paranoid dependence

Shen Chongshan has lost a lot of weight. I don't know if it's because the sports car is too tired, but he feels like he's losing his appearance.

He was dusty and dusty, with a handbag in his hand, which he put on the ground casually.

Shen Nian did not expect that Shen Chongshan would come back at this time, there was an accident, but he quickly recovered his calm, and called out calmly: "Dad."

"Oh." Shen Chongshan responded and looked at Gu Zhi, looking up and down to make sure he was okay, with an expectation that no one could ignore in his eyes, as if expecting Gu Zhi to look at him, or to look at him again. Same as before, call him 'Uncle Shen' affectionately.

Even Shen Nian could see Shen Chongshan's expectation, and Gu Zhi could naturally, but he turned a blind eye and didn't look at Shen Chongshan at all.

To be honest, Shen Nian felt a sense of pleasure. The current Shen Chongshan is the same as the previous self. I also looked forward to seeing him, but maybe Shen Chongshan didn't find it, maybe he didn't respond when he found it, but in any case, those things that he used to feel were only his own. After being disappointed, now it was Shen Chongshan's turn.

It turned out that Shen Nian was also very bad, and hoped that one day the harm done to him would be repaid in full.

"Xiao Zhi." Before Gu Zhi could take the initiative to speak, Shen Chongshan spoke out first: "When did you come back? Where did you go before that time? Did you suffer a lot? Looks like you lost some weight."

Gu Zhi seemed unable to hear his words, and looked back at Shen Nian:

"Nian Nian, have porridge in the morning, and I'll make you some kale, okay?"

Shen Nian glanced at Shen Chongshan, nodded, "Okay."

Gu Zhi left, walked past Shen Chongshan, kicked the handbag he brought back as he was getting in the way, Shen Chongshan didn't say anything, just kept looking at Gu Zhi.Shen Nian also looked at Shen Chongshan, watching him wait until Gu Zhi entered the west room and couldn't see him before turning around to look at himself.

Perhaps Shen Nian's gaze was too open, so that when Shen Chongshan met this gaze, he seemed a little guilty, but he still smiled:

"Xiaozhi has a very good relationship with you now."

"En." Shen Nian responded lightly: "Not bad."

"It's pretty good." Shen Chongshan smiled: "I was always worried that you two wouldn't get along, but now seeing you like this, Dad is very happy."

Shen Nian didn't know if he was really happy, or if he was just pretending, because his smile seemed a little forced, and Shen Nian couldn't figure out what was going on in him, but there were some things he wanted to say so much that he almost couldn't suppress it. So he couldn't bear it, so he just opened his mouth and looked at Shen Chongshan:

"Dad, Gu Zhi is someone who treats him well, he will treat others well. If you don't drive sports cars, he can still be the same as before."

These words sounded like they were comforting Shen Chongshan, and there was nothing wrong with the tone, but probably only Shen Nian knew that he was a bit of a spectator.

It is impossible for Gu Zhi to treat Shen Chongshan as before. Even if the agreement between himself and him is void, he would rather leave to live alone, and he will never turn back to please a person who once abandoned him.

In his heart, he even hoped that Shen Chongshan would give it a try, try to be nice to Gu Zhi, and then run into a wall.

There is a demon living in his heart, ready to move at this moment.

But Shen Chongshan refused, and smiled: "I'll leave after two days, as long as you take care of yourself."

The demon in Shen Nian's heart stopped flaunting and dancing his claws, and gradually felt bored, and retreated into the eggshell that could not be easily broken, and fell asleep.

That being the case, Shen Nian has nothing to say. He and Shen Chongshan had nothing to say at first, so they responded lightly and said "then you have a good rest" before going back to the room, but Shen Chongshan stopped him at this time, Looking at his face, he said in surprise:

"What's wrong with your face?"

It has not been a short time since I entered the house, and I have been talking for a while. Shen Nian thought that although most of the chickenpox had scabbed over, the marks on his face were still obvious, and he should have seen it the first time. Shen Chongshan only discovered him at the very end.

There is a neglect that is habit.

Shen Nian is Shen Chongshan's habit, it has been too long, and it is impossible to change it.

"It's okay." Shen Nian said, "The chickenpox is almost gone."

"Chickenpox?" Shen Chongshan raised his voice in surprise, Shen Nian was stunned for a moment, and subconsciously wanted to explain that he was done, he was almost fine, don't worry so much, but he was interrupted by Shen Chongshan before he could speak. , and luckily it was interrupted, otherwise Shen Nian would feel like a joke.

