paranoid dependence

Shen Nian thought about leaving without saying goodbye, it would be easier and calmer to leave this way, Liang Qiu also supported it, and even said that he could leave in the afternoon, but Shen Nian finally decided to meet Gu Zhi, he not only wanted I am calm, and I want Gu Zhi to accept it calmly after going crazy.

It is obvious that Gu Zhi will go crazy, but it should be, and Shen Nian should bear it.

Shen Nian called Ning Jia and asked her to drive to the hospital to pick him up, and had something to say to Ning Jia before telling Gu Zhi to leave.

From the hospital to Jianjia Lane, the time was not short or long, just long enough for him to finish speaking. Before getting out of the car, Shen Nian thanked him politely, but Ning Jia stopped him:

"Why did you change your mind?"

Shen Nian was silent for a few seconds: "You are right, Gu Zhi will have a better future when he returns to you, I can't drag him too selfishly. I also hope that you can do what you promised me."

Ninga nodded: "I will."

Shen Nian didn't say anything else and got out of the car.

It's only been more than half a month since I came back, but when I entered the small courtyard, I just felt a little desolate. Because of the rain, the ground in the small courtyard was covered with fallen leaves. I cleaned it up again, and when I cleaned it up, I felt like I was doing useless work, because the little lunatic would definitely smash it when he came back and heard his decision.

But he didn't know what to do when he was idle, so he cleaned up anyway.

The weather at the end of June was covered in sweat even if it moved a little bit, Shen Nian also sweated, but he didn't wash it, so he moved a small horse and sat on the porch of the north house, as if he was back before he brought Gu Zhi back lonely self.

In the future, I will probably be the same as today, alone, always alone...

I seem to be only suitable for one person, whoever gets too close to me will do nothing good. I once thought that Gu Zhi was suitable, so I made an agreement. Now it has only been more than two years, and even the little lunatic has been bruised and bruised by me. .

Shen Nian will let himself remember this lesson, and he will not seek company any more in the future, he should learn to enjoy solitude and loneliness, there is nothing wrong with loneliness and loneliness, at least he can sleep well.

enough.

Cleaning up is to pass the time, so as not to make myself so flustered, but after cleaning up and waiting for a while, I realized that Gu Zhi seems to have just finished the exam at this time, he should go to Liang Qiu's house first when he leaves the exam room, and then come here again, do the math Time, there is still more than half an hour.

Shen Nian didn't want to wait any longer, so he got up and left Jianjia Lane, and went to Shen Chongshan's grave.

I'm leaving, and I don't know when I'll be back, so I should say something out of emotion and reason.But when I got to the grave, I didn't know what to say, said you were right?say sorry?Said that he was going to separate from Gu Zhi?

You can say it all, but you don't have to.Shen Chongshan couldn't hear it.

The nightmares and hallucinations all come from the pressure and shackles he put on himself, and have nothing to do with other things, but he hopes that the decision he made can really bring Gu Zhi a better future, and he can get better too. Only then is it worth it.

Shen Nian stood silently in front of Shen Chongshan's grave for a long time, so long that he forgot the time, so long that he saw a figure running over from a distance, Shen Nian looked at the figure, smiled slowly, and said to Shen Chongshan:

"Don't worry about me, I will be fine, and so will Gu Zhi."

After saying these words, Shen Nian stepped away from the grave, when he reached the ground, Gu Zhi just ran up to him, sweating profusely and out of breath, Shen Nian looked at him and laughed :

"Run what?"

Gu Zhi didn't speak, looked at Shen Nian, he couldn't tell what was wrong, but it seemed that nothing was wrong.

When we parted, he was still lying on the hospital bed and fell asleep weakly, why did he look better when he took another exam by himself?Although his complexion still looks bad, his spirit is much better, and he is no longer as sluggish as before.

"Why did you come here?" Gu Zhi looked into his eyes: "Your health is not good yet, what should you do if you suffer from heatstroke?"

"It's okay." Shen Nian said: "I haven't seen him since he slept here, but I want to."

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian and said nothing, but his eyes revealed his panic at the moment. He really wanted to ask Shen Nian why he came back to Jianjia Lane, why he didn't go to the rental house, and what was the reason for the sudden change, but he didn't know. If you dare to ask, you don't want to hear another word from Shen Nian.

His uneasiness and uncertainty over the past few days seemed to have reached its peak at this moment, and he also saw traces of the little madman's eagerness to move.

"Go back." Shen Nian took a step forward and asked Gu Zhi, "How did you do in the exam?"

Gu Zhi followed Shen Nian's footsteps in silence for a few seconds, looked at his hand swinging beside him, hesitated for a while, and reached out to hold it, Shen Nian was stiff for a moment, but finally let him go.

"I think it's not bad." Gu Zhi said.

"How many test papers did you do in the morning?"

