Recalcitrant

When it was almost dawn, Chen Zhuo had a fever again.

He and Lu Shaoheng tossed until midnight.Because he had a fever and was anxious about something, he slept very restlessly this time, and struggled to open his eyes not long after lying down.

The 1.8-meter double bed was empty on one side, and Chen Yan couldn't feel the residual warmth when he reached out and touched it. The person who was lying here had left at some point.

It started to rain again outside the window, and the wet and cool morning light leaked in through the gaps in the blinds, making Chen Zhuo have a splitting headache.

He sat up and looked around the not unfamiliar room. The similar environment and the same physical feelings made his memory inevitably return to the night when Lu Shaoheng left two years ago.

It was the same with Lu Shaoheng that night. After a mark was firmly carved in his heart, he disappeared completely, and there was no news from him again.

Chen Zhuo's body was very uncomfortable, but he still got up and got out of bed, slipped on his slippers, and walked out of the room.In the misty rain, the mountains in the distance are stacked one upon another, subtly overlapping with the isolated island on the sea in his memory.

The street lights at the entrance of the alley were on all night, Chen Zhuo went downstairs to the yard, not knowing where to go.

Is he gone again?Chen Yao thought, where should I look for this time, and how long will I have to look for it?

Chen Zhuo was standing in a daze, when footsteps suddenly sounded at the corner of the street, he turned his head to follow the prestige, and saw Lu Shaoheng's figure appearing in the mist of the rainy day.

When Lu Shaoheng saw Chen Zhuo, he was also slightly taken aback, and then he quickened his pace and walked towards him.When he came to Chen Zhuo, he slowed down again.

Not long ago, the two of them were a little out of control, and it was rare to see the most embarrassing side of each other.After the emotions calmed down, they faced each other again, somewhat embarrassed, and suddenly retreated from begging each other without any scruples to a kind of artificial politeness.

"What are you doing here on a rainy day?" Lu Shaoheng hesitated for a moment, took off his coat and put it on top of the two of them, temporarily blocking the rain: "You're still sick, why don't you wear a coat?"

Lu Shaoheng's complexion was not very good either, his complexion was snow-white, but his lips were unnaturally red, probably because he had to go out in a hurry and did not bring an umbrella, and there were crystal drops of water hanging on his black hair, twinkling.

"You..." Chen Yao blinked slowly, as if he couldn't understand why Lu Shaoheng went back and forth again.

His throat hurt like it was being drawn up and down by a blade, and he paused for a long time before finishing the sentence: "You didn't leave."

"You're still at home, where can I go?" Lu Shaoheng shook the paper bag in his hand, "I'm going to buy medicine for you."

"So that's the case, let's go, let's go back." Chen Yan looked down at the blue and white paper bag, nodded lightly, turned around and walked back, as if he was standing here in slippers before dawn, Really just for the walk.

Lu Shaoheng didn't say much, and quietly followed behind Chen Zhuo, and walked home together.

Looking at the two intertwined shadows on the slate floor, Chen Yao finally calmed down from the stress and realized that his reaction just now was a little too much.

It's just that this fact is hard to tell, he didn't want Lu Shaoheng to notice, so he walked forward with a straight face, without looking back all the way.

After arriving home, Chen Zhuo still had an unfathomable appearance. Under Lu Shaoheng's care, he took antipyretics and soon fell asleep.Lu Shaoheng saw that he was suffering from fever, so he fetched a basin of water thoughtfully and came back, and sat by the bed to physically cool him down.

Lu Shaoheng wrung out a wet towel and wiped it back and forth along Chen Yao's chest and arms. He was even more incomprehensible. Not long ago, he was pressed on the bed by Chen Yao and killed half his life, but now he was lying on the bed pretending to be weak.

Thinking of this, Lu Shaoheng stretched out his claws, viciously squeezed Chen Zhuo's head, and said with feigned anger, "The big star is amazing."

Chen Zhuo's hair felt good to the touch, Lu Shaoheng touched it again while he was asleep, and cursed again: "Hot and cold, capricious."

After venting one-sidedly, Lu Shaoheng suddenly felt that it was meaningless again. He gently moved Chen Zhuo's bangs away, and couldn't help but leaned down, approaching Chen Zhuo, and his breath that hadn't calmed down just fell on Chen Zhuo's lips. between.

It was a kiss, but Lu Shaoheng didn't do anything, just looked at him like this.

Looking at it, his expression became serious again unconsciously, like a person who finally found a long-lost treasure chest, but didn't know how to open it.

