You also know that it's hard to be rejected? All right, I'll make your wish come true."

After finishing speaking, he stretched out his hand to grab Lu Jingshen's waist, lifted him up, and grabbed him.

Entangling and falling onto the sofa, Feng Si suppressed Lu Jing deeply with his physical strength, and pulled off the tie in front of him, binding his wrists.

It was too tight, and Lu Jing felt very uncomfortable, but he didn't refuse, and let Feng Si manipulate him.

Feng Si pinched his chin with his hand, slowly stroked the curvature of his jawbone with his fingers, and looked down at him: "You only have this kind of time, be extra obedient."

Lu Jing looked back at Feng Si deeply, with eager eyes, like Man Sheng Ai Lian: "...you can do whatever you want."

Feng Si was indifferent, that's how he was deceived by Lu Jing back then, thinking that he was talkative, that he was serious, that they were in love for those three months.

In fact, it is false, it is all false.

It was then, and it is now.

Feng Si's eyes were deep, and complex emotions surged in his eyes. Lu Jing felt heart palpitations as he stared deeply, and the unprovoked panic spread. He raised his hand with difficulty, pulled off Feng Si's collar, and kissed it with his head up.

Feng Si stared at his reaction, neither refusing nor responding, and remained absolutely calm when kissing, with a motionless expression and no desire mixed in.

Lu Jing was deeply hurt by his eyes, and wanted to close them, but Feng Si didn't agree, and pinched the back of his neck to force him to face himself: "There are no outsiders around, and you want to escape? Look at me."

Lu Jing took a deep breath, and did not avoid Feng Si's gaze.

Feng Si's hand slid along his neck to the front, touching his slightly dry lips with his fingertips: "Is it really uncomfortable?"

Lu Jing nodded subconsciously, Feng Si rubbed his lips until the blood gradually became bloodshot, and said slowly: "What can I do, I feel more uncomfortable than you."

Another kiss, like wild beasts biting each other, Lu Jing gasped deeply, while Feng Si pulled his hair forcefully, pinning him down, preventing him from escaping.

Lips and tongues pushed and rubbed against each other, entangled fiercely, saliva smeared their paws, the more they couldn't breathe, the more they refused to let each other go.

Lu Jingshen was stripped of all his clothes, but Feng Si only pulled down the zipper of his trousers. When he grabbed Lu Jingshen's hand and held it down, he whispered in Lu Jingshen's ear: "If you want to do it, just come here. I don't want to wear a condom."

This was the first time Feng Si made such a request, with a force that could not be refused.

Lu Jing took a deep breath, nodded with difficulty, and said hoarsely, "Okay."

He must be crazy to agree to let Feng Si do this, but the moment he met Feng Si's eyes, he could only choose to nod.

If this can satisfy Feng Si, he is willing to do it.

Lu Jingshen was trembling all over from the very beginning without any estrangement, and the feeling was too clear. The fire in his body was rampant. He wanted to scream, but his voice was stuck in his throat, and he couldn't say a word.

He couldn't even move, his hands were tied, and he was pressed hard on the top of his head, like a fish on a chopping board, completely controlled and restrained.

Whether it's pain or happiness, every bit of feeling is infinitely magnified, and it's all brought to him by Feng Si.

But in every swaying field of vision, what was touched was Feng Si's calmer and more rational black eyes. The temperature of the hug could not fill the hole that was gradually expanding in his heart. He tried to reach out and grab Feng Si's arm, But time and time again, it slipped down in vain.

Sweat slid down Feng Si's chin and was licked away unconsciously by Lu Jingshen. Feng Si suddenly stopped, panting heavily with his head down, his sweaty forehead hair, which had not been trimmed for a long time, drooped down, covering his eyes .

Lu Jing held his wrist deeply, and the uneasiness in her heart was rapidly expanding, rolling her throat with difficulty: "Why stop?"

There was a long silence, only their heartbeat and breathing could be heard.

Feng Si finally said: "On the day you left, I went to the train station and the airport to look for you everywhere. The last flight took off that day, but I still didn't see you. I had to go back to the hotel and ask the person to bring me a message over and over again. The waiter asked him what else you said and did, he said no, you just said goodbye, took your luggage and left."

Lu Jingshen's fingers tightened suddenly, even trembling slightly. What Feng Si was telling him was the past that he had been avoiding seven years ago.

