paranoid dependence

This time Shen Nian really left.

Gu Zhi stared at the empty doorway for a long time without waiting for him to come back, so he got into bed again and covered himself tightly.It's not that he doesn't want to chase, he wants to chase, but his whole body is limp and has no strength, and he's too cold, such a thick quilt can't warm him up.

This is not the first time he has been sick and no one is around him. He has been numb for so many times. He even has experience and knows that it is much better to cover the quilt and let himself sweat.

But this time he seemed to be more uncomfortable than ever before, not physically, but mentally.

In fact, he has seen it a long time ago. For a person like Shen Nian, it is easy to soften his heart, because he is too lacking, but once he is hard-hearted, his heart will be like a rock, because he has been disappointed too many times.Just like how he treated Shen Chongshan, he could still call him dad, and still be kind on the surface, but he no longer had any expectations of him in his heart.

He treats himself now, just like he treats Shen Chongshan, taking medicine for himself, and not making noise, but he no longer believes him.

It's not Shen Nian's fault, it's because Gu Zhi is too confident, so confident that he thinks that he is for Shen Nian, even if he deceives him, he can't refuse, even if he doesn't mean it, he still wants it.After all, he still underestimated Shen Nian, thinking that as long as it was warm, even if it was impure, he would not be able to resist it.

Now that Gu Zhi understood what Shen Nian really wanted, he was willing to give it to him, but Shen Nian didn't seem to need it anymore, he returned to the initial need for Gu Zhi, to be with him.

As long as there is someone at home who stays with him and doesn't let him come back empty, that's fine.

But this demand, even a dog can satisfy him, can't it?Why doesn't he have a dog?Oh, if the dog is kept at home, it cannot find food by itself, and it will starve to death if it is not fed.People are different. As long as you are not a fool, you will not let yourself starve to death if you are stupid to a certain extent.

Gu Zhi shivered from the cold under the blanket, but laughed again, laughing that he deserved it.

I am like that kid herding sheep, yelling wolf is coming over and over again, Shen Nian has believed in himself, more than once, he has given him warmth and love, more than once, those are involuntary, without calculation, Gu Zhi I also like it, but he stubbornly wants to catch a big fish, and he is willing to give in after he catches this big fish, but it is still in vain.

It turned out that what some people taught me before was not right, and it turned out that my previous successes were nothing more than that I was not important.

Will I be important to Shen Nian?Maybe not at the beginning, but if you exchange your heart with your heart and treat him as the only one, he will, he can't do without, he can't bear it, they all need each other, but now they seem to be lost by themselves.

But it doesn't matter, Gu Zhi will get it back, and won't give up, at least not now, he has to try many, many times before saying it.

This time Shen Nian will not trust him easily, he knows it.

But he will not deceive Shen Nian again.

Pretending is really tiring, if you can be yourself in front of someone, it seems that there is nothing wrong with it.

What Gu Zhi said is correct, if Shen Nian's heart cools down, it will be difficult for anything to affect him, noticing that Gu Zhi is sick, taking medicine for him is considered pure in nature.Bitter tricks may be useful once or twice, but once they are discovered, once there are too many, apart from the feeling of being teased as a fool, there will be no other feelings.

Shen Nian is in such a state now, not to mention that Gu Zhi himself said that after the liquefied gas, he is going to get sick, he may still feel that his heart will soften, but it is a pity that Shen Nian will not accompany him again acted.

After returning to school, Shen Nian didn't even think about Gu Zhi anymore, and put all his thoughts on his studies.

After New Year's Day, the final exam is almost due. During this time, Shen Nian has no plans to go home. Although the grades are nothing to worry about for him, he still hasn't gone back. It's too cold, the road is too slippery, and his clothes are too dirty It was enough to wear, and he couldn't find a reason to go back. As for Grandma Qin, anyway, she will be on vacation soon, so there is still time for her to be with her at that time.

Grandma Qin won't blame him.

