East Berlin's June Boat Song

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Then we went to Suzdal, a beautiful town near Moscow, where Julian told me that this town full of churches and monasteries was his and Sasha's hometown.

"It's strange. There are churches here, but Sasha and I have been atheists since we were young." He touched the cross necklace on my neck, I was taken aback, and then quickly pulled it back.

"You can't touch this." The voice was a little loud, and his hand froze in mid-air for a moment, then slowly dropped.

"Sorry." He bowed his head after a soft apology, realizing that this was a rift between us that could never be repaired.

"It's okay." I stroked the cross and slipped it into my underwear.The coldness instantly irritated the skin on my chest, and I shivered.

It's April and the air is still so cold.But in Suzdal, the cool air is sweet with absinthe and buckwheat.It was morning when we came, and the morning glow was burning like fire, spreading a soft halo.The meandering river flows on the green and velvety grassland, and the brown-green beech forest is covered with low berry bushes, and scattered wild flowers are dotted like stars.In the distance, weaver girls jumped on the treetops, and then across the blue-gold sky, sending out warm and brisk singing of life.

In the halo of the morning, the Byzantine-style marble building shows a dreamy white exterior wall and a steeple with a strong religious atmosphere. The exquisite relief sculptures are at your fingertips, vividly interpreting the vitality of old Russian art.I stood in a monastery, looking at the statue of the Virgin, and I was amazed.

Julian took my hand and led me to the river bank behind the monastery. He pointed to a farm on the other side of the river and said, "Look, that's where Sasha and I used to live, but things are different. The old house no longer exists."

I stared at the flat ground by the river bank with piercing eyes, as if I could see two little boys running hand in hand on the green grassland by the river, the tip of the grass brushed their thin and tender legs, they were laughing, jumping, wanting to How happy, how happy, as if there is no trouble in the world that can bother them.

They are the angels of Suzdal. They have nothing to do with the Gulag, Cheka, war, or the army. They are the embodiment of purity, carefree children running on the banks of the river.

Suddenly, a warmth flashed across his cheek.

It turned out that it wasn't just me, how could their fate ever be their own decision?Politics, wars, confrontations, scrambles...Tragedies are constantly being staged in this era, and how many people's lives have been destroyed in this way.They will live in the pain of not being able to be themselves all their lives, and they can only grit their teeth and go on facing the cruel fate.

I looked up at him, and he was looking at the other side of the river in a trance, calm and calm, without any expression, but there were waves of nostalgia faintly in those blue eyes, revealing the emotional storm in his heart that could not be concealed.

I took his hand and asked, "Do you want to walk across the street?"

He smiled and shook his head: "Just take a look here."

His heart felt like it had been stabbed. It turned out that it was the past that he didn't dare to touch.Some people left when they were young, and never set foot on the land where they were born.Thinking about it that way, I'm pretty lucky.

Afterwards we went to some churches and monasteries and ate some local delicacies, and Julian was in a good mood, and while we were walking along the river I picked up a beautiful pebble and put it in my pocket.

"What?" he asked.

"For Sasha." I said softly, a little shy for some reason: "He misses his hometown too, doesn't he?"

Julian bent his eyes and took my hand: "Sasha will like it very much."

We stayed in Suzdal for more than a week, under the arched door of the red brick and white wall, the twilight shrouded us, and we left one after another ecstatic kiss.On the boat in the middle of the river, I was wearing traditional Slavic clothes, and he smiled and took pictures of me.On the prairie, the shepherd was grazing sheep. We sat by the edge of the field and watched the sun set and the night was bright and bright.

The thorns in my heart are dying quietly, and the roses are gradually blooming, emitting bursts of fragrance.

The last stop of our trip, we came to Lake Baikal.He said that he had prepared a surprise for me here, and no matter how I asked him on the plane, he kept his mouth shut and only showed a shallow and mysterious smile.

Lake Baikal, Lake Baikal, the rippling blue waters of Lake Baikal, the magnificent blue diamonds of East Siberia, the lovers' bright eyes caressed by the breeze.The crescent-shaped lake is surrounded by gorgeous mountain scenery, which renders beautiful and vivid colors in spring, traditional wooden houses in the birch forest burn dreamy bonfires, and goldfinch flutter their wings to the blue sky.

Wearing a general blue coat, he walked slowly down from the yellow and green mountains and forests, towards the turquoise lake.The silver hair fluttered in the wind, shining like satin, while the sunlight seemed to be crushed and sprinkled on the crystal clear lake.He stood by the lake, looking back and smiling peacefully at me. This moment was frozen in time and became a picture that I will never forget in my life.

It's like a landscape painting by Alexey Savrasov, so beautiful.

Just when he was about to faint, he waved to me.

"Wait here." He pointed to a flat stone by the lake, "Someone will come to see you later."

