paranoid dependence

Shen Nian did not expect Gu Zhi to do this suddenly, even eight years ago he had never treated him like this, but Shen Nian did not struggle, trying to calm himself down and explained to him:

"My student, who was eating out, called me because the money was stolen and he had no money to pay the bill."

Gu Zhi didn't seem to accept this explanation, and walked forward with the hand stuck on the back of his neck, touching it from the front again, forcing him to raise his head slightly: "Where are his parents? No family? Why should I call you?"

The air in the chest was squeezed to the point where there was not much left, and now it felt a little more suffocating, Shen Nian frowned uncomfortably:

"Afraid of being scolded..."

Gu Zhi probably still didn't believe this argument, because he didn't let go of Shen Nian, he even lowered his head and gently sniffed Shen Nian's neck, as if checking whether the prey in his hand satisfied him.

"Then what happened to the blind date tonight? If I don't ask, brother Nian Nian is not going to explain? Huh?"

"I didn't know it was a blind date. I thought it was just a colleague who asked me for help. I didn't know what was going on until I got there." Shen Nian confessed everything, but clearly knew that he didn't want to get out of this suppressed state. With relief, he really didn't want to be misunderstood by Gu Zhi: "If I knew, I wouldn't have gone."

"What about after that?" Gu Zhi's thumb brushed lightly over his Adam's apple, and there was a threat that could not be ignored in his voice: "Brother Nian Nian wants to have a girlfriend? Will he get married? Will he have children of his own?"

"Gu Zhi..." Shen Nian spoke softly, with a touch of reassurance: "There is no one around me, I am still alone, and I don't have the plans you said, he is my student, this is just my job, you can Come with me."

After saying this sentence for a while, Shen Nian could feel that Gu Zhi was gradually relaxing, and his breathing was no longer so difficult, and it took another about 1 minute for Gu Zhi to take a step back and let him go.

Shen Nian slowly let out a breath of relief and turned around to look at Gu Zhi, Gu Zhi was also looking at Shen Nian, his eyes were not crazy, but only dazed, it seemed that he didn't quite understand what he had just done, hanging by his body The hand on the side was shaking, shaking very badly.

Gu Zhi's eyes fell on Shen Nian's chin, he frowned, then raised his hand, as if to touch Shen Nian.

Shen Nian saw it, but didn't dodge it, and let Gu Zhi gently stroke his chin.

"It's red." Gu Zhi murmured softly, as if talking to himself.

Shen Nian couldn't see it, and didn't know if it was red, but it was indeed knocked when he was hit on the wall.

"It's okay." Shen Nian said softly, "It doesn't hurt."

When sitting in the taxi, Gu Zhi's trembling hands eased a little, and he returned to the quietness when we met just now. Shen Nian had been carefully paying attention to his emotions, but didn't know what to say, so he went to the place in silence .

The place where the students ate was a food stall, and they felt the chaotic atmosphere before getting out of the car, Gu Zhi didn't intend to follow, and stopped on the side of the road, Shen Nian turned to look at him after noticing it.

"I'll wait for you here." Gu Zhi said.

Shen Nian didn't think too much, nodded, "I'll be out soon."

"Okay." Gu Zhi said.

Shen Nian went in, and because of the open air, Gu Zhi could see that Shen Nian had a good relationship with those half-old children even though they were not far away, and they all smiled when they saw Shen Nian Yes, there is no student who sees the teacher's formality at all, like a friend.

Shen Nian must be a good teacher, Gu Zhi thought, it can be seen from the attitude of these students towards him.

It's good, Shen Nian's life should be like this, peaceful and not disturbed by others.

He should be relieved.

After Shen Nian paid the money and sent them to the car, he walked towards the place where Gu Zhi was waiting, but he couldn't see him from a distance. Shen Nian walked two steps quickly to the place where Gu Zhi was standing, but he still couldn't find anyone. He looked around , Many people come and go, but each one is not him.

Shen Nian was a little anxious, as if Gu Zhi just appeared and then disappeared for eight years, he remembered why he took out his mobile phone to call Gu Zhi, but got a notification that the phone was turned off.

