paranoid dependence

Shen Nian began to have the idea of ​​temporarily separating, at least they should be separated before the end of the senior high school entrance examination, Gu Zhi needs to rest well and meet the examination.

But Shen Nian knew that Gu Zhi would not agree to some words before he could say them out of his mouth. The final result might be that he would come back at night as soon as he arrived at Jianjia Lane. He would not be separated from him, and Shen Nian was not willing either. .

He couldn't imagine what it would be like to leave Gu Zhi after losing everything.

If you don't leave, you can't go on like this forever, Gu Zhi shouldn't be dragged by himself.

Shen Nian began to try to keep herself from sleeping, as long as she didn't sleep, she would not have nightmares, would not be awakened, and would not implicate Gu Zhi.

But Gu Zhi could even hear the changes in his breathing rate, knowing when he was really asleep and when he wasn't sleeping, and Gu Zhi couldn't sleep if he didn't sleep.

So Shen Nian started to secretly practice the breathing rate again. If he could keep the same breathing rate all the time, wouldn't it be so easy for Gu Zhi to find out?

But Gu Zhi noticed something unusual that night: "Nian Nian, isn't it uncomfortable to hold back? I'm afraid you won't be able to breathe."

Shen Nian was silent for a few seconds and turned around to look at Gu Zhi, Gu Zhi also looked at him, the two were very close, their breaths were entwined, but Shen Nian's thoughts were not here, and he didn't notice anything wrong, On the other hand, Gu Zhi seemed to move back a little because of some discomfort.

"Brother Zhi." Shen Nian called him softly: "Sleep, okay? Don't guard me."

"Is Nian Nian worried about me?" Gu Zhi took his hand and squeezed it gently. The room was not lit, but the moonlight was very bright, and Shen Nian could see the smile in Gu Zhi's eyes: "Don't worry, you I fall asleep after I fall asleep, I don’t dream, and the quality of sleep is very good, a few hours is enough, if you think it’s not enough, then go to bed earlier, I can only sleep when Nian Nian falls asleep.”

Shen Nian didn't speak, just kept looking at him, Gu Zhi let go of his hand in his sight, went to touch his ears, the hair on his temples, and asked him:

"Am I stressing you out?"

After Shen Chongshan's incident, Shen Nian could feel the changes in himself, as if being covered by a huge net, he couldn't breathe.

But it's not just me who has changed, but also Gu Zhi has changed. He is much more mature in doing things than before, and no longer relies entirely on his own temperament. In the past, when he noticed that Shen Nian was in a bad mood, he would try every means to make him happy, but this This time he seemed to know that it was useless to do those things, so he put all his thoughts on how to be more considerate of Shen Nian.

In the past, Gu Zhi never considered whether his actions would put pressure on others, but this time he asked clearly.

"I feel like I'm dragging you down." Shen Nian said honestly, "Brother Zhi, before your exam, can I go back to live in Jianjia Lane?"

"Okay." Gu Zhi said, "I'll go back with you."

"I'll go back by myself." Shen Nian took his hands off his ears: "Stay here and prepare for the exam."

Gu Zhi didn't speak, even the smile in his eyes didn't decrease, but the signal he sent to Shen Nian was: What joke is Nian Nian?

"Brother Zhi..."

"Nian Nian." Gu Zhi interrupted him: "The results of the college entrance examination will come down soon, and we will go to Shanghai after filling out the volunteers. So is my high school entrance examination result so important? Besides, how do you know me? Did you fail the exam? Which one of the things I promised you did not do? I said I would study hard and I will definitely not fall behind."

"I admit that the time to sleep is indeed not as much as before, but it's not much less. You just think too much and are too sensitive." Gu Zhi held his hand again: "Nian Nian can treat others like this, but don't It needs to be done to me."

Shen Nian wanted to speak, but Gu Zhi didn't let him: "Nian Nian, you didn't drag me down, and I don't want to hear you say that, you are mine, so I have the responsibility to let you be well, if I can't even do this , wouldn't it be a loss for you to keep me in the first place?"

"What about you?" Shen Nian looked at him: "What did you get from me? I don't seem to have given you anything."

Gu Zhi laughed: "I don't need to get anything from you, because you are all mine. When we grow up, I may want more."

Shen Nian didn't know what Gu Zhi meant by 'more', but he knew that Gu Zhi would not allow him to go back to Jianjia Lane alone, so he hugged himself again, like every night before , Gently patted, gently coaxed.

Shen Nian fell asleep in Gu Zhi's arms again, but surprisingly, he still had a dream, but this time the protagonists in the dream were no longer Shen Chongshan and You Xiaoyue, but Gu Zhi. He looked like he didn't know why, and his body was covered in blood. He asked himself why he was dragging him, why he didn't let him go.He said he was so tired, he said he couldn't hold on anymore.

