After I lost my memory, I attacked the crematorium.

When Ji Yuchen rushed to the hospital, Han Yicheng's operation was still in progress.

No one from the Han family was there yet, and in the waiting space outside the huge operating room, only Xie Jinian was sitting on the bench directly opposite the door of the operating room.

He clasped his hands on his knees, his back was straight, and his body was slightly stiff, as if he was waiting for a verdict.

Ji Yuchen suppressed the surging worries in his heart, walked over slowly, squatted beside Xie Jinian, held his hand, raised his head, and said softly, "Brother, are you okay? Are you injured?"

Xie Jinian looked down at Ji Yuchen, shook his head slightly, his eyes were slightly red, but he still maintained the posture of forcing himself to straighten, and said, "I'm fine."

"How did that lunatic come out?" Ji Yuchen was annoyed, "Is no one watching him?"

"He has borderline personality disorder. His family bailed him out and sent him to the hospital for psychiatric treatment." Xie Jinian sighed, "You can't guard against this kind of person."

"I'll take care of the follow-up matters, and I won't let him go." Ji Yuchen said angrily, and then slowed down his voice, "Brother, although I don't like Han Yicheng very much, but if he really thinks so much of you It's important, you will still feel sorry for his words, and I will accept what you will do in the future."

Han Yicheng was injured again and again, although it was still due to his paranoia towards Xie Jinian, but Ji Yuchen also knew that his behavior was more against the human instinct of self-preservation.

At every moment that is too late, Han Yicheng will always use his will to suppress his survival instinct and replace Xie Jinian with himself.

Ji Yuchen asked himself that he might not be able to do it.

Xie Jinian didn't answer, but his eyes became more complicated.Ji Yuchen put her face on Xie Jinian's knee, and said softly, "Brother, I think things like feelings are too complicated. Just like your mother, she never mentions anything about your father to you. Knowing what grandpa said to her, but she is obviously completely disappointed in her father's choice, and even wants to pretend that there is no such experience, no father, no me, and no you."

"But your name, I heard from my father that my grandfather originally wanted to change it, but my mother never agreed, so she never changed it. Maybe she never forgave her father for making compromises and giving up on her, but she still loves him."

"Although I have never been in love, I think it is difficult for people who have loved each other deeply to sever the relationship and never see each other again. Although it is difficult, it is not impossible. But it is not so simple and easy to stop thinking about it and empty it completely." He raised his head and looked seriously into Xie Jinian's eyes, "I know a little bit about your past. I know how much reason and determination you used to leave him. If you want to give him a chance, I can understand."

He paused, and then said, "I think Dad can understand."

Xie Jinian smiled wryly and shook his head, rubbed Ji Yuchen's hair, wanted to say something, but instead he let out a deep sigh.

Ji Yuchen added, "I'll reschedule your air ticket back to the US tomorrow morning for you."

The door of the operating room opened suddenly, and the nurse pushed Han Yicheng out who was lying on the bed and hadn't passed anesthesia yet. The doctor asked, "Have the family members arrived?"

Xie Jinian gently rubbed Ji Yuchen's hair, stood up with him, and replied, "I am."

"He has lost a lot of blood. Although he has stabilized, he still needs to pay attention to postoperative care, especially his right lower back was injured twice in a row, and it collapsed several times, so it will heal a little slower," the doctor said. He said, signaling the nurse to send Han Yicheng back to the ward, "The postoperative nurse will explain in detail."

Han Yicheng lay lifeless on the hospital bed and was pushed past them by the nurse.

Xie Jinian took a good look at Han Yicheng who was lying quietly, but Ji Yuchen found that he didn't follow him to the ward.

Before Ji Yuchen could ask, Xie Jinian said to him, "Boss Fu is on his way to the hospital. Let's go home."

"Go home?" Ji Yuchen looked at the bed of Han Yicheng who had been pushed into the elevator by the nurse and was about to be sent to the VIP ward, feeling a little uncertain, "Shall we go home now?"

"I haven't finished packing my luggage yet. I'm going to the airport at eight o'clock tomorrow morning. It's time to go home." Xie Jinian turned around and walked towards the exit of the hospital.

