paranoid dependence

Su Xiaoxiao couldn't see Shen Nian like this, she wanted to comfort Shen Nian or something, she really felt sorry for this child, but she managed to stabilize her emotions when she spoke but was stopped by Liang Chunchao:

"Let's go out and say hello to everyone, just let Liang Qiu stay here with Xiao Nian."

Su Xiaoxiao thinks about it too, no matter how comforting she is, it's useless, and Liang Qiu is his peer, knows what he's thinking, and what he cares about, and some things can only be said to peers , so he went out and asked Liang Qiu to accompany him well.

After the lord left, Shen Nian returned to the place next to the ice coffin by the wall and wanted to kneel down. Gu Zhi supported him: "Nian Nian, can you stop kneeling? Your legs are going to be unbearable."

Hearing this, Liang Qiu glanced at Gu Zhi, then lifted the filial piety clothes that Shen Nian was wearing without saying a word, picked up his trouser legs, saw the bruised knees, his eyes turned red instantly, and scolded him regardless of whether he was uncomfortable or not. up:

"Who are you showing this to? Are you punishing yourself? What's the point? Can Uncle Shen see it or bring him back to life?"

Gu Zhi couldn't see who was yelling at Shen Nian, and subconsciously wanted to refute or even attack, but before he could move, Liang Qiu stared back:

"What are you dissatisfied with? Do you want to fight with me? Okay, I also want to settle accounts with you. Didn't you say that you can take good care of Shen Nian? This is fucking disabled, and this is all you can do?"

Gu Zhi was speechless by Liang Qiu, he had never been so aggrieved before, but what Liang Qiu said seemed to be correct, he did not take good care of Shen Nian, Shen Nian would now blame himself and punish him like this, all because of him The reason for stopping him in the first place.

Shen Nian was forcibly brought back to the room by Liang Qiu, who almost forced him to sit on the bed. The moment he sat down, the discomfort in his legs made Shen Nian's movements pause. Gu Zhi had already come over with the medicine box , moved a chair and sat in front of Shen Nian, carefully raised his legs and placed them on her knees, and massaged him with medicine.

It should be very painful, but Shen Nian didn't frown from the beginning to the end, as if he didn't feel it at all.

Liang Qiu stood aside and looked at Shen Nian's state, and felt that he was too ungentle just now, no matter what, he shouldn't lose his temper with Shen Nian at this moment.What Shen Nian was thinking, he didn't know on the way here, didn't know just now, but now he already understood.

"From the time I walked into Jianjia Lane to the small courtyard, I heard many people talking about you, saying that you are really bad as a son, that you don't even cry when your father is gone, and you have a supercilious look. Like a wolf."

Gu Zhi stopped, looked at Liang Qiu, Liang Qiu ignored him, and continued:

"Is there a refreshing pain in your ears when you hear these words? You think you did something wrong, but no one blames you from the beginning to the end, but you can't pass the test in your heart, so you use this Do you punish yourself in such a way? Let them say you, scold you, misunderstand you, will it make you feel better?"

Shen Nian blinked his eyes, as if he had been poked by something, but there was still no response.

Liang Qiu knelt down to look at him: "Xiao Nian, this is not your fault."

"Why isn't it my fault?" Shen Nian looked at Liang Qiu: "This is my fault."

"What's wrong with you? You didn't know that something like this would happen, if you knew..."

"Actually, I know." Shen Nian interrupted Liang Qiu's words and looked at him.

Liang Qiu froze for a moment, but said nothing.

"From the time I received Uncle Chen's call, I knew that my dad must be very serious. Uncle Chen called me because he had no choice. I know what the two critical illness notices mean, even if I haven't experienced it before. A general idea, let alone a disease like cerebral hemorrhage, I know very well in my heart that if I don't go, I'm afraid I won't be able to see him for the last time."

"But I still didn't go. As soon as Gu Zhi stopped me, I was shaken."

"Liang Qiu." Shen Nian said: "At that time, I really felt that the college entrance examination was more important."

Liang Qiu opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"I just underestimated the importance of my dad to me. I thought we were not together all the year round, and we didn't know what each other was thinking. He had done so many things that disappointed me before. There should be a relationship between me and him. No emotion, even though I always think of him as my father."

"But I realized after he left that I actually care about him more than I imagined." Shen Nian smiled and looked at Liang Qiu: "I am not his own son, but he can manage to not disturb my college entrance examination at the moment of life and death. I have been raised by him for 17 years, but I feel that the college entrance examination is more important than his life. He did not give birth to me, but raised me. He said that there is no reward for life and support, but what have I done for him? I haven't done it. He works so hard outside, busy day and night, I haven't even called him, and I have never cared about him. These people around me, including Aunt Su and Uncle Liang, feel that I have suffered suffering, but who knows his suffering?"