Shen Nian sat up from the bed in fright, subconsciously looked around to look for Gu Zhi, but found that there was no one, Gu Zhi was not on the bed, and the room was very quiet, as if he was the only one.

He should have called Gu Zhi, but his body reacted first, he got off the bed and walked to the bathroom, almost pushing away without thinking.

When Gu Zhi came in, Shen Nian had just fallen asleep for a while. According to his observation of Shen Nian during this period, he shouldn't wake up so soon. That's why he came to the bathroom, but he didn't expect Shen Nian to wake up so soon. Come on, it was such a rush to rush in again, Gu Zhi was frightened and directly confessed.

"Gu..." Shen Nian didn't expect to encounter such a scene when he opened the door. He thought that Gu Zhi was just going to the bathroom, but he didn't expect that he would support the wall with one hand and hold on to...

Shen Nian froze on the spot and even forgot to take his eyes back, but Gu Zhi came back to his senses first, without any shyness, he put on his trousers and walked over to wash his hands standing in front of the sink. Shen Nian looked over with the sound of water, and saw those The sticky stuff is washed away with water.

"Nian Nian." Gu Zhi looked at him in the mirror: "Boys... this is normal, Nian Nian should have had it too, right?"

It wasn't until this time that Shen Nian came back to his senses, looking at Gu Zhi, he didn't seem to be calm, at least when he looked over, his eyes moved away, and he didn't dare to look at himself again.

Originally thought that this embarrassing encounter would make Shen Nian's nightmare dissipate, but the moment Shen Nian saw Gu Zhi's face, Shen Nian thought of the dream just now.

Fortunately, everything is a dream, and he is still standing here.

But what if it drags on?Will the dream come true?Shen Nian didn't dare to think anymore, and didn't respond to Gu Zhi's question, and walked back to the bedroom.

Gu Zhi didn't expect Shen Nian to react like this, he was stunned for a moment before he realized something, cursed secretly and hurriedly wiped his hands and went out, Shen Nian didn't lie back on the bed, but stood in front of the window.

The moon was still very bright, but it shrouded Shen Nian's body but felt a little cold for no reason.

Gu Zhi walked over and stood beside him, looking at him: "What did Nian Nian dream about?"

Shen Nian shook his head lightly: "Same as usual."

"Blame me." Gu Zhi said, "I shouldn't have gone to the bathroom."

If you don't go to the toilet, you will notice the changes in Shen Nian immediately, and you will drive away those dreams, so that he won't be so scared.

When mentioning the bathroom, Shen Nian recalled the scene he saw just now, and felt a little uncomfortable. Gu Zhi saw his expression clearly, and intentionally diverted his attention, so he got closer to him, teasing him:

"Niannian hasn't answered my question just now, have you ever done what I did just now?"

"No." Shen Nian said.

Gu Zhi was a little surprised, just like he was surprised when Shen Nian didn't lose control in his dream, but Shen Nian's expression didn't look like he was lying, and there was no need to lie about this matter.

"Don't you think about it?" Gu Zhi turned and leaned against the wall by the window, looking at the person covered by the moonlight: "It's very comfortable."

Shen Nian didn't speak, as if he didn't hear his question, Gu Zhi didn't tease him anymore, and looked out the window with Shen Nian.

In fact, it was the first time for Gu Zhi. The dream that day seemed to turn on a switch for him. In fact, it was more than that dream. He also secretly went to the Internet cafe to check the information because he was curious about how boys should fall in love with each other. Those materials didn't make Gu Zhi feel anything, but once he contacted Shen Nian, he couldn't control it.

He wanted to get closer to Shen Nian, but when he got closer, some feelings would become clearer. Shen Nian didn't sleep well. Every night, the two of them would lie on the same bed and hug each other. Gu Zhi had such an idea. In fact, it was a very normal thing, but I didn't expect to be caught by Shen Nian the first time, it was a little frightened, and I dare not do it again in the future.

He really wished that time could pass faster, faster, so fast that his Nian Nian could quickly forget these things, so fast that he could be strong enough to support Nian Nian, and then he and Nian Nian would be more justified. close.

Gu Zhi couldn't help but yawned when Shen Nian recovered from his chaotic thoughts, he looked at Gu Zhi and smiled faintly:

"Go to sleep."

"Okay." Gu Zhi smiled.

Shen Nian tried his best to make himself fall asleep quickly, but this time even Gu Zhi couldn't drive away his nightmares, he woke up again and again and was frightened again and again, and finally even Gu Zhi was a little uneasy:

"What happened to Nian Nian?" In the past, even if she occasionally had nightmares, it would not be as frequent as it is today.

