paranoid dependence

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian without speaking, and Shen Nian also looked at him silently. After about a minute, Gu Zhi withdrew his hand and said:

"You are your own."

After saying these words, Gu Zhi left, without giving Shen Nian a chance to speak again, Shen Nian watched him leave and sighed helplessly, thinking that the grown-up Gu Zhi was too difficult to coax.

Maybe it was Gu Zhi's loss of control that day that made him dare not appear in front of Shen Nian again. He didn't even answer Shen Nian's calls for several days, and Shen Nian didn't force him anymore. The last meeting made Shen Nian realize that Those eight years were a forbidden zone for Gu Zhi, and he might need time to recover.

It's just that if you don't know about the past from Gu Zhi, where should Shen Nian know about it?Ninga?He no longer has her contact information.

In the past few days, apart from sleeping, eating and going to the toilet, Shen Nian spent almost all of his time in front of the window, and did not draw the curtains when he slept at night, so that Gu Zhi could see that he was not sure what he was like for Gu Zhi. It means something, but he appeared here just for himself.

Shen Nian didn't know why he was so restrained in getting along with him, but he felt that Gu Zhi should be willing to see him, even if it was only from a distance.

Liang Qiu called and asked when Shen Nian was going to Shanghai.

"I'm not going, Gu Zhi is here." Shen Nian said.

Liang Qiu almost doubted what he heard: "What did you say? Who went?"

"Gu Zhi." Shen Nian stood in front of the window, looking at the apartment building opposite, looking back and forth but didn't know where to stop: "He's back."

Liang Qiu was silent for a long time before realizing that Shen Nian would not make fun of this matter, and asked, "Is he alright?"

"It's not very good." Shen Nian didn't hide it: "I almost can't recognize it anymore."

The question about Gu Zhi was thrown in front of Liang Qiu almost by surprise. He who can speak eloquently didn't know what to say at this moment. Shen Nian actually didn't expect any response. He also had no warning for Gu Zhi's appearance. Yes, he also has a lot of doubts in his heart. These problems can only be solved by himself and find the answers, but sometimes he is confused and uncertain, and wants to talk to someone.

"Liang Qiu." Shen Nian said softly, "I think I made a mistake, I made a wrong decision back then."

"It's been so long, is it important to be right or wrong? Right or wrong can't change the current outcome, so don't think too much about it." Liang Qiu was silent for a few seconds: "If you can't make it through, I'll go find you. It's been two days."

"No need." Shen Nian refused Liang Qiu: "This is between me and Gu Zhi, you can't help."

"I'm worried."

Shen Nian almost immediately understood what Liang Qiu was worried about. Maybe he also wanted to see Gu Zhi, but it was more because he was afraid that they separated so vigorously back then, and that Gu Zhi's appearance now would take revenge on him. Liang Qiu's impression was that of a lunatic.

"Liang Qiu." Shen Nian sighed slightly: "Even if Gu Zhi hurts himself, he won't hurt me. He has changed everything except this one."

But no one knew that Shen Nian hoped that Gu Zhi would take revenge on him compared to Gu Zhi being polite to him now.

In that case, at least he is still familiar to him.

The night when I hung up the phone with Liang Qiu was approaching twelve o'clock, a muffled thunder suddenly sounded outside the window, the sound was not loud, but it was still very clear in this quiet night without any sound. Shen Nian had just closed his eyes and smelled Sheng immediately got up, but just as he walked to the balcony, the rain outside the window had already fallen, and the lightning in the sky lit up the entire night sky from time to time.

Shen Nian called Gu Zhi, but he didn't answer the call. He didn't answer two calls in a row, so Shen Nian didn't wait any longer, didn't even change his pajamas, just took an umbrella and went out.

That day, Gu Zhi only told himself a general floor, but he didn't tell him where he lived. Shen Nian could only knock on the floor where he could see his window. The occupancy rate was not high, and there were not many households. People who came to open the door were either impatient or polite, but they were not obsessive.