The door of the elevator carrying Han Yicheng closed behind them. Although it was quiet, the sound still escaped into Xie Jinian's ears.

Far and subtle, but tenaciously drilled into the softest and deepest part of the heart, slowly producing sharp thorns, pricking down unreasonably, and rooting into eternal thorns.

At six o'clock in the morning, after checking the luggage and all documents, Ji Yuchen also prepared breakfast.

Passing the coffee to Xie Jinian, he said, "Fu Nianheng called me. Han Yicheng woke up last night."

Xie Jinian took the coffee and took a sip: "You are alone, take care of yourself. If you have something to do, don't worry about the time difference, you can come to me anytime."

Ji Yuchen nodded: "On the way to the airport, you will pass the hospital."

Xie Jinnian put down his coffee cup: "Eat on time, otherwise Li Shi will give me a small report."

Ji Yuchen curled his lips, showing a youthful look: "Okay. I'll take pictures of everything I eat and send them to you every day, okay?"

"Also, the progress of the project is according to our agreement. The meetings of the technical department are based on domestic working hours. I will cooperate in San Francisco."

"Okay." Ji Yuchen stopped bringing up the topic that Xie Jinian deliberately avoided, and handed the sandwich to Xie Jinian, "I promise to complete the task."

When the plane took off from the ground, the huge roar and upward force were like every flight.

When he left four years ago, he looked at the city that was gradually moving away from the porthole, thinking about the past between himself and Han Yicheng, and thinking about their mutual support and restraint, his heart was numb and dull.

In the dull pain at that time, there was more or less the determination to release Han Yicheng's life through his departure and the comfort of the strong man breaking his wrist. He thought that the collapse that would happen was also because of this clear awareness, and he used his reason to dispel him before defeating him. .

But at this moment, he just felt broken.

He thought he was healed, but in the year when he reunited with Han Yicheng, facing Han Yicheng's still fierce persistence, every little thing told him clearly that his departure was just to Han Yicheng. Freeze of time.

Han Yicheng seems to be getting better and better, his career is booming, and he got everything he wanted.But in fact, he is still the paranoid person who doesn't know how to love others, and doesn't know how to love himself. Even, in the past four years, his heart has been trapped in the person he fears the most, the person he wants to escape the most, and the person he loves the most In the abyss that is thrown away without saying a word.

He left for three years and came back for a year, but nothing seemed to have changed.

The thorns rooted in the heart were entangled into a net, tightly wrapped around the heart, and tightened the barbs.The dense stinging pain made him unbearably painful, making his nasal cavity sore and his eye sockets hot.

He could only shake his hands to flatten the seat, wrap himself tightly in a thin blanket, and then wrap it again.

This kind of collapse and weakness is not like him in the past.But at this moment, he just wanted to escape.

It's not just about fleeing from Han Yicheng who still doesn't know how to love himself or others.

It is also to escape from oneself.

Song Jinghui just left the arrival gate, put the suitcase on the spot, took a step forward and gave Xie Jinian a strong hug, and said with a smile: "I haven't seen you for two years, you are getting more and more handsome. When will you bring a boy?" Friends meet me?"

Xie Jinian smiled and patted his vest: "I thought Professor Song was extraordinary and won't push people out of the order."

"I'm here to get married, and you are still alone." Song Jinghui let go of his hand and pulled up the suitcase, "But there will be many handsome men at my wedding, and I will let Ah Nan arrange it for you."

"Okay, your wedding is important, don't let your fiancé worry about it." Xie Jinian took Song Jinghui to the parking lot, "Xiao Chenke told me that I must do a few things for you. These few days You listen to my arrangement."

Song Jinghui agreed with a smile, and said, "But I have finally settled in the United States, but you may have to return to China?"

In the two years since he came back to the United States, Ji's business has gradually shifted to China, and his father has made it clear that he wants to return to his roots, and hopes to use all means to finally be buried with his mother.

Dad wants to go back, of course Xie Jinnian will not stop him, and will do his best to fulfill his wish.

Seeing Xie Jinian's eyes fluctuate for a moment, Song Jinghui paused, and finally asked with concern and hesitation: "Will you go back to China?"

