Attempted first love

On Saturday morning, when Xia Yan woke up, it was only after five o'clock. The quilt was kicked under the bed at some point, and he curled up like a shrimp, with one arm wrapped around his knee, as if he was hugging himself, but he didn't feel cold.

He slept surprisingly well all night, and the second he almost hung up the phone, he fell asleep directly before all kinds of emotions fermented.

The wind squeezed in through the window, and opened the dark blue curtains, revealing a sky of the same color, which was the deep blue before the sun rose.Xia Yan tilted his head and looked at it for a long time, the orange-pink gradually spread, from darkness to light, before the sky completely brightened, the wind stopped and the curtains closed like a curtain.

Turned over and got out of bed, found thicker pajamas from the closet and changed into them, brushed his teeth and washed his face as usual, halfway through the wash, the phone rang, Xia Yan didn't bother to wipe his face, hurried back to the bedroom, took out the phone from under the quilt .When seeing the caller, the connected finger paused.

"mom."

"Did it wake you up?" Lou Rui heard the sound of breakfast, and the dishes and chopsticks were clanging, "I told you that today is a day off, so your dad insisted on calling you now."

"No, I'm already up."

"Wake up so early," Lou Rui asked in surprise, "Did you make an appointment with your friends?"

"I went to bed early yesterday," Xia Yan said vaguely, looking at the time, 06:30, it should be the time for their morning reading, "What's the matter, mom, what's the matter?"

"My dad and I wish you a happy birthday," Lou Rui said on the other end of the phone, and then said after a pause, "I'm sorry, darling, I can't celebrate your birthday with you this year."

"Thank you mom." Xia Yan walked to the window, pulled open the curtains, and replied with a smile, "What's the matter, I'm already this old."

After a while of silence, Lou Rui asked: "Have you had breakfast? You can't do without breakfast, it's bad for your health, and it's too late to regret it when you get older."

Xia Yan walked out of the bedroom and saw that the cake he bought yesterday was still on the coffee table. He dipped a piece of butter with his finger and put it in his mouth. He didn't taste any peculiar smell, "I'm about to eat it, don't worry."

"Okay, then—" Lou Rui was speaking halfway, a male voice interrupted him, vaguely, and then Xia Zhengyang changed the phone and asked him, "Are you busy with work recently?"

"Dad," Xia Yan called out, "it's okay, not too busy."

"Well," Xia Zhengyang said, "Originally, your mother and I planned to visit you this weekend, but there are too many procedures to go through here, so we can't leave."

"It's okay, you guys are busy with your work," Xia Yan thought for a while, "I made an appointment with Xiao Jiang and the others to go hiking today, and we will set off after breakfast."

"You should exercise more," Xia Zhengyang asked, "You have a bad throat, are you sick?"

"It's nothing."

"How long have you been sick? Have you seen a doctor?"

"The temperature dropped a few days ago. I have a little cold. I have taken medicine. Don't worry."

Xia Yan could almost imagine Xia Zhengyang sitting at the dining table - pinching the newspaper with one hand, and holding the phone tightly with the other hand, placing it an inch away from the ear, frowning slightly, thinking about what to say.

Same as yourself.

For so many years, what should be said has missed the timing, so that all subsequent languages ​​create distance and emphasize distance.

"I……"

"what……"

The two spoke at the same time, but Xia Yan didn't continue. After a few seconds, Xia Zhengyang asked, "When are you going to come and see us?"

"I have a project that I'm wrapping up, so I'll go when I'm done."

"Okay, let's not talk about it, you can eat."

The cream on the corner of the cake has been scraped away, Xia Yan bit a strawberry and nodded, "Well, you and Mom should hurry up and eat."

After hanging up the phone, Xia Yan picked up the fork and ate the cake bite by bite.When he is hungry, he pays attention to everything, and he can even taste the faint taste of rum in the cream.But after eating, I can't control my thoughts.

In every gap between sweet and greasy sips, he thought of yesterday's out-of-control emotions, and the phone calls that he couldn't get through, but he was still thinking more about those moments that were together, that seemed to be in love, and that he couldn't go back.

When he came back to his senses, he had already changed his clothes, the car keys were in his hands, and he hadn't thought about where to go.

After opening the door to feel the temperature, Xia Yan went back to the living room, picked up a long trench coat on the back of the sofa and changed into it.His hand habitually reached into his pocket, and it was cold. He took it out to see that it was the necklace given by Shen Qi, but he didn't take it away in the end, and tactfully hid it in his clothes.

The pulp of his finger touched the lettering on the necklace, and Xia Yan stuffed it back into his pocket, ready to give it to Shen Qi tomorrow.