When Shen Nian searched the whole building, he realized that Gu Zhi might not be telling the truth to himself, he didn't live here, at least he didn't live across from him.

The only clue left for him was not found, and Shen Nian lost his mind. He stood at the door of the unit and called Gu Zhi again, but no one answered the call. The rain was getting heavier and heavier. For a long time, he could only go home, but stopped at the door of his own house.

He found a building where the people curled up in front of his house like a child, shivering.

"Gu Zhi." Shen Nian quickly walked over and knelt down in front of him, only to find that he was drenched in the rain when he touched him. Curled up, Gu Zhi sensed Shen Nian's return, raised his head to look at him, and slowly Slowly smiled: "Nian Nian, I'm a little scared."

"Not afraid." Shen Nian touched his face: "Let's go home."

After entering the room, a thunderbolt suddenly fell from the window, and Gu Zhi trembled. Shen Nian didn't wait for Gu Zhi to take the initiative, turned around and hugged him, patted his back lightly, and softly comforted him:

"Don't be afraid, it's okay, Niannian is here, Niannian is with you..."

"Nian Nian..." Gu Zhi murmured before he raised his hand and hugged Shen Nian back. At first, he touched Shen Nian very lightly, as if to confirm whether he was real, but then he realized that it was real. , Remembering that he was already beside Shen Nian, they had met, talked, and had dinner together, so he began to hug him tightly: "Nian Nian... Nian Nian, I miss you so much." you……"

Gu Zhi who said "I miss you so much" once again made Shen Nian familiar, and he showed his heart in Gu Zhi's hug: "I know, I know, I miss you too."

From time to time, a thunderstorm was about to explode outside the window, Gu Zhi hugged Shen Nian tightly and didn't intend to let go, and Shen Nian let him stand like this for a long, long time.

It wasn't until Gu Zhi's clothes were almost warmed up, and his legs became a little stiff, that Shen Nian turned his head and looked out the window. It was still raining, but the thunder had almost disappeared.

Gu Zhi's body was still tense, Shen Nian rubbed the ground to try to relax him, but it had little effect, he seemed to be more afraid of thunderstorms than a few years ago.

Originally, she wanted him to take a bath so as not to catch a cold, but Shen Nian was not at ease in Gu Zhi's state, so she took him to the sofa and lay down, covered him with a blanket, and sat next to him , let him sleep on his lap, like he used to do in that abandoned gymnasium.

"It's getting late, you can squint for a while." Shen Nian stroked his hair gently: "Don't worry, I'll be with you."

In the whole room, there was only one light on at the entrance, the warm yellow tone was not very bright, Gu Zhi shrank on Shen Nian's lap, his whole posture was full of fear, but he still looked at Shen Nian, Shen Nian and Shen Nian He looked at each other for a few seconds, smiled and raised his hand to cover his eyes:

"Close your eyes and rest for a while, I'm not leaving, I'm here."

Gu Zhi was very obedient, as before, he would do whatever Shen Nian asked him to do, Shen Nian told him to close his eyes, he really didn't struggle.

The room became quiet, and the rain outside the window was so loud that they couldn't even hear each other's breathing, but it was enough for them to feel each other's presence.

On this rainy night, they seemed to have returned to eight years ago, as if they had never been separated.

It was nearly three o'clock when the sudden rain stopped slowly. There was no sound of rain hitting the glass window, and the whole world became quiet, as if there were only the two of them left. Shen Nian was immersed in such an atmosphere Zhong didn't want to break it, if Gu Zhi wasn't wearing wet clothes, he would really prolong the time between the two of them in this stage infinitely.

But now it's time for Gu Zhi to take a shower.Before waking him up, the eyes under the palm of his hand blinked lightly, Shen Nian raised his hand and saw his open eyes, and smiled:

"Didn't fall asleep?"

"En." Gu Zhi responded and stood up from Shen Nian's lap. The sound of rain stopped, and he seemed to have returned to his mature and stable appearance, and even moved a little to the side, showing obvious alienation.