"If my dad and Xiaochen are both in China, of course I will be there too." Xie Jinian said, "I have to stay with my dad."

Song Jinghui hesitated for a while, and then said, "If you go back...you and Han Yicheng..."

He glanced at Xie Jinian, and said in a low voice, "Is he still pestering you these two years?"

Xie Jinian's expression froze, and then he smiled faintly: "No. He didn't show up, and he never contacted me."

The deep look when he handed him the blood-stained bouquet of white roses in the hospital two years ago is the last shared memory between him and Han Yicheng.

When we met at the age of ten, when he was bullied by Xie Fei and Han Yicheng protected him in his arms and said "don't be afraid", when Han Yicheng kissed him nervously and refused to give in for the first time, in the countless times they wanton The first and last moment when they entangle each other and take each other for granted, no one could have imagined that their ending would end with such a glance, such a moment.

All the flying enthusiasm shattered into silence, and after rubbing shoulders, the sour Lingchi gnawed at the tip of Kongluo's heart in countless dark nights, which was even worse than the feeling of loneliness after the first separation.

At this moment, Song Jinghui suddenly mentioned Han Yicheng, which made his heart unavoidably fluctuate.

Qi Nian International has occupied an absolute leading position in the industry, so the cooperation between Ji and Qi Nian International has been very deep, but Ji Yuchen is in charge of all related work alone, Xie Jinian did not ask, he did not let anyone Something or news related to Han Yicheng appeared in front of Xie Jinian.

Song Jinghui put the suitcase into the trunk of Xie Jinnian's car, went around to the passenger seat and got in the car, fastened his seat belt and said, "Ah Nan said that he will treat you to dinner when he comes back from a business trip in three days. You have to give it to me."

"No problem. Last time, Ah Nan said that he would teach me to ski." Xie Jinian tapped the steering wheel with his slender fingers, "We have a wedding in two months, are you nervous?"

Song Jinghui took out his mobile phone and sent a message to his boyfriend, and then sent a voice telling him to take a good rest and eat on time, and then said shyly to Xie Jinian, "It's like this once in a lifetime, so I'm really nervous."

"You can't be more nervous than when you decided to come back to the United States to chase Ah Nan back. I will never forget you who grabbed me and told me all kinds of worries and hesitation for eight hours that day." Xie Jinian smiled. Turned a corner.

"It's normal to be nervous and afraid of making mistakes when you love someone. After all, there is no right answer to feelings." Song Jinghui took a deep breath, "Fortunately, I didn't give up."

He asked Xie Jinian again: "Are you busy with work? Don't delay your serious business just to pick me up."

Xie Jinian started the car: "The most serious thing I have to do today is to accompany you to the suit shop that Xiaochen made an appointment to tailor the clothes for you, and confirm the clothes for your wedding to start custom-made. Let's go to the hotel first, and after you put away your luggage, we will Going to eat, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist for an hour from [-]:[-] to [-]:[-]. The hotel, doctor’s clinic and suit shop are all on the same street, not far away. You can take a rest at the hotel, and I have seen a psychiatrist to pick you up , and then go to the suit shop, and then Xiaochen will come to the suit shop to meet us and have dinner together."

Song Jinghui nodded: "Listen to your command."

After sending Song Jinghui to the hotel to settle down, the car was parked in the hotel parking lot, and Xie Jinian went to Li Bowen's clinic on foot.

Li Bowen has been practicing in the United States for more than two years, and he has an excellent reputation. He receives free consultation two days a week, so the waiting time for an appointment is even more half a year later.

Xie Jinnian has gone through more than half a year of psychological treatment every two weeks. The white nurse at the front desk of the clinic is very familiar with him and knows that he does not need special attention, so he just smiled politely and let him go Went to the consulting room.

Li Bowen's psychological clinic currently has five psychologists, but there are more than five consulting rooms.When planning, he made [-] rooms with different styles and different psychological feelings according to the color and atmosphere. Those who come to consult can freely choose the room they like, or change it at any time.

Xie Jinnian, as always, chose the warm yellow and small consulting room closest to Li Bowen's office.

At five minutes to two, Li Bowen knocked on the door and walked in.