When Shen Nian asked this, Gu Zhi knew that Liang Qiu, a traitor, must have told Shen Nian about his running back, but he didn't have the heart to argue with Liang Qiu right now, so he told Shen Nian truthfully: "More than half, it shouldn't have any effect. .”

Shen Nian glanced at him sideways, and smiled: "That's good, don't be so impulsive in the future, why did you tell me when I was in the college entrance examination?"

"That's different." Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian and said, "It doesn't matter if I take the exam or not. I want to go to Shanghai with you."

Shen Nian didn't speak, Gu Zhi held Shen Nian's hand tighter and tighter in such silence, so tight that Shen Nian felt pain.

But Gu Zhi didn't ask any more, he was surprised that he could hold back the impulse at this moment, and followed Shen Nian back to Jianjia Lane so calmly.

Entering the small courtyard, it seems that all the anger and emotions are contained, as if there are walls in all directions to trap Shen Nian, Gu Zhi can't bear it anymore, and can't help it anymore. When he was holding his hand to go up the steps back to the north room, he stopped.

Shen Nian turned to look at him, Gu Zhi also looked at Shen Nian, and asked the question again:

"We're going to Shanghai together, right?"

Since Shen Nian agreed to Gu Zhi, he has asked this question countless times, because he was too happy, because he felt that it was a dream, and because he wanted to realize it too much, so he was sure again and again, and asked tirelessly over and over again.

But never once did Gu Zhi ask so calmly, as if all the turbulent waves were suppressed by him behind the answer.

There was never a time when Shen Nian fell into a long silence after Gu Zhi asked this question, and finally gave him a negative answer, saying:

"Not anymore."

Time seemed to stop flowing at this moment. The leaves of the jujube trees in the small courtyard were frightened by the oppressive atmosphere and did not dare to move. Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian for a long time with his expression unchanged, then laughed, and he took a step forward. Stepping up the steps and standing on the same plane as Shen Nian, a sense of oppression followed, but Shen Nian did not move.

"What Nian Nian is saying, I didn't hear clearly, can you say it again?"

Gu Zhi let go of Shen Nian's hand, but he didn't let him go completely, but walked up slowly along his arm. It was obviously the weather at the end of June, and it was obvious that his body temperature was very high, but Shen Nian couldn't help it. He felt like his fingers were like a snake, cold and frighteningly trembling, and finally wrapped around his neck.

Gu Zhi didn't look at his eyes and expression, his eyes fell on the neck, and at the same time as his fingers slid across, he spoke again:

"Tell me, will we go to Shanghai together?"

"No." Shen Nian didn't hesitate this time, and spoke directly without any room for change: "I won't take you away..."

Before he finished speaking, Gu Zhi covered Shen Nian's lips with his hand, he could feel that it was as soft as in his memory, but for some reason, he didn't like it today, and even had a feeling of sewing it up. It seems that only in this way can he not say more unpleasant words.

He seemed to understand why Shen Nian changed his mind ignorantly, but it didn't mean he would accept it.

Not to be separated is his bottom line.What Gu Zhi said a long time ago, he has not changed until this moment.

"Then brother Niannian, is he planning to go to Fudan University? Is there any other school he wants to go to? Where? I'll follow wherever I go, okay?"

Shen Nian didn't speak, and couldn't speak, but he looked into Gu Zhi's eyes as if he had said everything, and he was vetoing everything.

Gu Zhi only took one look and then looked away, laughing so hard that he was flustered: "I guessed wrong, so let me guess again, okay? Brother Nian Nian thinks it's dragging me down, because I'm afraid that you won't be able to bear the burden anymore in your current state. I have finished my high school studies, so I have to give up college and stay here until I finish high school, right? I promise you, okay? I won't persuade you to go to college, so you stay here with me, San Let's go together again in the next year, shall we?"

Gu Zhi knew everything, he could see everything, he even guessed Shen Nian's previous decision exactly.

If there were no later events, Shen Nian would feel very lucky, thankful that he had achieved what he wanted before he spoke, but it was already too late, and if what he wanted came at the wrong time, it would be superfluous.

After Gu Zhi finished speaking, he didn't look at Shen Nian's eyes, as if he knew this was his last chance, he didn't want to and didn't dare to confirm it.

He didn't look up all the time, but Shen Nian made a movement during the long silence, he raised his hand to take Gu Zhi's hand away from his mouth, and opened his mouth to give him the answer:

"Sorry, I can't take you to Shanghai."

Gu Zhi smiled, but his face changed in the next second. Finally, he couldn't suppress the beast that was about to break out of the ground, and suddenly pushed Shen Nian against the wall behind him. The hand that was taken off climbed up to his neck again.

This time it's not stroking, it's clamping.