Gu Zhi's actions made Shen Nian's thoughts and emotions that were still stuck in eight years ago dissipate in an instant.

Just after it rained, Gu Zhi was in a bad mood, Shen Nian didn't want to talk about anything else at this time, so he didn't care about his change of attitude:

"Go take a shower, don't catch a cold."

"It's not raining anymore, I'll just go back." After Gu Zhi finished speaking, he got up and was about to leave, but Shen Nian grabbed his hand: "It's too late, let's stay here."

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian, rationally told him that he should go back, but emotion made him unable to move, he looked back at Shen Nian, unable to refuse his request like many years ago, nodded, and said:

"it is good."

Shen Nian went to get his own clothes for him. Although Gu Zhi is taller than him now, he is also much thinner than him. The clothes should be suitable. Gu Zhi thanked him and took the clothes and went to the bathroom. redundant words.

His mood seems to be very bad, but his mood is not so good during the thunderstorm.

Just taking a bath, Shen Nian should be at ease, but he leaned against the bathroom door and listened quietly to the sound of water for a long time. He originally thought that Gu Zhi's shadow of the thunderstorm came from Ning Jia, and he lived beside Ning Jia In eight years, if Ning Jia did what he promised, then even if the shadow cannot be completely eliminated, it should not be the same as it is now.

Ninga didn't do it?Or, did something else happen during this period?

Shen Nian really wanted to know, but he had already tried it, and in the end, besides making Gu Zhi lose control of his emotions, he still couldn't say a word, which was completely different from the previous Gu Zhi.

Just wait a little longer, until the temperature between them warms up again.

It wasn't until the sound of water in the bathroom stopped that Shen Nian left and went back to the bedroom. Although he wasn't drenched by the rain, he was hugged and let Gu Zhi lie on his lap, so his body was already dry.

He took the clothes from the closet and threw them on the bed, turned around and took off his shirt, but before he could put it on, a cold touch climbed up his shoulders. Shen Nian subconsciously turned around and saw the clothes standing behind him. stubborn, he was staring at his shoulder.

Shen Nian understood something, followed his eyes and saw the tooth marks.

"Does it hurt?" Gu Zhi asked.

"It doesn't hurt." Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi: "It hurts without you."

Gu Zhi was stunned for a moment because of Shen Nian's words, his eyes collided with his, and after a few seconds he laughed: "What's wrong with Nian Nian, I almost misunderstood what I said recently."

"What's the misunderstanding?" Shen Nian turned to look at him, with a faint smile on his face.

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian for a while, and his hands began to tremble again. Shen Nian saw it and reached out to hold it, but he missed it. He said:

"It's late, I'm going to sleep on the sofa."

After saying these words, Gu Zhi stepped out of the bedroom, Shen Nian stood there for a long time but couldn't recover.

When Shen Nian changed his clothes and walked out of the bedroom, Gu Zhi was sitting on the sofa, looking out the window and wondering what he was thinking. Shen Nian looked at his hands and found that his right hand was tightly clutching the wrist of his left hand, as if he was fighting What.

Hearing the sound, Gu Zhi looked up and didn't speak.

Shen Nian stepped over and put the blanket on the sofa, Gu Zhi said thank you softly, Shen Nian looked at him and wanted to say something, but he didn't say anything.

He should have a good rest at this late hour.

"Go to sleep." Shen Nian said.

The next few days will be thunderstorms, Shen Nian let Gu Zhi stay at home, Gu Zhi was a little hesitant when he heard this sentence, but maybe he still couldn't resist the idea of ​​wanting to be with Shen Nian, so he nodded and agreed down.

Although Shen Nian rented a place with two bedrooms and one living room, he converted one of the bedrooms into a study room. There was only one bed in the house, and Gu Zhi slept in the living room, but even though the two of them lived together, they still couldn't communicate. Many, memories are not suitable, and the eight-year period is like a forbidden area that cannot be mentioned, so they can talk very little between them.