Seeing Xie Jinian, he whistled: "Little brother is so handsome, would you like to have a relationship with me?"

Xie Jinian smiled and shook his head: "Doctor Li, are you always so active with patients?"

"There are still 4 minutes. You are not my patient, but my friend." Li Bowen sat down on the sofa opposite Xie Jinnian, "Still single?"

Xie Jinian gave him a helpless look: "The answer is the same as fourteen days ago."

Li Wenbo shook his head and gave him a very sincere look of regret: "Jiayang wants to introduce you to my partner, but you don't accept it. He is really nice, gentle and considerate, generous and comfortable, absolutely mature emotionally, not that kind The type who is so insecure that his lover is exhausted."

"I'm not ready yet." Xie Jinian said straightforwardly.

"Is it not ready emotionally, or is it not ready physically?"

"Different?"

"It's not the same." Li Bowen took out his gold-rimmed glasses from his breast pocket and put them on, "It's much easier to deal with being unready physically than being unready emotionally."

Xie Jinian casually picked up the creamy yellow pillow on the sofa, placed it between his knees and chin to support his focus, and said in a low voice, "Maybe I'm not ready yet."

Li Bowen nodded in understanding, and asked softly, "Are you still having that nightmare over and over again?"

Xie Jinian's face was buried in the pillow, and his voice came out muffled: "Yes."

In his dream, he would always return to the gate of the wildlife theme park in Ning City.

Every time, Han Yicheng stood still with a smile, waiting for him to approach.

Get closer and closer, until lips are close to lips, and when the itchiness stretches from the peak of the lips to the heart, he will raise his hand and push Han Yicheng down into the inexplicable abyss with a cold face.

Han Yicheng's expression of despair at that moment, he couldn't describe it, and couldn't bear to watch it.But it will always be engraved in the nightmare, and I can't get rid of it no matter what.

"We have already analyzed the reasons for the generation and continuation of your dreams." Li Bowen maintained an appropriate speed and voice, "It stems from your unique feelings for Han Yicheng and your unique experiences."

"Although you chose to leave him rationally, deep down in your heart, you still attributed the failures, setbacks, and losses that Han Yicheng encountered afterward to yourself, so you felt guilty that you abandoned him. But this sense of guilt is It is a combination of your negative emotions and miscognition, which is a kind of attribution error. You are not responsible for his misfortune, or you put too much responsibility on yourself and Han Yicheng himself Ignore it."

Xie Jinian raised his head, his chin sank into the pillow, his eyes lost their usual calmness, and the fluctuations were full of frustration and fatigue that even Ji Yuchen and Ji Bainian had never seen before: "I know. I will go back before America, also because I know that if I don't leave him, I will always..."

"And yet you keep putting yourself in this needless sense of guilt."

"Because I found out after I returned to China that he never understood why I left. He..." Xie Qi buried his face in the pillow again, "So I left again. During the two years I have been back in the United States, I have been thinking, If I hadn't been so decisive when I left, if I had made it clear to him why I was leaving, maybe he and I would have been relieved."

"So..." Li Bowen paused, and tapped the armrest of the sofa lightly with his fingers, "Why didn't you explain it clearly to him?"

Xie Jinian buried his face even deeper.

Li Bowen was silent for a moment, and said: "Last time we talked about behavioral cognitive therapy and neurolinguistic programming for this situation, but in fact, we don't need to go back to confirm the original cause of this guilt. What are the motives, and hidden desires that you don't know about, that you can't afford. Right?"

Xie Jinian nodded weakly with his face buried.

"So the solution is actually not difficult, is it?"

Li Bowen's persuasiveness made Xie Jinian nod and then shook his head.

He knew what Li Bowen's unspoken solution was.He also knows that to solve psychological problems, and even any problems in life, there are actually only three steps: face it, solve it, and let go of it.

But what he is avoiding at this moment is the first step, facing.

He didn't want to see Han Yicheng again.

Li Bowen didn't let him escape, but asked directly: "Are you tired of seeing him, or are you afraid of seeing him?"

Xie Jinian didn't answer, so Li Bowen didn't speak.Silence spread wantonly in the space, and Xie Jinian's voice was finally suppressed: "I'm afraid that he will remain the same, which will make me more... uncomfortable."