He seemed to be gone again, Shen Nian lost him again.

Shen Nian had been waiting at the food stalls until the end of the night market and did not wait for Gu Zhi to come back. When he took a taxi and walked back, he looked at the flashing street scene outside the window and began to wonder if he was sick again, worse than before , wondering if Gu Zhi never appeared at all, all this is just his own illusion.

But the cracks on the screen of the phone that fell to the ground due to Gu Zhi's collision are still there, and there is still the unfinished glass of water that I poured for Gu Zhi on the coffee table in the living room. These all prove that Gu Zhi has come, but left again up.

As for when to come back and whether he will come back, Gu Zhi didn't leave any signal, and Shen Nian didn't know either.

This night, Shen Nian saw Shen Chongshan again. When he came out of the bedroom to pour water in the kitchen in the middle of the night, he saw Shen Chongshan sitting in the same position where Gu Zhi was sitting in the evening, looking at him. After so many years, Shen Nian was used to it. Now, habits and hallucinations coexist, no longer fear and panic, as long as all these do not exist, you can also distinguish between hallucinations and reality.

He usually ignores the hallucinations, he knows they are fake, but this night Shen Nian has been looking at Shen Chongshan for a long time, and even took the initiative to talk to him:

"Gu Zhi is back, you know that too, right?"

Shen Chongshan looked at him without saying a word, his eyes were no longer the worried eyes that he thought he had something to do with Gu Zhi, his eyes had no message, just looked at him.

Shen Nian didn't look at Shen Chongshan anymore, but looked out the window, his voice was very soft in the night, as if speaking to himself:

"He looks very bad, and his mood is very wrong. He is no longer the stubbornness I am familiar with. I dare not ask him what he has experienced in these years. I am afraid that we will end up spinning in the same place after eight years of separation. I am also afraid of him. I didn't live a good life as I expected, and I was even more afraid that my choice back then would eventually kill him."

Shen Chongshan never made a sound, Shen Nian looked back at him after a moment of silence, only to find that he had disappeared at some point.

Shen Nian stared at the seat for a while before slowly retracting his gaze, and walked to the restaurant.

Shen Nian thought that since Gu Zhi appeared, he would not leave easily, especially since he said he wanted to collect debts, so it is his style to always ask for something from himself, but Gu Zhi did not show up for a few days. Just like eight years ago, Shen Nian never heard from him anyway.

If Gu Zhi hadn't shown up, according to the original plan, Shen Nian should have set off for Shanghai and agreed to Liang Qiu's promise, but now that Gu Zhi has come, although it's not sure whether he will show up again, it's impossible for Shen Nian to come again. left.

Even if the chance of him reappearing is only one in ten thousand.

It has been a week since Gu Zhi disappeared, yet Shen Nian still has no news from him.

This night, Shen Nian was insomnia and didn't feel any sleepiness until almost 2 o'clock in the morning. He was thinking about Gu Zhi, thinking about what he said to himself on the phone for the first time. At that time, there was no time to think too much , to analyze something, but looking back now, Gu Zhi should have been observing him for a while, so is it possible that he lives near him?Or, just in this neighborhood?

Shen Nian got out of bed and went to the balcony to look at the quiet neighborhood in the dark. Maybe it was because the occupancy rate was already low, or maybe it was really too late, and none of the units he could see had lights on. .

However, Shen Nian immediately felt that there was something wrong with his mind, was there any inevitable relationship between whether the lights were on or not and where Gu Zhi was?He couldn't judge where Gu Zhi lived based on this.

She seemed to be a little dazed, Shen Nian sighed slowly.

The temperature tonight is quite cool, not too stuffy. Shen Nian stood on the balcony and blew the wind for a while. When he felt a little sleepy, he was ready to go back to sleep, but when he turned to leave, he accidentally saw the green belt downstairs. There seemed to be someone sitting on the bench next to it.

Under the reflection of the street lamp, you can still see a touch of white.

