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Yao Xu knew that he had treated Ni Xingqiao too badly all these years, and the damage he had left on him could not make up for it at all.He hugged Ni Xingqiao tightly, his heart was broken.Ni Xingqiao was tired from crying, and Hun'er fell asleep for three minutes.

In the past few years, he has always been tense, wanting to see if Yao Xu is there wherever he goes.It's all right now, he doesn't have to wait for his eyes to see all directions and ears to hear all directions, he can close his eyes steadily and lie on Yao Xu's shoulder.so good.Ni Xingqiao thought.

The two stood like this for a while, and Ni Xingqiao was sleepy.Yao Xu laughed at him, "I love to sleep since I was a child."

"In the past few years when you were away, I have always suffered from insomnia." Ni Xingqiao said seriously, and he really survived like this.

Yao Xu's heart ached and he didn't know what to say. "I have a question." "Ask."

Ni Xingqiao said: "All these years, do you always know what I'm doing?"

For some reason, Ni Xingqiao always felt that he was the only one who couldn't see Yao Xu, but Yao Xu was actually looking at him all the time.

He didn't have any evidence to prove it, but the feeling was strong.Yao Xu swallowed, but did not answer.

"I don't tell you anything when I ask you." Ni Xingqiao complained, "You and I have a lot of secrets."

Yao Xu gently let go of him, his eyes fell on his face.

"What does this mean?" Yao Xu gently rubbed the tattoo on the inside of Ni Xingqiao's arm with his fingers.

He had seen it a few years ago, it was summer, he secretly followed Ni Xingqiao from a distance, and saw that the inside of his arm seemed to be tattooed, but he was not sure.

Later, every summer, when Ni Xingqiao changed into short sleeves, this text would appear, but it was too far away to see what it was.

Yao Xu made a lot of assumptions, but now that he saw it up close, he found it was in French.

Ni Xingqiao said, "It's for you."

He rubbed those few lines of French: "The translated meaning is 'my eternal soul, watch your heart, even though the night is lonely and the day is burning'." He looked at Yao Xu, "I got the tattoo the year you left. .”

Yao Xu stared at that poem, the night is lonely, the day is burning, I always watch your heart.

"I worked so hard." Ni Xingqiao said, "In order to keep the appointment, after my grades fell in the third year of high school, I studied hard and got admitted to Shancheng University, but you didn't come."

Yao Xu didn't make a sound, just stared at his tattoo.

"University should be very interesting, but because you are not here, I feel that everything is boring." Ni Xingqiao said, "Actually, I have been taking medicine for a while. I can’t find you, I’m driving myself crazy.” He grabbed one of Yao Xu’s fingers and continued, “For a long time, I suffered from anorexia and often felt like I was going to die. You can come back to find me, I know it’s not the case, but I still believe it. But you didn’t come back. Oh, by the way, I should be fine now, and I haven’t had any symptoms for a long time.” Speaking of this, Ni Xingqiao suddenly Laughing, "That said, my mother doesn't seem to have lied to me."

Ni Xingqiao complained for a while, then asked Yao Xu: "What about you, you must have had a harder life than me these years, right?"

Ni Xingqiao felt sorry for Yao Xu. He knew that even if he suffered, it was only psychological. At most, he would get sick, but he had his family to take care of him.But Yao Xu is different. Yao Xu must have endured a lot of physical and psychological pain, and he is still alone, helpless.

The one who loves Yao Xu most is not being by his side, Ni Xingqiao feels sad when he thinks about it.

"I'm fine." Yao Xu finally spoke. "Liar."

"I didn't lie to you." Yao Xu wanted to report good news but not bad news.

He said, "After leaving Qi Meiling, I have never had a better life. I work to earn money and support myself. Although I wake up early and work late, it is a freedom I have never experienced."

Yao Xu deliberately skipped the period when he had serious mental problems and had to be admitted to the hospital. He hasn't figured out how to confess to the other party.

Ni Xingqiao imagined Yao Xu doing physical labor, and remembered him who was admitted to Shancheng University back then. The contrast was so sharp that Ni Xingqiao's heart was soaked in bitter water.Are you really having a good time?

Ni Xingqiao said: "Yao Xu, you really don't want to lie to me." "At this time, it doesn't make any sense for me to lie to you." Yao Xu said, "You know what Qi Meiling looks like, so you should also understand why I would rather be in the last Those at the bottom are struggling and don't want to live comfortably in her shadow." Ni Xingqiao fell silent.

"Afterwards I was quite tired, but it was purely physical." Yao Xu said, "I worked as a stocker in a supermarket, moved cement to a construction site, and washed cars at a car wash near your school. .” Ni Xingqiao looked up at Yao Xu in surprise.Yao Xu smiled, "Didn't expect that."

Ni Xingqiao looked at Yao Xu in disbelief, it turned out that they were really so close.

