Kasamatsu's black silk

How long has it been since we saw each other.

My concept of time has become very blurred since then, and I can't find the correct answer in my brain, which is now disrupted by alcohol, how many days have passed since I was told to break up.

I really want to meet you.

Even just thinking of his name is painful, not to mention that when recalling the face of Kasamatsu-san who is about to become blurred, my chest hurts so much that it feels like my internal organs are being torn... But I still want to meet.

Even if I can no longer talk intimately like before, just seeing him, even from a distance, just hearing him talking to others is already enough.

Still, I knew I couldn't see him.

Because... I was afraid that I would not be able to bear it, so I broke down and cried.

"Kasamatsu...student...?"

I originally grabbed the fingers of the opponent's clothes just to maintain my balance, and tightened them bit by bit.

Then, without warning, tears welled up in his eyes.

"Ha, haha... I'm so drunk..."

He lowered his head and laughed out loud, there hasn't been a single drop of liquid falling out of his eyes for so many days.My field of vision was blurred, I didn't want to and didn't dare to see the expression of the person I was holding, but it must be very disturbing, right?Caught by me, who was so drunk that I didn't even know it, and kept crying...

It can't be Kasamatsu-san.

A voice in my head said to me.

"Impossible...Kasamatsu-san, how could it be possible to come back here..."

The karaoke shop in Harajuku, this is not the place he would come to, and the time of dating is not too long, but I still understand that this person basically spends his after-school life on basketball.

He has absolutely no reason to be here.

Therefore, the Yukio Kasamatsu I saw just now was just an illusion created by me being deluded by alcohol and the desire in my heart.

is hallucination.

People who don't know, just know him.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..."

Even if I understand, I don't want to let go.

I suppressed sobs and leaned my head back.

Fantasies are all right, fantasize hard.

Think of everything you see, hear, smell, and touch as Yukio Kasamatsu.

"Kasamatsu-san...I really want to see you..."

"Hey you……"

Is fantasy come true?The stranger's voice sounded like the real Kasamatsu-san.

"I really want to see you...I really want to...but why...why at that time..."

His voice was so choked up that he couldn't make it out.

I couldn't breathe from crying, and after a while, my respiratory tract was so painful that I was suffocating.

Dizziness, discomfort, heart-wrenching, severe visceral pain.

All the uncomfortable feelings gathered together, poured into the brain, and then turned into tears and cries to vent.

"I don't want to break up, I don't want to break up at all, I did something wrong and you tell me, it's too much not to say anything... suddenly it's like this... and said a bunch of inexplicable things, don't give me a chance to speak just left..."

At that time, I didn't even have time to react.

I foolishly held the gift I picked the day before, imagining his reaction after accepting it, but was poured cold water in front of me, and I was not even given time to recover, only leaving me with the back view of him leaving .

"No matter what I like, everyone will bless me, but I like you, Kasamatsu-san... Is this the way you bless me? Or is this just an excuse for you to hate me?"

If you hate it, you can just say it outright.

"Even if Kasamatsu-san hates you, I still like you... I like you the most..."

"Wait a minute, you calm down."

"I can't calm down! How can I be calm!"

I slapped the hand he stretched out, with such strength that my own hand hurt a little, but I already felt that it didn't matter, was it the effect of alcohol or the eruption of emotions that had been suppressed for too long?I couldn't tell the difference, I just yelled loudly like giving up on myself.

"Because Kasamatsu-san has alienated me for no reason, I can chase all the way to the place where I live to work. Because Kasamatsu-san seems to have something unhappy, I went to discuss with Tomoe and Kobori-kun, and decided to spend all my salary to buy Kasamatsu-san. A long time limited edition sneakers, I have an appointment with Kasamatsu-san to give you a gift, but...?"

Kasamatsu-san told me to break up.

"How can I calm down... I can't calm down..."

There is no voice stopping me anymore.

Grabbing the stranger's clothes, he pretended to be Kasamatsu-san without hesitation and cried like this, saying things that he absolutely didn't want to say to himself, and weeping at the top of his lungs.The makeup on your face is already in a mess, right?I felt burning pain on my cheeks, and I didn't have the heart to wipe my nose. I just cried and cried desperately, until I couldn't cry, and I couldn't make a sound, and I gradually calmed down.

"...Calm down?"

"Um... I'm sorry."