Shen Nian wasn't sure if it was Gu Zhi, he wasn't even sure if it was a person, he lived on the eighth floor and couldn't see it clearly, but he had to check it out, when Shen Nian took the elevator down, he noticed that he was a little bit Nervous, in case...in case I get dazzled, isn't it?

The sound of the unit door being opened was also deafening in the silent night, disturbing the people who were sitting quietly. Shen Nian saw the figure move, and then looked in his direction. The light was dim and the distance was not too close. , but Shen Nian had already confirmed that it was Gu Zhi.

This person is also true, sitting in the middle of the night beside the greenery under the street lamp, isn't he afraid of mosquito bites?

But no matter what, Shen Nian breathed a sigh of relief.

After confirming that it was him, Shen Nian was not in a hurry anymore, and calmed down his heartbeat that was a little too fast due to nervousness, before walking over slowly.

The surroundings were very quiet, only the crickets sounded from time to time in the nearby grass, Shen Nian stood in front of Gu Zhi, Gu Zhi was sitting on a chair watching him, no one spoke for a while.

"Why haven't you slept yet?"

"Why are you sitting here?"

Both of them spoke at the same time, both were a little startled, then Gu Zhi smiled lightly and didn't intend to speak again, Shen Nian asked again:

"How did you leave without saying hello that day?"

"There's something, I didn't have time to tell you." Gu Zhi always had a smile that Shen Nian couldn't understand: "Are you angry?"

Gu Zhi's expression couldn't see any flaws, but Shen Nian's intuition told himself that what he said was not the truth, but Shen Nian was not inquisitive, and he didn't feel that he had this position, so he shook his head and said nothing, He sat down beside Gu Zhi.

At a distance of one person.

Eight years ago, the two of them clearly knew each other and slept together in the same bed every day, but now they felt awkward sitting next to each other.

It's not the awkwardness with this person, but the atmosphere, the awkwardness of not even daring to breathe loudly.

"You haven't answered my question yet." Shen Nian looked at the front: "It's so late, why are you sitting here?"

The problem went back to the beginning, as if there was nothing to say, but no one would resist at this moment.

"Can't sleep, come out for a walk." Gu Zhi said, "What about you? Why didn't you sleep?"

"I thought you knew." Shen Nian said in a slightly angry tone.

Hearing this, Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian unexpectedly. From his angle, he could only see Shen Nian's side face, with very soft lines, and it was even more gentle under the warm yellow light. Gu Zhi's mood suddenly changed. After recovering, Wei Wei leaned closer to Shen Nian and asked him:

"Because of me?"

With Gu Zhi's obviously teasing tone, he thought that Shen Nian would not answer him, but Shen Nian turned around and looked into his eyes after hearing the sound, and gave him the answer within a few seconds, an unexpected answer, he said:

"Yes, because of you."

Gu Zhi's hands that were left casually curled up slightly because of this answer, and his smile froze a bit, but he returned to normal after a while:

"Nian Nian is not the same as before."

In the past, Shen Nian would not be so direct.

"You're not the same anymore." Shen Nian said.

"People change." Gu Zhi looked away, "We haven't seen each other for eight years, it's normal to be different."

Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi, and suddenly had the courage to ask him about his experiences over the years, but just as the words came to his lips, when he was still hesitating whether to say or not, Gu Zhi made another mistake. sound, he said:

"Nian Nian, what I said at your house that day you owed me was just a joke, don't take it seriously, you don't owe me anything, and I didn't come here to ask you for anything, if I put pressure on you, you can Tell me directly, I have no intention of disturbing your current life."

Whoever said these words will not come from Gu Zhi's mouth, which makes people feel distressed. No one knows what kind of person Gu Zhi was like before than Shen Nian. He was originally chic and wanton, even if he cared about Shen Nian Nian also failed to grind away his edges and corners, he would go all out to get what he wanted, but Gu Zhi in front of him was like a polished commodity, saying things he had never said before, so that Shen Nian couldn't even speak. Not sure what to respond to.