"So when you left him for the first time, you didn't tell him clearly why you were leaving, because you knew in your heart that even if you said it straight, even if he knew your thoughts, he would still not let you go, and it is very likely that he would not let you go." will change, right?"

Lifting his head from the pillow, Xie Jinian pursed his lips and nodded weakly.

"So you are also sure now that he must not have changed, right?"

Xie Jinian didn't answer, just looked at the pillow, pinching the corners of the pillow with his fingers unconsciously, feeling very helpless.

Li Bowen lowered his voice: "You left once, and then left again four years later. But in fact, is your heart still trapped in the fortress you built together? And are you sure that he also Didn't come out?"

Xie Jinnian was silent, but there was approval in his eyes.

Li Bowen tapped the armrest of the sofa again: "But you are the only reason for his emotions. Your pain is connected with him, and your changes will definitely change your relationship, and this change, you Do you think it is possible for him to finally face up to, understand, and understand your problems?"

"I do not know."

"Let me put it another way: Do you believe that even though Han Yicheng is proud and paranoid, with a lonely and decisive personality, he can indeed give up part of his ego and self-esteem for you?"

Xie Jinian nodded dejectedly.He believed it.

"Because you believe, so if you don't face it, you will always sink in this sense of guilt that you know where it comes from, and you know it's a cognitive bias, but you can't change it. And him, you also let him lose forever Confirm whether to change, or he has changed but can't confirm whether it makes sense in the abyss."

"So you will still be tied to each other for a lifetime, and you will never be able to free yourself from each other."

Xie Jinian hesitated for a long time before opening his mouth: "Do I have to face him? If he still..."

"You don't have to face him directly. To know his current situation, you can also go through the people around him. It's better if he has really made positive changes, so your problem will be relatively simple , but if he remains the same, we can also adjust the plan so as not to stand still. The most important thing is, Ah Nian, don’t be too harsh on yourself, you need to give yourself an outlet, so that you can look at yourself healthily and resolve the relationship between you. problems, and finally solve the problems that plague yourself.”

Li Bowen's timer beeped softly, indicating that five and ten minutes had passed the estimated one hour.

This was specifically requested by Xie Jinnian. Every time after chatting with Li Bowen, he needs to leave him 10 minutes alone to calm down, so that he can return to his daily life as usual.

Only this time, it took him longer than usual to get his emotions back to normal. He made an appointment for a meeting next week and left Li Bowen's clinic.

The suit shop that Ji Yuchen reserved is across the street from the hotel where Song Jinghui stayed, and it takes about 5 minutes to walk there.After Xie Jinian arrived at the hotel and met Song Jinghui, he immediately went to the suit shop.

This suit shop is a century-old shop. It only accepts appointments from regular people who have entered the store roster. The tailor-made clothes are all handmade. It is labor-intensive and time-consuming, but the wearing experience is not to be chosen.

"This is a gift that Xiaochen has urged to give you properly. Don't let me fail at Xiaochen's job." Xie Jinian sent Song Jinghui into the measuring room, and then told the clerk, "This It’s a wedding dress, please use the best fabrics and accessories.”

Measuring is an extremely meticulous job, and there are five or six rooms in the store that are used for one-on-one body measurements.I have already had psychological expectations for the time it will take.He took out his mobile phone to deal with the work that was less than half an hour away, and sent a message to Ji Yuchen, confirming with him the time of their rendezvous.

After receiving Ji Yuchen's message "I'll be there in 5 minutes", he put away his phone, looked at Vector's room, and waited for Song Jinghui to come out.

After 2 minutes, a door opened.

Xie Jinian looked at the person walking out the door, his pupils trembled for a moment, and then froze on the spot in an extremely stiff posture.

At a distance of seven or eight meters, even if he wanted to feel that he was dazzled, it was impossible.Originally going to the hall, but because he saw Xie Jinian, Han Yicheng, who stood at the door with the same stiff posture, was also full of bewildered panic, and scorching but suppressed throbbing in Han Yicheng's eyes.

He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

But the word "Qiqi", which Xie Jinnian was so familiar with, still fell silently in his heart with rough and sharp thorns.