East Berlin's June Boat Song

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I drove to Karlshorst. The KGB headquarters was brightly lit, and Julian was not in the white mansion.Ansolov told me that these days the senior officers are out of shape.

"Something must have happened..." Ansolov shook his head and said, "I have a hunch..."

I went up to the third floor by myself, sat in front of the piano in a daze after taking a shower, and smoked a pack of cigarettes unconsciously.When Julian came back, he frowned dissatisfied.

"Sorry." I waved to him.

He loosened his brows and said softly, "It's okay."

I was a little surprised. I turned to look at him. He stood at the door and took off his military coat and hung it on the hanger. Then he untied his belt slowly, took off his military uniform and trousers, and with his slender white fingers flying, he only had one piece left. unlined garment.

I looked at his beautiful body curve under the single clothes, and my eyes gradually descended, falling on his legs and reaching his ankles.

He is undoubtedly beautiful, but there is a sculpture-like coldness all over his body, with sharp lines that can cut people at every angle.If he were a statue, the sculptor who created him must have been ruthless.

"I'm going to take a shower." He smiled softly at me.

"Ah."

While he was taking a shower, I opened the window to ventilate and dispel the smell of smoke in the house.Unscrewing a bottle of brandy, I poured myself a glass and drank it down.

It stands to reason that since Milk knows that I left Dunn in West Berlin to investigate, there is no reason for Julian not to know.But he said nothing, making it clear that my final findings were directed at him.

But he was silent again and again, and the silence made it impossible for me to ask.It seems that as long as some things are answered, the beautiful status quo will be broken, and it can no longer be retrieved.

But he clearly didn't want me to know, but he also indulged me to find the answer, and even brought some guidance.

So far I haven’t told him about the photo I got in Łódź, Poland. Since I concealed the whereabouts from Yevgeny, I can no longer conduct any investigations and inquiries, so let it rot in my heart. In fact, I don’t want to at all. To find out who arranged this "surprise".

"You have something on your mind." He suddenly appeared behind me, I turned around in a panic, shook my head and said, "No."

"Yeah." He suddenly smiled softly: "Thinking too much will make you grow old."

He walked up to me and sniffed my lips: "Did you drink brandy?"

"Yeah." I pretended to be relaxed and said, "I'm so busy during the day."

He unscrewed the wine bottle silently, got a glass of wine, and drank it on his own.The chilly spring night wind came in outside the window, and I shivered, and he closed the window intimately.

"You are so afraid of the cold, how come you will live in the Soviet Union with me in the future?"

He said something abruptly, and my eyes widened in surprise.With a smile on his lips, he slowly moved his eyes and landed on me.

"Why are you so surprised?" His blue eyes were shining, and he was so beautiful: "I won't stay in Germany forever. Could it be that you don't want to grow old with me?"

I opened the corner of my mouth: "I'm just, a little excited."

"I haven't been to the Soviet Union yet...I think it should be beautiful there. You said you would take me there many years ago, but you never had the chance."

"Well, I was wrong, I'm sorry."

His sudden apology made my heart flutter a little, but there was no joy at all.

The strong will only show weakness and bow their heads when they feel guilty, and only when they are afraid of losing will they repeatedly confirm the reality of possession.

why?

Why does he feel guilty about me?Why are you always worrying about losing me?

Is it because of my father?No, over the years, he seems to have been particularly strong in recent times.

It's hard for me to imagine the reason, but I just looked at his calm green eyes, and suddenly, I saw my small self looking up at him, and I couldn't help shivering.

"Is it still cold?"

His expression obviously became unnatural, as if to cover up his gradually stiff smile, he took a big mouthful of brandy, held my face and kissed me.

The scalding wine poured into his lips, and some oozes down his jaw and into his neck. He gently strangled my neck, rubbed his thumb with the wine on my skin, like a lion occupying his territory, His smell is all over me.

He marked my arteries, I'm his.

Desperately suppressing the fear, delusion to cover my thoughts with lust, I put my arms around his neck, kissed him back madly, even pressed him on the marble table, tore off his nightgown, and forcibly separated his legs, like a An insatiable beast, sucking all his breath.

To my shock, he didn't fight back.

He didn't resist...

I raised my head with red eyes in the blazing lust, caressed his face, stared at his sad face in despair, kissed and kissed, but didn't dare to take the next step.

What I want day and night, I dare not want now.For all possessions must be repaid in another way, and I dare not.

A gap is gradually and quietly established between us, we are clearly aware of its existence, but turn a blind eye.