Because he heard Shen Chongshan's next words: "How can you still live with Xiao Zhi when you have chickenpox? What if you get infected with Xiao Zhi?"

Shen Nian looked at Shen Chongshan, chewed up the words that came to his mouth, and swallowed them back.

What should he say?Did you say that you couldn't stop Gu Zhi, or did you say that you had a fever and passed out?Does it make sense?No way, the former will probably be labeled as ignorant, and the latter may get a word or two of concern, but in the end they will still be said, so they shouldn't be so close to Gu Zhi, right?

But Shen Nian had nothing to say, but Gu Zhi did.

He didn't want to see Shen Chongshan, and he didn't want to have any relationship with him, but Shen Nian couldn't cut off his relationship, so they could only live here and face him.

How much grievance Shen Chongshan has given Shen Nian, Gu Zhi can see it, even if he is not himself, the neglect that is almost engraved in his bones is enough to make people feel wronged, Gu Zhi used to be an accomplice and mastermind, and he made Shen Nian suffer a lot grievance, but now he and Shen Nian are in the same camp.

He can't give Shen Nian too much, but at least he can protect him.

No one can let him be wronged again.So Gu Zhi came back as soon as Shen Chongshan raised his voice.

"Shen Chongshan." Gu Zhi stood at the door of the North House, his face as cold as the temperature outside: "Don't you think that as a father, when you find out that your son is sick with chickenpox, you should first care about how he is doing? ?"

In a sense, although Shen Chongshan didn't care enough about Shen Nian, he didn't completely let Shen Nian go, and occasionally he still looked like a father, so he felt guilty and blush when he was accused by Gu Zhi. Eyes start to dodge:

"I... I forgot in a hurry, are you okay?"

"I'm fine now." Gu Zhi's eyes seemed to hide a knife: "But the night when I first got chickenpox, my fever was almost 40 degrees, and I was unconscious in bed alone. You said that my father was not here. If my mother doesn’t love me, should I take care of it? Or should I sit idly by and let him die, and it’s more important to protect myself from infection?”

Shen Chongshan's face was hot with embarrassment, but he still didn't leave, looking at Shen Nian:

"Is it so serious? Why don't you tell me, did you let the doctor see it?"

"Is it useful to tell you? Can I come back?" Gu Zhi sneered and looked at Shen Chongshan: "This is just what I told you about what Nian Nian experienced when you were not around, what didn't I say? Didn't Nian Nian say anything? Did you ask?"

"Gu Zhi." Shen Nian yelled softly, Gu Zhi stopped when the rest of his words reached his lips, turned his head to look at Shen Nian, maybe even he didn't know how fast the change in that moment was, in short, he was indifferent When his eyes turned from Shen Chongshan to Shen Nian, they were as soft as a dog's eyes.

Gu Zhi didn't speak, just looked at Shen Nian, but the message conveyed in those eyes was very clear: You speak, I'll listen.

"Go and cook." Shen Nian said, "I'm hungry."

Gu Zhi laughed, turned around and left without even looking at Shen Chongshan again.

Shen Chongshan didn't know whether he was shocked by what Gu Zhi said to him just now, or was surprised that Gu Zhi had already listened to Shen Nian's words so much. After Gu Zhi left, he didn't recover for a long time, and finally Shen Nian spoke out. To break up the awful vibe:

"Dad just came back, let's go back to the room and rest."

Shen Chongshan seemed to have reached a step, and went down, nodded: "Okay."

Shen Nian turned back to the room, but before he could take a step, Shen Chongshan stopped him from behind:

"Small thoughts."

Shen Nian turned to look at him, but didn't speak.

"I've been wronged all these years." Shen Chongshan's face was not very good: "Xiao Zhi's words are right. Since I kept you by my side, I should be a good father. I didn't do it. I have always cared about you. It’s not enough, it’s my fault.”

Shen Nian seems to have heard these words before, even though the words are not the same, but they generally mean the same thing, Shen Nian has forgotten the first time, and how he felt every time he heard these words before, but he He clearly knows that now, he does not have any emotional ups and downs, and he has seen through the essence in the disappointment of hope again and again.

Some words are just words and will not change anything.

"It's nothing, I'm used to it." Shen Nian said, "I'm still very grateful to you for letting me stay."

After saying this, Shen Nian went back to the room, closed the door, and shut off the cold air outside.

