God said I would meet you

The second time when Lin Jinyu was disappointed with Zhang Xinli was in the utility room of Liangshan School that year. After a few years, they kissed each other's lips, but Zhang Xinli still replied "I don't know". The first time was when she was disappointed. It's now.

He looked at Zhang Xinli, and it seemed that it took him a long time to react, and said, "...what did you say?"

The moist wind blows over Zhang Xinli's scarred hands, as well as his firm eyebrows and eyes. The heroic spirit on his body is no different from when Lin Jinyu first met him six years ago. The years have left a lasting impression on him. Countless scars, but never knocked him down before.

"...too tired and too bitter." Zhang Xinli's Adam's apple trembled slightly when he spoke. He was used to keeping calm, but every syllable still sounded extremely difficult.

bitter?tired?Lin Jinyu thought: since I met you, and before I met you, which step is not bitter, which day is not tired.

From the long and difficult self-identification when he was young, to daily necessities, family and secularism, he once thought that the wind and rain that could come had come, and they grew up in the wind and rain.

He didn't want to believe that these two words could make Zhang Xinli say that sentence. If he wanted to talk about suffering and tiredness, Zhang Xinli was more tired than now when facing him who relapsed again and again. more bitter than now.

Zhang Xinli is still talking: "...I can't give you anything, Lin Jinyu, you said I couldn't give you everything, you chose me because of the part I can give, but that's just an ideal, just like you let me give you everything. In the book I read, the moon is very good, but without sixpence, we can’t even live, so what love is there?”

He repeated slowly: "Let's... separate."

There was a long silence. For a long time, Xu Zhao, Lin Jinyu, and Zhang Xinli himself did not speak.

"...Did your parents call you again?" Lin Jinyu tried to find a more specific reason than "bitterness" and "tiredness". He said: "At the end of the month...or now, you send it back."

The last time Zhang Wentao called his son was at the end of last month, and he did call again not long ago, but Zhang Xinli said, "...No need," he said softly, "You should go home."

It's time for them all to go home, go back to where they belong.

"Go home? Go back...to my dad's place?" Lin Jinyu was still in a huge daze, he didn't believe it, how could it be possible?But the man in front of the window had a firm tone, and he didn't intend to hold his breath or make a joke.

"Yes," Zhang Xinli said, "we are together, we are just consuming each other."

Even if the initial ecstasy did exist, when he thinks back on the past, he feels that this love has been a painful internal friction from the beginning, killing the best teenage years, killing them.

"I admit...we are indeed running into each other and consuming each other," Lin Jinyu said, "Who isn't?"

No one is born suitable for each other, everyone has their own shape, and they can come together because they fit in a general way rather than a perfect fit. Zhang Xinli did not speak for a while, and Lin Jinyu continued: "I never thought that it turns out that you and I Together, the biggest feeling is suffering and tiredness."

During the time when he is away from his father and alone, he will also feel pain and fatigue, but there is more besides these, and there is also the warmth, joy and love of each other. Without turning on the air conditioner, you still feel warm because of the other person's body temperature when you sleep in your arms.

I have tasted a lot of bitterness and tiredness, but those are more, they consume each other and fill each other up.

Zhang Xinli's lips moved, as if he wanted to say no, that was not his feeling, the love he felt was the same as that of Lin Jinyu, but he never made a sound.

"...In addition to these, there are my parents." When he finally spoke, he said something else: "They don't know about me. You said it, but I didn't. It's not fair to you."

"We've already discussed this issue," Lin Jinyu answered one question after another: "I said I won't force you. If you stay in Shanghai and stay away from your parents' interference, I don't ask you to come out to your family. .”

He really didn't believe this reason. Lin Jinyu still didn't understand that the period of taking care of him should be the hardest time for Zhang Xinli. Why did he have to say goodbye at this time when he survived the two episodes?

"'If I stayed in Shanghai'," he said, "maybe, we shouldn't have come to Shanghai."

Something must have caused the final result. From the moment he looked at Lin Jinyu's phone, Zhang Xinli has been thinking about this question. Is there something wrong? When they left home, what step did they go wrong? If not here, not here Shanghai, if you don't blindly come to Shanghai with no roots and high prices, will it be different... He hopes it will be different, but he feels that it may still be the same.

Or, it wasn't them, it was him who shouldn't have come to Shanghai, and he should never set foot in this city that didn't belong to him.

"I insisted on coming to Shanghai," Lin Jinyu said, "not only because this is where I grew up, but also because you said that you like the city and this place. I didn't think too much about practical issues, maybe it's my Wrong, but what about you?!"

He said angrily: "From the beginning to the end, did you mention that you want to stay in Sichuan? Did you say something that you are thinking about now? If you have an idea, you say it, and I will not consider it? In your heart, I just do my own way? How do I know what you think if you don't give a shit?"

"Yes." From the moment he said the separation, Zhang Xinli didn't look at him from the beginning to the end: "Maybe no matter how it changes, it will still be the same."

