paranoid dependence

Shen Chongshan felt that they shouldn't be like this, and when something happened sooner or later, Shen Nian said 'you think too much'.

When Ning Jia said 'he looks at you very differently, I will never let my son become gay', Shen Nian said 'we will never'.

But what are the facts?The person who can't see clearly from beginning to end is himself.

They had already seen it clearly, and they all told themselves, but they didn't believe it, and they didn't want to believe it.

When Gu Zhi approached, Shen Nian was actually in a half-dream and half-awake state. He didn't know what Gu Zhi was going to do, but he didn't want to get up lazily. He didn't want to make a sound, he could obviously stop Gu Zhi, but he didn't do it.

He also wanted to take a look to see who was wrong.

It was me who was wrong, very wrong.

When did it start?There was no trace of Shen Nian, since the moment the two of them exchanged sincerity, Gu Zhi was already the familiar appearance, and it has not changed in the past two years.

When did you fall in love and how did you fall in love?Shen Nian didn't know.

Does Gu Zhi know?Does he know how outrageous his liking is?Know that some feelings are simply not allowed?I clearly told him that boys should not like boys, but he was not obedient, and he was not obedient for the first time.

Is there a possibility that he doesn't know what liking is?He just wants to be with himself and kissing is just a way for him to express his liking.

There is no such possibility, Shen Nian himself rejected him, even if Gu Zhi is two years younger than him, he is almost 16, he is not a three-year-old who doesn't know anything, even if he wants to show that he likes it, there is no need for him to fall asleep when indicated.

The act of being cautious in sleep, for fear of waking up the other party, was clearly deliberate.

Gu Zhi likes himself, this cognition makes Shen Nian feel cold all over and numb.

Gu Zhi's kiss shook all his firmness to the brink, and his decision to go against Shen Chongshan's last wish and keep Gu Zhi by his side seemed especially ridiculous at this moment.

When they have nothing and nothing, Shen Nian can certainly be confident, but now?Can he still do it?What would Shen Chongshan think if he saw that Gu Zhi cared about him to this extent?If Ning Jia was sure that Gu Zhi was really interested in him, what would he do?

Shen Nian couldn't think of it, didn't want to think about it, and didn't dare to think about it anymore.

The chaos, the chaos made him irritable and stuffy, but he didn't dare to move, he was afraid that Gu Zhi would check him if he made a slight movement, and he was not ready to face him, so he just pretended that he had just woken up, what? The conversation with Gu Zhi that didn't happen has already overdrawn all his acting skills.

Gu Zhi has an exam tomorrow, let's talk about it after tomorrow, let's talk about it...

Everyone has a more or less evasive mentality. Even Shen Nian, who has always known that escaping is useless, will subconsciously and consciously want to evade when encountering problems that he cannot solve at all. He cannot do without In this room, I can only force myself to sleep, and I will forget about it after I sleep, and it will not exist.

The nightmare didn't seem so scary at this moment, Shen Nian just wanted to escape, even in the dream.

But the nightmare couldn't tolerate him either, pestering him and urging him to wake up, when he woke up, those crushing problems were placed in front of him again, with a splitting headache.

Many scenes, many things that Shen Nian deliberately did not think about, emerged little by little.

They used to hug each other intimately on the bed, at that time Shen Nian only thought it was warming up, but what was Gu Zhi thinking?Not long ago he hugged himself and vented in a dream, what did he dream about?

Shen Nian subconsciously frowned and resented that morning.He waved away those pictures and got up to go to the bathroom, but when he pushed the door and went in, he remembered that he was here a few days ago, when Gu Zhi was caught by himself and relieved himself, he didn't think much about it at that time, but thinking about it now, that time Who is Gu Zhi thinking about?

Those absurd thoughts were splashed on the face with cold water, Shen Nian tried to calm himself down, but he didn't expect that the moment he raised his head, he saw Shen Chongshan in the mirror, standing behind him, looking at him.

Shen Nian was too familiar with that look, the first time Shen Chongshan gently reminded himself and Gu Zhi that they shouldn't hug and sleep together, he just looked at him like that.

Shen Nian looked back abruptly, only to find that there was no one behind him, and he appeared in the mirror again when he turned his head again. It was not until he faintly heard the voice of Gu Zhi approaching outside the door that Shen Chongshan disappeared from sight.