That's what Shen Nian planned, but things often don't go on the path he planned, otherwise there wouldn't be such a saying that the plan can't keep up with the changes.

Shen Nian said that chickenpox was the variable.

Chickenpox is highly contagious. In order not to affect other students, the teacher asked the classmate to go home to recuperate after the diagnosis in the infirmary, and told him to report to the teacher if he had a fever.

Shen Nian agreed but didn't take it seriously. After all, he had chickenpox when he was a child, and this kind of disease usually won't recur once, so Shen Nian didn't care, and lived and studied as usual.

One morning after his deskmate left school for a week, Shen Nian realized that something was wrong with him. There was heating in the classroom, and he was also wearing thick cotton clothes. He didn't feel cold before, but this time he could hardly bear the cold , but hands and face are hot again.

Shen Nian realized that he had a fever, but he still didn't think about chickenpox, and went directly to the infirmary. The teacher in the infirmary saw that his student ID was from Class One and One, so he remembered the classmate who had chickenpox before, and asked a few questions After learning that he was still at the same table, he went to check Shen Nian's scalp.

"Teacher, I had chickenpox when I was in elementary school, it should just be a fever." Shen Nian lowered his head and explained.

The medical teacher smiled when he heard the words: "Under normal circumstances, it is true that the body will produce antibodies in the body after chickenpox, but it is not absolute. Some people will still be infected, but the probability is much lower than normal people. That’s why there are such sayings, for safety’s sake, I’d better check it out.”

Shen Nian has always been obedient, and didn't say anything when he heard the words, he obediently lowered his head for the teacher to read, after the teacher finished reading, he sighed softly:

"It seems that you are one of the small group of people. You already have spots on your scalp. I'll call your teacher."

Shen Nian was stunned for a moment, even his own mood at the moment was numb.

He really didn't expect that his "lucky" small probability event would appear in this kind of thing.

Shen Nian had no choice, and the teacher had no choice but to let him go home. The contagion is so strong, and the final exam is approaching, it's okay for one or two to fall down. explain.

Shen Nian didn't want to go home, but in this situation, he really had no place to go if he didn't go home, and it was impossible to hide his illness and stay in the dormitory, so in the end, Shen Nian could only go home.

Not coming back for two weeks, Shen Nian should have gone to see Grandma Qin, but whether he was sick or contagious, he didn't want to cause trouble to Grandma Qin, so he went home directly.

It wasn't Saturday or Sunday, and it wasn't the end of school time. It was only near noon at this time. When Shen Nian walked into the small courtyard, he heard a coughing sound. Gu Zhi was still not well, but it sounded better than last time A lot.

It is normal for a cold to have sequelae of tracheal inflammation for a few days.

Shen Nian went back to the north room, and went back to her own room without saying hello to Gu Zhi, this room is of course the one with air conditioner.

Shen Nian didn't think that Gu Zhi's bitter plan would end early before he got what he wanted, and he did not guess wrong. When he walked into the room, he saw that everything in the room was the same as when he came back last time, without any change. , the bed is still neat and tidy, and the desktop is still clean.

He really did his best, was he afraid that one day he would suddenly come back and not see his little thoughts?So I would rather keep it up.

It's good, at least when I come back now, I don't have to clean it up again.

The fever made Shen Nian physically and mentally exhausted. He didn't do anything, he turned on the electric blanket, took off his clothes, and then got into bed to sleep. When the electric blanket heated up, he also gradually became a little dizzy.

During the daze, he could always hear some sounds, sometimes it was the sound of footsteps, sometimes it was the sound of bumping against something, sometimes it was the sound of water, Shen Nian didn't feel noisy at all, and even had the illusion that he was still in the dormitory .

He actually liked the sound of it, reminding himself that he was not alone.

He fell asleep in the sound, and even had a long, long dream. In the dream, he went back to the time when he had chickenpox for the first time when he was 8 years old.