Shen Nian shook his head and sat up, the window was already dimly lit, he didn't want to sleep anymore and dragged Gu Zhi any longer, he pressed him down before Gu Zhi got up:

"Sleep for a while, even if it's for me, okay?"

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian, and seemed to understand something, he nodded and held Shen Nian's hand: "Okay, then Nian Nian will stay with me, okay?"

"I won't go." Shen Nian said, "I'm here, you sleep for a while."

Although Gu Zhi was worried, he knew more or less that he was putting pressure on him by guarding Shen Nian every day and night. He was so sensitive and didn't want to trouble others. No matter what he said, Shen Nian Don't take it for granted.

If he can relax a bit by sleeping well, Gu Zhi is also willing to try.

Gu Zhi fell asleep, Shen Nian breathed a sigh of relief, and stayed with him until it was almost too late for school before waking him up, not because he forgot the time, not because he wanted him to be late, but because he just wanted Gu Zhi to sleep longer , even for 1 minute.

After buying breakfast on the way and sending Gu Zhi to school, Shen Nian didn't go back to the rental house, but went directly to Liang Qiu, played a game with him, and talked about it during the break, Liang Qiu was a little surprised, It wasn't that Shen Nian couldn't fall asleep by accident, but that Shen Nian relied on Gu Zhi to fall asleep, and it was also surprising that he would take the initiative to tell himself these things because of Gu Zhi.

"He kept repeating in my ears 'Niannian is not afraid, the little fox is here' all night. It sounded like I was really not afraid. I could sleep peacefully and hardly have nightmares. Once I left, I would be afraid and would Nonstop nightmares."

When Shen Nian said this, he was finishing a game with Liang Qiu. He was sitting in the auditorium next to him. Liang Qiu was drinking water one step higher than him. Hearing what he said, the movement of drinking water stopped, and he looked down at Shen Nian .

"But now Gu Zhi has also become my nightmare. In the dream, he asked me why I dragged him, why I sucked his blood, and asked me if I knew how tired he was. I know this is all my thoughts, Gu Zhizhi didn't think so at all, but I couldn't control it, I couldn't control it at all."

Shen Nian's tone carried some impatience that no one could ignore. He hated himself who knew the problem but couldn't change it.

After experiencing guilt towards Shen Chongshan, after he felt that Shen Chongshan was dragged down by him to have such a bleak life, anyone's devotion to him would turn into pressure and make him at a loss. It's not worth it, thinking that anyone who pays for himself will not end well.

He thinks he is worthless.

This is a heart attack. He trapped himself in a dry well and blocked the exit. He couldn't find his way out, and neither could anyone else find his way in.

"Separate for a while?" Liang Qiu twisted the bottle cap of the mineral water and put it aside, there was no better way: "Gu Zhi would probably not agree with you going back to Jianjia Lane alone, but you want to stay with me for a few days God, he shouldn’t object, right? At least get through the period before the senior high school entrance examination.”

Shen Nian was silent for a few seconds without nodding or rejecting. After a moment of silence, he said, "Okay, I'll discuss it with Gu Zhi."

Shen Nian knew that he was sick, and also knew that he didn't want to leave Gu Zhi, so continuing to be entangled in nightmares and making life difficult for him was not the way to go, staying at Liang Qiu's house for a few days could provide temporary relief, but it was not permanent.

But at least pass the exam first.

Shen Nian didn't go home with Liang Qiu that day, he needed to communicate with Gu Zhi and ask for his opinion instead of directly announcing the result, otherwise Gu Zhi would feel bad.

On the way back to the rental house after picking up Gu Zhi, the two of them went to the supermarket to buy ingredients, and when they got home, Shen Nian cooked, while Gu Zhi did his homework. This has been the way the two of them got along since Gu Zhi returned to school. There was still some distress, but later she agreed. Now Shen Nian has to do something for herself in order to find a balance in this relationship.

And Gu Zhi shouldn't have stopped him.

Shen Nian was cooking, and while waiting for a break, he was thinking about how to tell Gu Zhi about this matter, but in fact it was not difficult to think, just tell the truth, Gu Zhi would believe it only if he told the truth, and Shen Nian himself was not too sure Wanting to deceive Gu Zhi.

There should be no deception between them, Gu Zhi has never deceived himself again, so he should do it too.

After preparing the meal, I thought about how to say it, but when I walked out of the small kitchen to call Gu Zhi, I found that he was lying on the table and fell asleep. Shen Nian subconsciously stopped and stood there for a long time without moving.

