After I divorced from chaos step

"You don't choose to be here even if you want to commit suicide."

Imagine, if Dazai died in the bathtub, would Rosalie and I still be able to live here in peace?

I'm afraid we'll have to move again.

I'm fine, but I'm afraid of leaving a psychological shadow on the little girl.

Dazai seemed to be pretending to be dead and didn't hear my words, or he seemed to have passed out. What I was most worried about was that he had drowned.

...Probably not.It wasn't the first time he played dead and lied to me.

But he is not a gill-breathing fish after all.

I grabbed his back collar and pulled his head out of the water, supporting his jaw.

The water is cold.

Even in summer, the temperature is too low to bathe in such water.

I opened the drain, and the stagnant water in the pool began to chug and chug.

The water level gradually lowered until there was no water left, and I turned off the drain switch.

I raised Dazai's face, his eyes were closed tightly, his skin was cold, and the cheeks of an adult man revealed a little youthful immaturity.

All the blood on his face had faded, and he was so pale that it was shocking.

"Dazai, wake up, hey—"

I patted his cheek and squeezed his jaw, forcing him to open his mouth.

The next second, the index finger that slid across his lips was bitten by his teeth.

"Let go."

He bit harder between his teeth, like a wild dog, biting my finger tightly.

The pain came from the fingertips, and I knew the skin must have been bitten by him.

"Are you a dog?!"

He suddenly opened his eyelids and locked his eyes on me precisely.

His eyes were deep, and his iris-colored eyes seemed to melt into the entire deep night, and because of his expressionless face, he seemed a little drunk.

The normal Dazai can't do such an outrageous thing, I know he's drunk.

The color of his eyes used to be the color I saw when I opened the world again. After so many years, I can still clearly recall the scene of the day I first met Dazai.

"Dazai, they say you are black mud."

The teeth biting my fingertips became more and more forceful, and his eyes slowly moved down.

"Mr. Jin and Tosi both said that you are an evil that exists in the world, and that even walking in disorder made me have less contact with you. I didn't believe it at first, but you did such an unreasonable thing to Yukimura..."

I squatted down, eye level with him.

"Osamu Dazai, you are a heinous bastard!"

I couldn't help but want to yell at him, but I was afraid of disturbing the people at night, so I could only curse in a low voice.

"Yukimura obviously saved you, how could you have the heart to push him down, if it wasn't for his luck, he would be crippled now! He's an athlete!"

No matter how much Tuosi cheated Yukimura, he just blocked the email exchange between me and Yukimura.He did not actually harm Yukimura's body.

But Dazai almost destroyed Yukimura.

"Do you know how much the Nationals mean to him? Do you know what tennis means to him?"

If Yukimura can no longer play tennis, then his life is probably hopeless.

"That is the most important thing in the world to him. He will die without tennis... It is undeniable that you are a bastard! You are simply insane! Not counting Tuosi, you are the person I hate the most in the world..."

After I finished speaking, I fell into silence for a long time.Dazai tilted his head and looked at me without blinking.

After I calmed down, I said softly, "...but you gave me the possibility to live."

No one ever said a good word about Dazai in front of me.

From before to now, none.

Tosi told me to stay away from him, Ranbu told me to stay away from him, Yukimura told me to stay away from him, and even Mr. Zhongye told me to stay as far away from him as possible.

Indeed, I should stay away from him.

But none of them knew that Dazai was the one who rescued me from loneliness and despair in the first place.

"I used to be very grateful to you."

Staring at the deep color in his eyes, in the gradually expanding environment and infinitely extending time, I saw the golden beach in my memory.

Someone is standing in the setting sun, the sky and the sea are slowly elongating behind him, and the rays of light fall on his head.

It was at that time that I found the desire and motivation to live.

... That day, I originally wanted to wait until sunset before jumping into the sea.

I should have ended my short life in a world without color

I got uncontrollable powers, I killed people, and it was impossible for me to see my companions again.I am sinful.I should not exist.

There is no building for jumping off a building, there is no medicine for drinking medicine, and you can't choke yourself to death if you pinch yourself.

The only feasible method of suicide I can think of is jumping into the sea.

Besides, it sounds good for a child who grew up by the sea to return to the sea.

I read "The Daughter of the Sea" several times, and imagined that I was the little mermaid returning from the land to the sea, and then I made up my mind.

I wrote the suicide note and pressed it under the water glass on the table. I told my parents that I had returned to my hometown, not dead.

Later, when Dazai just moved into the seaside hut, he found that piece of paper at first sight.With a mocking expression, he read the suicide note that I had written in two days and revised countless times, and then mercilessly threw it into the stove and burned it to a handful of ashes.

I just woke up from the sweet dream I had about being the Little Mermaid.

I'm just Yuan Qingxi.

"Although I really want to kill you, I still have to say..."

That person standing in the sunset has always been Dazai.

"Thank you……"

The unkind young boy in his memory gradually overlapped with the face of the man in front of him.

After space and time, I called that name for the last time.

"Treat the sauce."

——Thank you for reopening the door to the world for me.

There was a soft and moist feeling from the fingertips again, he stopped biting, and instead held my fingers.

Miraculously, my thumb touched his chin, and there was an undeniable coldness there, while my index finger was wrapped in a tenderness with heat.

Dazai, who agreed to convey my decision to break up with Yukimura at the airport;

Dazai who encouraged me to confess my love to Ranpo downstairs at the Armed Detective Agency;

Dazai who was fighting for bouquets at my wedding with Ranpo;

Dazai holding the firefly moon under the starlight of Mt.

On the surface, he is indeed a cheerful, healthy and positive personality.