The way he communicated with Gu Zhi was still the same as eight years ago, and Shen Nian couldn't get used to it now, but even if he didn't get used to it, he still heard another meaning from his words.

"You want to go?" Shen Nian tried his best to restrain his emotions.

Gu Zhi nodded indifferently: "You have to go. You have your own life, and I have my own way. We are no longer the same people."

The two people who agreed to live forever parted ways eight years ago, and the bridge returned to the bridge. This is a fact that no one can change.

"Then why did you come to me?" Shen Nian's voice began to tremble a little.

Gu Zhi probably recognized it, turned his head to look at him, and looked elsewhere after a while:

"It's a pity. There was indeed hatred when we separated, but it's been so long, and the original feelings have faded, but I still want to see how the road you gave up on me is. Now that I see it, I feel You're right, it's fine."

"Gu Zhi..."

"And..." Gu Zhi interrupted him: "According to what I know about you, you should have missed me for many years, right? There was no news for more than half a year, and there was no contact after that. So much, I think if I don't show up, you might not be able to let me go for the rest of your life, I came here to let you see, I'm fine, so don't miss me from now on."

Shen Nian fell silent, didn't speak again, and didn't know what else he could say. Gu Zhi's words seemed to be filled with some kind of magic, which made his already chaotic thoughts mixed with some kind of glue. Not even sure what to feel at this moment.

Gu Zhi waited for a while before he opened his mouth, looked sideways at him, looked at his appearance, and smiled slightly:

"Why do you feel a little disappointed? Do you really want me to hide you?"

"When are you leaving?" Shen Nian asked softly.

"It's not that fast." Gu Zhi said, "I finally came out and I want to see more, wait until your summer vacation is over, but although I won't hide you, you can still accompany me occasionally, I am here There are no friends here, so it won't take up too much of your time."

Shen Nian looked at him, and it took a few seconds before he responded: "Okay."

The two fell silent again. After a while, Shen Nian remembered something, took out his mobile phone, called up his WeChat QR code and handed it to Gu Zhi: "Add my contact information."

Gu Zhi looked at the mobile phone that Shen Nian handed over and seemed a little confused. After a few seconds, he calmed down and shook his head with a smile: "I don't have one. Just call me in the future. I won't turn off the phone."

No WeChat?Are you unwilling to add yourself?But after Gu Zhi said that, Shen Nian couldn't hold on anymore, put the phone back, and asked him: "Then where do you live?"

Gu Zhi pointed to the building opposite Shen Nian: "You are opposite, I can see you when you don't draw the curtains."

Shen Nian looked up at the building he was pointing at, but said nothing.

It was getting late, and the two of them seemed to have nothing to say, so Gu Zhi urged him to go back:

"Go back to sleep, if you sit down, it will be dawn."

Shen Nian actually doesn't really want to go back, but if he doesn't go back, he doesn't know what to say, his thoughts are so chaotic that he can't make sense of it, maybe he should go back and think about it, he nodded and got up and walked back, but Gu Zhi stopped after a few steps for him:

"Near."

Shen Nian stopped and looked back at him, he was still sitting there, the bangs on his forehead were caressed by the breeze, his white hair made Shen Nian feel that the person in front of him was a bit unreal, but his voice was so clear, he asked :

"You know I like you, right? The way men like men."

Shen Nian didn't expect Gu Zhi to ask this question, he was stunned for a moment, but he didn't evade, nodded: "I know."

Gu Zhi smiled: "So, when I kissed you eight years ago, you were awake, right?"

"Yes." Shen Nian said.

"No wonder." Gu Zhi got up, put his hands comfortably in his pockets, and was a few steps away from him: "I have always wondered why you suddenly have hallucinations, and now I understand, the root cause is mine. The reason is that I put pressure on you."

Shen Nian wanted to say no, but Gu Zhi didn't give him this chance, and only asked him:

"Is it okay now? Will I still have hallucinations?"

Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi, and shook his head after a few seconds: "No more, it's all over."

"That's good." Gu Zhi looked at him with a smile: "Nian Nian wants to be good."