"Brother Niannian." Gu Zhi looked at him with a smile, his eyes turned red before he could say anything: "I was in this place three years ago, right? What did you say? Do you remember?"

Shen Nian's back was numb from the impact, but he didn't even frown:

"remember."

"Does it have to be like this?" Gu Zhi pinched Shen Nian's trembling hand, but he kept suppressing it and dared not use his strength: "No, Brother Nian Nian, it's not fun at all, I don't want to play this game, it will scare me Yours, you can't bear it, you say you are wrong, okay, say you are teasing me, I promise I won't blame you, and I won't be angry, okay? Huh?"

"Gu Zhi..." Shen Nian looked at him, what he wanted to say might be so difficult that his lips trembled, but no matter how difficult it was, he still said: "I'm sorry, I broke my promise, I don't want you anymore .”

For a few minutes, Gu Zhi didn't seem to hear Shen Nian's words, as if he was still waiting for Shen Nian's answer, he didn't move at all, even breathing so softly that people couldn't hear him, he looked at Shen Nian Nian, looked into his eyes, but found that there was no trace of familiarity in them.

This person is not Shen Nian, not his Nian Nian.

His Nian Nian would not say such a thing.

Where did his thoughts go?Is it still in this body in front of me?

"I've already made an agreement with Ninga, she will come to pick you up in a while, you go with her, she will take good care of you, I..."

Shen Nian didn't finish his words, but at this moment, Gu Zhi's hand holding Shen Nian's neck was finally willing to use his strength. He tightly grabbed Shen Nian's neck, and looked at him through gritted teeth:

"I said it wasn't fun, why didn't Brother Nian Nian believe it?"

The hand tightened more and more, Shen Nian's breathing gradually became weaker, Gu Zhi did not soften his heart, he looked at Shen Nian as if he was looking at a stranger:

"Where is Nian Nian? Where did you hide my Nian Nian? Give him back to me!"

Shen Nian didn't speak, just looked at him.

Gu Zhi seemed to be irritated by the look in his eyes, he began to wonder if his Nian Nian would come back only when Shen Nian in front of him died, so he worked harder and harder, more and more willing.

When he couldn't breathe, Shen Nian instinctively began to struggle. His hand had already been raised and placed on Gu Zhi's hand that was pinching his neck, but in the end he put it down, and just looked at it with a flushed face. With stubbornness, even with encouragement.

It was as if he wanted Gu Zhi to really end his life.

The current Gu Zhi is a lunatic, and a lunatic is irrational. Since Shen Nian looks at him like this and wants to die so much, then let him fulfill his wish. Anyway, this is not the first time he broke his promise. If you were willing to teach him a lesson when you broke your promise, maybe what happened now would never have happened.

Gu Zhi laughed:

"Want to die? Let me accompany you, okay? I'll kill you first, and then stay with you, so that you won't leave me, and you won't want me anymore."

It was a good idea, so he started to push harder.

Shen Nian's rationality returned at this moment, even if he thought that death might not be a bad thing, why did he let Gu Zhi do it?Let him be a murderer?But it is too difficult for Shen Nian to stop him now, his eyes have turned black and he can't see anything.

It was at this time that Ning Jia walked into the small courtyard. Seeing the posture of Gu Zhi and Shen Nian, he was startled, and hurriedly asked the assistant behind him to run over and pull Gu Zhi away.

Shen Nian's body slumped down the wall, and Ning Jia came over and quickly supported him: "Are you okay? Do you want to take you to the hospital?"

Air poured into the trachea, and Shen Nian coughed until the sky became dark. Gu Zhi suddenly realized what a horrible thing he had done just now. He looked down at his hand, and couldn't believe that he really Niannian wanted to kill him.

He looked at the person who seemed to be coughing up all his viscera, and suddenly panicked. He wanted to break free from those who were pulling him and walked over to pat him on the back to help him breathe, but they didn't let him go. Holding him tightly, Gu Zhi saw Ning Jia again, and the little rationality he had just returned was washed away in an instant.

"What are you here for? Did you say something to Niannian? That's why he doesn't want me?!" Gu Zhi seemed to have found the problem, and rushed over like crazy, but he was grabbed, dragged, No matter what, I can’t touch Ningjia: "Why did you come back? Why did you come to destroy my life?! Why did you take Niannian away from me?! I only have him, I only have him!"

"Gu Zhi, calm down." Even though Shen Nian had told him, Ning Jia never thought that Gu Zhi would be like this, and looked at Shen Nian with some helplessness: "I did look for him, but you Shen Nian agreed to return to my side, we are also for your own good, you believe in mother, mother's illness is already cured, she will treat you well, and will take good care of you..."

Hearing that Ning Jia said that Shen Nian made the decision, Gu Zhi went completely crazy and rushed towards Shen Nian with all his might, as if he wanted to die with him, but those two people held him tightly and refused to let him go. He took a step forward, and Gu Zhi was forced to turn red in such shackles:

"You actually want to push me to this woman? No one knows what she means to me better than you. How dare you? How can you be willing?!"