When Gu Zhi pushed open the door, Shen Nian still had the expression of seeing a ghost, his face was so pale that there was no trace of blood. Gu Zhi was frightened by such Shen Nian, and held his hand tightly, but it was more than anyone else. Still colder all the time:

"Miss what happened to you?"

Every time in the past, no matter how horrible Shen Nian's nightmare was, as long as Gu Zhi's hand held him, it would always have a soothing effect on those fears, but this time it didn't. Nian pulled out his hand reflexively, as if getting an electric shock.

Gu Zhi thought that he had such a reaction because he was frightened by the nightmare, and thought too much, looked at him worriedly, and tried to talk to him, he had never seen Shen Nian fear like this.

"Niannian..."

"It's okay." Shen Nian plucked up his courage and looked up at the mirror again. There was no one else in the mirror except his pale face, so he finally let out a sigh of relief and said, "It's okay, just do it Nightmare."

The words of the nightmare couldn't dispel Gu Zhi's worries. Shen Nian looked really bad, which made Gu Zhi couldn't help but wonder what kind of nightmare he had to be frightened like this, but he didn't dare to ask. , afraid that Shen Nian would think of that terrible dream again.

Fortunately, Shen Nian recovered quickly, and after coming out of the bathroom, he eased up a lot, as if he was really just disturbed by a nightmare.

Gu Zhi didn't realize how much effort Shen Nian had spent to maintain his sanity under the cover of the nightmare.

Shen Nian felt that he would not be able to stay in this room any longer. When he didn't find out, he didn't feel it. After knowing Gu Zhi's thoughts, every place in the room and everything they had done before made Shen Nian feel absurd and awkward. do not adapt.

Every inch of air in this room was squeezing him.

He wanted to escape, to rush out, but he couldn't.

Gu Zhi had to take an exam, and he had to wait until the exam was over to talk about the big things. Their affairs were not serious enough to make fun of their future.

Gu Zhi once protected himself to complete the college entrance examination, so he should also ensure that his high school entrance examination has no worries.

So Shen Nian can only endure, although he doesn't know how long he can endure.

Not in the mood to make dinner, and did not ask Gu Zhi to cook, the two of them went out to eat, and before going far, they were at the noodle restaurant downstairs, with two bowls of noodles and one dish of side dishes, neither of them said a word, for a moment Gu Zhi was in a trance as if Back to the day when Shen Nian went to the provincial capital to meet Shen Chongshan, the two of them were also in the noodle shop, and Shen Nian was the same as now, with a bad complexion and no appetite.

Ever since Shen Nian had the nightmare in the afternoon, Gu Zhi had a strange feeling, Shen Nian didn't seem to look at him very much, even if his gaze fell on him occasionally, it was the kind of gaze that made people feel strange.

Was the dream he had related to himself?

"Nian Nian." Gu Zhi called him softly: "Let's go after I finish the exam."

Shen Nian was stirring the noodles in the bowl because he didn't have much appetite, when he heard Gu Zhi's words, his hands stopped, and he looked up after a delay of two seconds.

"Shall we go to Shanghai in advance?" Gu Zhi looked at him, "Sooner or later, you have to go there. You are under so much pressure here, there is no need to procrastinate any longer. Maybe it will be much better in a different environment, and I don't want to. See Ningja again, we go to Shanghai, she will not find us."

If Ning Jia hadn't appeared, and the kiss this afternoon hadn't happened, Shen Nian would have been happy to leave here early, and he himself might not want to stay in this place, he has worked hard for so long just to get out of this place .

But now Shen Nian is at a loss. After Ning Jia appeared, he decided not to go to university and left all the opportunities in the future to Gu Zhi. But at this moment, it seems that no matter whether he stays or leaves, or whether he goes to university or not, he can't solve him. problem.

"Let's talk about it." Shen Nian lowered his head again: "Let's talk about it after the college entrance examination results come out."

Gu Zhi was actually prepared for Shen Nian's failure to agree. He originally wanted to act like a baby, as he had planned, but before he could say anything, Shen Nian's cell phone rang. He took it out and glanced at it. body:

"It's Liang Qiu, I'm going out to get some air, you can eat."

