paranoid dependence

That year, Gu Zhi, who said that Shen Nian was perfect, did not go with Ning Jia. After saying that, he turned around and ran out of the small courtyard. Neither Ning Jia nor her assistant caught up. No one knew he was going. Where did Shen Nian go, Shen Nian didn't have any news from him for a long time.

When the wound on the shoulder formed a thick layer of scab, the results of the college entrance examination were announced. Shen Nian performed normally and got a very auspicious number 688. Half of the credit for this was due to Gu Zhi. Gu Zhi shared it, but Shen Nian looked at the scores on the computer, and then looked at the empty seat next to him, and just smiled wistfully.

The person who would have been happier than him, who would have held his hand and looked excitedly at their future, didn't know where or what he was doing.

Liang Qiu's grades were also good, and he went to Fudan as promised, but Shen Nian unexpectedly chose to go to Beijing instead of Liang Qiu.He seems to be punishing himself, but also seems to be protecting the last lucky person around him.

He stubbornly believed that no one related to him would have good results, so he chose to stay away.

It was rare for Liang Qiu to lose his temper with him, but he said "Brother" to silence Liang Qiu. In fact, the time for filling out the volunteer application has passed, and it is useless to say anything else.

Liang Qiu stayed with Shen Nian in the small town and did not return to Shanghai, but he seldom heard Shen Nian speak anymore. Without Gu Zhi by his side, Shen Nian did not get better as he imagined, he still had dreams and Having hallucinations, Gu Zhi's departure also became an existence that made him feel guilty, which made Liang Qiu wonder if he had made a wrong persuasion.

On the day when the admission notice came out, Shen Nian made two copies and burned one copy for Grandma Qin and Shen Chongshan, telling them that everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about.

In mid-August, Shen Nian sent Liang Qiu back to Shanghai. He had already wasted the whole vacation by his side, and even failed to fulfill the graduation trip that he had agreed with his classmates. Thinking about opening his mouth, Liang Qiu was going to leave too.

In the airport waiting hall, Shen Nian looked at the plane on the tarmac and smiled with some regret, and asked Liang Qiu: "How does it feel to fly?"

"When you go to Beijing, don't you know if you sit once?"

Shen Nian shook his head: "I've already bought a ticket to Beijing."

Shen Nian secretly slipped the bank card left by Shen Chongshan to Gu Zhi at the time of parting, he didn't know if Gu Zhi would be short of it, but he would feel better if he did this, as he didn't have much money left , it is difficult to last a semester, and he will start working after he arrives in Beijing.

Liang Qiu did not support him in leaving the money to Gu Zhi, but several times he also wanted to open his mouth to shoulder his college life, but in the end he didn't really say it out, he knew that Shen Nian would not accept it, so in the end he only said it One sentence:

"I will always be your brother, you don't have to be too polite with your brother."

Shen Nian understood what he meant and laughed: "I know."

After seeing off Liang Qiu, Shen Nian went back to Jianjia Lane and continued to wait for Gu Zhi.

In fact, even Shen Nian felt that his actions were very hypocritical. After all, he was just waiting for news, but he didn't regret letting Gu Zhi leave him. He just wanted to wait for Gu Zhi to be safe, to have something to rely on in the future, and to have peace of mind that belonged to him.

But Shen Nian didn't wait until he had to leave the small town to report to school, Gu Zhi still had no news.

Shen Nian just left the small town with Gu Zhi's scar on his shoulder.

For college life, almost everyone is full of novelty and longing. Shen Nian once thought so, but the fact is not the case. He desperately wants to leave the small town and all kinds of expectations for the future seem to be extinguished by inexplicable things Now, it was as if he had been transferred from one dry well to another, and his life was no different from his previous life.

Still withdrawn and out of gregarious, still walking alone, still not saying a word for a long time.

It was in this state that he saw Gu Zhi, who, like Shen Chongshan, could disappear in the blink of an eye.So Shen Nian knew that his hallucinations were not limited to Shen Chongshan, there was also a Gu Zhi.

This once made Shen Nian very uneasy, Shen Chongshan is a person who left this world, so what about Gu Zhi?Superstitiously, he wondered if this was some kind of hint, a bad omen?

"I regret it." Liang Qiu once said when Shen Nian couldn't continue his studies and chose to take a year off from school: "Even if you insisted on being together back then, your situation would not be worse than it is now."

Shen Nian looked at Liang Qiu for a long time before understanding the meaning of this sentence, but she just shook her head slightly: "I don't regret it."

Shen Nian really doesn't regret it, he can't be sure about Gu Zhi's life now, but it will only be worse if he is by his side, such a self dragging him, he will have no life of his own, no time to study, and then in the long years Ruined a little bit by myself.

Leaving himself, at least there are other possibilities, so he doesn't regret it, and he can't regret it.

I could see that Gu Zhi's state had been maintained for more than half a year, and when he finally called Ning Jia again, Ning Jia told Shen Nian: "I found him, and I brought him back."

Shen Nian wanted to see him, even from a distance, but Ning Jia didn't send any more messages to Shen Nian, even after that phone call, she changed the number, and Shen Nian never got in touch with her again.

He had gone back to that small town, the small courtyard in Jianjia Lane, and their school, but he couldn't find Gu Zhi. He didn't seem to have appeared in this city before, and he had been by his side for the past three years. Also unreal like a dream.