"Who?" I asked curiously, but he didn't answer. He just smoothed my wind-torn hair and tidied my scarf thoughtfully.

"Well, it's pretty." He bent his eyes and smiled, then got up and walked towards the wooden house in the forest.

I sat on the rock in a daze, wondering if this was the surprise he was talking about?The lake was rushing under my feet, and I suddenly wanted to reach out and touch it.The moment I touched it, it was so cold that I shivered.

Many times in the past, when I stared into his eyes, I imagined that Lake Baikal was rippling in the wind, and I stood by the lake, stretched out my hands, and let the soft lake water submerge me.However, the deep lake in the extreme north has an unimaginably low temperature, which is pleasing to the eye and frostbites me at the same time.

But do you regret it?I couldn't help but smile bitterly, I did regret it, but if I did it all over again, I might still make the same choice.

I closed my eyes and put my hands into the cold lake water again. Gradually, I didn't seem to feel the coldness, only the luster of the water remained.Just as I was in a daze, a strange voice came.

"Rhein."

I opened my eyes and heard the sound, and the next second, I froze in place.

The person in front of me was wearing an old-fashioned gray Weimar coat, his light brown hair was disheveled in the wind, his wrinkled face showed an expression that I was very familiar with but felt strange, and his gray-blue eyes reflected in the vicissitudes of life Looking at the light spots of the lake, he is wise and deep, and his lips are slightly parted, showing a look of surprise and confusion, just like the anticipation and caution of an unfavored child facing a New Year's gift. look.

And I, I think it must be a dumbfounded look, watching him completely forgetting to speak.It took a long time before he hesitated and said: "It's me..."

He smiled with relief, rubbed his hands with some embarrassment, and asked cautiously, "Can I sit next to you?"

I nodded numbly, then moved my body to make room for him.He sat beside me with some joy, and then fell silent.

How dare I believe this?Randall Mueller, my father, the man I hadn't seen in over 20 years, who was absent from my entire upbringing, is sitting next to me right now, looking at Lake Baikal with me?

My nerves were so tense that my face was twitching, and I didn't seem to know where to start a thousand words.Turning my head slightly, I saw his old hands resting on his legs, and I suddenly realized that he was really old.

But he is only in his 50s, which shows what kind of life he has lived in these years.My nose was sore, and tears fell down in a snap.

It seems that people's tears really have no end. I thought my tears had dried up long ago.

"Rhein...how have you been all these years?" He looked at the tears on the back of my hand and uttered the classic reunion scene cliché.

I opened the corner of my mouth and smiled: "It's okay..."

He suddenly turned his head and stared at my face: "But you have a wound on your face."

I stroked the gunshot wound on my cheek, and despite Sasha's best efforts to heal me, a shallow scar inevitably fell, like a willow leaf falling on my face, it was the last one my dear friend gave me An eternal gift.

"Scars are a symbol of honor." I smiled slightly: "A man is more attractive with scars."

He bent his eyes: "Yes, yes, you have grown up and are a man of indomitable spirit."

His voice was trembling, Shu Er moved his eyes to the lake again, pursed his lips, not daring to look directly into my eyes.I lowered my head and was silent again.

The birch forest behind him rustled in the wind, and a white stork rose from the forest and flew towards the vast Lake Baikal.

The lake water was slightly choppy, shimmering and shining, a silvery white line jumped up and fell down with a puff, and the ripples swayed round and round, just like the annual rings engraved in the memory.

"So, is it true?" I said suddenly, without any warning, as if the voice came out of my mouth without the control of my brain, it was low and full of anticipation for an answer: "Az General Rael said that you came to the Soviet Union voluntarily."

"Yes, Rhine, I came voluntarily."

I was stabbed in the heart, and asked again: "Then how about cooperating with the Nazis in the first place? How about going to Heisenberg's laboratory? Are they all voluntary?"

He didn't expect me to ask so directly, but it seemed that he was already mentally prepared. After the pupils shrank sharply, they slowly returned to their original shape, showing a desolate smile.

"In a way, yes."

"God!" I stood up suddenly, grabbed his collar, and shouted angrily, "Do you know how long Anna has been looking for you? She started getting sick after you left, she was so young...then She passed away at a young age, and Grandma Niya was waiting for you to come back before she died, and even said that she would give you the scarf she wove for you! But now it seems that you are not worthy at all! You are not worthy of their love, you You don't even deserve my respect!"

My eyes were red, tears rushed into his arms like beads, I put my head on his chest and wept endlessly: "Why are you so cruel... so many years, so many years... Julian You're right, you don't love me at all, you only love science, only that damned atomic bomb!"

His thin body was trembling, he wrapped his arms around me, and said in defense: "No... no... I love you, Rhine, I love you more than anyone else." I want to love you... But, there must be someone in this world who has to abandon everything, even the self, to accomplish some kind of transcendence..."