After saying that, he walked away, Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian's back feeling a little uncomfortable, when Liang Qiu's phone will be answered behind his back?

He wanted to follow them out and listen to what they were saying, but Gu Zhi didn't dare, fearing that Nian Nian would be unhappy.

When Gu Zhi finished his meal, paid the money and walked out, he found that it was raining outside. The deli next to him was closed. Shen Nian had already finished his phone call. He was standing on the porch in front of the deli, watching the rain. Gu Zhi took a step forward. Squeezing past, Shen Nian glanced at him sideways, and moved two steps to the side.

"What did you say to Liang Qiu?" Gu Zhi asked him.

"It's nothing." The rain was getting heavier and heavier, Shen Nian stretched out his hand to catch a few drops of rain, and then retracted: "I asked about your exam room tomorrow, it's quite close to his house, I want to go to his house to rest, you can also at noon past."

Gu Zhi didn't want to, but if he didn't go to Liang Qiu's house, Shen Nian would wait outside the school gate for two hours, Gu Zhi was a little bit reluctant:

"Then go."

After speaking, he took out a tissue from his pocket, held Shen Nian's hand, and wanted to wipe off the water droplets on his palm, but just as he held it, Shen Nian withdrew it like an electric shock. Look at him, this is the second time he has rejected himself today, the sequelae of the nightmare is still continuing?

Shen Nian smiled lightly: "No need to wipe, it's quite cool."

"Nian Nian." Gu Zhi said, "Did I do something wrong?"

Shen Nian was silent for a few seconds and smiled:

"You didn't do anything wrong, it was me."

All along, I was wrong.

"You didn't do anything wrong." Shen Nian's self-blame made Gu Zhi think that he was thinking about Shen Chongshan again, apologizing to Shen Chongshan, and didn't like hearing him say that, so he hugged him: "Nian Nian didn't do anything wrong .”

Gu Zhi hugged himself quite frequently, but only this time Shen Nian was stunned, it was not an accident, but an incompatibility.

In the past, he could let himself be embraced with peace of mind and transform into a melting pot at this moment, making him uncomfortable and painful all over, but he didn't dare to push it away, fearing that he would think too much.

Shen Nian saw Shen Chongshan again in such torment. He stood in the rain and looked at himself not far away. Even through layers of rain curtains, Shen Nian still clearly saw him looking at himself. eyes.

Shen Nian pushed Gu Zhi away suddenly, with too much force, Gu Zhi bumped into the rolling shutter door unexpectedly, making a deafening sound, Gu Zhi was not angry, he believed that Shen Nian would not push him away for no reason, he looked at Shen Nian , noticed his strangeness, and then followed his line of sight but didn't see anything.

"Nian Nian, what's wrong with you?" Gu Zhi walked up to him, but he didn't dare to touch him again, he became cautious when asking.

"It's okay." Shen Chongshan disappeared again, and Shen Nian also recovered his breathing: "I'm okay."

This obviously perfunctory tone made Gu Zhi feel very uncomfortable. He didn't understand what else he couldn't let himself know, what terrible dream he couldn't share with himself?It's not that he can't press the question, it's not that he can't get angry, but Gu Zhi is reluctant to let it go, he understands that Shen Nian won't compromise because of what he did.

He is soft-hearted, but no one can change his heart when he hardens.

After Shen Nian completely regained his composure, he realized that Gu Zhi was about to explode at any time. Subconsciously, Shen Nian wanted to reach out to hold his hand. As long as he held his hand, Gu Zhi's anger would be dissipated in half. But the hand reached halfway and stopped, and then slowly retracted.

Shen Nian helplessly sighed in his heart: "I'm really fine."

Gu Zhi turned his head to look at him, but didn't speak.

"The dream at noon was a little too scary." Shen Nian said half-truthfully, "The moment just now seemed to be experienced in a dream, so I was a little scared. I didn't mean to hide it from you. Don't think too much. Just now Did it hurt you?"

Gu Zhi's temper is very strong, but once Shen Nian talks softly to him, he will have nothing to do with Shen Nian, and it's the same at this time, he knows that Shen Nian didn't say all the words, but he still softens his heart, and he can't bear Shen Nian. Nian is so uncomfortable and still coaxes himself.