"As soon as I think of you pushing Yukimura down the stairs, I want to kill you. You were only 13 years old at the time, why are you so intent on killing?"

I took out my finger, which was stained with glistening water and a little blood.

The hangover soup is already cold, I put it in front of him: "You can drink it or not, just go home when you wake up."

I walked back to the living room, plugged the dead mobile phone into the wiring board, and turned it on, only to find that there was still a small battery.

Not a power outage at all.

Is it—

I turned my head to look at the bathroom, and the culprit who seemed to turn off the phone for me had already come out.

His whole body was covered in water, and the bandages on his arms and neck were all loose. His face was still pale, but there was a pretty blush at the end of his eyes.

I turned my face away and pointed to the entrance: "The door is over there."

He ignored it and walked straight towards me.

"hungry."

The corner of my mouth twitched: "Drink some water."

He didn't move, and repeated: "Hungry."

"Drink of water."

The two of us didn't give in to each other, and time passed silently, until there was a "goo" in his stomach.

"Well, I'll cook some noodles for you. After you finish eating, can you call Mr. Jin out for me?"

He nodded.

This time I agreed with joy.

But this person is cunning and cunning, one-sided words cannot be trusted, let alone drunken words.

I brought a pen and paper, and wrote down: [Osamu Dazai called Mr. Detsu for Minamoto Kiyoshi after dinner. 】

I handed him the pen to sign, and he wrote it crookedly.

Then he tilted his head: "Then I want to eat well."

I put away my signature and said perfunctorily, "There are still two steamed buns in the refrigerator, warm them up for you."

I opened the refrigerator door and he followed.In addition to steamed buns and eggs in the refrigerator, there are also a few big crabs sent by Zhongyuan Zhongye.

...Oops, that's my baby.

I took out the steamed buns, and just as I was about to close the refrigerator, Dazai put his hand on the door of the refrigerator, and said, "What is that?"

"plastic toys."

He expressed disbelief: "Show me."

"Hey, let's eat steamed buns."

I grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the refrigerator.

He pressed firmly against the refrigerator door, and said firmly: "I! I want! Eat! Yes!"

Logically, I should slap him to death, but judging by his current situation, he should be really drunk.There is nothing to talk about with drunk people.

...Besides, I've already got his letter of commitment.

The big crab, the big crab that Chuya Nakahara gave, I was going to eat it with Rosalie, but now I want to share it with Dazai, I am a bit reluctant.

"Only eat one, if you dare to be greedy," I threatened, "I'll eat you!"

"Eat me?" Dazai smacked his lips, put his finger on the bandage on his shoulder, and pulled it lightly, "Then you come—"

"Don't." I pressed his hand, "Let's have a good talk... eat two."

...Calm down, don't reason with drunk people.

Six large crabs, I washed two, put them in the steamer, added water, and went to clean the bathroom.

The bowl in the bathroom was already empty, and it was unclear whether the hangover tea had been drunk or poured.I also cleaned the bathtub, making sure that there was no alcohol smell left on Dazai's body, and then I walked out of the bathroom.

Dazai sat quietly in the living room, resting his chin on his hands, with a dull expression, waiting to eat.

When I opened the steamer, the smile on my face suddenly froze.

Originally, there were only two large crabs, but now there are four more crabs, and it has become six, and they are all cooked.

The ghost also knows what happened.

"Osamu Dazai, you bastard!" I burst out in anger and rushed out of the kitchen, "Get out of here immediately, you still eat crabs, eat a ghost! Go to hell, you, you are only worthy of fighting with Pushkin Martyrdom!"

I grabbed Dazai's collar and dragged him out, but he was holding onto the legs of the table and refused to leave.

"The Xie Xie family—" he said with difficulty, "need to be neat and tidy."

"get out."

"Do not--"

stab.

There was a harsh sound.

His originally untidy shirt was completely scrapped.

I:"……"

Dazai: "..."

I finally let go, pointed to the pot and said, "After eating, I want to see Mr. Jin in the future. Come and call someone for me at any time. If you dare to cheat on me, I will break your leg!"

Dazai raised his face and said happily, "Okay~"

Six big crabs were neatly placed in front of him.

My heart hurts, not because I'm greedy, but because I don't want to give him good things.

He was kind to me before, so I didn't avenge Yukimura, it was a write-off.If he wasn't the only one who could call Mr. Detsu, I would have kicked him out a long time ago.

I don't know if I can eat so many crabs after drinking, it's best to eat them dead, I thought very viciously.

"Eat?"

Dazai opened a crab belly and said to me, "It's delicious."

"Don't eat." I still had the mood to eat crabs, so I said to him, "Please go home quickly after eating, and listen to my arrangement tomorrow. I'm going to bed. Wait, if I find out that you are full If you don't go, go to sleep in Rosalie's room, and I'll kill you."

Rosalie went to Poe's house today and should be back tomorrow.I have to buy some more big crabs before she comes back.

In order to prevent Dazai from doing something stupid, I locked Rosalie's door, went back to my room, and locked the door too.

Leave the living room and the bathtub to him, and he can do whatever he wants, even if he goes to play the drowning game again, I won't care about him anymore.

I couldn't sleep at all, and I wanted to call Fukuzawa Yukichi to pick up Dazai, but it was so late, I was too embarrassed to call him.

I tossed and turned, and when I fell asleep, I suddenly heard a click.

The door opened.

what happened?Didn't I lock the door?

I looked up with difficulty, Dazai was standing at the door, against the light, looking at me innocently: "Cold."

I fell asleep all of a sudden: "How did you get in?!"

He shook his hand at me.

"this."

Through the light from the living room, I could see the leftover crab leg dangling in his hand.