"What the hell transcendence?! How many people can be killed by the weapons you created! Didn't you see the atomic bombs dropped by the Americans on Japan?"

"No!" His face was completely pale, and he said anxiously: "It's not that useful! My original intention is not that! I am for peace, for the complete end of the war... Can you understand Rhine?! He grabbed my cuffs with both hands, as if I was his life-saving straw: "Professor Heisenberg and I deliberately did not let the Nazis get this weapon, because we knew how they would use it, but the United States If they get it, where can they get better?"

"If a powerful country does not exist to compete with it, then the whole world will live under their nuclear threat. This world will never be peaceful. Parents and children will always be separated. Young people will always die in battle. There will always be innocent people. sacrifices of the people..."

He mumbled his pale lips: "You're right. I came to the Soviet Union voluntarily, but I left Anna and you at the beginning. I didn't expect this to end. The Nazis found me and said they wanted my help. Germany, which has been weak for a long time, do you remember that Misha was often hungry? His parents couldn’t find a job at all, and everyone’s life was very hard at that time, so I thought, I thought... "

"So you wanted to help the Nazis win the war and lead everyone to live a better life, but you didn't expect them to be so vicious and cruel..." I hugged him in pain: "Why are you so naive, How can you, a scientist, have played with those politicians, their hearts are extremely dark, and they suck the blood of the people..."

"But why don't you come back? Don't you care about Anna's death?"

"Rhein, sometimes..." He paused, his face distorted in pain: "Sometimes people can't turn back because of a single thought."

"When I walked into the test site of the Nazi military region, I could never go back to the old days. After learning of Anna's death, I was so heartbroken that I could only do experiments and study data even more frantically. I was completely insane.. ...Besides, besides, I don't have any face to come back and face you, especially you, my child..."

He touched my face with tears in his eyes: "When General Azrael captured me many years ago, he was surprised that I was your father, because we are so similar, he told me, you have been on the battlefield, He was a medical soldier, but he should have survived safely."

He lowered his head and sobbed a few times, wiped away his tears, and continued: "He asked me if I wanted to leave, and he would help me with the formalities, but Rhine, what face do I have to face you...I will leave you In such a situation, I heard that you were limped in the bombing... I have no face to face you, but I can only beg General Azrael, if he can meet you one day, please He takes good care of you, and I will do my best to research nuclear weapons for the Soviet Union..."

I've been crying for a long time, should I hate him?The brown hair was mixed with silver-white strands, like a ruthless nick in his fate.As a physicist, he has gone on an unimaginable path in his lofty scientific mission. He is undoubtedly successful and respectable.But as a husband, father and son, he is a complete failure.

But this is his tragedy, a pitiful tragedy.

I wiped away my tears and tried to calm myself down: "So, General Azrael arranged for you to come to see me this time?"

"Yes, the general said he would bring you here." Randall coughed a few times and gathered his coat. "Otherwise I can't get out."

"Where do you come from? It's a tough place."

He opened the corner of his mouth and smiled: "That's, it's a city that can't be found on the map. It was built near the Semipalatinsk test site, called 'Kurchatov'. It was really hard at the beginning. , but with the successful test of the first atomic bomb in 49, it is much better now. Now we have a hydrogen bomb in 53... Oh Rhine, General Azrael said, these things can be done Tell you, do you now work for the Soviets too?"

I lowered my head and smiled wryly. Julian allowed him to tell me such secrets, and I naturally understood the reason.Yes, that's right, the purpose of people like them to do something is never that pure.Arranging for my meeting with Randall to help me find a long-lost relationship was true, and it was true to increase my value in Richard's mind.The more I know, the fatter my "bait" will be.I think, maybe there are still many eyes watching us in the dark at this moment, witnessing the moving scene of Rhine Muller meeting his physicist father.

"I don't work for the Soviets. I'm a police officer in the GDR. I'm a public servant. I have a solid job." I grinned, although I didn't know if I still had this job.Of course, I don't want it still there.

Randall smiled with relief and nodded: "You are great, my child. You have suffered so much over the years, and I really don't know how to make it up to you."

"You just need to live well." I looked towards the lake and said in a daze, "Sometimes, it is really difficult for people to find something that they can dedicate their whole life to. You are lucky, you found science."

"What about you?" Randall asked.

I slowly raised the corners of my mouth: "I thought I found it, but then I felt lost again. Now I am gradually recovering, but I will never be able to return to the original mood."

"Maybe you just lack an opportunity to make a firm decision." Randall showed kindness in his eyes, and leaned forward to kiss me on the forehead: "God bless you, my child."

I hugged him and said softly, "God bless you too, my father."

"My forever beloved father."