It's a pity that Lu Shaoheng couldn't look at it for too long, because Chen Zhuo, who was supposed to be asleep, suddenly opened his eyes without warning, and met Lu Shaoheng who was close at hand.

"I..." Lu Shaoheng had a guilty conscience, and hurriedly took a step back, trying to cover up: "I'm going to change the water in the basin."

Chen Zhuo said, "Don't bother, come up."

Lu Shaoheng paused, threw the towel into the washbasin, opened the quilt, and lay down beside Chen Zhuo.

A few hours ago, the two of them had clearly done everything, but after Lu Shaoheng went to bed, he lay down neatly next to Chen Zhuo, staring at the glass window slapped on the window with a not-too-near distance. rainwater.

Lu Shaoheng was very confused and couldn't help thinking about many things. He felt that he had never been so innocent in his life.

"Come closer." Before Lu Shaoheng calmed down, Chen Zhuo, who was ill, spoke again.

The patient is the biggest patient in the world, Lu Shaoheng didn't express any opinions, and obediently moved to Chen Zhuo's side, maintaining the lying posture facing up, and did not move.

"Breathe less." Chen Zhuo was obviously making trouble for no reason, looking for trouble for nothing: "I can't sleep because of the noise."

Lu Shaoheng finally had no time to be sentimental, couldn't bear it anymore, and cursed: "Are you looking for trouble?"

After being scolded, Chen Yao smiled contentedly, took Lu Shaoheng's hand that was placed under the quilt, and wrapped it in his palm silently.

Lu Shaoheng fell silent in an instant, and let Chen Zhuo hold his hand without making a sound.

After a lot of tossing, it was finally Lu Shaoheng's turn that he couldn't fall asleep. He stared at the yellowed and peeled ceiling due to water leakage for a long time, and then called Chen Zhuo's name.

Chen Zhuo hadn't slept yet, his face was still lukewarm, but his hands under the quilt turned in a different direction, his fingers stuck between Lu Shaoheng's, forming a gesture of interlocking fingers.

"Did you come out to look for me just now?" Lu Shaoheng asked, rubbing his palms with his fingers naturally, fortunately, it wasn't as hot as before.

"Well, I thought you were gone." Chen Zhuo closed his eyes and said softly, "Like last time."

Lu Shaoheng remained silent, vaguely guessing the reason behind this, and tentatively asked: "Before... you also went to find me?"

After saying the words, he felt a little regretful and didn't dare to listen to the answer carefully.Yes or no, it was cruel to him and Chen Zhuo.

Fortunately, Chen Zhuo didn't take the opportunity to tell how difficult the search process was, but just wrote lightly: "Go."

Lu Shaoheng's heart ached, and he clasped Chen Zhuo's hand tightly.

"How did you find me?" Lu Shaoheng asked. In the past two years since he left, except for occasionally sending an unsigned postcard, he never sent any news to Chen Zhuo: "And when did you know I was here?"

"It's all old calendars, there's nothing to dig through."

Not long ago, Chen Zhuo looked like he knew everything and answered all kinds of questions. When Lu Shaoheng asked about this matter, he changed the subject without skill, "Have you met anyone better in the past two years? You It should be quite popular here."

"No." Lu Shaoheng answered the question seriously: "I have always been alone."

Chen Yao put away his joking tone, and asked something he clearly cared about but pretended to ask casually: "Then why don't you contact me?"

For two full years, more than 700 days and nights, Lu Shaoheng did not pass a word to Chen Yao, not even a word of safety.

"I read on gossip forums that you are married."

Chen Zhuo opened his eyes and looked at him.

Lu Shaoheng glanced back at him, and quickly said: "Of course, the news on the Internet is true or false. It wasn't the reason why I didn't contact you. The most important thing is my own problem."

It was a very complicated mental journey, and it was hard to explain clearly in a few words. He straightened out his thoughts, and slowly started from the beginning: "After I separated from you on the boat that day, I did go to the hospital, and I also planned to go to the hospital as planned at the beginning. Solve Lu Heping's problem, and then..."

Looking back, Lu Shaoheng couldn't bear to say those cruel words in front of Chen Zhuo.He skipped this detail, turned to Chen Zhuo, and said, "But at the last moment, I found that I could let go of everything, except you."

Chen Zhuo frowned. To him, this was also a past that he didn't want to recall.Occasionally when I dreamed back at midnight, I remembered it, and what I got in exchange was insomnia all night.

"At that time, I was in a bad state. I didn't want to die with Lu Heping, but I didn't know how to live well, and I didn't know what I would do next, so I simply left City H."