Feng Si turned his wrist, and insisted on pulling it out from his palm.

"I was thinking at that time, are you kidding me, maybe you will come back in a day or two, I dare not leave, I have been waiting for you in that city, in that hotel, for a whole month, you still did not return."

"During that time, I have been trying to recall the details of our relationship, what went wrong, whether I made a mistake, or you made a mistake, then I realized that I don't know where you come from, real name What's your name? I've never seen your ID. Every time we check into a hotel, we use my passport. When we go through customs, you always try to avoid me and prevent me from seeing your information. At the beginning, I didn't pay attention to it myself, so I didn't take it seriously, and when I wanted to pay attention to it, I had no chance."

"You are gone, I will never find you again."

Feng Si's voice was very calm, and he spoke each sentence very slowly, with almost no ups and downs, as if he was talking about other people's affairs.

Lu Jing couldn't see his eyes behind the wet hair, just listening to these few casual words, it was as if someone had grabbed his heart, and he was so depressed that he could hardly breathe.

"I waited for you for a month, but I didn't wait for you, so I had to give up. After I went back, I quit my original job and came to Asia alone. While helping people drive private jets, I was looking for you. Japan, South Korea, Singapore, Thailand, Malaysia... For two full years, I searched all the countries around here, but I didn’t come here because you pretended not to understand my Chinese the day we first met.”

"I said you are the best at manipulating people's hearts. You are not convinced, aren't you? Who can be like you, when you hear your mother tongue in an unfamiliar place, but the subconscious reaction is to pretend that you don't understand?"

"It's because I'm too confident, I don't think you need to lie to me like this, but people are different, you are always trying to close yourself, your guard is too strong, I have tried my best, but I can't pry open your shell .”

Lu Jing wanted to argue deeply, but since Feng Si uttered the first sentence, he had lost his speech, his lips moved, but he couldn't make a sound.

Feng Si seemed to see what he was thinking, and wiped his face with his hand: "You don't need to say it, just listen to me."

"Later, I went to America, Europe, and Australia, looking for you all over the world, as long as there was a chance, I would try it. You guessed it, I changed jobs every six months, just to find you. It’s not a simple matter, it’s almost like finding a needle in a haystack, when you didn’t even leave me a photo, what would I use to find you in a world of 60 billion people?”

"I don't want to call myself a lover, you just think I'm not reconciled, I want an answer, I can't swallow this breath until I find you, I just want to see you again, I want to ask why you didn't say hello back then, just Then decide to leave."

"But when I actually saw you, I suddenly didn't want to ask anymore. It's useless to ask. You won't give me the answer. After seven years, you are still the same as before, wary of me, guarding against me, and refusing to open you Heart, if this is not your territory, do you want to run again?"

"No, no..."

Lu Jingshen finally spoke out, his voice broken and hoarse.

Feng Si wiped the corner of his eyes with his hand, felt the faint wetness, and stroked his fingers: "Are you crying?"

Lu Jing didn't know that the last time he really shed tears was probably when he was a child.

But he was really uncomfortable, every time Feng Si said a word, his heart throbbed, and the suffocating feeling that he couldn't breathe had pushed him to the brink of collapse.

But Feng Si said that he was more uncomfortable than him.

He may have sensed that Feng Si's voice was not intense, but the disappointment in it was about to drown him.

"Don't cry," Feng Si reminded him in a deep voice, "I don't need your sympathy."

Lu Jing kept shaking his head, clutching Feng Si's shirt sleeves tightly, trying to say something, but couldn't get it out of his mouth.

"Alex, I've been pestering you like this, is it hard for you? If I let you go, will you be able to live a peaceful and comfortable life like before?"

"The photos are fake, our relationship is fake, everything is fake, so what else is real?"

"Instead of this, let's forget it."

Feng Si's tone was both gentle and cruel, Lu Jingshen finally saw his eyes clearly, the light inside was dimmed, there was no longer any warmth and tenderness, and the indifference and calm was almost terrifying.

Feng Si broke apart the fingers that were holding on to him one by one, helped Lu Jing deeply untie the tie that bound his wrist, and withdrew from his body.

He obviously hasn't vented yet, but he doesn't want to continue.

The last sentence, his voice echoed in Lu Jingshen's ear.

"Game over."