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian: "You haven't dared to look at me since noon."

For a moment, Gu Zhi even doubted whether Shen Nian knew that he had kissed him, but he denied it in turn. Shen Nian didn't even change his breathing when kissing him, he was not awake, and even if he knew , Shen Nian shouldn't have reacted like this.

"I didn't dare to look at you." Shen Nian said, "I'm just thinking about something."

"What are you thinking?" Gu Zhi asked.

After a few seconds of silence, Shen Nian said, "When do you want to go to Shanghai?"

Gu Zhi knew that Shen Nian hadn't told the truth, but he didn't want to ask anymore, Shen Nian wouldn't tell if he asked, and it would make him even more unhappy, so let's just leave it at this time, let's talk after the exam.

The next day, after Shen Nian sent Gu Zhi into the examination room, he went to Liang Qiu's house. Liang Chunchao and Su Xiaoxiao had returned to Shanghai long ago. Liang Qiu didn't go back because he was worried about Shen Nian, and even wanted to go back to Shanghai with him. a care.

At this moment Liang Qiu opened the door and before Shen Nian said anything, Shen Nian took the initiative to speak:

"Don't say anything, don't ask anything, I'll sleep first."

He was really sleepy. He hadn't slept well every night since Ninga appeared, especially last night. He almost kept his eyes open until dawn. At this moment, he doesn't think about anything, and he doesn't want to go Thinking, he just wanted to sleep, and if he didn't sleep again, he didn't know how to persist for the next day or so.

Although Liang Qiu was a little surprised that Shen Nian would have this reaction, but his complexion was really terrible, so he followed his wish immediately without even asking: "You go to the bedroom, I won't disturb you."

"No, I'll just sleep on the sofa for a while." Shen Nian was already lying on the sofa as he spoke, and his consciousness became blurred in an instant, but he still didn't forget to tell Liang Qiu: "Look at the time, the exam is almost over." call me when."

"Relax and sleep." Liang Qiu said.

Liang Qiu originally thought that since Shen Nian was already sleepy to this point, he might not be able to wake him up when the time came. He even wanted Shen Nian to take a good rest and pick up Gu Zhi later, but the reality was different from what he had imagined. It was completely different, within twenty or ten minutes of Shen Nian's sleep, Liang Qiu found that Shen Nian seemed to be trapped by a nightmare, frowning and struggling all the time, but it seemed like he couldn't get out of it.

He remembered what Shen Nian had said to him on the basketball court, saying that as long as Gu Zhi coaxed him, he would be able to sleep well. Liang Qiu wanted Shen Nian to sleep well, so he put down his phone and walked over. Squatting down next to Shen Nian, coaxing him with the words Shen Nian told him in memory:

"Nian Nian is not afraid, I will guard you, go to sleep..."

Liang Qiu thought that Gu Zhi's words were useful, so he would not be too far behind, but it turned out that Shen Nian hadn't finished speaking, but Shen Nian seemed to have been more seriously frightened, and went straight from the sleeping Sitting up, he opened his eyes instantly.

No one could ignore the horror in those eyes.

Liang Qiu couldn't even come back to his senses, the way he looked at Shen Nian was not quite right after he realized:

"Are your nightmares so bad?"

Shen Nian was trembling all over, after looking around for a while and realizing that he was in Liang Qiu's house, he slowly let himself relax, his voice became a little hoarse:

"How long have I slept?"

"20 minutes." Liang Qiu looked at Shen Nian, his eyes were full of worry: "I know you're having nightmares, but I didn't expect it to be this serious. Are you going to sleep at night or not?"

Shen Nian smiled wryly: "I want to sleep."

"Xiao Nian..." Liang Qiu grabbed his hand: "Can't you just let yourself go? You may die suddenly if you go on like this."

"Will it?" Shen Nian asked softly, and smiled: "That's pretty good."

Living seems to be meaningless.

Liang Qiu choked for a moment, he didn't expect Shen Nian to even have such thoughts, the matter was far more serious than he thought.

"I'll take you to see a psychiatrist after the high school entrance examination." Liang Qiu said, "We can't delay."

He doesn't know if people will die if it continues, but the designation will be abolished.