Time can heal most of the wounds in this world, even if they can't heal, they are just occasional pains in the sleepless night.

If the time is long enough, the labor pain may not even be gone.

After nearly half a year of psychological counseling, Shen Nian gradually reached a reconciliation with himself, and began to try to live a new life. Since then, he has hardly seen Gu Zhi again, and he has never appeared again in his dreams, and he has not waited to come to Gu Zhi. Persevering in searching, the saying "I will find you, and I will never let you go" when we parted is like an unwilling joke, which cannot be taken as true.

Perhaps he has met another person who is with him, and he has restarted another period of wholeheartedness.

Maybe he has been forgotten.

It's just that Shen Nian didn't understand, why he had followed Shen Chongshan's last wish and had been separated from Gu Zhi for many years, but he still saw Shen Chongshan occasionally, he seemed to know the answer in his ignorance, but he never dared to think deeply.

He firmly suppressed some kind of emotion that was about to break ground, but his heart always admitted it before his mouth.

Time moved forward year by year, Shen Nian could control it well and no longer think of Gu Zhi so often, he returned to school, completed his studies step by step, rejected many good job opportunities and came to a Still like the small town, became a teacher.

Many people did not understand him and asked him why he chose to be a teacher after studying in such a good university?Some people said he was stupid, but Shen Nian didn't care, he likes this job, and he doesn't have such high requirements, the salary is not high but enough to live on, the important thing is that he lives in these half-grown children as silently as a dry well There are some fresh marks on the body.

I don't know if it was arranged on purpose by God, but there is a child in his class named Gu Zhi who has the same pronunciation as Gu Zhi but a different word.He is a child who is too lively to be too much, with a cheerful personality and loves to laugh. Everyone in the class is his friend. Shen Nian has also met his parents in the parents' meeting. He doesn't need to communicate too much to know how much they love Gu Zhi.

Shen Nian couldn't help but wonder if Gu Zhi lived in such a family, would he be as happy as Gu Zhi in front of him and grow up well.

But if there is no if, none of them have experienced the most ordinary ordinary in the world.

Shen Nian spent her youth in loneliness and warmth, and bid farewell to her youth in regret and struggle.

At this time Shen Nian was already 25 years old.

It seems that there is no difference from him when he was young. He is still alone, with no family or friends. In recent years, even Liang Qiu has rarely contacted him.

At noon that day, Liang Qiu called and asked him if he would like to have a gathering in Shanghai during the summer vacation. After graduation, the business of Liang Qiu’s family grew bigger and bigger. Now they have completely settled in Shanghai. Drop by to see them, but neither stays for long.

It's over half of this year, Shen Nian hasn't been back yet, so he replied: "Okay, I'll tell you when I'm settled."

"Let's stay a few more days this time." Liang Qiu was a little helpless: "I beg you every time."

Shen Nian smiled on the phone: "Let's talk about it."

"I dreamed about Gu Zhi yesterday." Before hanging up the phone, Liang Qiu said, "It's very strange. I asked me in my dream if I told you something before that's why you left him. How much of this has passed? Years? Why did you think of looking for me?"

Shen Nian didn't speak after hearing the words, Liang Qiu asked after a while:

"Still no news?"

Shen Nian was silent for a few seconds: "No."

Liang Qiu didn't say anything more, the two chatted a few more words and then hung up the phone, saying they would talk in detail after meeting.

It's been a long time since the name Gu Zhi was mentioned in front of him. In a strange city and a strange place, no one knew that when he was young, there was someone around him who regarded him as his life. Liang Qiu almost never said it, and he doesn't know it today. What's wrong, just mentioned it without warning.

In fact, Shen Nian didn't resist at all, but every time he was mentioned, it took time to calm down.

At this time, he was sitting in the office, with the unfinished test papers in front of him, but his eyes were looking out of the window. It had been eight years, and he wondered if they would see each other again.

Maybe it's because I thought about it for too long when I was awake, that's why I dreamed of Gu Zhi in my afternoon dream.

"You said you wouldn't push me away! You said you wouldn't want me! Why did you never do it? Why did you promise me again? Is it fun to play me? Is it exciting to see me go crazy? ?!"

"Sorry, it is my fault."

"Shall we die together? I'll kill you first, and then stay with you, so that you won't leave me, and you won't want me anymore."

……

"Mr. Shen, Mr. Shen?"

A voice rescued Shen Nian from the inescapable suffocation. He suddenly opened his eyes and looked at the person in front of him. It took him a few seconds to confirm that he was only his colleague and not the person in his dream. He was relieved Breathe a sigh of relief.

"Sorry, I had a nightmare." Shen Nian rubbed his face.

"Looking at you is also a dream." Zhang Yang pointed to the clock on the wall: "It's getting late, go back after the approval."

"it is good."

The school is already on summer vacation, but the teacher has been grading papers at school for the past two days. Fortunately, today is the last part, and tomorrow will be considered a formal holiday.

Shen Nian got up and went to the bathroom to wash his face. The cold water woke him up. When he looked up in the mirror, a water mark slid down his chin to his Adam's apple, so that he remembered the dream just now.

Is he still afraid of thunder?Still going crazy?When will the saying 'I will never let you go' come true?