Although he slept relatively late last night, he actually slept quite enough. Shen Nian was not sleepy after being awake for a while, but he still didn't want to do anything, and his body was very tired. He lay back on the bed and stared out of the window In a daze, his mind was a little messed up, and even he himself didn't know where his thoughts were drifting.

When he regained consciousness, a smiling face appeared in front of his eyes, it was Gu Zhi.

"Why are you lying down again? Sleepy?" Gu Zhi squatted beside the bed, looking at him with his hands on the side of the bed and asked.

The distance was too close, Shen Nian stepped back a little: "No, I don't really think about it."

"Then I'll bring the food to the bed to eat, you can lie down, I'll feed you." Gu Zhi said with a smile.

Shen Nian thought about the scene and felt a little scary, so he got up and sat up: "I'm not paralyzed."

"I can take care of you even if you're paralyzed." Gu Zhi said.

Shen Nian smiled, threw off the quilt, got out of bed, and went to the bathroom to wash up. When he came back, the food was already set on the desk, and Gu Zhi was sitting on the stool, holding a pair of chopsticks in one hand and looking out the window waiting for him. Hearing his footsteps, he looked back and smiled at him:

"Eat quickly, eat quickly, it's time to cool down."

Ever since Shen Nian got chickenpox, Gu Zhi never asked Shen Nian to eat at the Westinghouse restaurant, he always prepared them and brought them over. He was worried that the cold outside would make Shen Nian have a fever, and Shen Nian himself wanted to get well soon. It wasn't long before the final exam, and he couldn't be absent, and Gu Zhi was stubborn, so he couldn't help it, so he ate in the room all the time.

Now that Shen Chongshan is back, Gu Zhi still eats with him, it's okay, because Shen Nian knows that Gu Zhi can't give Shen Chongshan any good looks, but Shen Nian still asked:

"Didn't do him?"

Gu Zhi put some shredded cabbage in Shen Nian's bowl: "Well, I won't do it."

Shen Nian didn't speak, and ate the food that Gu Zhi brought over, but Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian uncertainly: "Does Nian Nian want me to cook?"

"It's up to you." Shen Nian said, "There's no need to wrong yourself to help others, the most important thing is to be happy and at ease."

"Then I'll just do it for the two of us." Gu Zhi laughed: "I probably know what Niannian likes now, and from now on I'll only do what you like."

Gu Zhi has cooked a lot of dishes these days. Although Shen Nian is not a picky eater who is taken care of, and Gu Zhi will give a "delicious" approval for everything he does, Gu Zhi still found out which dishes Shen Nian would like to eat. Eat more, which dishes he will not eat again as long as he is not hungry, which dishes will not be left at all, and which dishes say 'Let's eat it next time'.

It was the first time in Shen Nian's life that he was treated so properly and seriously, and it was the first time he knew what it was like to be the only one in someone's eyes.

He always thought that the unattainable turned out to be so beautiful.It didn't make him wait for more than ten years in vain.

Gu Zhi is indeed a jerk sometimes, but if he doesn't get up, he can satisfy all Shen Nian's expectations for longing.

When they were about to finish eating, there was some movement in the living room. Hearing the sound, Shen Chongshan seemed to be tidying up the room. Gu Zhi looked normal:

"Niannian, let's go to sleep after eating, I quarreled with you last night, so catch up on sleep."

"not sleepy."

"Then read the book." Gu Zhi said, "I'll accompany you, I still don't know how to do the questions, wait for you to teach me."

Shen Nian understands that Gu Zhi doesn't want to let him go out to face Shen Chongshan, whether he doesn't want to be wronged, or doesn't want Shen Chongshan to have any contact with him, it's not a big deal, Shen Nian is also willing to indulge:

"it is good."

But Shen Nian and Gu Zhi couldn't go out, and Shen Chongshan could always come in. Not long after the meal, Shen Nian was correcting Gu Zhi's physics problem, and Shen Chongshan knocked on the door and came in. Gu Zhi didn't look up, as if he didn't Sensing someone coming in, Shen Nian looked over, with the same attitude as before, making no one see any clues:

"Dad, what's the matter?"

"It's rare for Dad to come back." Shen Chongshan was still a little unnatural, but he still smiled, not hiding his flattery to them at all: "I just want to ask you what you want for lunch. Dad will take you to a restaurant."

"Nian Nian can't see the wind." Gu Zhi was still in the same posture, but he was not polite at all: "The final exam is coming soon, he has to get better quickly and go back to school."