It was less than seven o'clock when he went out, and there were no cars on the road. He drove aimlessly, and arrived at the pier just after eight o'clock.

Just like the last time I came here, the pier was crowded with fishmongers selling fish, and the noise of selling was endless.Different kinds of fish are neatly stacked on plastic cloth or brown silk fishing nets, and the scales are shining with subtle light.

There is only one stall selling live fish.

The body of the fish is slender, fusiform, crimson red, with a big tail. It moves lazily in the aquarium, like the fans in the hands of the aunts dancing in the square in the community when they go out in the morning.

It is an ornamental fish that cannot be eaten. Xia Yan squeezed in the crowd and managed to hold his heels. He lowered his head to look at this small fish in the aquarium, and when the crowd thinned out, he squatted down again to look at it.

The fins and tail seemed to be fading, from red to carmine, and the edges were almost transparent.

"How much is this one?" he asked.

"One hundred and thirteen."

"I want this one."

The peddler looked up at him, "Forty."

Xia Yan took out his pocket, but he couldn't find the phone, he stood up, and there was nothing in his trousers pocket, the peddler probably saw his situation, and pointed to the right side, "There are police patrolling over there, do you want to call the police. "

"Maybe I forgot to get in the car," Xia Yan said, "I'll look for it."

Back in the car, he searched the seats and every corner of the car, but couldn’t find it, maybe he forgot it at home, maybe he really lost it, all in all, it’s a bad time—he really wanted to buy that goldfish .

Standing against the car door for a while, Xia Yan didn't want to go home, let alone go back and talk to the peddler on credit. He walked around the street of the market and walked to the beach. The sea was shrouded in thick fog, and he couldn't see anything clearly.

Not long after, Xia Yan smelled a scent of perfume, like roses, mixed with a hint of salty sea water. He turned his head and found a girl standing two steps away, also looking at the sea, with her hair curled up and her feet curled up. Stepping on her flip flops, she noticed Xia Yan's gaze, turned her head, and greeted familiarly: "What a coincidence, we meet again."

Xia Yan froze for a moment, then remembered that she was the one she met in the pharmacy last time, "Hello."

"Seeing that you've been around here for a long time," the girl asked, "don't you want to get on the boat? We'll leave right away."

"I'm not going to the island today." After thinking for a while, Xia Yan pointed to the fish stall, "How long do these usually sell for?"

"Not sure, at most eleven o'clock."

Xia Yan nodded, and after the ship's whistle sounded, he took a step closer to her, "I seem to have lost my mobile phone, can I use yours to make a call?"

"Here." The girl handed him the phone, took out a cigarette from the pack, put it in her mouth, and asked indistinctly, "Do you smoke?"

"no thank you."

Taking the phone, he originally wanted to call himself to see if it was turned off, but when he pressed the button, Xia Yan's heart skipped a beat and he dialed another number.

With a "beep", it was connected!Before he could react, he heard another voice: "Hello."

Xia Yan swallowed unconsciously, "Hello."

After this sound, the signal seemed to be cut off suddenly, and both ends fell into silence. After a few seconds, I heard Lu Zhouyu's uncertain voice: "Xia Yan?"

"……Um."

"Where are you?"

I should ask you this question, Xia Yan thought, he kicked the gravel by his feet and said, "Outside, come out for a stroll."

"I kept turning off the phone when I called you, did you change the number?"

Who is it that keeps shutting down the phone? Xia Yan glanced at the girl in the distance, and after answering the phone, she took the initiative to walk away.

"I lost my mobile phone and borrowed it from someone else."

The wind was a little stronger, and the sea water was photographed on the rocks on the shore, stirring up a vast expanse of whiteness like fried salt and snow.

It seemed that he could hear the resistance in his tone, Lu Zhouyu also fell silent, Xia Yan clenched the phone tightly, thinking about what to say, the phone belonged to someone else, and he couldn't call for too long.

"Are you at the beach?" Lu Zhouyu asked suddenly, probably hearing the sound of waves, "I'll pick you up."

"No, I came here by car." Xia Yan replied subconsciously, and then realized that he said "pick up", and asked, "Where are you?"

"At your door."

Before hanging up the phone, Xia Yan said "I'll be right back", which seemed to be "wait for me", the sea breeze was so strong that he couldn't even hear his own voice clearly, he returned the phone to the girl, thanked him solemnly, and ran quickly Enter the car.

When he was wearing his seat belt, he began to regret why he had come so far early in the morning when he should just wander around the neighborhood and have breakfast.Lu Zhouyu said, "The phone keeps turning off when I call you", and kept on, how many times did he call?Do I hit more?Since when did you start playing?