Ever since he had nightmares, Gu Zhi has always shown himself a very energetic side, like sleeping for 12 hours a day, like he doesn't get tired no matter what, like a superman.He never showed any signs of fatigue, this was the first time Shen Nian was cooking and he fell asleep without helping.

After so many days, he couldn't hold on anymore, could he?So even the camouflage can't go on.

Shen Nian didn't make a sound, and didn't tell him to sleep on the bed. He didn't need to think about what Gu Zhi would say to him, so let him sleep as much as possible when he can sleep now, even if his posture is not good, it's no big deal.

Shen Nian sat on the bed with him, from dusk to dusk, from dusk to outside, they all became quiet, there was no sound, Gu Zhi hadn't woken up yet, Shen Nian was a little scared, afraid that Gu Zhi was not in good health Comfortable, he got up and touched Gu Zhi's forehead and found that there was nothing abnormal, so he was relieved, but also because of this touch, Gu Zhi woke up, and when he saw Shen Nian, he laughed almost immediately:

"Accidentally fell asleep, did Nian Nian make dinner?"

"En." Shen Nian responded, but did not speak.

Gu Zhi straightened his body and stretched his waist. It was also at this time that he realized that it was completely dark outside. He was stunned for a moment, and immediately grabbed the watch on the table, only to realize that it was past eleven o'clock.

"Why have I been asleep for so long?" Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian and said with a smile, "Why didn't Nian Nian call me?"

"I hope you can sleep until tomorrow." Shen Nian stroked his hair: "Are you hungry? I'll go heat up the food."

"I'll go." Gu Zhi stood up: "After lying on the ground for so long, my whole body is about to freeze, move around."

After speaking, without giving Shen Nian time to react, he got up and went to the kitchen, but Shen Nian didn't stop him, watching his figure enter the kitchen before going to set the table.

It's been 5 minutes since the two of them sat at the dining table, Shen Nian knew Gu Zhi was starving when he saw Gu Zhi devouring his food, but now it's almost 12 o'clock, if he eats like this, when will he go to bed?Just about to persuade him to eat less, but the words came to his lips and swallowed back.

At night, he guarded himself, not knowing when he could close his eyes. Since he couldn't sleep well, it would be good to eat well.

After the meal, the two of them staggered to take a shower, and it was past twelve o'clock when they were lying on the bed. Gu Zhi hugged him like before:

"Would it be bad for my stomach to sleep now?"

"Then don't sleep for now." Shen Nian said: "It just so happens that I also have something to tell you."

Gu Zhi smiled: "What does Nian Nian want to tell me?"

"Gu Zhi." Shen Nian said, "I want to stay at Liang Qiu's house for a few days."

Gu Zhi didn't speak, even holding his hand could make Shen Nian feel a little stiff, Shen Nian held his hand to explain, but Gu Zhi opened his mouth first and asked Shen Nian:

"If I agree, will the pressure on Niannian be less?"

Shen Nian was a little surprised, he knew about the surprise.

"Yes." Shen Nian said softly, "Prepare for the exam well and don't suffer like this for me anymore. I think I will relax a bit."

"Can't I sleep well?" Gu Zhi's tone was a little aggrieved, he hugged Shen Nian even tighter, as if he was about to separate in a second.

Shen Nian patted his hand and sighed helplessly: "If you can do it, I won't ask for your opinion on this question."

Gu Zhi fell silent, he knew that what Shen Nian said was right, as long as Shen Nian was by his side, a single breathing frequency could wake him up.

But he still didn't want to, he didn't want to separate from Shen Nian, but he didn't want to refuse so firmly, because Shen Nian said that he had already put pressure on him, and there were enough things that pressed Nian Nian, he couldn't Press it up again.

"I'll come back every night to have a meal with you, okay?" Shen Nian coaxed him.

"Really?" Gu Zhi was somewhat comforted.

"Really." Shen Nian said: "I just want you to sleep well, the rest we can be like now, okay?"

Gu Zhi was still reluctant, but he nodded in the end, there was no way, he had never been able to do anything against Shen Nian, a word of his obedience could make him surrender.

Maybe Gu Zhi's promise made Shen Nian feel more or less relieved, so this night he only had one dream, and he was chased away by Gu Zhi before it even started.

This should be a good start.

I hope it will get better and better in the future.

The next afternoon, Shen Nian simply packed a few clothes and put them in his backpack. He planned to go to Liang Qiu's house after picking up Gu Zhi and having dinner together. He also greeted Liang Qiu in advance, but he didn't expect that In the end, it still didn't work.

It wasn't that Gu Zhi changed his mind temporarily, but that he saw the folded woman in the photo kept by Shen Chongshan at the school gate.

Ning Jia, Gu Zhi's mother.