In fact, he had been burned for two days at that time, and his spirit was not very good, and there was no place in his body that was comfortable. He summoned up the courage to tell You Xiaoyue twice, but You Xiaoyue didn't seem to hear it. I ignored it, and then Shen Nian didn't say any more, and went to school as usual, and finally fainted in class and notified You Xiaoyue before being taken to the village health center for a checkup, and he was diagnosed with chickenpox.

The doctor said that there is no need for special treatment if there are no complications. Just pay attention to the temperature of the fever.

Shen Nian could hear these words clearly, but on the way back, You Xiaoyue had already distanced herself from her, she said:

"Stay away from me, I don't want to be infected by you."

Shen Nian didn't realize it at the time, he thought that even if he didn't get love, he shouldn't be treated coldly like this, but You Xiaoyue didn't seem to think that her illness was anything special, she was still lukewarm, when she was her own It was a scourge, so that Shen Nian stood there in a daze for a long time, watching You Xiaoyue's figure turn into the alley before he reacted and stepped forward to follow.

He didn't want to go home at the time, but he was so uncomfortable, he didn't know where he should go other than home, so he had to go back.

After going back, Shen Nian was locked in his own room by You Xiaoyue, and he was never allowed to come out except when going to the toilet, and he would throw some bread and steamed buns in for three meals a day, but even for these foods, You Xiaoyue had Sometimes I will forget, Shen Nian is often hungry, sometimes You Xiaoyue leaves for a whole morning or afternoon, Shen Nian doesn't even have the freedom to go to the bathroom, so she can only hold back, waiting for You Xiaoyue to come back.

He had a fever repeatedly, and when he was lying in bed feeling uncomfortable, he even thought he would die. He thought You Xiaoyue probably meant the same thing, so he didn't care about it.

But he still couldn't figure it out, why You Xiaoyue didn't like her, if she didn't like her from the beginning, why did she give birth to her to torture each other in the first place.

Shen Nian was too young at that time, he couldn't figure it out at all.But this question is too complicated, it is so complicated that Shen Nian is 16 years old, and he still doesn't understand.

At that time, Shen Nian was curled up on the bed and burned in a daze. A bird landed on the window and looked at him in the window. Shen Nian looked at the bird and prayed that if he died, he would not be a human in his next life. Being a bird is also good. of.

But God probably felt that he was not tortured enough, so he was cured under such circumstances.

But also from that time on, he was terribly afraid of getting sick, and also had a high tolerance for getting sick. It wasn't that he couldn't keep going, and he would never let anyone know.

I don't know how long I slept for, and I don't know what time it is now. When I woke up, I found that the sky was already dark, whether it was cloudy or if I really slept for so long, Shen Nian couldn't tell the difference. He remembered the dream just now , Thinking of more details of his childhood, his already cold body shivered for no reason.

He looked at the window and seemed to be able to see the bird that had stayed there and looked at him.

Shen Nian stopped torturing himself and let himself go, he made himself stop thinking about things he shouldn't think about, and got up.

The house was very quiet, without any sound, it was as if he was the only one alone, but Shen Nian didn't care, Gu Zhi would never stay at home all the time.

He is still tired and sleepy, but his physical needs are also very clear.

When he got out of bed to go to the bathroom, the cold temperature made him shiver. He put on a padded jacket, opened the door and walked out.

Shen Nian went to the bathroom by himself, closed the door to go to the bathroom, but he never expected that Gu Zhi would suddenly open the door and come in when he put on his trousers, Shen Nian was startled, and Gu Zhi was also startled , obviously did not expect to see Shen Nian at home at this time.

Shen Nian slept at home all afternoon, but he didn't even know it.

Gu Zhi quickly realized that the surprise on his face couldn't be concealed, he wanted to laugh because he was happy, but he didn't dare, he was afraid that Shen Nian wouldn't like it, so even if he couldn't be happy with the scene in front of him, he couldn't. Still endured it, and finally just shouted:

"Niannian..."

Shen Nian didn't say a word, she straightened her clothes and stood by the sink to wash her hands, while Gu Zhi was a little cramped at the door.