"I've been magnifying my pain and sorrow, making myself look like everyone owes me, but isn't my dad alone? I'm floating outside, and I can't give him warmth and consideration when I get home. He said Me what? Never."

"Do you know? He threw Gu Zhi to me at the beginning because he was sick. He was afraid that he would collapse at any time and I would have no money to go to school. He was afraid that I would suffer, so he worked hard to earn money in the past two years." Shen Nian said: "Actually, I found him a little strange at the time, but I subconsciously ignored it. I didn't think it was something I should care about. If I had asked one more question, would it be different today?"

"If it were you, Liang Qiu, would you be disappointed in me?" Shen Nian laughed, and cut off Liang Qiu's words before he could speak: "I am very disappointed, I am very disappointed in myself, I cannot forgive myself. "

No matter what Shen Nian's mood is, no matter whether his voice is extremely difficult to hear, he can say so many words in one breath, both Liang Qiu and Gu Zhi are slightly relieved, people are afraid of holding back, what? It's all hidden in my heart, no matter how bad the mood is, it's always better to say it out.

Liang Qiu sighed helplessly: "Xiao Nian, it's useless, what's the use if you don't forgive yourself? Not to mention that I don't think there is anything wrong with you, even if there is something wrong, Uncle Shen has treated you as always for so many years. You, doesn't that mean he never blamed you?"

"Is this the reason why I forgive myself?" Shen Nian looked at Liang Qiu, seemingly not understanding: "Because he doesn't blame me, so I can pretend that I don't know anything?"

"Actually, it's not that I don't want to cry, it's that I really can't cry. He won't like my fake crying, and I feel disgusted."

"Is it meaningful?" Liang Qiu looked at him: "Uncle Shen wants to save money for you even when he is sick, isn't it just because he loves you and loves you? Do you feel worthy of him?"

"That's why he was probably deceived by my hypocritical appearance. If he knew what I really look like, would he still do this?"

Liang Qiu found that Shen Nian had got into a dead end, no matter how much he was pulled, he would not come out, he decided that he was wrong, that he should be punished, and that he would do this.

Liang Qiu's deepest understanding of this friend is that he knows that things he has decided rarely change, so he immediately stood up from the ground without persuading him.Perhaps it was because the room was too stuffy, he took a look at Gu Zhi who hadn't said a word from the beginning and was concentrating on rubbing Shen Nian's legs, turned around and went out.

Gu Zhi didn't say anything, as if he didn't hear their conversation just now, he still focused on Shen Nian's legs carefully as before.

Probably because I haven't talked so much for a long time, and my throat hasn't completely healed after the high fever, and now I just feel uncomfortable like swallowing gauze. Gu Zhi put down his legs, walked over to the desk and poured it for him. A glass of water was handed to him.

Shen Nian drank it, but started to be in a daze again, when he realized someone was holding his other hand, Gu Zhi was squatting in front of him and looking up at him.

"Nian Nian." Gu Zhi said softly, "It's okay, if going to hell can make you feel better, I'll be with you too, you won't be alone, you won't be alone."

Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi and didn't speak for a long time.Gu Zhi didn't wait for Shen Nian's answer, he smiled faintly and asked him:

"What are you thinking about?"

Shen Nian was thinking, is such a despicable self really worthy of being alone, just for yourself?Even though Gu Zhi is a little lunatic, his madness and badness are open and frank, not like himself.Maybe he is not worth it, maybe so many years of loneliness is the best proof, he should be lonely.

Is there a possibility that today's tragedy was caused because he let Gu Zhi stay?Perhaps it should be myself who collapsed and dissipated in loneliness.

"You have been kneeling with me for two days." Shen Nian said, "You should also take the medicine."

"I don't feel pain." Gu Zhi said, "I'm just worried that Nian Nian hurts."

Shen Nian didn't say anything, grabbed his arm and made him sit on the bed, but she got up and sat on the chair he was sitting on just now, letting Gu Zhi's legs rest on her body, Gu Zhi subconsciously resisted For a moment, he was stopped by Shen Nian's gaze. He put his legs up, but he didn't dare to use too much force. Shen Nian seemed to feel it, and pressed down hard.

Summer's trouser legs are easier to lift up. Shen Nian pulled it up and saw Gu Zhi's knee, which was not much better than his own. He massaged gently and softly.

Gu Zhi kept looking at Shen Nian, and Shen Nian also knew that Gu Zhi's gaze was on him. It had been more than two years, he was used to it, and he had experienced it countless times, but today he felt a little uncomfortable.

He suddenly wanted to ask Gu Zhi a question, but just as the words were on his lips, Liang Qiu stepped into the room again. After looking at each other for a few seconds, he finally spoke up, saying:

"Xiao Nian, your mother You Xiaoyue is here."