I lowered my head and took out a tissue from my close-fitting pocket to wipe my face, but I couldn’t see people until I looked in the mirror in the bathroom to clean up my miserable appearance. The shyness that came out of my hindsight made me unable to lift my head , I could only sniff my nose and apologize to the stranger I caught in a muffled voice.

"Well, I seem to have drunk a little too much...I grabbed you and said these words...I'm sorry..."

"..."

The other party didn't reply, because the distance was very close, so I could hear an unnatural pause in his breathing. I felt that his hand holding my shoulder was trying to pull me away, and I didn't understand what was going on. When I wanted to look up to see the expression on the face of the stranger whom I forcibly put on another identity, there was a worried voice behind me.

"Xiaoju? Are you okay? Seeing that you haven't come back, I'm worried, so I came here to take a look... What is it?"

Looking back, the person who appeared in the still blurred field of vision was Honma-kun whom I met in the friendship. He was panting a little, probably trotting out of the box all the way, which made me feel somewhat guilty, and he saw the station The person next to me who was grabbing my shoulder had a very strange expression on his face. In order to prevent him from misunderstanding, I quickly waved my hand and explained to him.

"Honma-kun, um, I drank too much just now, so I vomited badly. When I was about to walk back, I was unsteady and almost fell. It was this person who helped me in time...that, so..."

After hearing what I said, Takahiro Honma's expression softened a lot.

"I understand." He walked over slowly, breathed a sigh of relief, and then a polite smile appeared on his face - the target was naturally the people around me, "Xiaoju was taken care of by you just now, I'm sorry to trouble you, Leave it to me next."

Is it because I was drunk?Or is it something to do with my headaches?

Why do I always feel that there is something wrong with what Honma-kun said?

"Xiaoju?... Are you with her?"

"Yes."

Takahiro Honma has stopped about two steps away from me. To be honest, the smile on his face makes my hair stand on end, but I seem to have not noticed it, and I still have this expression. The only thing I can be thankful for It's not him who made him laugh like this, although he doesn't understand why he treats strangers like this for the first time... Is it still a misunderstanding?

Also, the person holding my shoulder seemed to be getting stronger.

I swallowed, Honma Takahiro suddenly glanced at me, and then cast his eyes on another person again.

"May I ask your name? I want to thank you very much."

"...Kasamatsu Yukio."

……Eh?

what?

My neck was stiff. The moment I heard that name, I turned my head and looked back almost immediately. The stiff neck made a rattling sound mercilessly, and a dull pain spread along the blood flow. .

I almost forgot to breathe.

The voice that said the name, and also, the appearance of this person.

Same as first seen.

It was the face in memory.

...isn't it my hallucination?

"...Kasa, Kasamatsu... classmate?"

The sound of me trying to call his name made him frown, and the deep creases between his brows made me want to reach out and feel if it was true, but my rationality finally restrained the urge.

……it is true?

This Kasamatsu-san?Is it because I drank too much and mistook someone?

Then I just...?

Recalling how I cried and said a lot of things I didn't want to let myself know, the temperature of my cheeks rose several degrees in an instant, and it became like an overburdened computer, and the stuck brain still made me aware of my face. It should be ugly because of crying, I can't even help shaking.

You have to run away, you have to run away...!

Even though I thought so, my shoulders were still firmly held by Kasamatsu-san, and I couldn't break free at all.

"Yes, I'm sorry, that, I... I caused you a lot of trouble, that, I bothered you just now... No, I didn't really want to say those things to you, anyway... That... I I want to say..."

Let go, let go!

I lowered my head and covered my face with the tissue I just unfolded, and the tear glands seemed to be developing again.

don't know what to do.

All I wanted was to escape, so I gave Takahiro Honma a begging look.

He was startled, and immediately smiled helplessly.

"Kasamatsu-kun, right? Thank you so much just now, but you've been holding on to the girl like this, and it's going to bother her... Maybe you've already bothered Tachibana? I'm already here so don't worry, Leave her to me."

"Hmm, I, I'm fine, thank you just now...!"

I quickly nodded in agreement with Honma-kun, and turned my head, not daring to look at Kasamatsu-san's expression.

Let me go...it's the limit.

but--

"I will not give her to you."

Unexpected words came from Kasamatsu-san.

"Such a tough attitude will only be annoying, Kasamatsu-kun?" Honma Takahiro said with a smile.