Gu Zhi's words today can always poke at Shen Chongshan's most uncomfortable point, and can instantly make Shen Chongshan's discomfort even more uncomfortable. For a moment, Shen Nian even felt that Shen Chongshan was like a child, and Gu Zhi said he couldn't help it. refute.

"No need." Shen Nian said, "Let's eat at home."

Shen Chongshan laughed awkwardly: "Then I'll go buy some food, and I'll cook at noon."

"Okay." Shen Nian said.

After these words, the atmosphere returned to a strange embarrassment, Shen Chongshan didn't stay long, his eyes stayed on Gu Zhi for a few seconds before turning around and leaving. Although he didn't say anything, Shen Nian could tell that Shen Chongshan was very fond of Gu Zhi and him. It is very unwilling to alienate the relationship, but for some unknown reason, he doesn't even want to save anything.

Gu Zhi was still working on the problem, writing and drawing on the calculation paper, very serious, and was not affected by Shen Chongshan's appearance at all, but Shen Nian couldn't read the book anymore, and sat on the back of the chair and looked at Gu Zhi, Thoughts drift a little.

Shen Nian came back to his senses when something was dangling in front of his eyes, and saw Gu Zhi holding his forehead with one hand to look at himself, Shen Nian was a little dizzy from the pen in Gu Zhi's hand, raised his hand and pressed: " Made it?"

"En." Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian with a smile on his face and eyes: "The way you teach is very simple, I have learned it."

Shen Nian leaned forward and took the paper and looked at the steps of solving the problem listed by Gu Zhi. He was indeed done and the answer was correct, so he smiled and put it down: "It's pretty good."

After saying this sentence, Shen Nian started to be in a daze again, Gu Zhi didn't continue to do the questions, just kept looking at Shen Nian, until Shen Nian thought of something to go to see Gu Zhi, he realized that he had been watching all the time. Looking at himself, he couldn't help being stunned for a moment:

"Look what I do?"

"It's pretty." Gu Zhi said.

This is not the first time that Gu Zhi said this, Shen Nian was almost immune, and raised the corner of his mouth indifferently.

"What is Nian Nian thinking about?" Gu Zhi asked.

Most of Shen Nian was in a daze and was in a state of emptiness without thinking about anything, but this time he was really thinking about things, thinking about Shen Chongshan, Gu Zhi, and Gu Zhi's family, but these have nothing to do with him Well, even if you know it, you just know it, and it won't change anything.

"In a daze." Shen Nian said.

"Nian Nian is lying." Gu Zhi looked at him and smiled, "When you are in a daze, your eyes are out of focus and your face is expressionless, but when you think about something, you can't help but bite your lips. I bit it, and now there are bite marks on it."

Shen Nian looked at Gu Zhi in surprise, even he himself didn't know that he had such a little trick.

Gu Zhi met his gaze, and slowly approached him:

"If you don't want to talk about what you want to say, don't talk about it. I won't ask."

"Let's do the question." Shen Nian pushed his approaching head away, and returned his attention to the book. Gu Zhi smiled and didn't say anything, and started to read the next question.

Around noon, there was a sound coming from the kitchen of the Westinghouse. Gu Zhi heard it. He quietly glanced at Shen Nian from his book and asked:

"What do you want to eat? I'll make it for you alone."

"No need." Shen Nian smiled lightly: "You have been working for so many days, aren't you tired? Take a day off."

"Not tired." Gu Zhi said, "I am willing for you."

Shen Nian believed that Gu Zhi was willing, without a single bit of reluctance, but it was one thing to be willing, and another thing for Shen Nian not to want to get too stiff with Shen Chongshan. No matter how much he didn't have expectations for Shen Chongshan, he still had It is a fact that I have not paid for it for so many years, and it is also a fact that I will still need to rely on Shen Chongshan to complete my studies for a long time in the future.

Moreover, Shen Nian didn't intend to ignore Shen Chongshan's kindness for raising him for so many years because of Shen Chongshan's neglect of him. He will always be a father, and this sentence is not just talking.

Since there is still such a long time to get along with each other in the future, some things have to be decent.

Gu Zhi has a jealous temperament, Shen Nian does not force him to be as indifferent as himself, but it is not the same thing to always be on the verge of a sword.

"Just eat it." Shen Nian said, "Didn't you also like his cooking before?"

Gu Zhi's eyes narrowed slightly, and he looked at Shen Nian: "Is Nian Nian turning over old scores?"

"No." Shen Nian said, "Too lazy to look through, there are too many."