If it was before, he would definitely be able to find a way for the two of them to talk normally in the fastest time. He could disguise it with enthusiasm and make clothes out of innocence. When he saw Shen Nian, he also subconsciously wanted to do this. Because Shen Nian was too cold, he had to pack himself well to avoid frostbite, but he held back.

As he said, in front of Shen Nian, he would only be himself.

Shen Nian was washing his hands, maybe the sound of water covered his voice and didn't hear him, he didn't care, he took a step to get a towel and handed it to Shen Nian after washing his hands, but he only took one step , Shen Nian had already stopped him by yelling:

"do not come."

Gu Zhi almost subconsciously stopped his steps, he had never heard Shen Nian speak to anyone in such a harsh tone, even if his calculation was exposed last time, he did not.

Is he still so angry?Gu Zhi couldn't help thinking, it's been so long, are you still so angry?

"Nian Nian..." Gu Zhi whispered, "I just want to get you a towel."

"No need." Shen Nian didn't look at him from the beginning to the end: "I will stay at home for a while, you don't come into my room during this time, don't come to me, I don't want to see you."

Gu Zhi froze in place, unable to react, he didn't understand why Shen Nian stayed at home for a while, and he didn't understand why his attitude was more decisive than the last time he saw him, but he didn't want to leave, he After waiting for a long time to finally meet Shen Nian, he had to at least let Shen Nian know something.

"Nian Nian, I was wrong, I changed it, I will never lie to you again, everything I say to you from now on is true, I promise, don't be angry, okay? I..."

Shen Nian interrupted Gu Zhi's words before he finished speaking:

"Go back to your own room!"

Gu Zhi suddenly lost his voice, and stared at Shen Nian blankly, Shen Nian never looked back at him, as if like he said, he didn't want to see him, not even a glance.

Gu Zhi is indeed a little lunatic, he has been disguised, as long as he does not use the point he cares about most to attack himself, he is almost invulnerable to all poisons, but he is not a lunatic now, at least in front of Shen Nian, he does his best It was difficult for him not to let himself go crazy, but he still did it.

But at this moment, because of Shen Nian's disgust and loathing for him, he could feel his madness ready to move again, and the madman was telling himself that he wouldn't feel pain when he was mad.

Gu Zhi looked at Shen Nian, tightly clenched and loosened the hands hanging by his side, after all, he was not crazy, but he did not continue to stay either.

"I'll cook." Gu Zhi said.

After saying these words, Gu Zhi left the bathroom door, Shen Nian looked back at the sound of footsteps, heaved a sigh of relief, took the toilet paper beside him and wiped all the faucets and sinks he had touched Just left the bathroom.

Gu Zhi was in a bad mood, it was almost dinner time, he was indeed going to cook, but he was also a little upset, he hadn't felt like this for a long time, it was the first time he felt that the madman was fine, At least it's others who are upset, not yourself.

He began to think irrationally why he wronged himself like this, but he still suppressed it.The cold air outside helped him calm down even more, so instead of going to the kitchen immediately, he stood under the jujube tree in the yard, lowered his head and looked at the ugly snowman.

He didn't make this snowman all at once, he didn't have such a leisurely mood, let alone interest, but he was too flustered in this small courtyard, couldn't help but want to leave, wanted to leave, wanted to go crazy, but He couldn't bear to meditate, couldn't bear to miss someone who would make him the only one, so every time he couldn't help but want to go crazy, he would grab the snow and make a snowman in the courtyard.

He doesn't like snow, but the coldness of snow can calm him down. He wants to go and go crazy too many times. Gradually he becomes a snowman, and he becomes less ugly as he piles up.

Gu Zhi squatted down in front of the snowman again, grabbed a handful of snow from the snowdrift, squeezed it in his hands, and then patted the snowman's body, layer by layer.

After Shen Nian came out of the bathroom, he stood at the door of the north room and looked at Gu Zhi who was making snowmen in the courtyard for a long time before he walked back to the room.