Perhaps the reunion time is too short, and they haven't found a comfortable way to get along with each other.

It rained again in the middle of the night, Shen Nian deliberately asked Gu Zhi to go to the bedroom to sleep together, but Gu Zhi didn't seem to hear it, Shen Nian couldn't say it again, and sat in the living room with Gu Zhi I waited until almost two o'clock until the rain stopped before going back to the bedroom, but not long after I fell asleep, there was another voice in the living room, intermittently as if talking in sleep.

Shen Nian got up and walked out, and saw Gu Zhi curled up on the sofa, hugging himself tightly, his brows were slightly frowned, cold sweat covered his forehead, and every word he uttered was gritted with ruthlessness:

"roll--"

"I'm not sick, I'm not sick..."

"Let me out, let me out..."

"I'm going to kill you—I'm going to kill you—"

Shen Nian didn't wake up Gu Zhi right away, he never said a single word to those eight years when he was awake, so Shen Nian wanted to get more news from Gu Zhi's dream, even if the sleep words were not true, Shen Nian Still shocked to hear, what if what he dreamed happened in reality?What if he said what he said countless times in the past few years?

Gu Zhi was in more and more pain, and Shen Nian couldn't bear to call him out:

"Gu Zhi?"

Gu Zhi, who was immersed in a nightmare, heard someone calling him, but couldn't recognize the sound, and forgot where he was, he thought it was those people, he thought those people were coming again, so the moment he was woken up, He didn't have time to restrain his emotions at all, he didn't even take a look at who the person in front of him was before he reacted subconsciously.

He brought the resistance in his dream to reality, and Shen Nian was caught off guard by his kick in the abdomen. When he fell down, even the coffee table was knocked out for a long distance, and the teacup on the table fell down and shattered all over the floor.

Seeing Shen Nian who fell on the ground and frowning because of the pain, Gu Zhi woke up almost instantly, he hurried over and hugged Shen Nian and put him on the sofa, not daring to look into his eyes, but looked him up and down body of:

"Is there any injury? Where does it hurt? Let's go to the hospital, I'll call..."

Shen Nian grabbed his flustered hand that didn't know where to put it: "Brother Zhi, I'm fine."

"How could it be okay..." He knew how much strength he used.

"I'm really fine." Shen Nian comforted him, stroking his hair: "I didn't lie to you."

Shen Nian's consolation didn't have any effect, Gu Zhi's whole body was shaking, he squatted in front of Shen Nian, lowered his head and never dared to look at Shen Nian, self-blame and regret swept him, he clearly realized that From the very beginning, he shouldn't appear in front of Shen Nian, he should just take a look secretly, he shouldn't be so greedy, he can't give Shen Nian anything now, he is emotionally unstable and often loses control, and has been hurting him .

How many times is this?He's not as self-controlled as he thought.

Gu Zhi regretted it.

Shen Nian could feel Gu Zhi's pain now, but he couldn't wait for some things. The nightmare didn't reveal much information, but what he said was really scary for Shen Nian. He couldn't do it step by step. I just want to know what happened to Gu Zhi, what kind of things made him become like this.

It's just that before he could speak, Gu Zhi made a move first, he took his own hand from Shen Nian's and held his tightly:

"Nian Nian, remember to go to the hospital if you don't feel well, don't hold on."

"Gu Zhi!" Knowing what he was going to do, Shen Nian was resisting and wanted to pull him, but Gu Zhi held his hand tightly.

"Take good care of yourself." Gu Zhi finally looked up at him: "Nian Nian must take care of himself."

After saying this, Gu Zhi got up and walked out the door, Shen Nian didn't even have time to reach out to pull him, got up to chase Gu Zhi, but the speed was so fast that he opened the door.

If you don't stop him, Shen Nian will lose him again.

Shen Nian didn't want to wait another eight years.

"Gu Zhi!" Shen Nian called him, and confessed at the most inappropriate timing: "I like you!"