Gu Zhi couldn't refute this, and looked at Shen Nian begging for mercy, wanting him to let him go, but he didn't say anything when the words came to his lips, because he thought it better not to let him go, his Nian Nian was because of I have suffered so much grievance, if I let him go easily because I treated him for several days, it would be too easy to bully.

It's a little tempered, which is fine.

When Shen Chongshan prepared the meal and called them, Gu Zhi subconsciously got up and wanted to say that I would bring it, but he swallowed the words when he saw Shen Nian answered "Yes" and got up. He understood Shen Nian in some ways. I read it, understanding that he has no way to completely separate from Shen Chongshan, so even if he is extremely disappointed and there will be no further disturbances to this man's behavior, he will still want to whitewash the peace.

Since it was what Shen Nian wanted, then he just cooperated.

The dinner table was very awkward, Shen Chongshan had been working hard to create an active atmosphere, but Shen Nian had always been cold and indifferent, and Gu Zhi, who used to cooperate with him, didn't say a word, except for occasionally bringing food to Shen Nian, even The head is rarely raised.

Shen Chongshan saw Gu Zhi pick out the ginger silk from Shen Nian's bowl and put it on the table, looked at it for a few seconds, and said with a smile:

"Xiao Zhi now knows about your brother Xiao Nian?"

Shen Chongshan also asked Gu Zhi a few questions before, but he ignored them all. He was prepared to not be answered this question, but Gu Zhi answered unexpectedly. Although he didn't look at him, his tone was also very bad. , but he answered, saying:

"It's too late to know. I should have found Niannian as soon as I entered this house. I wasted so much time with you."

Gu Zhi's words brought the already awkward atmosphere to a freezing point. Shen Nian stopped as soon as he put the food in his mouth. Shen Chongshan also froze when he picked up the food for Gu Zhi. The person who bombed/bombed didn't seem to realize what he said, he still ate on his own, and he even put a piece of meat into Shen Nian's bowl, saying:

"Nian Nian eat this."

Shen Nian was silent for a few seconds, swallowed the food in his mouth, and tried to think of something to break the situation, but he couldn't think of a word at this time because he couldn't speak at all, so he could only continue to hold on. silence.

Shen Chongshan came to his senses, and smiled awkwardly. He couldn't get out the food that he was going to take for Gu Zhi, so he took it back silently:

"Where did you go in the past few months when you left home? How did your brother find you?"

"It has nothing to do with you." Gu Zhi raised his head while talking, and looked at Shen Chongshan: "Can you eat well and stop talking? If you keep asking, I will lose my appetite at all."

The smile on Shen Chongshan's face froze, he stopped talking, but he didn't continue to eat either, he put down the bowls and chopsticks and said 'you eat first' and left the kitchen.

Shen Nian sat on his seat without moving, and after a few seconds of silence, he picked up Gu Zhi's meat and ate it with his chopsticks. Gu Zhi has been looking at Shen Nian since Shen Chongshan left. Thoughts didn't change much, but Gu Zhi somewhat regretted it.

"I'll try my best to control it in the future," Gu Zhi said.

Shen Nian turned his head to look at Gu Zhi in surprise when he heard the words. At this time, he did not have the sharpness he had when facing Shen Chongshan just now. He was like a hedgehog. When she was there, only her soft belly was exposed.

"Why do you want to control?" Shen Nian asked.

"I know you don't care what's going on between me and Shen Chongshan, you think it's between me and him, but if I keep doing this with him, it will also affect you." Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian: "I don't want to miss being affected, and neither is my mood."

Shen Nian looked at the estimates, and sighed after a few seconds.

"Gu Zhi, I haven't experienced your injuries, and I don't know what it means to you to be left behind, so it's okay for you to treat him anyway, I won't interfere, and I have no right." Shen Nian Said: "But you're right, I really don't like the atmosphere just now, it's embarrassing and depressing, it's a bit scary to think about living in this atmosphere for a long time in the future."

Gu Zhi didn't speak, his eyes were a little wandering, he didn't know what he was thinking, Shen Nian didn't call him back, but he saw a trace on the corner of his mouth.

Maybe it was because he ate too fast just now, there was a little sauce on the corner of Gu Zhi's mouth, Shen Nian took out a piece of paper and reached out to help him wipe it off, Gu Zhi's out-of-focus eyes began to slowly follow Shen Nian's hand, maybe it was Like Shen Nian's actions, his eyes became very soft, and then he asked Shen Nian at this time, saying:

"Do you want to know why I am like this? Like a lunatic."