Before he left home, he didn't receive any message on his mobile phone.Why did you fight at this time?Why did he lose his mobile phone?Why are they always missing?

But Xia Yan has completely ignored these questions, or in other words, if he only asks these questions, he will never be able to solve them.

He started the car, returned the same way, and opened the car window to the maximum along the way. The huge wind scraped his ears as if it had substance, and made his skin numb.

After driving along the cross-sea bridge for a while, the fog gradually dissipated.

When approaching the community, there seemed to be a traffic accident at the intersection, and the entire road was blocked. Not long after, there was another noise, which seemed impossible to solve in a short time.Xia Yan spotted the empty parking space on the side of the road, grinded it in inch by inch, and then left the car on the side of the road.

After running a few steps and passing by a breakfast shop, he paused, took two deep breaths to calm himself, then ran back into the car, opened the storage box, and took out a handful of coins.

When standing downstairs with a few plastic bags, Xia Yan didn't have any strong feelings. Maybe it was because the journey was too long and he ran too fast. At this moment, he only felt tired and his hands and feet were weak.

When the elevator door closed, he leaned against the elevator car and panted heavily. When he reached half of the floor, he stood up straight again, fiddled with his hair in front of the mirror, and rubbed his face.

When we reached the nineteenth floor, the door opened, and the first thing we saw was the wall facing the elevator door. In the center, there was a dazzling red "囍" letter, which was pasted when the neighbor next door got married in the first half of the year. I hadn't noticed it before.

Next to the square wedding invitation, Lu Zhouyu stood there.The red paper made his face pale, and there was a slight bruise under his eyes.

He was probably resting with his eyes closed before the elevator door opened, because after hearing the sound of "ding", his eyes lifted from bottom to top. Just woke up.

"You're back," he said.

"Well," Xia Yan stepped out of the elevator, "Have you waited long?"

"No."

How could it not be? It would take him an hour and a half at the fastest to drive back from the pier.Xia Yan knew that he had a problem with this question, but he didn't know what else to ask.

Why are you shutting down?Keep shutting down?Why lie to me?Lied to me?

From last night to the last second, these questions have been rehearsed countless times in my mind, and on the way back, I was determined to cut metal with a welding knife, so I asked them clearly.

But at this second, there was nowhere to tell, and there was no way to tell—on Saturday, Lu Zhouyu came back as scheduled—no matter where he came from.

"Have you had breakfast?" Finally, Xia Yan shook the plastic bag in his hand and lifted it up.

Lu Zhouyu shook his head.

"I bought tofu nao," Xia Yan said, "it's salty."

The sensor light went out, and the corridor immediately became dark. Xia Yan's heart tightened suddenly, and before he could make a sound, Lu Zhouyu slapped his palm to wake up the light.

The moment the light came on, Xia Yan felt his shoulders being pulled, and his whole body fell into a hug. When he was dizzy, his chin was clasped and lifted upwards, followed by a very light and quick kiss.

"Happy birthday."

"Thank you."

The fingers on the chin did not loosen, the thumb rubbed against Xia Yan's jaw, Lu Zhouyu asked him: "You look so bad, are you sick?"

"I had a little fever yesterday."

"Are you still feeling uncomfortable now?" Lu Zhouyu poked his forehead with the back of his hand, "Going to the beach to blow a breeze when you have a fever?"

Xia Yan smiled at him and said, "I've taken the medicine, I'm fine."

Or forget it, he thought in his heart, anyway, he came back as promised, didn't he?It doesn't matter where you go. They are all adults, and it is normal to have their own lives and spaces. Besides, it may be an emergency that the mobile phone is turned off. It is also normal if it is lost or out of battery.

All are normal.

He said, "Go ahead."

"Wait," Lu Zhouyu suddenly grabbed his hand, "Be careful with this."

In the corner between the wall and the entrance door, there was a small glass fish tank, which was kicked by his stepping toes, and a puddle of water flowed out.

The goldfish in the fish tank was startled, their fins fluttered, their tails swayed rapidly, and they were trapped in the square fish tank and turned around.

Xia Yan knelt down to look at it, he had seen it before, in the video, he had seen it more than once, and he would not admit his mistake.

"This?" Xia Yan asked.

"Give it to you."

"That Bristol goldfish?"

"Well," Lu Zhouyu said again: "Happy birthday."

"Thank you."

Xia Yan pressed his fingertips lightly on the water surface, the goldfish circled up from the bottom of the tank, turned and turned, and finally touched his finger with its fish lips, like a kiss that dissolved everything.

And his previous anger, disappointment, powerlessness, and the huge grievances brewed by these emotions seem to be falling and settling to a certain corner like dust.

At this moment, it is negligible.