"Shen Nian! It was you who made me treat you well, you made me only look at you alone, I did it! I did everything you asked, and now you don't want me because I treat you well! I What did I do wrong?! What did I do right?!"

"You said you wouldn't push me away! You said you wouldn't let me go! Why did you never do it? Why did you promise me again? Is it fun to play me? Is it exciting to watch me go crazy? ?!"

Shen Nian stopped coughing amidst the repeated questioning, his throat was so sore that it hurt to breathe, but he didn't care, he was about to hate himself to death when he saw Gu Zhi being held back and helpless. Turning around, I didn't dare to look again, for fear that if I looked at it one more time, my heart would soften.

Of course he can soften his heart, but what happens after he softens his heart?What can I give Gu Zhi?

Nothing but drag.

A person's potential in a desperate situation is always unlimited. Gu Zhi didn't know how hard he used to break free from those two people. He ran in front of Shen Nian, everyone thought he would hurt Shen Nian, everyone wanted to Blocking him, wanting to be on guard, but Gu Zhi didn't. The first time he stood in front of Shen Nian, he seemed to be a different person. He grabbed Shen Nian's hand, but he didn't dare to use force. He suppressed all the madness and danger. Be careful:

"I'll sleep well at night, stop coaxing you, stop looking at you, okay? I'll take a good rest, and I won't buy your favorite food or drink when I buy food in the future. I'll buy my own. Do you like it? I’m going to study hard in high school. I won’t let you go to college, so I’ll let you stay with me here. I’ll think about myself first. I won’t think about you anymore. I won’t treat you well. OK, okay?"

"If you want, you can also come back to live in Jianjia Alley. I'm renting out a house, so I won't stop you, okay?"

Gu Zhi gently shook Shen Nian's hand, begging him like a child: "Don't leave me, don't want me, Nian Nian, the little fox has only Nian Nian..."

"I beg you……"

Shen Nian admitted that every word Gu Zhi said hit the place that hurt the most in his heart.

What Gu Zhi said is not wrong, he made Gu Zhi become like this, he made the little lunatic into a little fox, only looking at himself, for the sake of being good to himself, and now he is the one who doesn't want to because he is too good to himself. This little fox is gone.

No matter what I hear, I feel like an asshole.

Shen Nian is indeed an asshole, seeing the humble posture of Gu Zhi who was once mighty, he still doesn't soften his heart, because soft heart can't save the two of them.

"I'm sorry." Shen Nian pulled out his hand resolutely: "It's my fault."

It was from these words that Gu Zhi could hear Shen Nian's recklessness, so he clearly knew that in Shen Nian's eyes, they had no other way but to separate.

"Do you have to force me like this?" Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian, as if all his temper had been sucked out: "Why, do I make you suffer like that? The pain is so painful that you have to leave me?"

Shen Nian didn't speak, but this was his answer, he just wanted to leave Gu Zhi behind, he just didn't want this little fox.

"Is it because you won't change your mind no matter what I do?" Gu Zhi stared at him and asked word by word.

"...Yes." Shen Nian gave him the answer almost without hesitation.

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian for a long time as if he had been frozen, as if he didn't understand why his Nian Nian suddenly became so cruel.

Ning Jia couldn't wait any longer, and when he wanted to say something, Gu Zhi finally let go, and said:

"Okay, I will fulfill you."

Before Ning Jia breathed out, Gu Zhi hugged Shen Nian, and under Ning Jia's shocked gaze, he opened his mouth and bit Shen Nian's shoulder, so hard that blood smeared instantly , Shen Nian resisted not moving, not even frowning, and let him bite.

"Shen Nian." Gu Zhi's lips were stained with Shen Nian's blood, but he didn't care, and no one cared, so he leaned into Shen Nian's ear and reminded him softly: "Remember what I said? I The last time I believe who will stay with me, if you don't count on what you say, I will never let you go."

"Remember." Shen Nian answered him calmly.

Gu Zhi laughed, tears dripped from the corners of his eyes, and fell into the wound on Shen Nian's shoulder. Gu Zhi gently lifted Shen Nian's collar and took a look at the wound. He seemed very satisfied, so even his voice was silent. Gentle, with a prelude to utter madness:

"You don't mean what you say, but I have never broken my promise to you, and this sentence is the same."

"If you want to leave me, then leave me, I will find you, and I will never let you go!" Shen Nianyou thought about leaving without saying goodbye, it would be easier and calmer to leave, Liang Qiu also supported He even said that he could leave in the afternoon, but Shen Nian finally decided to meet Gu Zhi. He not only wanted to calm himself, but also wanted Gu Zhi to accept it calmly after going crazy.