Shen Nian also wanted to see a psychiatrist, and wanted to get better soon, but the psychiatrist couldn't solve the things he was facing now.

"Let's talk about it." Shen Nian lay back down again: "I'll squint for a while."

"Go to the bedroom and sleep." Liang Qiu said, "I'll pick up Gu Zhi later, so you can sleep well."

Shen Nian shook his head: "I have to go."

He didn't want any accidents to happen in the last period of time, and he had to make it through the day no matter what.

Shen Nian was holding on, but both Gu Zhi and Liang Qiu could see how painful it was for him to hold on. The next morning, when he sent Gu Zhi to the examination room, when Shen Nian wanted to leave, Gu Zhi suddenly became uneasy. Grabbing Shen Nian's hand, Shen Nian subconsciously wanted to pull away, but Gu Zhi grabbed him tightly:

"Niannian doesn't come to pick me up at noon, I'll go back by myself."

Shen Nian wanted to say something, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shen Chongshan standing at the gate guard, looking at him like every time he appeared before.

Shen Nian shivered and withdrew his hand:

"I'll pick you up."

After saying this, Shen Nian turned around and left without looking back, leaving Gu Zhi standing there, until the teacher urged him to enter the school.

After arriving at Liang Qiu's house, Shen Nian still went to sleep, Liang Qiu didn't bother, sitting in the living room talking with Su Xiaoxiao about the psychiatrist, when there was a voice in the bedroom, Liang Qiu subconsciously glanced at the time, slightly Frowning, this time it was less than 15 minutes.

But this time he heard Shen Nian's voice, which seemed to be on the phone, Liang Qiu regretted not letting him leave the phone in the living room.

Liang Qiu pushed open the bedroom door and found that Shen Nian had sat up, was looking at the position at the end of the bed, his eyes did not move.

His hands were on the quilt, he wasn't on the phone, was he talking in his sleep?This is sleepwalking?Liang Qiu was even more worried, and wanted to call out to him, but Shen Nian spoke out first, but the words were not directed at himself, but still looking at the position at the end of the bed: "Dad, you must be so forced me?"

It is no exaggeration, Liang Qiu's entire back felt cold at that moment, and goose bumps appeared all over his body. He could even feel his legs were soft, and he was almost unable to stand still.

He is an atheist and never believes that there are ghosts in the world, but Shen Nian is like this in front of him at this moment, making Liang Qiu feel that his persistence may be a joke.He slowly looked at the foot of the bed, but couldn't see anything, his scalp was numb and he wanted to scream.

"Can't we just wait?" Shen Nian said, "Can't we talk after Gu Zhi's high school entrance examination is over? Why do you still follow here?"

Yes, Shen Chongshan followed here. When Shen Nian was awakened from the nightmare this time, he saw Shen Chongshan sitting at the end of the bed, and this time he not only watched, but also spoke. He asked Shen Nian:

"Xiao Nian, do you still think I'm thinking too much?"

At that moment, Shen Nian couldn't tell whether it was an illusion or reality, he started talking to Shen Chongshan, Shen Chongshan seemed to hear what he was saying, and responded to him sentence by sentence.

"Xiao Nian!" Liang Qiu finally couldn't bear it anymore and Shen Nian seemed to be taken aback, pulled away from the strange state, turned to look at Liang Qiu with flustered and confused eyes.

Liang Qiu walked over and sat down in front of him, grabbed his shoulder and looked at him carefully: "What's wrong with you? What did you see?"

Shen Nian never thought about exposing anything in front of Liang Qiu, no one had the obligation to admit the pressure on him, but when he was discovered by Liang Qiu, Shen Nian knew he couldn't hide it.

"I'm sorry." Shen Nian said frustratedly, "I, I didn't expect..."

"I'm sorry for what?" Liang Qiu was going crazy in a hurry: "What's wrong with you? Who were you talking to just now? What did you see?"

Shen Nian looked at Liang Qiu, pulling himself hard, and at a certain point he finally couldn't bear it anymore, let go of the exhaustion in his whole body, he lowered his head and rested on Liang Qiu's shoulder, and said in a low voice:

"Brother, what should I do... I seem to be sick again."

He is hallucinating.