Lin Jinyu used to think that he was a typical practical man, not very good at speaking, but it turned out he was not, he is really good, no matter how many answers Lin Jinyu came up with, they all lead to an end—— He was really firm, conclusive, and decisive, and wanted to separate.

It turns out that people can really use the simplest sentences to gouge out bloody wounds on people's hearts.

So what is the reason for persisting until now?

The initial stupefaction finally turned into anger mixed with sadness. Lin Jinyu stepped forward, grabbed Zhang Xinli's clothes, and asked in an extremely forceful tone: "It was the door you and I walked through together. You said you would not leave, you said that one day you would take me back... One day, we will go back together, and now you want me to go home alone?" His eyes were like swords: "Look at me, I want you Look at me and say."

Zhang Xinli let him grasp it, his dark eyes looked at the spotless floor of the hospital, the curtains swaying gently in the wind, the green plums floating on the table, and the pale quilt hanging by the bed, but he didn't look at Lin Jinyu.

He didn't dare to look at each other. Every time they looked at each other before parting was a seductive poison, poisoning reason to death, leaving only a beautiful nothingness.

"There were many times when I felt it was too bitter, too difficult, and I couldn't go on," Lin Jinyu tried to control her voice: "When I stopped taking the medicine, when I was chased by someone, but every time I go home, I see you , and felt that it was no big deal, so many times, I have come here... I know you have worked hard, and I have tried my best."

"We did our best." Zhang Xinli avoided Lin Jinyu's red eyes, which were as red as Lin Jinyu's.

Lin Jinyu heard him finally say, "I give up."

He gave up.

It turned out that he would give up one day. Lin Jinyu always thought that he was the least likely person to say these four words.

There was a soft tap on the window, one drop, two drops, then thousands of drops.The very thin rain fell from the sky, and smashed into pieces in the embrace of the window. This is an ordinary rain in the rainy season.

All that should be said has been said, just as no one can stop the inevitable death, and no one can stop the passing of love, Lin Jinyu slowly let go of him, let go of the person he had held tightly to.

His voice returned to calm: "This is your final answer, isn't it?"

"You know who I am."

In Lin Jinyu's impression, Zhang Xinli made every decision carefully and never regretted it. He had never seen tears of regret in his eyes.

"Okay... I remember what you said," Lin Jinyu said, "Remember, I only give you one chance."

When we were together, he said that he only loved him once, the only time.

Xu Zhao stood by the door, faithfully playing the role of a mute who couldn't speak from the beginning to the end. After Lin Jinyu finished speaking, she really turned around and left without delaying anything.

Xu Zhao stared at him blankly, Lin Jinyu walked to the door, turned his head suddenly before going out, and left him the last sentence in a tone as if slashing iron with a knife: "Zhang Xinli, you are so fucking useless. "

……

"Hey, slow down," Xu Zhao glanced left and right, hesitated between the two of them for a few seconds, and finally chose to chase Lin Jinyu: "Could it be that you two... just..."

Lin Jinyu strode forward without saying a word, her eyes were not so much sad as they were fierce: "There is no 'two of us', it's just me and him now."

"This..." Xu Zhao couldn't believe that it was over for the two of them: "Where are you going?"

Lin Jinyu walked firmly in a certain direction from the moment he stepped out of the room. He didn't answer, but walked all the way to the payment window on the first floor, and said, "Pay the hospitalization fee in advance," he said, "How much can you pay at most? Is there an upper limit?"

Of course not, Lin Jinyu looked at the account balance, settled the fees Zhang Xinli owed yesterday, and made up a sum of money - the unused expenses will be refunded when he is discharged from the hospital, and this money is enough for Zhang Xinli to send home temporarily.

Then he prepaid all the remaining money to the child's name: "I will pay it in a few days, and the operation fee can be deducted from here, right?"

"Yes, all expenses incurred can be deducted from it."

"Okay, thank you, can the patient go through the discharge procedures by himself?"

"can."

After getting an affirmative answer, Lin Jinyu thanked her again, and left penniless without looking back.

"What are you doing here?" Xu Zhao followed him: "Break up and pay back the money at the same time, I really don't understand."

According to his thinking, the two of them actually bumped into each other, and the compensation was only fifty or five cents. It would be even more puzzling to pay more for medical expenses. Breaking up means that it doesn't matter, and he should ignore everything immediately and ask nothing.

"That's what I owed him, and now I'm paying him back."

Zhang Xinli has no money to send home because it took time to find him. Now that Lin Jinyu is returning it to him, they can't sort out a clear bill. Clear up.

The oncoming rain became the only coolness in the hot and humid south wind. Lin Jinyu walked out of the gate and turned her head.

He didn't know if Zhang Xinli from the high place was still looking down, maybe not, he wouldn't stare at someone he didn't love.

Summer is suitable for memories, and in this season suitable for memories, they said goodbye to each other.