"I've done a lot of things, met a lot of people, and heard a lot of stories." Yao Xu said, "I feel like I finally opened my eyes and saw the world. It's chaotic, but everyone's vitality is strong, including me." He told Ni Xingqiao: "In the past, except when I was with you, I was like a walking dead. I had no ideals, no goals, and if I had one, it would just be with you. I was forced to become Excellent, that’s because there’s no other way, if I’m not excellent, I won’t be able to live, Qi Meiling won’t let me live a good life, and at that time I want to live with you, I can’t help it.”

Yao Xu said, "Actually, I have nothing. I have no ideals, no beliefs, and I'm not even gentle or kind and I don't want to make friends with people." He paused and said, "I always thought that life is like this, and it should be like this.But recently I found that I thought I had experienced a lot, but in fact I couldn't love at all. "

After the two reunited, after Ni Xingqiao said those words to him, Yao Xu suddenly realized that he thought he loved Ni Xingqiao so much, but it was just a self-touch.

He thought that he was kind to Ni Xingqiao by staying far away, and that he secretly followed and looked at him was love.

But in fact, he never loved Ni Xingqiao properly.

He was born in a family without love, and he didn't know how to love someone at all.

All he inherited from his parents was selfishness, shamelessness and mental illness.

Yao Xu said to him, "That's why you should hate me." He pressed Ni Xingqiao every step of the way, and retreated to the door of the cabinet next to the refrigerator. He leaned back, and the cabinet shook, and the books on it almost fell off. .Yao Xu raised his hand and grabbed the book, put it away without even reading it.He put his hands on the cabinet, his face almost touching Ni Xingqiao's.He said, "I'm not gentle at all, not kind at all. Do you know what I'm thinking? I want to leave marks on you that will never be wiped off, tooth marks, pinch marks."

He leaned close to Ni Xingqiao's ear and said softly, "Knife marks." Ni Xingqiao was startled and trembled inadvertently. "I'm scared," Yao Xu said, "It's not over yet."

He looked at Ni Xingqiao: "I want to tie you up, lock you up, crawl under me, cry for me, cry for me, I want to see you bleed, see you lost in love."

Ni Xingqiao's breathing became a little short, his eyes were wide open, as if he couldn't understand what Yao Xu was saying.

Yao Xu smiled bitterly, "Look, I'm not the same as before."

Ni Xingqiao didn't know if Yao Xu did it on purpose or if he really thought so, but he could read his eyes, and he saw a little paranoia and madness in Yao Xu's eyes.

These are Yao Xu's fantasies more than once. He doesn't know whether he wants to treat Ni Xingqiao like this because of his illness or because he is simply a sadist.

After he finished speaking, he waited for Ni Xingqiao to let him go, or to look at him like a monster.

But Ni Xingqiao's reaction surprised him.

"SM." Ni Xingqiao pretended to be calm and smiled and said, "Yao Xu, you are playing wild now."

Yao Xu was taken aback for a moment, but suddenly exerted force on the hand leaning on the cabinet, and the book still fell down.

The thick hardcover book fell and hit Ni Xingqiao's shoulder, and he groaned in pain.

He raised his hand and rubbed his shoulder while saying, "It sounds exciting though."

Yao Xu frowned and asked him "exciting"

"You can tie me up and lock me up, you can bite me and pinch me." Ni Xingqiao said, "Maybe if you treat me like this, I will get an erection." He said, "It's okay, we are not normal people anyway, Isn't that good?"

Yao Xu had made thousands of calculations, but he never expected that Ni Xingqiao would say that.

It was as if in front of Ni Xingqiao, all his previous concerns were not a problem at all.

The things he worried about all day, in Ni Xingqiao's view, were "just right" matches.

"What nonsense are you talking about"

"I'm not talking nonsense." Ni Xingqiao said, "Do you want to try?" "Try what?"

"Tie me up." Ni Xingqiao let go of him, put his wrists together, and looked at Yao Xu reverently.

This person said innocently that he was not afraid of death, and Yao Xu didn't know how to respond for a while.

"Tie me up." Ni Xingqiao said, "You can do whatever you want, I also find it very exciting."

He was actually a little scared, but also a little looking forward to it.Because he believed that Yao Xu would never really hurt him.Ni Xingqiao didn't know where his confidence came from, but he just thought so.

He even wanted to seduce Yao Xu on purpose, and also wanted to do an experiment.He wanted to test whether Yao Xu was really as "evil" as he said, and also wanted to test himself, whether he could be aroused in this way and get an erection again.

The doctor said that he has a psychological problem, and he will recover under certain stimulation.

Then let Yao Xu stimulate him.Ni Xingqiao looked at him longingly.

Yao Xu took half a step back, watching the innocent people tease his animal desire recklessly, the evil dragon in his body could hardly be suppressed. "Wait a minute" Ni Xingqiao suddenly ran into the room.

When he came back again, he was holding a ribbon in his hand. It was the wrapping ribbon that his mother ordered a cake for him on his birthday.

Ni Xingqiao handed the champagne-colored ribbon to Yao Xu and said, "Yao Xu, do you want to try it?"