At that time, Lu Shaoheng's mental state had reached its limit. Although he reined in from the precipice, it was only temporary, and he would stand on the edge of the abyss again at any time due to an opportunity.Returning to Chen Yao's side in such a state, it is only a matter of time before he repeats the same mistakes, and in the end it will still only bring harm.

So he completely cut off the connection with the past, and exiled himself to a strange place. For the first and last time, he tried to help himself.

Chen Yao turned around and squeezed his hand tightly.

"At the very beginning, I was wandering all over the place by myself. Every day I was in a daze. When I opened my eyes, I saw different cities and faced different people." Speaking of this, Lu Shaoheng asked Chen Zhuo: "Everywhere I go, I will send you A postcard, I don't know if you have seen it."

"I see." Chen Zhuo paused, and then said, "Keep every one."

Chen Zhuo has debuted for so many years, and the company receives various letters from fans all over the country every day.Lu Shaoheng's postcards were unremarkable, except for the address, he didn't leave a single word on it, and it was just mixed in a lot of fan letters.

But Chen Zhuo knew that the postcard was sent by Lu Shaoheng, like a kind of tacit understanding.

Fortunately, there are these postcards, Chen Zhuo thought in his heart.

"Later, I met a psychiatrist in the city, and I received treatment with her every month." Thinking of Zhong Xiaolin, Lu Shaoheng laughed, "It took more than a year, and the condition finally improved slowly, although she always said It’s not her credit, but she told me that if you want to love others, you must first learn to love yourself.”

Chen Zhuo nodded, but didn't ask any further questions. Unusually, he wasn't curious about this key question.

"Actually, I..." Lu Shaoheng didn't notice this. He paused and turned to face Chen Zhuo. He didn't often analyze himself like this to others. What he said just now made him a little uncomfortable.

After a while, he said with difficulty: "I've always missed you."

Chen Zhuo let out a breath slowly, reconfirming in his heart that he was really worthless and useless.All the resentment and resentment accumulated over the years disappeared in Lu Shaoheng's words "missing you".

He lowered his head and reached out to pull him into his arms.

Lu Shaoheng hugged Chen Zhuo's back tightly, buried his chin in his shoulder, looked at the rain curtain falling like a bead chain outside the window, and asked softly: "Chen Zhuo, you said last night that you can ask you anything you want to know, and you can count on it." Is it?"

Chen Zhuo patted his back with his palm and said, "Say it."

"I also want to ask you, are you single, do you really like me, do you want to try with me?"

Finally said it - in order to relieve the tension, Lu Shaoheng added a superfluous sentence: "Is it too late to say this now?"

"What do you think? Lu Shaoheng." Chen Zhuo didn't expect Lu Shaoheng to hold back for a long time, so he asked these nonsense, and immediately laughed angrily, let go of this heartless thing on the spot, and poked Lu Shaoheng's forehead with his index finger , poked him back, "I've loved you for almost ten years, you coward, white-eyed wolf."

These few questions were just the beginning, Lu Shaoheng secretly brewed dozens of versions in his heart, and planned to formally confess his love to Chen Zhuo.Unexpectedly, in exchange for Chen Zhuo's words first, he was seized the opportunity for a while, and before he had time to feel annoyed, he was replaced by a sense of hasty tension.

This kind of experience was very novel to Lu Shaoheng.

"You have liked me for ten years, that's a long time." After finally finding his voice, Lu Shaoheng's tone was a little stiff, sounding dry: "But if you count carefully, I have liked you for as long as you Short, it's even."

"Who is even with you?"

Chen Zhuo was so angry that his teeth were itchy because of his pretending to be calm, but he was suffering from poor physical condition today, and if he continued to tear it off, he might lose the wind again, so he pulled up the quilt on his body, wrapped Lu Shaoheng into a silkworm cocoon, and formed a cocoon. Holding her tightly in her arms: "I won't talk to you about this anymore, go to bed, good night."

"Good night." Chen Zhuo's childish behavior made the corners of Lu Shaoheng's mouth raise into a smile. He didn't resist, and closed his eyes in this awkward posture.

After a sleepless night, Lu Shaoheng was also tired, and it started raining outside the window at some point.The sound of the rain is pattering, the tip of the nose is lingering with a familiar breath, and everything around is so reassuringly nostalgic.

Just when Lu Shaoheng was about to fall into a deep sleep, a dry and warm kiss fell on his forehead, and Chen Zhuo's deep voice also entered his dream.

"It's not too late now." Chen Zhuo kissed Lu Shaoheng's forehead, and answered his previous question: "We still have a lot of time, and it's never too late to start."

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