"Ah...it doesn't matter. I've done enough things to be hated. I just have something to say...I want to make it clear to her that even if I'm hated, I won't complain."

As Kasamatsu-san said, he let go of the hands that were holding me. Because I lost my support, I staggered a few steps with unsteady balance, and managed to stand still while shaking.I was confused by the sudden unfolding, and my already painful head became even more painful. Although I was a little timid, I still looked at him.

Mixed with some indescribable emotions, the face was too serious.

Kasamatsu-san never let go of his furrowed brows, and he took a step back to distance himself from me.

Then, he stretched out his hand.

"Tachibana...Nazin. You can choose here yourself. Do you want to go back with this man, or come with me?"

what... this is...

what are you talking about?

what are you doing?

Aren't you the one who broke up?Isn't it me who is hated?

It doesn't matter what it means to be hated by me... I don't understand, I don't understand what you are talking about at all! ?

There are so many things that I don’t understand, so many that I can’t think at all. I turned to look at Honma-kun, he just smiled at me, didn’t say anything or do anything, the one in front of me is Kasamatsu The hand of a classmate, the hand that waits for me to make a decision that I don't even understand.

I took a deep breath, the tip of my nose sore.

Do not understand……

Body swaying, I lifted my foot and took a step.

I don't understand at all...

The soft carpet under my feet still made it difficult for me to walk, but even so, my body seemed to be out of the control of my brain, and I made my own choices.

I grabbed Yukio Kasamatsu's hand while tears were bursting from the bank.

"I choose... here."

The world in front of me became blurred.

I saw Kasamatsu-san, who was blurred by tears, showing a reassuring smile, "Well, that's good." It seemed like I hadn't heard him speak like this for a long time, the hand that grabbed him was tightly held, and I was caught by Kasamatsu The classmates ran with them.

Running wildly all the way, I don't know the destination, and it doesn't matter where I'm going.

Just like the moment I met Kasamatsu-san, I knew how much I really wanted to see him. When I touched him, I also felt how much I wanted to touch him subconsciously.

It was as if he was longing for Yukio Kasamatsu from the depths of his body.

On the train back to Kanagawa Prefecture, there were not many people in the carriage at night. Kasamatsu-san and I held hands and found a seat, and no one spoke.The silence continued all the way, and we changed cars. We got off the car until we got off the platform near the coast of Kamakura. The oncoming sea breeze carried a salty taste, and even the heat in late summer was dispelled a lot in one breath. .

It's a little bit cold.

When thinking this way, Kasamatsu-san looked at me, immediately let go of my hand, took off his coat and put it on my shoulders.Facing my questioning gaze, his face was flushed red even the night, and he turned his head awkwardly.

"Well, it's just... Seeing that you don't wear much, the seaside will be colder at night."

"Ah, um." I grabbed the edge of the jacket and tightened my five fingers, "Thank you..."

"……You're welcome."

Kasamatsu-san still has his body temperature and smell on his jacket.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in contact with these things, and my facial features have become more sensitive instead. I lowered my head a little embarrassedly, thankful from the bottom of my heart that the street lights along the road were not on, and the surrounding residential houses were basically turned off. In the environment, it should be difficult to see the embarrassment on my face.

As soon as his head got hot, he ran along.

The same goes for Kasamatsu-san, he just does some things that people don't understand... I sneaked a glance at him, and I happened to see him also looking at this side. The moment my eyes met, I felt my cheeks were hot, so I stopped right away. Face.

Woohoo... my heart is about to jump out.

"That, Nai...cough, Tachibana."

"exist!?"

"I said, are you cold...?"

Hearing Kasamatsu-san's question, I subconsciously tightened the jacket he gave me.

"Yes, it's a bit cold, but with your coat, it's okay...?!"

I don't want to go back.

Although I'm not his girlfriend right now, I still have this level of greed.

"Really..." Kasamatsu-san sounded a little disappointed, "Well, is the coat enough?"

"Eh……?"

"I mean, you don't wear much, if you only have a coat, it's still cold, right?"

"good……?"

I repeated the vocabulary I just said, and Kasamatsu-san stared at my face for a while, and I was at a loss as to what to say.

In the end, he seemed to have given up on himself with a sigh, walked over, and took my hand forcibly.

"Will your hands be cold? This way...it will be much better."

From the tightly clasped palms came Kasamatsu-san's warmth.

——I don't seem to understand what Kasamatsu-san is thinking at all.