Julian, do you also have such weak moments?

What are you afraid of?

At the end of that night, he seemed to realize his gaffe, and quickly adjusted to his previous state.Yes, he is a high-ranking general, he cannot be suppressed, he cannot reveal his emotions, and we all know that there are secrets hidden in those emotions.

And that secret will be lost to us.

I have never seen such a gloomy spring. On a whim that day, I asked Ansolov to bring a pruner to prune the melon seed boxwood in the yard, pruning one by one, as if tireless.

Those yellow poplars had just taken out their tender green shoots, and they were ruthlessly cut off by scissors, just to keep them at a neat height and graceful shape.A gust of wind blew by, I raised my head to wipe my sweat, and found Sasha standing in the yard, looking at me with a smile.

He always came to me quietly like this.

I smiled at him and he came over.

"You are skilled," he said. "I don't know how to garden."

"It's not gardening, it's just that Comrade Ansolov taught me some things before. You know, I used to work here."

Click, click, my hands moved again, and my eyes kept falling on the trimmer.He stood silently at the side, looking calmly at the falling leaves.

"Are you in a bad mood?" He asked suddenly.

My heart tightened, and I quickly shook my head: "No."

"Liar." Sasha smiled: "When a person is in a bad mood, his voice cannot be hidden."

I froze, and then continued to pretend: "Maybe it's just too much work recently, Sasha, you don't know how harsh Milk is to me, why does he hate me so much? Because I have such a good relationship with you ?"

"Maybe." Sasha came over, pressed my hand, and signaled me to stop.

"There are shadows under the trees, I think you need some sunshine."

Before I finished speaking, he took my hand and stood in the middle of the yard, holding my shoulder from behind.

"Although the sky is gray, there is still sunshine, you see, in the gaps in the clouds." He lowered his head and whispered in my ear: "Raise your head, Rhine, let the sunshine fall on your beautiful face. "

His voice seemed to have a kind of magical power, which made me raise my head unconsciously. Yes, there is still sunshine. If I smell it carefully, there is still the fragrance of poppies in the air...

Spring is not so dark, it should be bright.

Sasha hugged me from behind, his heart was beating steadily and powerfully, maybe he buried his head on the side of my neck, his soft breathing made people feel very comfortable, I just looked up like this, with a lot of sadness pouring out of my heart, but It doesn't hurt that much.

After an unknown amount of time, I slowly opened my eyes.

A few swallows flitted across the gray-blue sky and broke into my field of vision, making my heart tremble suddenly.

"Sasha?" I stared blankly at the birds.

"Ok?"

"The swallow is back."

He held my hand trembling.

"Look, it's a swallow, what a beautiful swallow..."

I turned around and stared at him as if bewitched.

"You don't care about swallows at all?"

Sasha was stunned, and her beautiful brown eyes shrank suddenly, but they returned to normal in an instant-people like them always have the ability to calm down quickly, which is tantamount to some kind of witchcraft to me.

He smiled brightly and gently, held my face in his hands, and gently swept my eyes with his thumb, and the tears that were held in his eyes after instinctive blinking suddenly flowed down.

"Swallows go south in winter, so they should come back in spring."

"But if we don't come back, how should we care?"

Without waiting for my answer, he leaned forward and kissed my lips, as if he wanted to change the subject, and said with a light smile, "Tell me, what will happen if Julian sees it? Will he be angry? You like to see him angry look like?"

"I'll tell you a secret. Actually, I really like to see him angry..."

He is full of smiles, and his eyes are shining. In the past, this beautiful face always aroused my infinite reverie, comforted and calmed my heart, but today, it only makes people feel unreasonable fear.

I flinched and took a step back, and Sasha's eyes suddenly turned cold.

The last time he showed that look was when he asked me to join the Stasi.

"Rhein, if you want to say something, you have to make it clear. Before you think about it, don't mention it, understand?" His face was as deep as water, and his voice was as cold as ice. I was frightened by him.

This was the first time he reprimanded me, and I stared at him in panic, too nervous to make any sound.

Sasha, my dear Sasha, is only strange to me at the moment.

"Trust me, I'm here for your own good."

"We're all for your own good."

He came forward and hugged me who was sluggish in his arms, and began to stroke my head: "Rhein, oh, my dear Rhein, please forgive me... please forgive me..."

Sorry again, why does it keep saying sorry, why does everyone keep saying sorry?

I shivered suddenly, pushed him away, and ran out of the white mansion under his surprised gaze. I found out later that all this was seen by Julian on the third floor.

But I don't care anymore.